Tuesday, December 02, 2008

America's smartheart

Tina Fey Vanity Fair 1

I love Tina Fey. This is probably the biggest “duh” I've ever written. And, given the number of friendly folks who sent me the link to her Vanity Fair article yesterday [hat tipalooza to Babs, pyewacket, cappuccinogirl and Dianna!], everyone else knows it, too. So I was, of course, tickled pink (and every other color with a sense of humor) to read the big, fancy cover story written by Maureen Dowd and shot by Annie Leibovitz.

First things first, holy freaking crap, did you see those photos? I spent unexpected quality time with my floor thanks to the thud I took when I saw all the hotness. I'd also like to express my sincere gratitude to Annie in advance for lowering my heating bill this season. Because, damn, those photos are going to warm up many a cold winter night for me – if you know what I mean.

And then there is the rather lengthy piece by Maureen (those folks with Pulitzers think they invented the sentence) that covers Tina's rise to fame, work ethic and even that infamous scar. It is clearly, just given its subject matter, an interesting read. But through the whole thing I couldn't help being just a tad annoyed. No, not with Tina. I could never be annoyed with Tina. I worship daily at the alter of Fey-minism.

No, I was annoyed with the writer. Jesus, Maureen, we get it. Tina Fey joined Weight Watchers and started dressing better. Do you have to keep harping on her “makeover?” How many times do you have to come back to the fact that Tina was once “quite round” with a “bad short haircut” and “thrift-store sweaters?”

Tina Fey Vanity Fair 2

The genius of Tina is not that she “lost 30 pounds, fixed her hair, put on a pair of hot-teacher glasses.” Granted, the article doesn't lay the entire secret to her success on her transformation from “mousy brain into a brainy glamour-puss.” Maureen also repeatedly mentioned her “German” work ethic. But she goes back to her supposed metamorphosis enough to make me wonder, would she ever write this way about a man? Would anyone write this way about a man?

Yeah, probably not. It's still a man's world, even when written by women. Though I did rather like New Yorker staff writer Michael Specter's description of Tina in the article as “the sex symbol for every man who reads without moving his lips.” So, in the end, I'm just grateful that Tina is rocking the shit out of all of our worlds.

A collection of my Fey-vorites from Vanity Fair:

On her husband, Jeff, wanting to go to this strip club “ironically.”:

“I was like, ‘The fuck you will.’....I feel like we all need to be better than that. That industry needs to die, by all of us being a little bit better than that.”

On hanging out at her mom's Greek friends at their weekly poker games:

“I loved hanging out with the ladies, because they were very funny, and a little bit mean, and had lots of Entenmann’s products....Because of the Greek-girl thing, I have, like, boobs and butt...I only have two speeds— either matronly or a little too slutty. I have to be steered away from cheetah print.”

On growing up in a family of Republicans:

“When I was 18 and registering to vote, my mom’s only instruction was ‘You just go in and pull the big Republican lever.’ That’s my welcome to adulthood. She’s like, ‘No, don’t even read it. Just pull the Republican lever.”

On not losing her virginity until her 20s:

“I remember bringing people over in high school to play—that’s how cool I am—that game Celebrity. That’s how I successfully remained a virgin well into my 20s, bringing gay boys over to play Celebrity.”

On her scar, caused when she was 5 by a stranger slashing her face in her front yard:

“It’s impossible to talk about it without somehow seemingly exploiting it and glorifying it,” she says. Did she feel less attractive growing up because of it? “I don’t think so,” she says. “Because I proceeded unaware of it. I was a very confident little kid. It’s really almost like I’m kind of able to forget about it, until I was on-camera, and it became a thing of ‘Oh, I guess we should use this side’ or whatever. Everybody’s got a better side.”

On her own vanity:

“The most I’ve changed pictures out of vanity was to edit around any shot where you can see my butt. I like to look goofy, but I also don’t want to get canceled because of my big old butt.”

On talk of her being “mean” to Sarah Palin backstage at SNL:

“What made me super-mad about it was that it seemed very sexist toward me and her. The implication was that she’s so fragile, which she is not. She’s a strong woman. And then, also, it was sexist because, like, who would ever go on the news and say, ‘Well, I thought it was sort of mean to Richard Nixon when Dan Aykroyd played him,’ and ‘That seemed awful mean to George Bush when Will Ferrell did it.’ And it’s like, No, that’s not the thing. This is a comedy sketch on a comedy show.”

And, finally, the most sexist and simultaneously brilliant piece of advice Alec Baldwin has probably ever given in his life:

“You are a very attractive woman and you’ve got to work that. You’ve got to pop one more button on that blouse... ”

Hey, did anyone else do a little quick calculation in her head while reading the article? OK, so, Tina is 38. She met Jeff 14 years ago. And she lost her virginity at age 25. Finally, all those years of studying math pays off. Also, if you don't turn instantly into a Fey-natic (too much? nah.) after seeing Tina dance in this video then I'm not sure if we can still be friends. Fine, we can still be friends. But I'll call you my crazy friend.


