Naked Allure

I will always love naked ladies. Come one, no brainer. And naked Padma? I am her cheeseburger of love. But – and it almost pains me to say this – this year's Allure The Naked Truth photoshoot leaves me a little cold. Make no mistake, I love the subject matter. Padma Lakshmi, Eliza Dushku, Chelsea Handler and two women I've never heard of but look great in their birthday suits (Lynn Collins and Sharon Leal). Yay, nakedness, yay!

But for a series that claims to be about naked truths, Allure sure spent a lot of time Photoshopping all semblance of truthfulness or sensual nakedness out of the pictures. The photos are, of course, tasteful. And I wouldn't want it any other way. Naked doesn't have to mean tawdry. But these are so extremely airbrushed and expertly lit that what is so sexy about the female body – namely its raw curves and gentle imperfections – seems to be missing. [Click any and all to enlarge]

For real sizzle, you need to read the ladies' accompanying interviews.

Like what does Padma wear to bed:

“I tend to sleep in the nude. I'm an innately tactile person and a very sensual-leaning woman. You have to use the word 'leaning' or it sounds like I'm boasting! When I'm in my own private space, I do spend time with very little on.”

Or why it's important to knock before entering Eliza's trailer:

“I'll strip down to my underwear and my Ugg boots when I eat lunch in my trailer.”

I'm getting a mental picture. I'm getting mental picture. And...I'm back.

But when it comes to the real pictures the ladies look too great, almost inhuman. Now I know folks were troubled by Dara Torres' Got Milk? Photoshopping last week. And while I agree that she was buffed and polished to a high gloss, I think all best bits were still 100 percent her. But here, while I have no doubt that these ladies all look otherworldly without their clothes, they might as well be wax figures. So how, then, is this supposed to make me feel better about my body as it's supposed mission statement proclaims? I don't have an army of makeup artists, lighting specialists and Photoshop whizzes ready to turn me into a glowing goddess.

Can we get just a little realism with our nakedness, please? Allure's naked photos haven't always been so plasticine perfect. But in the last few years the women have looked less womanly and more mannequinely. Fine, so that isn't a word but my body is having a hard time computing my brain's criticism of naked pictures – any naked pictures – of beautiful women. It keeps screaming something like, “Shut up, conscience. They're naked. They're ladies. What's not to like?” OK, fine. I think I'm going to let my body win this one now and shut the hell up. Did I mention Padma is naked? Mmm, naked Padma, mmm.

p.s. Almost forgot the hat tips: Thanks Virgotex, ThinkArt, Beth, Valerie, TJ!

State of grace

Mondays often lack a certain grace. You're cranky. You're stressed. You're harboring lingering resentments from the weekend. (cough, Amazon fail, cough, gay glitch, cough) Quite frankly, you'd rather be sleeping. So what better way to ease into another work week than with a moment of grace? No, not the kind of grace that goes “rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub” or any of its more eloquent variants. This is grace in the form of Summer Glau as shot by Tyler Shields and accompanied by the music of Cat Power. Fuck that plastic bag from “American Beauty,” this may be one of the most beautiful things ever filmed. And it's a reminder that no matter what life throws at you, you can always stop to appreciate a simple act of grace.

[See it in hi-res by clicking HQ here, it's well worth the click]

Getting to appreciate Summer and all her bendy goodness, well, that's just a bonus.

Wait, did I mention Summer was classically trained as a ballerina until an injury forced her from the profession?

Seriously, if you can even look graceful while all shot to hell, then that's almost unfair.

Even though I've only watched “Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles” on-and-off this past season, I hope against hope that last Friday's finale isn't the final one. Grace like Summer need to be on my TV. And, of course, that goes for Lena, too. Now, if I could find a picture of her in a leotard doing the splits, then this would officially qualify as the best Monday ever.

