Lesbian Side Story

Just when you thought he couldn’t possibly get any nuttier, Bill O’Reilly goes and tells the world to beware of pink pistol-packing lesbian gang. (Hat tip, reader from Queens!) I know I should be outraged. And, really, I am. But, at this point, all I can really do is marvel at the sheer audacity of his utter bullshit. It’s like watching a sketch comedy act. I kept waiting for the punch line. But instead came a bunch of tired fear mongering about “lawless gay people” recruiting kids “as young as 10 years old” into gangs and “indoctrinating them into homosexuality” so they can “carry pink pistols” to commit crimes and “cause a lot of hurt to a lot of people.” Lord, someone give these guys an Emmy. Because that is one masterful piece of acting. Seriously, you try reading the whole thing and keeping a straight face.

Though, perhaps we really should be thanking O’Reilly and his not-at-all insane “crime analyst” Rod Wheeler. I mean, maybe this is the wakeup call we need to stop the bitter gang war between the merciless East Coast Big HerTTs (a.k.a. the Herbal Tea Totalers. Gang sign: Blowing on an imaginary cup of Lemon Zinger) and the vicious West Coast Lez CaLs (a.k.a. the Lesbian Cat Lovers. Gang Color: Anything covered in fur). So thank you, Bill. We can now stop the senseless lesbian-on-lesbian crime and unite in a common cause: Laughing our asses off at you.


UPDATE: When you’re all done laughing (I know, that could take a while), check out this thoughtful, thorough response to the Oh-Really Factor by the Southern Poverty Law Center, courtesy David Holthouse. Yeah, now I’m mad again.