Wednesday, January 05, 2011

Buddy can you spare a fuck

So, say you’re the star of one of the most critically acclaimed films of the year. Say it has already garnered a slew of awards and nominations. Say it is on the short list for Oscars as well. How best would you follow up said stint in the limelight? A) By taking your time and selecting a worthy follow-up film of equal prestige? Or B) By signing on to a fuck buddy movie with some goofy male co-star and dropping trou repeatedly? If you chose B, you are Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis.

Yes, somehow the actresses filmed rival fuck buddy movies (and they say romance is dead) as their follow ups. Both have blandly generic idioms for titles: “No Strings Attached!” “Friends with Benefits!” Both have mildy annoying, definitely smug male co-stars: Ashton Kutcher! Justin Timberlake! Both have released sexy Red Band trailers to entice the horny masses: Natalie Portman naked! Mila Kunis naked! Ugh, ladies, really?

Look, I know lame rom-coms are a rite of passage in almost any young actresses’ life. I know they’ve run out of “meet cute” ideas. So now they’ve move on to “Already met, let’s fuck.” But how is it that both actresses from “Black Swan” are now in dueling movies with the exact same concept? So now the only question remains, which one looks better? The answer is probably dependent on which male co-star you find less irritating. But as always, in the interest of science, I think we should examine the evidence. To the videotape!

No String Attached

Friends with Benefits

Gosh, will they end up falling in love and having more than just sex? I can’t see that coming at all, in either movie, at all.

You know what, I take it all back. These movies don’t look bad and clichéd at all. In fact, they’re brilliant, but with one minor tweak. Drop Ashton and Justin and just put Natalie and Mila together. Call it “No Strings with Benefits” and have them be two lifelong friends who decide to start having sex instead. We already know they look amazing together. Are you listening, Hollywood? Now that, that is box office gold. GOLD.


Redbone210 said...


Emily said...

I saw the trialer for Natalie's movie before Black Swan & recently I saw the one for Mila's movie, and I thought the same thing! They seem like the exact same movie! I agree, just have the two of them be the couple and then I'd actually watch.

Anonymous said...

Ah, to live in a world where Ashton Kutcher is only "mildy annoying".

Anonymous said...

it seems as if they both had to do a movie all about having sex with a man after their scene in the Black Swan.. just to get it out of their systems. boo.

Anonymous said...

Yes, I can spare a Fuck-

by the way why this goes that way?
what's going on, did you dreamed?

I didn't sent to you any telepathy,
I was just mad. personally.

Anonymous said...

it seems as if you had to do a movie all about having sex with a man after their scene in the Black Swan.. just to get it out of your systems. boo.

Amanda said...

I saw this huge billboard while I was in LA last week (btw, LA is more overwhelming that NYC, and that's saying a lot) for the Natalie/Ashton movie and I had to stare at it for 5 minutes before I could believe the combo I was seeing. I couldn't believe it was Natalie up there in just an male's dress shirt, it didn't make sense. She's an up-and-coming genius of talent!, wtf. So I got pissed off, because if there's anything I'm more tired of in this hegemonic straight male dominated world we call society, its the rom-coms, the mindless, guy-gets-girl rom-coms. Natalie broke my heart just a little bit, in a fake wife sort of way.


Anonymous said...

Who sees Mila Kunis naked and says "I can work with that"?

Solo-Evolution said...

the last picture in this post says it all...or better shows it all to me :)) hot couple... question of time they realize they belong together :) nd enjoy sex not only '' cause of the movie '' :)))

Solo-Evolution said...

god bless...

Anonymous said...

Rarely do I feel this way after reading one of your posts, but I find this particular entry a bit more than unfair.

First and foremost, I think we're all in agreement that "Black Swan" was absolutely wonderful. However, you can't expect either actresses to always and forever appear in oscar worthy roles. I was honestly surprised to see Natalie Portman in a romantic comedy, since she doesn't do that kind of film too often, so maybe that's why she did it, perhaps? To try something new? I also find it a little harsh to berate them for taking on a lighter film after "Black Swan;" as if it's tarnishing their performance or themselves as actresses forever.

I don't know what Mila will be doing next, but I know that Natalie has another movie coming out soon called, "Your Highness," in which she plays a *completely* badass chick; the kind of badass heroine that's rare to find in movies these days. So is she all of the sudden likeable again, or does this movie she's doing now tarnish her forever? I know you didn't use those words of course; it just struck me as odd that it's even a topic to begin with; the idea that Mila or Natalie would have the nerve to appear in a lighthearted comedy, even if it is a little clice, instead of playing a character like the ones they played in "Black Swan" for the rest of their careers.

