Naked Lady Monday...on Wednesday

In honor of Seattle's Naked Gal, and without regard to the actual day of the week, how about another edition of Naked Lady Monday? Yes, yes, I know it's Wednesday. But they don't call it “hump” day for nothing. Know what I mean? Nudge-nudge, wink-wink. Say no more. But, just because we're talking about nakedness and humping doesn't mean we can't remain dignified doing so. And I've always thought a nicely placed black & white classes up a joint, don't you?

Mia KirshnerA woman in bed covered only by rumpled sheets is the very definition of good morning.

Alicia KeysAlicia Keys, Man Ray. Man Ray, Alicia Keys.

Aisha TylerMy, what great...posture you have.

Mary-Louise ParkerThe fetal position is now my new favorite position.

Dita Von Teese & Scarlett JohanssonHello, sudden surge of lesbians taking ballroom dance lessons.

Jenny Shimizu & FriendNever mind size, it's Shimizu that really matters.

Naomi WattsNow that's my kind of bodice ripper.

Sara RamirezFine, she isn't naked. Somehow I don't think you mind.

Isabella Rossellini & Friend

Obviously, they're playing charades and acting out the phrase “suit rack.” Ahem.

Magic Wanda

Reason No. 1,000,001 that Saturday's National Day of Protest was awesome: Wanda Sykes. By now you've probably heard it through the gayvine that Wanda came out at the rally in Las Vegas. I mean, we may have known before, but we didn't know know. You know? But now, well, now everyone knows. I've always loved Wanda and her wicked, wicked sense of humor. Few things can make me howl like her withering insults. Really, they're an art form. So in celebration of Wanda making it official, here are a few of her gayest moments. And by gay, I mean gay. And not just the happy kind.

Wanda Comes Out

Wanda on Prop. 8

Wanda on Gay Marriage

Wanda on That's So Gay

What do we want?

Hey, how was your weekend? Anything interesting happen, like – oh, I don't know – say a national protest involving thousands and thousands of people from coast to coast (and in other countries, too) who peacefully but forcefully asserted their personhood and demanded their rights? I don't know how your experience was, but I'm going to guess invigorating. That's how it felt to me in San Francisco. I can't be the only one who is fighting the urge to keep screaming “Equal rights!,” “Now!” It felt great to be a part of something bigger than your own life. Plus, who doesn't like to stop traffic now and then? And, best of all, it's not over. The organizers of Join the Impact are still working, as are countless others, to fight for our rights. So, today in celebration of what was a truly a grassroots success, please feel free to share your stories in the comments section. If you want, email me a photo of your protest (include the location) and I'll make a photo quilt of them all to post later tonight.

p.s. What protest would be complete without the naked guy? (Though, sadly, no naked gals.)

UPDATE: This is what 1 million gays (and lovely straight friends) who are tired of not being equal looks like. [Click to enlarge.]

[Hat tip, Amy, Cynthia, Sarah, Maria, Amanda, Maureen, citizen spot, Julia, Leesh and Stephanie!]

p.s. I am, however, miffed that no one sent me a photo of the Naked Gal in Seattle. Share, people, share!
p.p.s. Wait, I think I found her. Oh, Seattle, you're funny.
p.p.p.s. Well, if you can't see the photo please enjoy the video instead. I need to get to Seattle more often. Seriously.

My Weekend Crush

The First Amendment is one of the most plain-spoken yet powerful and profound pieces of writing I can think of.

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

It's powerful because it lays out in just 45 words some of our most basic and unalienable rights. It's profound because it maps out the guiding philosophy of our democracy. In short, it makes us who we are and shows us what we believe. Namely, it tells us that we are free. We're free to speak our minds. We are free to worship (or not worship). And we are free to protest our government. Powerful stuff, good stuff. The stuff democracies are made of.

So it is with an eye to our First Amendment and our Declaration of Independence with its assurance of Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness that I look toward the National Day of Protest Saturday.

Nov. 4 was a watershed for the gay community. As we watched the election results we felt every emotion all at once. Pride and Anger. Elation and pain. While we were overwhelmingly overjoyed at the historic election of Barack Obama, we were also overwhelmingly saddened by our fellow citizen's decision to ban gay marriage.

The dichotomy of a country electing its first African-American president on the same night it uniformly discriminated against another group's civil rights will one day be looked back on with shame. Dreams deferred doesn't make the dreams realized less amazing. But they are a reminder that the struggle for all men and women to be truly seen as created equal is far from over.

