My First Time: Film Edition

So last week (or was it the week before – time you blurry vixen, you) the AfterEllen Huddle question was one I rather liked, but didn’t have time to participate in. It was simply, “What was your first lesbian film?”

You always remember your first, right? Sort of. I think my first was “Go Fish.” It is, at least, the first that made a positive impression on me about lesbian life and love. (Though not necessarily about lesbian acting.) I think that’s why I still have such a soft spot for (and, yes, own) the movie. It was the first film to present being gay as something that could be very normal and not at all traumatic or tragic that I can recall.

While thinking about what my first (film) was, I also got to thinking about the first experience of seeing it. How different that experience must be for (clears throat) The Youths of Today. In order to watch a lesbian movie back in the day you had to either 1) Go to the theater and sit in the dark with a bunch of other people, or 2) Go to the video store and try to slip in The Big Lesbo movie in between a copy of “Forrest Gump” and “Reality Bites.” There was a public declaration either way. And, depending on your level of outness at the time, a degree of courage it took to buy that ticket or bring your rental to the counter. I remember it well, because when I started watching my first gay movies I definitely was not out.

Figuring it all out today just takes a couple downloads and, boom – you’re in gay movie heaven. There is so much more privacy (depending on your level of paranoia about the NSA) today to sit and watch the gay from the comfort of your own home without anyone else being the wiser.

I can’t even imagine how much easier it is now, with so much available at a few clicks. But, also, there was something exhilarating about actually seeing that first film out in the big wide world. I know lots probably still do as well.

Though, despite our advances in technology, some things remain universal. No matter the delivery method, there will always be a period in our burgeoning coming out where we consume every.single.lesbian.movie there is in an attempt to see ourselves. Granted, TV gives us a lot more to look at these days as well. But there’s nothing like those nights – probably after the rest of the house has gone to sleep – when you sit and watch the magic of the movies. Even the bad ones. Yeah, “Bar Girls,” that means you.

Ah, memories. So, tell me, what was your first? And how did you watch? And remember, this is for science, so be honest.

Tank Top Tuesday: Team Snarker Edition

Right, so the bloodletting continues over at the AfterEllen March Madness: The Hunger Games. So far in Round 2 all four of my Team Snarker picks are still alive (that’s Lauren, Alex, Bette and Brittany) – for now. But Britt-Britt is lagging behind Crazy Eyes. I mean, I get it. Pie throwing is formidable. But come on S.S. Brittana, the ship was just righting itself! Anyway to sweeten the voting pot, here is some incentive. Both in tank top and gif form. Voting continues over at AfterEllen today until 6 p.m. You can vote once an hour. So get a clicking. If you can’t vote for tank tops, what can you vote for?

Lauren Lewis a.k.a. Dr. Hotpants


She can turn any Fae human. And melt their junk. Bring it.



Alex Vause a.k.a. The Glasses


She can do things with her tongue that will ruin you forever. Boom.



Bette Porter a.k.a. Alpha Bette


She is Bette Fucking Porter. Period.



Brittany S. Pierce a.k.a. The World’s Foremost Expert in the Field of Santana Lopez


Brittana. Is. Endgame.

Right, so. You know, vote Team Snarker.

Your New Favorite TV Show: Dyke & Fats

So these days I pretty much only ever watch “Saturday Night Live” for Kate McKinnon. And by “watch,” I mean browse the next day to see which sketch The Internet has deemed worthy. And, almost each and every one of them involves Kate. This week’s was particularly amazing. 1) Because it is funny, and 2) Because it’s actually subtlety really smart about identity politics. But mostly it’s the funny thing. Also, for real, I would totally watch this show. I would watch the hell out of this show. Like "Dyke & Fats" already has a season pass in my book.