My Weekend Crush

Oh, Erin Daniels. Seeing you last night on “CSI” reminded me just how much I miss seeing you on my TV every week. In fact, it inspired me to partake in another epic YouTube timesuck of Dana clips. And, dammit, if I didn't smile and giggle and even clap my hands with glee. So. Fucking. Cute. Erin is that most rare combination of stunning and silly. She is, hands down, gorgeous. But what makes her special is that endearing goofiness. Pretty much, she had me at “crispay.” Beneath the beauty is an adorable awkwardness and vulnerable openness that makes her utterly relatable, not to mention entirely huggable. She makes it impossible to not root for her. And root I do. Each time she pops up again on my TV – from “Dexter” to “CSI: NY” and “Saving Grace” to “Swingtown” – I feel like cheering. Plus, no one dorky dances like Dana Fairbanks. No one. Happy weekend, all.

Lap it up

Dear Milk,

Why do you taunt me so? You know I can't drink you. You know you cause untold pain to my gastrointestinal system. You know cookies will forever be lonely at my house. But now, now you've gone and done it. Now you've made me want to run out to the grocery store and buy a damn gallon of you. Or, more precisely, a six pack. What, you doesn't come in six packs? Well, I must have been thinking of something else. Gosh, but I couldn't think what. Hmmm, this is a stumper. Well, never mind. Though, suddenly I'm terribly, terribly thirsty.

Sincerely,
Ms. Snarker

[Hat tip, Mallory!]

SGALGG: First Lady Edition

Oh, hell, why not bring back all the old favorites this week? Though, out of respect for the subject matter today I guess I should rename today's post Straight First Lady of the United States Acting Like a Gay First Lady of the United States. You know, SFLOTUSALGFLOTUS. Wow, that acronym needs its own zip code. Watching First Lady Michelle Obama and her husband take the globe by storm this past week has been a true pleasure, and not just for the lovely, lovely photo ops. While I still stand by my earlier assessment, I'm more than happy to compare and contrast in the name of international relations. [Hat tip, Virgotex!] And while we're on the subject of relations, I greatly approve of the European tradition of greeting with a kiss. Greatly.

Michelle Obama and Carla Bruni-SarkozyMake love, not war, illustrated.

Michelle totally looks like she's picking Carla up for a date.

Among the many, many reasons more women should be world leaders: international summits would look like this.

Michelle Obama and Hillary ClintonI can't be the only one screaming “Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” at my screen right now.

Besides holding hands, Michelle and Hillary enjoy walking on the beach, watching sunsets and working on education policy reform.

Michelle Obama and Queen Elizabeth IIWhen even the Queen can't resist a little snuggle, you know your first lady is hot.

Tank Top Tuesday

A month? It has been a month since last we lasciviously luxuriated on the loveliness that is ladies in tank tops? What was I thinking? Where was my head? Why, oh the humanity, why? Sheesh, in my absent-mindedness I also totally missed the first anniversary of Tank Top Tuesday. Gosh, was it really only a year ago we first came together (ahem) to celebrate The Hot? Let me grovel my apologies in the only way I know how – by going back to the beginning. Ladies, the plain white tank top. The plain white tank top, ladies. And, just to class things up, it's black and whites of ladies in plain white tank tops. Plus, this way it seems less like objectification and more like art appreciation – really hot art.

Charlize TheronHalle BerryMaria BelloJenny ShimizuCarla GuginoFranka PotenteElizabeth HurleyAmy Adams

If I may be so presumptuous, I think that I'm forgiven.

Down on The Farm

So, Showtime didn't buy “The Farm.” Leisha Hailey prison drama spin-off won't be headed to a TV near you anytime soon. Which means the legacy of “The L Word” will more than likely end with the eternally unanswered question of who killed Jenny. Which, once again, sucks. Big time.

And, once again, it is a reminder of the opportunities that were missed in the arc of TLW. Let's be frank, Ilene built the whole insane and incomprehensible final season around the possibility of a spin-off. While she glibly told The Los Angeles Times that she didn't actually feel compelled to tell us who killed Jenny, you know part of her left it unanswered as leverage. Sure, that show ended in a question, but this other show can answer it. Gosh, that worked out well.

