While the cat's away

So, did you find everything your little heart desired under the Christmas tree this year? What, still no Halle Berry? Well, better luck next year. Ms. Snarker had a nice low-key holiday and is now whiling away the last few days of 2006 in the land of milk and plenty of corn. Unfortunately, it’s also the land of glacial dial-up connection. That said, here are a few items of note that I had the patience to sit and wait and wait and wait to load while I’ve been away:

• The Donald and The Rosie had some sort of dust-up. Yeah, if I wanted to watch loud-mouthed, overly-opinionated idiots with bad hair argue during the holidays, I’d visit my born-again relatives on Long Island.
• Sarah Michelle Gellar has signed on for the new “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle” movie. That sound you hear is a million Buffy fans simultaneously screaming, “You left TV for this shit!?”
• That long-discussed “Sex and the City” movie might be back on. Admit it, you miss the hell out of those girls. Round of cosmos on me, barkeep.
• And finally, if by some cruel twist of fate or serious misjudgment of character, you haven’t watched “Ugly Bettty,” this is your chance to make amends before the new year. ABC Family will play an 11-hour marathon of the season so far starting at 9 a.m. Sunday. Don your ponchos, people, you’re in for a treat.