My Weekend Crush

Raise your teacup. Marriage equality is the law of the land in the United Kingdom. At the stroke of midnight, like a freaking Disney movie, same-sex marriage became legal in Britain. (England and Wales, at least. Scotland starts later this year. And Northern Ireland, well. Yeah.) The UK adds to the 15 countries who now recognize same-sex marriage – Argentina, Belgium, Brazil, Canada, Denmark, France, Iceland, Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Portugal, Spain, South Africa, Sweden and Uruguay. Yeah. Kind of ridiculous screaming, “We’re No. 1!” now isn’t it, America?

Anyway, grumbles aside, what I love about each new country, each new state, each new couple who gets to experience the simple equality of love is how truly, deeply, madly joyous it all is. I mean, if you can’t be happy at a wedding, then you truly aren’t worthy of being a human being, are you? Three cheers for love. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. Just click on the Vine to make the cheering stop looping, in case you were getting too verklempt.

Team Snarker 4 Eva

Apologies! I know I said I’d stop talking about moving, but moving won’t stop talking about me. Right after we thoroughly buffed and polished the old house (and two days before handing over the keys), someone busted a window and broke in. So I’ve been dealing with that mess since. Hence the lack of a post yesterday. Luckily, everything (and everyone) was in the new house at the time. But, still, it sucks. Blerg and such.

Anyway, on to more important things. More important things like fictional characters fighting to the death. Or, as its is more formally known, the AfterEllen March Madness: The Hunger Games.

That’s right, it’s a fight to the death between your favorite lesbian, bisexual and totally gaymo characters. And, true to Hunger Games lore, each character has a mentor. So 10 of your favorite AfterEllen writers are all mentoring a team of your favorite characters. I could be gracious and wish everyone well. But screw that. May the odds be ever in Lauren Lewis, Alex Vause, Bette Porter and Brittany S. Pierce’s favor. Winners of various bonus rounds will receive special prizes, powers, etc. What does all this mean? Flex your voting finger. You can vote once an hour.

Obviously, I want Team Snarker to win. But mostly I just want you all to have fun with it. It’s all about having fun and supporting some of the most beloved past and current characters in the Big Lesbo (and Bi) Character Pantheon. So go crazy. And bring weapons.

VOTE HERE IN THE BIG GAY HUNGER GAMES.

#TeamSnarker

All Tilda, All the Time

Moving is weird. It can also be upsetting, stressful and wonderful – if you like where you’re going. And now that it’s over you can be assured of two things. 1) I will finally shut up about moving (can I get a hallelujah?), and 2) I enjoy the weirdness of life (especially when presented to you packed neatly away in boxes) even more. So what better way to celebrate the end of a move with the wonderful weirdness that is Tilda Swinton. I know from the second the lights went up in the darkened theater at the end of “Orlando,” that I had witnessed the birth of a strange and magical creature I hoped would continue to delight me for the rest of my days. So far so good.

Tank Top (Almost) Tuesday

Hey, who said the tank tops have to only be on Tuesday? Tank tops all the days, always! Also, this makes me feel bad about dumping “Once Upon a Time” off my DVR.

p.s. So I spent the day cleaning every last inch of my old place. Gimme that security deposit, gimme it now.

My Weekend Moving Pictures

[The Mountain from TSO Photography on Vimeo]

So tomorrow the movers come to take all the stuff that wouldn’t fit into a sedan. And then it will be all over but the burying out of mountains of boxes. Though, no matter what’s happening, it’s always good to remember to look up. No matter where you call home, we all live on this crazy, beautiful blue marble together. Happy weekend, all.

Moving Vixen: Angie Harmon

Oy, this show. So, anyway. Thus ends the Janet Tamaro Era. Not exactly barefoot, but possibly pregnant. The small mercy is at least she isn't still engaged. For now. Our hopes and dreams are in your hands, Jan Nash. At least we have Angie Harmon in a tank top to make us feel a little better. Also, recycle. Like Janet does with Maura’s so-called attraction to every and all Rizzoli who isn't called Jane.

p.s. The season finale, thanks for nothing JTam Subtext Recap is up today at AfterEllen.