Still, if there is to be a silver lining the passing of Proposition 8 and the country's other anti-gay initiatives it is that we, as a community, are now galvanized. Many of us tend to live in our own bubbles; we surround ourselves with make-shift families and like-minded friends. This is how we have survived for decades, centuries. But Nov. 4 was a reminder that there is a wider world that still wants to deny our essential personhood. And we need to let them know that that is not OK.

Make no mistake, the debate over gay marriage isn't really about marriage. It's about legitimization. In our society, marriage is the most legitimizing force for any relationship. While the anti-forces say they want us to have the same rights as them and that they just want to protect the “sanctity of marriage.” But what they really mean is your relationships are not worthy. That we aren't worthy. It really couldn't be simpler. And it really couldn't be more wrong.

So this weekend my crush is on all of you who will exercise your First Amendment Rights at the National Day of Protest Saturday. Find the location nearest you and let the world know that we are all free and all equal. Let them know that our love is worthy. We are worthy. Fight the H8. Happy weekend, all.

Kiss and tell

Dear Out,

Uh, hi. Yeah, I just wanted to say, What The Fuck? Katy Perry? Katy fucking Perry? Katy Perry is your female pick for the most important gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered person to put on your cover for 2008? Katy Perry? Katy fucking Perry? This is a joke, right? What you meant to do was pick an actual lesbian to pose amid the gay men, right? Right?

But instead you've given us the flirting, winking, flouncing straight woman who sang about kissing a girl and hoping her “boyfriend don't mind it.” The woman who called another woman her “experimental game” and said kissing her was “not what good girls do.” The woman whose irrationally catchy song became the anthem for every drunken “Girls Gone Wild” hook-up to an audience of frat boys. The woman who said she has never actually kissed a girl in real life. That woman. Really?

And it's not like there weren't some amazing actual lesbian women you could have picked this year. Rachel Maddow has been in the headlines quite a bit, and I hear that of all things Vogue has taken notice. Ellen DeGeneres got married and found her political voice. Heck, even Lindsay Lohan will at least cop to being “maybe” bisexual and is sleeping with a girl. But this, this is an insult. I could really care less about Katy Perry. If she somehow manages to jimmy out another hit or two, well, good for her. But what I do care about is that you think that Katy fucking Perry was the best GLBT female to put on your cover this year.

I means, seriously, it wasn't even her idea in the first place.

Sincerely,
Ms. Snarker

Top this

Do Padma and I have your attention? Good, because it's time for “Top Chef,” biatches. Today the cheftestants pack their knives and head to the Big Apple for the premiere of season five. That's right, it's Padma & the City. This season has 17 (yes, 17!) chefs battling for the title. But don't worry about remembering everyone's name, previews make it seem like the chopping block comes quickly. Apparently someone gets pykag-ed in the Quickfire Challenge.

But who do we care about the most? You guessed it, our only chefbian, Jamie Lauren.

Please say hello to the San Francisco executive chef with the kickass tattoos and badass attitude. Well, I'm not sure about that last bit. But from this preview, she does like being in charge.

And just in case the tattoos and the hands shoved decidedly in pockets weren't enough to trip your gaydar, please behold some of the shots from her Top Chef Photo Diary.

What more can we expect from this season's cheftestants, lesbian and otherwise? Um, if these pictures from the premiere are any indication, lots of tank tops. God, how much do I love this show?

JillMelissaLeahLaurenCarlaArianeRadhika

[Click any and all to enlarge]

Fine, so that last gal isn't wearing a tank top, but she was the last of the ladies so it felt unfair not to include her.

So, ladies, the only question now is are you ready for some mmm, Padma, mmm? Oh, and wear a bib – you're drooling.

This is about the human heart

Oh, Keith Olbermann. How I've both loved and loathed you this election season. I've loved you, as all liberals love you, for being our unrelenting champion against the O'Reallys of the world. But then I've also loathed you, as all Hillary supporters loathed you, for having blinders on to the inherent sexism of some of her critics. But now, well, now I'm just happy that when it comes to gay marriage you totally get it. Olbermann's Special Comment last night was, in a word, great. Watch and marvel.

Now that gives me hope. That's what we need to turn the tide on gay rights – straight folks caring as much as gay folks. Even if every gay person marches and protests and editorializes, it's simply not enough. Our community alone is not enough. We need them. Let's face it, there are a lot more of them than us. We need them to be as outraged as we are and, in a way, perhaps even more. For us this is deeply personal and reaches into the most private parts of our everyday lives. But for them there are no ramifications in their everyday lives save for the deep insult it gives to their sense of decency and fairness. So on this issue we need everyone – us and them – to turn to our friends and neighbors and family members who oppose gay marriage and ask, “What is this to you?” It all boils down, ultimately, to love. The love we hope to share with another person until death do us part, and the love we hope to share with every man and woman as fellow humans. What is this to you, and why would you ever not choose love when given the chance? Atta boy, Keith, atta boy.

