GGALGG: Queer Oscars 2022 Edition

Well, this was NOT the year to skip the Oscars if you like to see talented queer women living their best lives and/or like to see Academy Award-winning bitchslaps on live television. Like, I sincerely thought the “Moonlight”/”La La Land” best picture fiasco was going to be the craziest thing I watched on the Oscars telecast in my lifetime (baring, of course, the cringe-tastic Rob Lowe/Snow White opening trainwreck).

Anyway, while the men created their own, scene-stealing mess, queer Hollywood — particularly queer women of color — came out and shone brighter than a damn diamond. Queer women, trans women and trans men were the highlight of my night and almost enough to erase the ugliness of the evening. Almost.

In particular I was heartened by “West Side Story” stand-out Ariana DeBose’s win for best supporting actress which makes her the first queer person of color and first Afro-Latina to take home the naked golden man. While accepting her trophy, Ariana also gave one of the most touching speeches of the night, which honestly I tear up even now transcribing.

“You see a queer, openly queer woman of color, an Afro Latina who found her strength in life through art. And that’s what I believe we’re here to celebrate. So to anybody who has ever questioned your identity ever, ever, ever, or you find yourself living in the gray spaces, I promise you this: There is indeed a place for us.”

No slap can overshadow this sincerity. We belong. Considering yesterday Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis signed the hateful “Don't Say Gay” bill into law, it’s a message we could all hear a few more times right about now.

In fact, you should watch/rewatch her whole acceptance. I’m not crying, you’re crying.

So here’s the rest of the Big Gay Oscars. What a night for women who love women, queers who love being fabulous and all of us at home who got to feel like — if only for a moment — the somehow, some day, somewhere we’ve all been dreaming of has finally arrived.

First, The Couples:

Ariana DeBose & girlfriend costume designer Sue Makkoo

I mean, they even do the stock photo favorite lesbian forehead meld pose together.

Niecy Nash & wife singer Jessica Betts

Niecy’s purse says “Wifey for Lifey,” y’all. And more red carpet lesbian forehead meld.

Wanda Sykes & wife Alex Niedbalski

Wanda was great as one-third of the night’s hosts. But then, Wanda is always great, as is her white tux in particular.

Queen Latifah & partner choreographer Eboni Nichols

The Queen brought her longtime partner (read into that line however you will) to Hollywood’s biggest night for the first time. Ahem.

Kristen Stewart & fiancée screenwriter Dylan Meyer

I truly, truly appreciate that KStew came to the Oscars with one and only one fashion goal in mind: Look hot for the lesbians. Thank you, a grateful nation of queer women thank you. Also, that smooch? Yeah, I bet that made a bunch of kids in the middle of nowhere feel a little less lonely.

Also, pretty sure she out Shane-ed Shane with this look.

Next, The Stag:

Hannah Einbinder

I just appreciate how the “Hacks” star can two-fist her drinks. Also, I didn’t know if this was her date or not so I didn’t want to make things awkward for either of them on Tinder. Apologies if you should be in the above category. Also, white tuxes are apparently a thing for us now, queer women. Take note.

Stephanie Beatriz

I just love how she’s finding fame in a whole other way than her “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” way. Yes, duh, I love “Encanto.” (Also, technically, I think her husband was there somewhere but she’s solo in this shot so there.)

Elliot Page

You really can’t go wrong with a classic tuxedo. I love seeing his smile these days.

Laverne Cox

Flawless, no notes.

Tessa Thompson & Janelle Monae

No, I don’t think they’re still a couple. But they sure look good side-by-side. Like a couple from the future on Earth Colony 275 or something. Not that they’re a couple.

Lady Gaga & Liza Minnelli

The Lady and the Legend. Gaga’s tender, dignified care for Liza was a salve on a lot of the ugliness from last night. Kindness can also be iconic.

And finally, The Sarah:

Sarah Paulson & Amanda Peet

Don’t have a heart attack, Sarah and Holland are still together. Sarah just took her bestie/girlfriend stand-in Amanda to the show instead and had some — shall we say, fun. Also, of course Sarah’s dress has pockets.

Sarah & Kirsten Dunst

All I’m saying is, while the cat’s away, The Sarah will Kiki. But in a respectful way that never denigrates her love. Look, I don’t want their whatever their portmanteau’s name is stans to come after me.

Sarah & Sophie Turner

All hail Sarah Catharine Paulson. First of Her Name, Queen of the Lesbians, Protector of the WLW Kingdoms, the Mother of Fangirls, the Paulson of the Queer Lady Sea, the Unstraight, the Breaker of Heteronormativity

Sarah & Lena Waithe

That’s almost too much queer excellence for one photo. Almost.

Sarah & Jean Smart & Judith Light

This is photographic proof that at least one of the gods loves queer people and wants us to be happy.

Bonus, The KStew Dancing

I don’t think this is Dylan. (And, apologies if it is.) But, um. Queer women, seriously, after seeing all of this… What slap?