Moving Vixen: Brittana

DAMMIT, GLEE. Now I am going to have to watch next week's episode, too, to see what those lesbian lilies are all about.

p.s. Though any real lesbian knows they mean I dare you to love me.

Moving Vixen: Tatiana Maslany³

Well now we know there will be at least eight reasons to love her this season of “orphan Black.” Though we all know our love (and her talent) is actually infinite.

p.s. Bonus: Three times the tank tops for this fine Tuesday.

Moving Vixen: Zoie & Alex

I’m moving all this week so I’m going to be too busy to put up full posts. But, I don’t want to leave you empty handed. So please enjoy these Moving (Double meanings! Word play! Grammar fun!) Vixens this week. Here are Zoie Palmer and Alex LaLonde. Something looks different. I can’t put my finger on it. But don’t they look hairy adorable?

My Weekend Crush

This is my favorite-ever response to the “Are you gay?” question. Also, it is how I feel about being that much closer to being finished with my move. Hope you had a happy weekend, all.

p.s. I locked the new keys in the house over the weekend. So I got to know the friendly neighborhood locksmith. Good times.

Sisypuppy

OK, so I lied about having a post today. I got the keys to the new place late yesterday and MOVING IS HAPPENING. Since there is an overlap between when I get the keys to the new place and hand over the keys to the old place, MOVING will be happening for the next two weekends straight (and any time that can be fit in between). So for you that means I’m like this crazy little English bulldog puppy rolling down an endless hill. Except I think my task is in reverse, less fun and more Sisyphusian. Actually, it’s not so bad. But I am terribly busy. So, please excuse the erratic postings for the next week or so.

Dance like Benny Hill is watching

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This has nothing to do with anything lesbian-related, but it did make me laugh for like 5-minutes straight. Dancers at a rave set to Benny Hill music. Please, enjoy. I will be back tomorrow with a real post.

O (lala) Canada

So Canadian ladies are pretty much crushing it this year, eh? I mean, Ellen Page, Zoie Palmer, “Bomb Girls” movie and now, the first full trailer for the second season of “Orphan Black.” Now we get to see Tatiana Maslany crush it at least seven different ways. Never have I been so thankful for our neighbors to the north. (Fine, it’s at least on par with how much I loved Canada during my “Anne of Green Gables” and L.M. Montgomery obsession phase.)

All that and they also get free health care. If only I could find a way to care more about hockey, I’d move.



My thoughts on that trailer? HOLY GOD, I NEED A VALIUM.

The Palmer rises

So, did you hear that squeal sometime last night? That was the unrepentant scream of gay gals everywhere welcoming another friend into the fold. Last night at the Canadian Screen Awards Zoie Palmer thanked her female partner and their son publically for the first time, which was a subtle but unmistakable coming out. Now, you’d probably have to follow Zoie closely to realize the significance of her thanking “my incredible partner, Alex, and my beautiful son Luca.” In the pressroom afterward not a single reporter mentioned it. But we’re no amateurs. We’re lesbians. We know everybody who has ever considered kissing a girl’s business. So the “Alex” was Alex Lalonde and son was Luca, Lalonde’s from a previous relationship.



While she went more the Jodie Foster route than the Ellen Page route of coming out, it’s welcome none the less.

Last month, Zoie posted on her Facebook Page that she would be boycotting the Sochi Olympics because of Russia’s anti-LGBT policies. She said her decision was based on the “bigger picture” taking precedence.

It is my unequivocal belief that basic human rights and equality for ALL is paramount. Gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered and queer individuals must be granted these rights and must never be told not to speak of who they are, must never be silenced, ignored, abused, attacked, alienated and treated like second class people. It not okay….

In retrospect, this now seems quite significant.

