Monday, December 15, 2008

She works hard for the money

It's Monday so most of us are reluctantly back at work. But Fake Girlfriend No. 2 Sarah Haskins has been hard at work all along, bringing us great new insights into what Madison Avenue thinks women want in her “Target Women” series. This time, she takes aim at a girl's two best friends: her diamonds and her vampire boyfriend. You can just see Marilyn Monroe singing about them both now, can't you? Now that's really a sparkly vampire.

First, vampire boyfriends. Now, I've never had a vampire boyfriend. I do, however, have a bit of a thing for vampires. Blame “Buffy.” Blame “Lost Boys.” Blame Anne Rice. Don't judge, I was young and impressionable and all my friends were reading her.

But the “Twilight” thing I pretty much totally don't get. Granted, I haven't read the books and am more than a decade outside of their demographic. But doesn't the whole point of the vampire allure boil down to one, stunningly simple three-letter word? You know the one: s-e-x. So, then, having a vampire boyfriend who won't have sex with you is kind of, well, pointless, right? Let Sarah explain it, because I'm flummoxed.

Second, jewelry. But first, another admission. I'm not big on the jewelry either. I own some, sure. But all of it is silver and none of it is diamonds. So, again, perhaps I'm not the best judge. Still, I'm not sure I understand its appeal. Some of it is definitely gorgeous, if not for me. Yet diamonds in particular seem so very boring to me. Is it just that they're expensive or shiny or expensively shiny?

I do, however, love Sarah's coining of the term “jewelry face.” And I considered temporarily promoting her from the Fake Girlfriend No. 2 slot to the Fake Girlfriend No. 1 slot for saying: “Thank you, dad. I am a journalist so I have to go pawn this to pay my rent.” It's funny because it's true.

[Hat tip, Amelia!]


Anonymous said...

Actually vampires don't care at all for sex except for 2 clans. Succubus and Incubus who use it to seduce mortals. ;)

Anonymous said...

Oh my god I love Sarah Haskins - cheers for more fabulous posts Dorothy

Anonymous said...

despite the fact that I have an exam tomorrow, this made me very happy :) thanks.

Anonymous said...

i'll come back, soon!

Anonymous said...

Haha, I'm with you. I don't "get" diamonds either. This girl is FUNNAY, though.

Anonymous said...

Thanks, SD!
I'm home sick today and this brought a smile to my face!
Hilarious... "sex face"

let me dance said...

i think i got it.

anyway almost done this semester..
ah,, happy.
have a good night ds,
thank you for the post,
she seems singing well. O!

dalila said...

haha i love sarah she's so funny. thanks for posting dorothy!

not only but also said...

Is Sarah Haskins really tall or are vampire fans really short?

Dido said...

ahem. actually, "twillight" is for girls who haven't had sex yet and are still a little nervous about the prospect, and, perhaps more importantly, for girls who have had sex and should like to return to the age when it was still mysterious and promising...

Anonymous said...

I so don't get the Edward Cullen/Robert Patterson thing. He has even more of the giant glowering brow/forehead thing going than Angel did. (And my favorite vamp was always Spike.)

The only upside of the Twilight mania is that all the vampire talk got me watching my Buffy dvds again.

Stinky feet said...

My favourite part of the Target Women bit is when they say underpants.

And these clips don't have that...but I still love them.

Pugs said...

Dorothy, I'm more than a decade older than you (or I think I am if I'm guessing your age correctly) and I totally agree that diamonds by themselves are boring. Really boring. But add a shiny saphire or glittery emerald to it and it becomes fascinating. :)

Don’t send flowers! Send your girl a sexy gift basket instead!

Anonymous said...

Ok.... Is it just me, or does it look like Sarah Haskins is like SEVEN feet tall in these clips??? Seriously, is she really tall or what?