As questionable as the idea of Leisha Hailey in a gritty, “Oz”-like prison drama was, it was still Leisha Hailey and lesbians being shown regularly on my TV. Plus, the guest stars assembled for the pilot were impressive: Famke Janssen, Melissa Leo and Laurie Metcalfe. That adds up to a three-time Emmy winner, an Oscar nominee and a Bond girl. With no major lesbian characters on primetime TV and less than a handful of bisexual ones, we are once again starved for representation. So even another crazy Mama Chaiken creation would be better than nothing, right?

Well, I'm not so sure. Instead, I think we may have dodged a big, Ilene-shaped bullet. If those wacky Interrogation Tapes are any indication, Mama C cannot do crime and punishment. Wait, let me rephrase that, Mama C can do crime and punishment metaphorically – just ask her audience. After six seasons, we feel both robbed and beaten. And now these damn “tapes.” (NOTE: Spoiler Alert, but mostly just yawn.) Tina had an incestuous relationship with her sister. Shane burned down Wax. Helena gave away the money (and gets hit on by Xena Sgt. Duffy). Niki stole the “Lez Girls” negatives. Bette wanted Tina to ask her to have their second child. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Ilene, WTF. Afterthought storytelling is not storytelling, it's an afterthought.

Am I sad “The Farm” won't happen? In theory, yes. In practice? Well, we'll just never know, kind of like who killed Jenny.

My Weekend Crush

Fifteen years is a hell of a long time. It's almost half of my life and basically all of my adult life. And during that time, there has been one constant at 10 p.m. every Thursday. That familiar, muted siren sound, followed by a simple sequence of keys was almost comforting. Admittedly, I stopped watching “ER” years ago. I can only name a few of the current cast and I have no idea where the story has taken them. (Seriously, why was Rory Gilmore there last night?) But what I do know is that when I did watch, “ER” was some damn good television.

The thing I always enjoyed about the show was that women were integrated and integral to its stories. This was not a show about men doctors telling female nurses what to do. This was a show with men and women, in all different jobs and with all different skills, working together to save lives. It was intense and almost always interesting. And, oh, the wonderful women – and even a few gay ones to boot. [Hat tip, The Linster!] I'm partial, of course, to the casts from the earlier seasons when I used to watch slavishly.

Julianna Margulies, Sherry Stringfield, Gloria Reuben, Laura Innes, Jorja Fox – now that's some talent. And then later Alex Kingston, Maria Bello, Elizabeth Mitchell, Maura Tierney, I could go on forever. What was always great about “ER” was that it showed these women in their professional setting, doing what they do best without the burden of glamour. Sure, they were all certainly above-average attractive, but that wasn't the focus. That they were good at their jobs and they were passionate about their work – this was what mattered. Their profession was never secondary, it was the point. Or, just maybe, I'm a sucker for a woman in a lab coat with a stethoscope. Thanks for 15 years, ladies. Happy weekend, all.

Click the pain away

Whenever the universe confounds me, I do what any sensible, adult, educated human being does. I watch a bunch of silly videos until I feel better. It's been another one of those weeks here at Casa Surrenders. So, let's go to the video tape! Well, actually it's online streaming video, but that just doesn't have the same ring to it.

1-900-OKFACE

Oh, lord. My apologies to my international friends, but I had to post it. I had to.

Motorized Barstool. No, Seriously.

If you could bottle Rachel's glee and sell it, I would be first in line.

Halle Does The Halle

Halle Berry dancing. That is all.

A Muppet And A Fat Guy

Click play. Die laughing. Click replay. Die laughing some more. Click replay again. You get the picture.

Eat Your Carrots

The skill and gusto with which Glenn Close stuffs carrots into her mouth is a truly, truly Oscar worthy.

OK, your turn. Share your guaranteed cheerer-upper videos below. Heavens knows, we could all use them.