Now, I know some folks may argue that she was never “in.” But there were still more than enough surprised responses on my Twitter feed to show that what is common knowledge to some is not to everyone. And being out to friends and/or family, but not out publicly is still not all the way out. It just isn’t. So this simple acknowledgement still matters. It matters because every single person – every Ellen DeGeneres, every Jodie Foster, every Maria Bello, every Ellen Page, every Zoie Palmer – who comes out and declares herself means someone, somewhere feels a little less alone. Someone sees she isn’t so terribly different. Someone knows it can get better. It matters, it will always matter. It’s something to be proud of each and every time.

So, yes, squealing is most definitely in order. Also, Zoie darling, we’re going to be holding you personally accountable for the authenticity of all of the lady loving scenes on “Lost Girl” from now on. Just kidding! Mostly! (Not really, we will definitely judge.) With love!

I kid because I’m so incredibly happy and haven’t stopped smiling since last night. Congratulations to Zoie and her beautiful family. We’re proud of you, lady.

p.s. Because I know you’ll Google it anyway, here are Zoie and Alex at the 2012 Toronto International Film Festival.



p.p.s. “Lost Girl” executive producer and all-around fandom balladeer Emily Andras tweeted out a link to an article about Zoie’s Fan Choice Award win from last night which also mentioned her thanking of her partner Alex Lalonde and son, Luca. So let that be the period on the end of the accusations by some folks that I was “prying” or “invading” into Zoie’s private life. I was doing neither, simply reporting what is genuine news. A search of my entire archive of posts, recaps and articles about “Lost Girl” and Zoie Palmer (both here on Dorothy Surrenders and on AfterEllen) will find exactly zero references to Zoie’s personal life or speculation about her sexual orientation before this point. ZERO. But when someone famous make the conscious choice to acknowledge her same-sex relationship publicly, it is equally important that we acknowledge it back. Each person who comes out makes the world a more open, more honest, more welcoming place and that matters. I in no way criticize Zoie for not doing it sooner, everyone is allowed her own time and own space to make these decisions. That is respecting her private life. But now that she has made it public I could not be happier for her and about it. Visibility matters, and that is what we celebrate here today.

My Weekend GGALGG & SGALGG

I bet you were wondering where the SGALGG went. Don’t worry, kittens, I didn’t forget. It’s just that at this year’s Academy Awards there were also a bunch of actual Gay Gals Acting Like Gay Gays, in addition to the Straight Gals doing the same. So I thought why not celebrate them both. The GGALGG and the SGALGG. The real deals and those just expressing the most sincere form of flattery. Best of both worlds, I say.

GGALGG:

Ellen & Portia

I really never get tired of seeing the Royal Gay Couple.

Evan Rachel Wood & Anna Paquin

I miss when Evan was on “True Blood.” It sucked a lot less then.

Angelina Jolie & Lupita Nyong’o

Look at Angie, trying to get a little sugar from Lupita.

Sarah Paulson & Jane Fonda

Count the hands. Who is goosing Sarah?

Angie & Sarah

Leave it to two gay ladies to find each other in a crowd and make clear after-party plans.

Annie Leibovitz & Penelope Cruz

Leave it to the gay lady to find the pretty lady, too.

Fran Lebowitz & Diane Lane

See above.

Lisa Bonet, Zoe Kravitz & Ellen Page

Two generations-worth of see above.

GGAUnlikeGG:

Bono, Portia & Ellen

No kissing boys. OMG, don’t you two know the rules?

SGALGG:

Charlize Theron & Lupita

Can you blame them?

Lupita & Rosario Dawson

No, no you cannot.

Cate Blanchett & Jennifer Lawrence

Trying to slip her your room key, eh, Cate?

J-Law & The Friend She Nearly Took Down With Her

Aw, good to see they made up.

Meryl Streep & Glenn Close

In the absence of Emma Thompson, Meryl goes for the next best thing.

SGuysALGGuys:

Liam Hemsworth, Ben Affleck & Chris Hemswoth

A Ben on slices of Hemsworth Brother sandwich for the bisexual ladies in the house (and gay boys).

BONUS SGALGG:

Meryl & Pizza

Admittedly, this is the biggest love connection of the night.