High art

Nicole Kidman. Charlize Theron. Together. In a movie. As a couple. Playing the first post-op MTF transsexual married to another woman. And, best of all, it's all true. Holy freaking crap and happy fucking Monday!

Seriously, when I first read it in the Hollywood Reporter I checked the date to make sure it wasn't April 1. But, it's not a joke. Instead it's just awesome. Nicole and Charlize have signed on to the independent film “The Danish Girl” based on the novel about real-life Danish artists Einar and Gerda Wegener. Einar (played by Nicole) often dressed as a woman to model for wife Gerda (played by Charlize), and later underwent successful surgery in the 30s to became Lili Elbe.

I want to see this movie now. Immediately, if not sooner. How amazing is this story? And how amazing is this pairing? Sure, I miss the old Nicole Kidman with the red hair and the forehead that moved. But she is still a great actress as is Charlize, who we all know has some experience playing gay.

And, I've left out one of the best parts because, well, there's a reason dessert comes last. Gerda Wegener wasn't just any kind of artist. She was a successful painter and illustrator who did work for Vogue and other publications, but she was also known for her erotic lesbian imagery. Right about here would be where this turns into a Naked Lady Monday post. It's also where things turn NSFW.

Please behold some of Gerda's handiwork (and, once again, I cannot over stress the NSFW bit):

Holy freaking crap, this movie is going to be so gay. Happy fucking Monday, indeed.

And TLW winners are...

Wow, the week got way away from me what with the big win and the big loss and the big life, liberty and pursuit of happiness thing. But I have winners, big winners, of The L Word DVD Giveaway. Thank you ALL so much for entering and supporting 8 Against 8. While we lost this one, we will not give up. One day we will win.

So here are the lucky winners, courtesy my good friend Random Number Generator Thingie:

• Stephanie
• Amy
• Kennedyismyhero
• Julia
• IrishFingJew
• J School
• Shari
• Leesh
• Pyewacket
• BJ

These would be some good ladies to get to know if you're looking to have a TLW watching marathon one weekend. Tell them you'll bring the popcorn. Works every time.

p.s. The extreme tardiness of this winners post should tip you off to the fact that I am wayyyy behind on just about everything. So if you were kind enough to have emailed me in the past two weeks, please take heart. I am not ignoring you. I have (and I am not kidding) 125 emails waiting patiently for me in my inbox right now. My apologies. I promise to get back to you soon...or soonish.

My Weekend Crush

As much as we'd like to think the days are over when it was considered “brave” for a straight actor to portray a gay character, the world stubbornly keeps reminding us of the risks inherent to anyone who dares to associate herself with the love that dare not speak its name. Fifteen years ago when Tom Hanks won his Oscar for getting kissed on the hand by Antonio Banderas (and, of course, dying from a terrible, terrible disease) in “Philadelphia,” it broke ground. Yet here we are in 2008 and playing gay can still put you on shaky ground.

I never watched much of “Grey's Anatomy” before Brooke Smith walked into Seattle Grace and up to Sara Ramirez. And now that she has walked out, I can guarantee that I won't be watching much anymore. While I love (seriously, love) Sara, it was always Brooke who sold me on Callica. This season it was her eyes I saw their romance through. Her eyes that lingered. Her eyes that brightened. Her eyes that showed you everything you've ever felt in that electric rush of new love.

It is a testament to Brooke's sheer talent that as Erica Hahn she erased all memories of “it puts the lotion in the basket” for me. And then, well, then there was the glasses scene. In less than two minutes she brought up what is a universal revelation in the life of almost every gay and lesbian person. The lightbulb. Whether it comes quietly to oneself or jarringly in the open, it happens. Damn, I am so gay.

Watching the full spectrum of emotions on Brooke's face – elation, revelation, heartbreak – it was all so wonderfully real. The catch in her voice was the catch that comes from an answer you never even though to ask the question to but now can't believe you ever lived without knowing.

All of this, of course, makes Brooke's unceremonious ouster this week all the more outrageous. Whether it was for the most unacceptably egregious reason (that the gay was too gay) or simply an insipidly egregious reason (that Erica was too Erica), it was wrong. And it made no sense. And, it was a whole lot of wrong some more. In a hospital full of navel-gazing whiners, aggrandizers and assholes, at least Erica was straight forward. And no chemistry? That doesn't even dignify a response other than one specific finger vehemently raised.