Gay, really gay

Welcome back, Clementine. Please sit down and make yourself comfortable. Seriously, you're giving me whiplash, girl. So Clementine Ford is officially out. And, yes, she has filed all the requisite paperwork and has already receive her complimentary toaster oven. As she told The Advocate: “Look, I am gay, and I just wanted there not to be this big emphasis on it.” Wouldn't we all, Clementine, wouldn't we all.

The interview went into intricate detail (seriously, is this The Advocate or Soap Opera Digest?) about Clementine's role on “The Young & the Restless,” which starts today. But it also cleared the air on the whole Diva vs. TV Guide vs. clarity smackdown Clementine's words were seemingly having with each other. From The Advocate:

Q: Let’s clear the air on the interview that ran recently with Diva magazine, in which the cover read “Clementine Ford Comes Out.” In the piece, it sort of intimated you came out and that you had an affair with your costar of The L Word, Kate Moennig. Then you did an interview with TV Guide magazine where you attempted to clarify. It sort of has given you some pushback from fans. Can you tell us what happened?
A: It’s funny. I was having kind of a rough day. My best friend sent me a text saying, “You have to see this.” So I went online to see this link and I read the comments and I go, “They hate me!” When I did the TV Guide interview I was angry because there is the whole perception now that I came out and I went back in. And what upset me was, I felt that because I did not "come out" in that interview, I felt it was unfair to fans that bought the magazine expecting to get a tearful story that says “I’m gay.” I thought it was misleading, and now because I was upset by that cover, I am apparently back in the closet and people hate me.

Q: But can you understand how some people may have been confused when in a magazine piece you are quoted like that?
A: There are people who get it, and get what my original meaning was. Just as I was talking about story lines being a nonissue on The L Word; it should just be these people are gay and it’s part of life. I think with that article, and what came across as ambiguity, was actually my attempt at making it a nonissue. Look, I am gay, and I just wanted there not to be this big emphasis on it.

So, pretty much, Clementine is gay and wants it to be OK. Which is OK with me. We all want it to be OK, a nonissue, just part of life. And, thankfully, the more that folks like Clementine and others come out, the more it will be OK, a nonissue, just part of life. Welcome to the family, honey. Enjoy the toast.

Up Chuck

Every so often (i.e. all the time), I get the sneaking suspicion that I am an idiot. Last night was one of those times. Forgive me, television, for I have sinned. I haven't been watching “Chuck.” I know, I know. What is wrong with me? Trust me, I've been warned. StuntDouble and The Linster keep screaming three not-so-little words at me: Agent! Sarah! Walker!

But I was dumb and stubborn and dumb some more. I guess a cranky part of me was tired of the dorky-guy-gets-hot-girl trend of late (for reference, please see any movie starring Seth Rogen or Jack Black). I have nothing against dorks, I just wish that the girl dork would sometimes get the girl (or guy, not that there's anything wrong with that) every once in a while. So this obstinate streak kept me from watching. And then, well, then this finally convinced me to give it a shot.

Look, I know it's wrong of me to let anyone other than Yvonne StraHOTski turn me into a true believer. But, you know, I'm kind of a sucker for a woman in a uniform.

[HQ button, seriously, click the HQ button]

But it wasn't the presence of Tricia Helfer that actually convinced me, it just got me in the door. What converted me was the show itself. It's fun; like spy thriller with a sense of humor and a really, really hot heroine who gets to kick ass and take names fun. The writing is enjoyable. The characters are endearing. The concept is engaging. Have I mentioned that Yvonne Strahovski is hot?

I guess, the one upside to my total idiocy on this whole “Chuck” thing is that now I get to catch up on almost two seasons worth of uninterrupted Agent Sarah Walker goodness. Admit it, if you've been watching all along you're almost jealous that I get to watch hour after hour of this.

Repentance like this makes me want to sin more.

