Monday, October 01, 2007

Teenage. Lesbian. Werewolves.

Jack (Olivia) & Diane (Ellen)I had considered letting the title speak for itself. But as OMGWTF awesome as it was, it also begged for further explanation. You see, there is actually a movie about teenage lesbian werewolves in the works. That’s right. I am no shitting you. Teenage lesbian werewolves. And it’s not some skeezy Skinemax soft-porn thing. It’s a real movie called “Jack & Diane.” It has a real director, Bradley Rust Gray, who made the 2003 indie film “Salt.” It has real actresses, Ellen Page from “Hard Candy” and “X:Men: The Last Stand” and Olivia Thirlby from “United 93” and “Juno” (which she co-starred in with Ellen). It’s like, real. I mean, even I couldn’t make up the synopsis. Seriously, I’m not that good. To wit:
“Jack and Diane, two teenage lesbians, meet in New York City and spend the night kissing ferociously. Diane’s charming innocence quickly begins to open Jack’s tough skinned heart. But, when Jack discovers that Diane is leaving the country in a week she tries to push her away. Diane must struggle to keep their love alive while hiding the secret that her newly awakened sexual desire occasionally turns her into a werewolf.”

OMGWTF, right? Sadly, according to Cinematical, the production has hit a roadblock in the money department. Apparently rich movie backers simply aren’t clamoring to get behind a movie about teenage lesbian werewolves. Teenage mutant ninja turtles, yes. Teenage lesbian werewolves, no. Come on, one is clearly more awesome than the other. Perhaps it would loosen up the purse strings some if they realized, as Ellen and Olivia told a reporter at the Toronto International Film Festival, that the werewolves were actually metaphorical. So, these are teenage lesbian metaphorical werewolves? Fine, as long as the mutant ninja turtles don’t show up I’m still on board. The director’s statement up at the official movie website clears things up, a little.

“My focus in making Jack & Diane is to carefully examine what happens when two young people fall in love for the first time …. I see Jack & Diane as an investigation of love. It’s unapologetically romantic. Love is the most instinctive way for us to understand other people regardless of cultural background, race, or sexuality. Everyone has the same desire to love and to be loved.”

OK, now I have to see this movie. Look, money people, a movie about a teenage heterosexual werewolf got made and did so well there was even a sequel. OK, the sequel was ill-advised. And, perhaps the original, too. But my point being that if you can werewolf up for Michael J. Fox, why not for “Jack & Diane?” Heck, I’ll even sing the little ditty for you, if you think it would help.p.s. After typing “teenage lesbian werewolves” about 500 times for this post, I’m scared to see what kind of crazy Google traffic I get today. Uh, hello, teenage lesbian werewolf fetish folks. I guess you’re welcome here as long as you don’t bite. I mean that literally, not metaphorically.

10 comments:

Huggitis Brown said...

As Austin Powers said: "Come on, I won't bite... hard..." 8^B

Anonymous said...

OMG!!!

Kitty Pryde people!! Kitty Pryde!!

Amanda said...

OMG, so excited

Tous107 said...

I've been lurking for quite some time now, but after reading this post I just had to say that I literally love how you write!

Linda said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Linda said...

you know, i've been thinking for ages that John 'Cougar' (as he was then) Mellencamp's "Jack and Diane" would be a fab song to reclaim for a queer identity - can't you just imagine singing it to your first girlfriend? and hell, if we can see a teenage boy go all lupine on us, why not two girls? c'mon!!

Trent said...

Hey, I wonder if they'll take contributions or something? Sounds like a movie that like, needs to be made...

Anonymous said...

This isn't the site for teenaged werewolf lesbians is it...

Anonymous said...

OH MY DEAR GAWD. I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE EXCITED FOR ANYTHING IN MY LIFE. Seriously.

This is Like My Dream. and So is Ellen Page. I Hope The Werewolves are actually good. Like the Only Ones I Have Ever Come Acrossed that I admired that much... were the ones from "An American Werewolf in Paris"... Minus the fact that they did Not have Wolf-like Tails. Nor none at all. gurr.


but I'm Counting On this to be wayy hott.

aim= warwolf1327

.Lydia.

Lu said...

oh god,
I LOVE THIS BLOG.
i hope it's metaphorical. Anyways I love Ellen , so i'm gonna watch this movie after all.