So I applaud everyone fighting the good fight to bring Erica back (they've settled on sending leaves, by the way, so grab a rake and find out more here). But for me, Grey's has lost the right to have a character as rich and as real as Erica. And they've certainly lost the right to have an actress as gifted and – yes, I'm going to say it – brave as Brooke. Hell, you'd need glasses not to see that. Happy weekend, all.

My fair lady

After 48-hours filled with unimaginable highs and unacceptable lows, I think we all deserve a little mental health break today. And I can't think of anything better to clear our minds (more like empty them) than Kate Winslet naked. I can honestly say that I've never been so jealous of a jacket before in my life.

Among the many things I love about Kate is that she likes to say fuck, a lot. And that she always comes across as honest, sometimes brutally so. But, best of all, she just seems comfortable with herself. It's all so refreshing and grown-up.

I remember, back in her “Titanic” days, all the fuss about her supposed full-figuredness. Since then size has been a topic touched on in almost all her interviews. While it irks me to no end that any actress above a size 0 is subject to constant questions about body image, yet actors with spare tires and much more never get grilled on their girth, Kate has always tackled the issue head-on. In her cover story for the December Vanity Fair, she talks about her weight fluctuation in her teenage years that went up to 200 pounds.

“This is going to sound really weird, but I never had a desire to be famous. I never had huge ambitions—never.… I was fat. I didn’t know any fat famous actresses. I just did not see myself in that world at all, and I’m being very sincere. You know, once a fat kid, always a fat kid. Because you always think that you just look a little bit wrong or a little bit different from everyone else. And I still sort of have that. I often look at women who wear great jeans and high heels and nice little T-shirts wandering around the city and I think, I should make more of an effort. I should look like that. But then I think, They can’t be happy in those heels.”

Amen to that. Amen, too, to her attitude to working out now: “Everyone can commit to 20 minutes, especially if there’s a glass of Chardonnay afterwards.” Well, the Chardonnay must be working because Kate – and I mean all of Kate – looks great. Check that, fucking great. I am officially now jealous of that couch, too.

[Click to enlarge, trust me on this]

Thank you, America

“That is the true genius of America – that America can change. Our union can be perfected.” – Barack Obama, President-Elect of the United States of America

We all respond to history differently. But last night, at 8:01 p.m. when the news came in, I cried. Joy. Pride. Hope. The weight of our nation's ugly beginnings built on the backs of those who were not free. It all washed over me. So I cried. And I'm not ashamed in the least. As Rachel Maddow said upon hearing the historic results, “It's sort of worth crying about.”

The true impact of what America did yesterday won't be felt today, it won't be felt Jan. 20., it won't be felt in 2012 or possibly even 2108. Instead it will be felt in each generation of children who will grow up from this point forward truly believing their parents' oft-repeated encouragement that they can be anything they want to be. Because they can.

Will it happen overnight? Of course not. The road is indeed long. The climb is beyond steep. Our problems cannot be erased by one man, by one election or by one victory. The hard work of real change still lies ahead. But now at least we have a chance.

Yesterday, amid the celebration and excitement, came a painful reminder that progress is often imperfect. As I watched Obama win, I also watched California lose. Proposition 8, the initiative that would write discrimination into my state's constitution and take away the legal right that gays and lesbians now have to marry just like every other Californian seems on its way to victory. So as my heart bursts, it also breaks. Two steps forward, one step back.

Despite the truths we hold self evident, equality is hardly ever handed to us. We keep fighting because we must. And we keep fighting because we know we can win. It will take time – it always takes time. But if Barack Obama's triumph has taught us anything, it is that the things we once thought impossible are now possible. A man with a white mother from Kansas and a black father from Kenya, a man whose name most of America has never even heard of (let alone could pronounce) five years ago will become the 44th president of the United States of America. Can we create that more perfect union? Yes, you're damn right we can.

I have a dream

Vote for hope. Vote for change. Vote for America. Just vote.

November isn't for lesbians

Hey, ABC, fuck you. No, seriously, I mean it. Fuck you. It's really hard to overstate my sincerity when I say this. Fuck you. Fuck. You. FUCK YOU! Just when I was happily praising you for your realistic, sensitive portrayal of a late-in-life coming out, you had to go and fuck it all up. By now you have probably heard that “Grey's Anatomy” has unceremoniously fired Brooke Smith, abruptly ending Callica and pissing off lesbians everywhere. Erica Hahn's last day at Seattle Grace is Thursday. This news is beyond shocking, it's beyond sad, it's beyond insulting. It's infuriating. It's so fucking infuriating.