Design time

Have you all just gone and completely lost your minds? That's right, The Terminator is back. No, not Ah-nold. Or Kristiana. Or even Summer. We're talking about Julia, Julia Sugarbaker. Now, for the young'uns and uninitiated among us, this name will probably elicit a blank stare. But for those of us geriatric enough and in the know, this name elicits a heady mix of carnal and cerebral lust. You see, Julia was the original (albeit straight) Alpha Bette, minus the fidelity issues and plus a Southern accent.

So, then imagine my delight when I heard the Julia & Co. were finally coming to DVD on May 26. Shout! Factory, the fine folks who put out the fabulous new “My So-Called Life” DVD set in 2007, are giving the first season of “Designing Women” the box set treatment it deserves, complete with an extra reunion special featuring stars Delta Burke, Dixie Carter, Annie Potts, Jean Smart and series creator Linda Bloodworth-Thomason.

I watched “Designing Women” obsessively in college courtesy the wonder that was seemingly non-stop repeats on Lifetime, television for women. Like a younger, sassier, Southerner “Golden Girls,” the show was wonderful for so many reasons. What I loved most about “Designing Women” – besides, of course, its portrayal of close, loving and rich female friendships – was that it played with our preconceived notions of the Southern Belle. Sure, Julia, Suzanne, Mary Jo and Charlene were all archetypes, but they worked hard not to fall into stereotypes. They never shied away from controversy: racism, sexism, homophobia, you name it. And, lordy, they were funny. And fabulous. And fierce. But none were fiercer than Julia. A look at some of The Terminator's greatest hits.

The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia


As God Is My Witness


I Suggest You Try Finding Yourself an Oyster


If God Was Giving Out Sexually Transmitted Diseases


History Has Shown

p.s. This one isn't The Terminator, but it does include my favorite fictitious store name of all time: Georgia Tent & Awning.

My Weekend Sexy

This ad is ridiculous. It is wrong. It has no place in a civilized society. That said, what I wouldn't fucking give to be that ketchup. Padma Lakshmi makes me want to be a hamburger. Or bacon. Or even cheese. I have watched this ad about a half dozen times and I still can't stop salivating. A fast food burger should not make me feel this way. I have no idea whether this crush is on Padma or the burger or the concept of eating in general. All I know is that if she licked or sucked one more thing, I would have seriously swallowed my tongue. Check that, make that I would have seriously swallowed her tongue. Ahem. Happy weekend, all.

[For the love of sexy, hit the HQ button. After that, hit whatever button you please as many times as you please. Ahem, again.]

A tall glass of...

It's official. No. 4,751 on my never-ending list of things I'd like to do before I leave this mortal coil: drink cocktails with Rachel Maddow. Rachel stopped by Jimmy Fallon's talk show Tuesday night. While I still can't say I've warmed to Fallon's twitchy energy (and, seriously, does he call everyone “pal?”), Rachel was her signature blend of equal parts utterly adorkable and James Bond – cute and cool. Plus, her declaration that “everyone can drink a manlier drink” was priceless. Here is a look at some of Rachel's finest on-air cocktail moments.

On Late Night With Jimmy Fallon

“It tastes like hell, on it's own.”
[p.s. International fans see it here.]

On The Rachel Maddow Show

“Oh, thank you, I never get the pretty one.”

On Martha Stewart

“I always travel with the right equipment.”

On Grub Street

“Don't be a wuss about the shaking.”

Rachel, Rachel – you can pour me a nice, tall one anytime. Oh, and a cocktail would be nice, too.

Sarah can do it

Another day, another chance to see what is happening with my Fake Internet Girlfriend Sarah Haskins. What? The judge said my hidden camera surveillance operation was “illegal” and “unconscionable” and whatever. So, this is the best I can do to keep updated on her life while remaining completely within the bounds of the restraining order. Sorry, what's that? Who is Sarah Haskins? You've never met my Fake Internet Girlfriend? Or maybe you feel like you've never been properly introduced? Well, here is a little primer for everyone on what all the fuss is about. p.s. 80s Sarah is totally a lez. What? I'm just saying.

There, now that we're all properly introduced, what else has Sarah been up to? Well, crying while watching Lifetime television on The Internet Machine, of course. Sheesh, who hasn't?