Now while I haven't seen the trailer for, "Friends with Benefits." (I know you posted it here, but it won't let me play it) I have, however, seen the trailer for, "No Strings Attached." I am *not* a romantic comedy kind of gal, nor have I ever been a follower of Ashton Kutcher, but I was pleasantly surprised to see that it actually did break a stereotype. In every single movie like, "No Strings Attached," it's ALWAYS the girl who sleeps with her best friend and ends up wanting the relationship. The fact that Natalie's character was the one that just wanted to have sex was a pleasant surprise, as it's usually the girl portrayed as the hopelessly in love, completely entranced woman.

Now of course, seeing Mila and Natalie in a movie in which their characters were genuinely in love would be fun, no doubt about it, but saying something like the following line here made me raise an eyebrow:

"Both have released sexy Red Band trailers to entice the horny masses: Natalie Portman naked! Mila Kunis naked! Ugh, ladies, really?"

Yes, Natalie and Mila look mind blowing together, but how is releasing a trailer where they're naked (half naked, actually) in which they "entice the horny masses," any different from the "Black Swan" trailer that showed the two kissing, not to mention all the hype on the internet that led up to the movie's release? Didn't you yourself encourage your readers to go see the movie by also posting the leaked sex scene? I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that (and yes, I admit to watching it before seeing the film) but I am saying that there's something wrong with saying that's okay, but then calling it cliched when she's naked with a man instead of a woman.

In conclusion: Yes, I agree with you in that, "Black Swan," was stunning, and yes, I'd love to see both actresses star in a movie where they really did fall in love, but all this fuss about them being in a romantic comedy? I love ya', Dorothy, but I'm just not getting what the commotion's all about.

Anonymous said...

I hate this crappy development supposedly showing women just want to fuck when "secretly" they want love.

Natalie I'm ashamed of you for choosing this! My respect fell.

Anonymous said...

"Entice the horny masses?" Seriously? Like Hollywood showing those two kissing in the "Black Swan" trailer or endlessly promoting the sex scene wasn't the exact same thing, or as I like to call it, a more than obvious attempt to get the straight male audience and the LGBT audience. C'mon, Dorothy, I'd like to think you're not that hypocritical...

Anonymous said...

I second Redbone210's "Amen!"

URBAN Sapphic said...

Thay are the same movie less a few minor tweaks. That's the way it works in the industry. There's a general pool of ideas that all the writers pull from. There is no magic to miovies if you know what goes on behind the scenes.
The only mystery is why appear in a film with either Kucher or Timberlake as a "F" Buddy?
Neither are appealing to me and beside Portman is gonna be a 30 year old woman soon, she played a woman/child in Black Swan. I would have hoped that in her next movie she would stick with maturity as opposed to regressing, only to masture again in the o"Oher Woman."
Thank the goddess for that inspiring scene from Black Swan as itr will sustain me for awile..

Anonymous said...

okay, so you're talking about movie which
I don't know. cool~

I read the long long comment, and thought that
do you guys really get that way when you
guys talks that way?

I mean not just on web, cus I thought
it's kind of difficult to get actually.
is that mean something else?
I thought spare a fuck means tolerate once more,
when you really mad you may want to say
that? then I used it different way though.

you know when you repeat once
when a person looks really unhappy and
yell something, like "I hate this icecream",
then I will repeat I hate that icecream, too,
actually I don't know what's that?

Just expression of agree about something
that help the person feel better, simply.

elena said...

I'm from Italy and I didn't know this: Ashton Kutcher can't even act! Awful

Smanfa said...

Were these movies really filmed after Black Swan was? It could be that they were filmed before and the distributors are capitalizing on the Oscar buzz. Maybe Portman and Kunis wanted something really light to film afterward. I think I read somewhere that Portman said she learned how doing an intensely dark role could really mess you up. I don't see these choices as being really horrible. Perhaps they just wanted a paycheck (like the Focker movie actors perhaps?)

Now, if you had told me they had signed on to do a Roman Polanski movie then we'd be talking.

beebee said...

Oh wow, those trailers totally depressed me. I'm not a fan of the crude-ification of rom-com. It's all an attempt to get guys to go to rom-coms, as if guys are all unilaterally crude morons. Isn't it just charming to hear a guy hatefully yell "fuck you" at an ex girlfriend? Misogyny really is so fuckin' funny!

Yes it is weird they are doing the same movie. Hollywood really lacks imagination. How do you cleanse from an intense psycho-sexual thriller? DIng! A mindless rom-com.

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