It's also a reminder that lesbian and bisexual viewers are continually and callously shortchanged by their televisions. Callica was the only lesbian/bisexual couple on primetime broadcast TV. This means after Thursday there will be no lesbian/bisexual couples on primetime broadcast television. Let's let that sink in for a minute. Television is, of course, notorious for being non-inclusive. But no lesbian couples, not a single one? Zero? That's not just being non-inclusive, that's being delusional.

And almost more infuriating is the supposed reasoning. ABC execs “had issues” with the “explicit direction” of Callica’s relationship, and disliked Erica’s character. So let's break their “reasoning” down. Issues with the explicit direction? Translation: Gay relationships are still icky, especially when love and sex are involved and it's not on “Girls Gone Wild.” Dislike for Erica's character? Translation: She doesn't look like Olivia Wilde. Dammit, why didn't we hire Olivia Wilde?

Couple this shocking news with the news that Melissa George's new intern character Sadie has been de-gayed and you have a show that has gone from one of the best depictions of a gay relationship on TV this year to one of the very worst in the span of just a week. Now Brooke Smith has said show creator Shonda Rhimes' hands were tied with the decision, which is probably true. But she certainly didn't help the situation by issuing a statement that borders on insulting and flirts with idiocy.

“Brooke Smith was obviously not fired for playing a lesbian. Clearly it's not an issue as we have a lesbian character on the show – Calliope Torres. Sara Ramirez is an incredible comedic and dramatic actress and we wanted to be able to play up her magic. Unfortunately, we did not find that the magic and chemistry with Brooke's character would sustain in the long run. The impact of the Callie/Erica relationship will be felt and played out in a story for Callie. I believe it belittles the relationship to simply replace Erica with 'another lesbian.' If you'll remember, Cristina mourned the loss of Burke for a full season.”

God, where to start? A) Calliope is not a lesbian, she is bisexual. That point was made explicitly, twice, last week when she slept with Sloan and realized it was no better/worse than sleeping with Hahn. B) The magic and chemistry could not not be sustained? Have you been watching the show? Did you see Brooke's speech last week? No magic and chemistry my ass.

Queer TV fans are painfully aware of the scarcity of their storylines on TV. But that doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt when a relationship so many can finally relate to is taken away for at best arbitrary and at worst bigoted reasons. We deserve to see our lives reflected back to us when we turn on our televisions. And we're allowed to be really fucking pissed when they aren't. ABC, you need glasses. Because this is just blind stupidity.

p.s. Let ABC know how you feel here. Hey, does anyone else think we should flood them with pairs of glasses, à la "Jericho" and the peanuts? Or maybe that's just my blind rage talking.

November is for lesbians

Now, I don't know about you, but I have a love/hate relationship with November. On the one hand, I love it. It's my birthday month. It's still fall. And it has loads of lesbians on TV. On the other hand, I hate it. I turn a year older. It's almost winter. And it has loads of lesbians on TV. Wait, when did lesbians on TV become a bad thing? When they're on TV in November, just in time for sweeps month.

Oh, sweeps, those two times a year when TV is filled with big stars and lesbian kisses. Heck, sometimes it's even filled with big lesbian star kisses. This month is no different. Already we've seen Callica consummate on “Grey's Anatomy” and Reese propose to Bianca on “All My Children.” Doctor Feelbad “House” was apparently a little, um, overexcited about his lesbian content because last month's episode with Thirteen's hot (though ultimately disappointing) girl-on-girl action came premature for sweeps.

But the month isn't done delivering The Gay. First on Wednesday, “Bones” forensic artist Angela reunites with her college fling Roxie. Turns out they dated for a year in art school. Ah, L.U.G. love. Though, clearly, some residual feeling still exist since they're totally working the lesbian twin look.

As for their reunion, well, it involves murder and naked portraits. Gosh, isn't that always the way with exes?

Then on Nov. 13 say hello to Melissa George as the new bisexual intern Sadie on Grey's. Producers have teased that she has a “history” with our fair narrator herself, Meredith. I doubt it. But photos like this, clearly, are meant to make us go hmmm. Meredith's face says no, but Sadie's forearms say yes.

Which is where the conundrum comes in for viewers like us. Look, we know this is all just an obvious, desperate (not to mentioned clichéd) ploy to prop up the ratings. But we're totally still going to watch. How can we not? When you're used to crumbs, any stray cookie that gets thrown your way will seem like a feast. And, to be honest, it's not all bad.

The Callica storyline has been one of the more thoughtful and nuanced lesbian/bisexual storylines I've seen on mainstream television in recent history. Last week, in particular, Erica's revelation – in both the figurative and biblical senses, ahem – was just about as poetic and heartbreaking an illustration of that light bulb moment as you can put to screen.

You are glasses. Wow. More stuff like that, please, November.