Anonymous said...

I just don't get it. All that Tina Fey fanaticism..*please don't shoot*

Well I can see that she is smart and cute and stands on her own two feet and I highly respect her for that, but my heart doesn't stop beating or neither does my blood rush in to certain areas of my body when I see her.. I don't know, is there something wrong with me????

;)) babs said...

I'm sorry, but she's just not my type!
but that way she's all yours and we can still be friends, ms. snarker (aka math genius).

;)) babs

thanx for the hat tip!

Lezlie Mac said...

I want a Tina doll for Christmas. The one in the black dress that dances.

Pyewacket said...

Oh, I get it. I get everything about Tina Fey. I remember coming home...having SNL on the boob tube one Saturday night and only half paying attention as I went through my mail. And then I heard this female voice say something really sarcastic and funny about some current event. I turned and looked up to see who this was...probably some guest host just for the night I thought.

Then I saw her...in her anchor suit...at the desk with her "newscopy"...glasses...smirk of a smile, trying to not laugh...and what I thought to be a bit of a scar...

and all I could think was...

"Hello gorgeous...who are you?"

Even now when I catch a repeat of a SNL show on the E channel at some odd hour, when I see Tina on Weekend Update...doing news about events that happened a few years ago...the humor and wit and snark is still all there.

My only request is...now, with 30 Rock...enough with the celebrity guest stars for awhile! Megan was great, the Oprah eppie was hilarious...but Jen and Steve...yeah...not-so-much.

Anonymous said...

Well I think she´s great and sexy in a geek sort of way...
By the way,love your blog!
Kisses from Brazil!

eb said...

I used to like reading Maureen Dowd but now I can hardly get through one of her columns. She constantly obsesses about the most superficial things. She's so eighth grade.

As for Tina...mmmm...come hither Tina.

crustybastard said...

First, I love your work.

So at the risk of accusations of Grammar Nazism and nit-picking, (but submitted only upon the sound belief that you care deeply about precision), you might want to reconsider your use of the adjective "infamous" with regard to Ms Fey's scar.

The scar ITSELF is not detestable, as suggested by the term infamous. The scar itself is famous. (The ACT that caused the scar is infamous.)

Why yes, I have indeed been known to copy-edit bathroom graffiti. :D

TheWeyrd1 said...

NICE...I like the scar story and not losing her virginity until she was 25...and not losing it to just anyone...

Elizabeth said...

I've been a Tina Fey fan for a long while now... glad the rest of the world is catching up! Smart, funny girls (in glasses) have always been my downfall/soft spot...

Dianna said...

That video is the best.
Thanks for the hat tip. Back at ya!

Slym said...

AAH... TINA FEY.... YAY....***THUD***

Ms. S. Im suing ***THUD*** if I can remember to after coming to ***THUD***

Happy Ghost said...

Tina Fey is so awesome! My dad, for some reason hates her, but I love her :)
love from Ohio!

J9 said...

Ms. Snarker, I am surprised you didn't mention that there was coverage of this on Rachel Maddow last night. As she was promoing (is that a word?) it during her show, all I could think of was you, and how hysterical it would be if Rachel also mentioned, discussed or had as a guest; Jennifer Beals. I could only giggle thinking of you pinching yourself, swearing you were dreaming, and secretly wondering if Rachel, or one of her writers, producers, segment coordinators, or talent bookers read your blog!

pal ashford said...

Ms. Snarker

It was good to know you weren't taken in with Ms. Dowd's writing. When I saw that Annie was the photographer, I thought 'fantastic' but when I saw the writer, I retched. Maureen Dowd is one of those mean girls, you know the kewl kids. She has put feminism back I don't know by how many years in her obsession with Bill Clinton's penis and any other thing that has to do with sex and the single girl. She comes from a family of "strong conservative values" as she likes to remind everyone. IOW, she doesn't like to be told that it's wrong to be a bigot. She wants to feel it's her right to discriminate against those who are not white and republican. Too bad Tina couldn't have gotten a more progressive and substantive writer.

jaz said...

Hi, just started reading "One Fifth", Candace Bushnell's latest, and on page 27 (hardback edition), "Snarker" was mentioned. Thought you may want to know, if you don't already.

Anonymous said...

According to Entertainment Weekly, your girlfriend, Tina is the second smartest person in entertainment.


liz said...

For all Tina Fey fans, last night's tv was a bonanza. 30 Rock was hilarious, as usual (neat take on her high school reunion). She was one of Barbara Walters' 10 most fascinating people and Letterman was a repeat of her appearance back in October.

Triple threat!!!

Sarah said...

Really Vanity Fair? "Her Sarah Palin impression made her a superstar"? Only if you've been living under a rock!