One Big Gayzzoli Family

See? See? See how watchable this show becomes again once they drop the pretense of beards and engagements and stick with what works? Jane, Maura and the big nutball Rizzoli clan. Sigh. If only every week Papa Rizzoli got prostrate prostate cancer. Read the full “Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap over at AfterEllen a little later today. Until then, let’s all hug.

She's trying to teach me how to bake

Of all the enduring Lesbian Lady Crushes, few are more enduring and lesbian thank our collective crush on Mary-Louise Parker. As soon as we see her we all turn into Idgie, melted immediately at the sight of Ruth. Our hearts scream Towanda! And we’d move an entire lake to somewhere in Georgia with out love. So then please enjoy MLP on this edition of Hannah Hart’s My Drunk Kitchen. Brownies plus Mary-Louise? Yep. I’m in. (Also for a good cause. Not that chocolate isn’t a good cause…)

p.s. Though, let’s give credit where credit is due. This was clearly just a homage to MLP’s best cooking scene ever. Bonus, there was also flour and chocolate.

Let It Kazoo

So I only recently, finally (don’t throw things at me) got a chance to watch “Frozen.” Which is strange for me because, hello – I have both “Finding Nemo” and “WALL-E” on my phone. But, predictably, I loved it. And I love, loved its (now Oscar-winning) showstopper “Let It Go.” We could get into its subtle (and not so subtle) feminist and gay rights undertones (Don’t let them in, don’t let them see/Be the good girl you always have to be/Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know/Well, now they know/Let it go, let it go/Can’t hold it back anymore.) Hello, this year’s Gay Pride anthem. I still haven’t stopped singing it in the shower. (p.s. I totally read any angry post about the “dangerous homosexual messaging” in the lyrics on some site…it was amazing.)

Anyway, aside from the whole Adele Dazeem debacle, I felt Idina Menzel’s Academy Award performance was muted. The pacing was off and the song was, obviously truncated. So while well-delivered, it just didn’t pack that full-throated punch. Well, she got another shot thanks to Jimmy Fallon and his Classroom Instruments series. And let me just say, Hallelujah, the thrill is back. I really enjoy Jimmy’s Classroom Instruments series, done on – you guessed it – instruments you would find in a classroom. I think they bring the very simple, childlike joy of music back in ways only a kazoo can. You can just, you know, let it go. (So, fine, the first verse is a little shaky but afterward, hotfreakingdamn, does the lady let the storm rage on.)



p.s. Tina Fey was on last night too and Jimmy served her pizza. So, you know, best show ever.

Oscar hearts Pizza

I think we can all agree last night belonged to Adele Dazeem. Kidding, kidding. Thank God Travolta wasn’t asked to pronounce Lupita Nyong’o, too. So, between all the superstar selfies, pizza delivery and mispronunciation of Tony-winners names, it was easy to forget they handed out awards. But they did. A bunch of them. There was even an EGOT in the bunch. A few of my favorite moments from a long (long, long) night of sometimes strange and a few fantastic things. A look back in wonder.

J-Law loses to “Gravity,” again.

I love how she grabbed onto her friend, like, “If I’m going down we ALL go down!” And then, of course, could laugh at herself.

Lupita & Meryl get HAPPY!

p.s. Amy Adams, too.


Adele Dazeem is going to be a star, a STAR, I tell ya!

I was so confused for a second. Like, why would they let anyone but Idina sing “Let It Go?”

Brad Pitt has a promising career in pizza delivery.

And that’s Meryl taking a slice, yo.

Lupita Nyong’s is the Disney princess we’ve been waiting for.


I mean, she even has the headband.

OK, fine, THAT SELFIE.


The selfie bit started slowly, but then all the A-list celebrities started acted like normal idiots taking a selfie. So then it was genius.

Bonus: My two favorite people at the Oscars this year.

So, share, what were your favorite bits? And, seriously, get Adele Dazeem a record deal immediately.