I'm totally going to start incorporating a little snap, crackle and pop into my daily haircare routine.

Of course, I was somewhat less pleased to find out that Sarah was dating. Though, after watching her night with some stiff named Ken, I'm fairly certain that I still have a shot. Hey, the wrong kind of genitalia is better than no genitalia at all, right?

Of course, if Sarah is going to imaginary step out on me, then I can imaginary step out on her with yet another of Current TV's offerings, the new series SuperNews. It's not cheating if you're honest about it up front. The animated show's take on Twitter is yet another reason I'm eternally thankful to Al Gore for inventing the internet Current TV.

It's funny because it's true. That said, feel free to follow my detached, bite-sized, yippity-yap @dorothysnarker. I just love randomly shouting into the darkness.

An outie or an innie?

So what are we to make of the “look who came out/look who went in”-case of Clementine Ford? The all caps headline on last month's Diva magazine cover couldn't have been bigger or clearer: CLEMENTINE FORD COMES OUT. Woo and hoo! Break out the feather boas and strike up the band; it's time for a personalized pride parade. Happy gay gals all over the world were excited to watch the final month's worth of “The L Word” episodes for a glimpse of their newly-out heroine. It was like she earned her Advanced Placement Gay, Graduate Level Gay and Doctorate in Fucking Gay overnight.

But now flash forward six weeks. “The L Word” is over, Clementine Ford is about to join the cast of “The Young & The Restless” and she is also no longer proclaiming her outness. In fact, she says she never came out in an interview with TV Guide magazine.

From TV Guide:

Q: Let’s discuss this Diva magazine cover story. You sorta kinda maybe came out as a lesbian. Um, right?
A: [Groaning] I’m sooo glad you asked. The first thing that really upset me was that the cover line said “Clementine Ford Comes Out” which, clearly if you read the article, I did not come out. It was really misleading and full of misquotes to sell the magazine. If someone’s buying it to see that I came out, well, get your money back.

Whoa, wait, what? Alright, let's read the article and see what exactly she said on the matter. Read it in full for yourself here. [Hat tip, uhhuhherfan.com!]

From Diva on the rumors about her and Kate Moennig:

“Well, the truth is...” she begins, measuring her words carefully. “The truth is that I'm not technically out yet. Put that in your magazine. For me, there's never been a distinction about anything to do with sexuality, so there was no declaration to be made. My siblings and I would bring home men and women, and as long as they were human it wasn't a big deal.” Gosh, Clementine Ford has just come out. Well, as a woman who dates women, at least. She's not big on labels, more of which later.

Then later, from Diva on labels:

“I never want to put a label on myself — but knowing that not everyone comes from such a liberal place, when something like Prop. 8 [banning gay marriage in California] comes out, you realize it’s important to stand up and be counted. A little gay kid in a small town is more important than whether I want a label.”

OK, sure, she doesn't say she is gay or lesbian or bisexual in so many words. She says she is “not technically out,” but has brought home “men and women.” Infer what you will, I guess. I infer when she says “put that in your magazine” that she is making some sort of solidarity statement. That said, I would have asked a slew of very specific follow-up questions, like “Wait, did you just come out?” and “So do you consider yourself lesbian, bisexual, queer as Christmas?” and “You know we're going to put your face with an all caps headline about coming out on the cover, right?” I'm not saying the reporter didn't ask those questions, but it's not apparent either way from the story.

TV Guide apparently shared my confusion, because they did ask a follow-up to her un-outing.

From TV Guide:

Q: But I did read the article and you do say “The truth is that I’m not technically out yet.” You go on to admit that, even though you were married to actor Todd Hunter for four years, you’ve also dated women. And you perpetuated the rumors that you and Kate Moennig had a thing while shooting The L Word. Are you just a big ol’ tease?
A: [Ignoring the question] That Diva article also picked up quotes from a podcast interview I did with AfterEllen.com where the interviewer asked me if the sex on The L Word was real and I very jokingly said “Yes, we actually had sex. The L Word is porn. The secret’s out!” And the Diva writer printed it as fact that Kate and I had real sex on camera! I was like, “Oh, my God, I hate you!” I almost wrote a nasty letter and then I stopped myself because I thought, if anyone is stupid enough to actually believe that Showtime would let us have real sex, then that’s not my problem. So that was that. But it made me very angry.

Classic misdirection. Don't answer the real question, but show indignation over another, somewhat-related question. And, she certainly has a point to be indignant about. Diva did get it terribly, horribly wrong when it came to her This Just Out With Liz Feldman appearance. [Catch it at the 17:10 mark.]

From Diva on the Molly/Shane sex scenes:

When she and Moennig were performing their sex scenes [she told Liz Feldman on the AfterEllen website], they wanted it to look as authentic as possible, so they actually had sex on the set – but when "Phyllis" walked in in them, Clementine felt distinctly uncomfortable

From This Just Out on the Molly/Shane sex scenes:

Liz: It was very realistic and I was watching it and I was like that looks like real sex. Was it?
Clementine: Yes. The L Word is porn.
Liz: You said that sarcastically, but I've said that in sincerity.

Wow, Diva, way to be utterly unclear on the concept of sarcasm.

So could Diva have gotten it all wrong, jumped to conclusions, wildly misquoted? Sure, sure and definitely. The TJO misunderstanding shows that at the very least something is on the verge of being rotten in the state of Denmark. So if they took Clementine's somewhat ambiguous statement of solidarity and twisted it into something it's not just to sell magazines, shame on them. Seriously, boo. This helps no one.

Still, what bothers me most about this about face is the timing. If Clementine had never come out, never meant to imply that she came out, never really been any kind of queer in the first place, why wouldn't she have said something right away? Why wait, conveniently, until after “The L Word” has completed its run, when all of the overwhelming support she could garner from this sort of revelation has been used up and she was instead about to appear on a very mainstream, very straight show?

I believe Clementine is a sincere and compassionate supporter of the GLBT community. This won't change that. But there is something very off-putting and sickeningly familiar about this in/out/in dance. The stars flirt with us, give an interview (often with the gay press) where they proclaim some sort of bisexuality and then maybe weeks, maybe months, maybe years later tell another media outlet that they were never were gay in the first place or just misquoted or plain old wrong. For reference please see Megan Mullally, Nelly Furtado, et al. This kind of bisexuality backpedaling is, sadly, nothing new when it comes to celebrities.* But it sure does make me tired.

Well, what do you think? Backpedal? Misquote? Labelphobia? Sigh. I guess it's time to put the feather boa back in the closet, so to speak.

*p.s. Clearly, I don't mean that backpedaling is an inherent part of bisexuality. Banish. The. Thought. It's this kind of fauxsexual thing that makes it hard for bisexual women to fight unfair stereotypes.

Let the Sunshine In

I want “Sunshine Cleaning” to be good so badly that it makes my teeth hurt. I mean, it's a movie about two women, directed by a woman and written by a woman. It's like we've crossed over into a bizarro version of Hollywood where people actually think women have interesting and important stories to tell. Crazy! So far reviews have been generally favorable. OK so Ebert, The New York Times and Salon didn't love it. But the San Francisco Chronicle, Los Angeles Time and – most important – The Linster all gave it the big thumbs up.

So, now, besides my obvious interest in supporting a woman-centered, woman-created project like “Sunshine Cleaning,” the story about two sisters who start up a crime scene clean up business seems all sorts of interesting. And the cast? Come on, Amy Adams, Emily Blunt and Mary Lynn Rajskub (who also happens to play a lesbian). And thanks to Linster, I now am all a tingle about the prospect of a Emily and Mary Lynn candy necklace encounter.

Really, my only disappointment so far is that Amy and Emily play sisters. The whole sibling thing makes me feel a little weird about all the fantasy sequences in my head. Ahem.