Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Always a bridesmaid

Unless all the other nominees fall into a “Rabbit Hole” (puns, puns!) and therefore clear the field for a Nicole Kidman upset, whoever wins for best actress or supporting actress this year will be taking home her very first shiny naked gold man. Well, fine, I don’t want to make any assumptions about these women’s sexual peccadilloes so to be safe let us say their first shiny naked gold man named Oscar – without private parts or facial features, and holding a sword. Right, so my point is that the vast majority of the actresses nominated for Academy Awards this year haven’t won before. No wins for Annette Bening, no wins for Natalie Portman, no wins for Helena Bonham Carter, no wins for Amy Adams. Nada. But that could all change for two lucky ladies. (Though until then, please feel free to ogle their award-winning tank top form as a consolation prize.)

Still, there are so many other ridiculously talented actresses who won’t have that chance this year and are likewise trophyless. Like, did you know Greta Garbo and Judy Garland never won an acting Oscar? No wonder Garbo wanted to be left alone – the shame. And there are plenty of modern-day actresses who have never gotten their proper due. Here is a look at a ten of today’s continual bridesmaids, never a bride when it comes to the shiny naked golden man.

Julianne Moore
Julianne has been nominated four times (“The End of the Affair,” “Boogie Nights,” “Far From Heaven,” “The Hours”). More often than not, Moore picks interesting, off-beat projects over commercial, big-budget offerings. And she is ready and quite convincing at playing gay from “The Hours” to “The Private Lives of Pippa Lee” to “Chloe” and “The Kids Are All Right.”She should have been nominated alongside Annette. I mean, if she can make a totally ludicrous stalker flick like “Chloe” watchable, she should have a whole separate room in her house just to hold all of her Oscars already.

Glenn Close
Glenn Close has not won an Oscar. Yeah, let that sink into the little gray cells. Five nominations (“The World According to Garp,” “The Big Chill,” “The Natural,” “Fatal Attraction,” “Dangerous Liasons”) and no wins yet Mira Sorvino, Cuba Gooding Jr. and Roberto Benigni all have acting Oscars.

Sigourney Weaver
Everything I said above, ditto. Three nominations for Sigourney (“Aliens,” “Gorillas in the Mist,” “Working Girl”) and no wins. Don’t make her get into that hydraulic robot suit from “Aliens” and crush some heads, people.

Naomi Watts
The first time I saw Naomi was in the dream within a nightmare within a blue box that was “Mulholland Dr.” When she made the transformation from Betty to Diane, I didn’t even recognize her for a minute. And then I knew – I knew this one was special. Only one nomination so for “21 Grams,” but that’ll change. It has to.

Angela Bassett
Angela only has one nomination for 1993’s searing “What’s Love Got to Do With It,” but that’s not for lack of talent but the paucity of strong roles for actresses of color, period. Come on, she’s been giving us two tickets to the gun show for years, the least we could do is invite her to a few more award shows.

Michelle Pfeiffer
I think the problem with Michelle is that she is so damn beautiful that sometimes you forget she can act. Three nominations (“Dangerous Liasons,” “The Fabulous Baker Boys,” “Love Field”) prove she can. But once you see that face, you’re all, “Um, wait, what were we talking about?”

Laura Linney
Laura is one of those people I fear will never win because she is always good, always. In fact, she is so good we take her for granted. But being that consistent isn’t luck, it’s hard work – like her three nominated roles (“You Can Count on Me,” “Kinsey,” “The Savages”). Well, at least she is doing well for herself on TV.

Catherine Keener
Nominated twice (“Being John Malkovich,” “Capote”), Catherine is another one of those unendingly dependable actresses. But just because it looks easy, doesn’t mean it is. Also, dude, she’s Dawn Denbo’s sister.

Salma Hayek
Don’t let the accent fool you, Salma is good. Her one nominated turn in “Frida” was great. And – think about it nominating committees – why would you ever pass up the opportunity to have Salma in a form-fitting ball gown on your red carpet? That opportunity you’re missing is golden.

Lauren Bacall
In 1996, when Lauren lost in an upset to Juliette Binoche after her first and only nomination for “The Mirror Has Two Face,” you could almost see her mentally telling Juliette to put her lips together and blow.

So many snubs, so many ways that blows.


Zed said...

Brilliant. And very surprising.

steandric said...

The is the HFPA or the Golden Globes' 11th year of continued snub of the talented, hard-working and delivered Naomi Watts, including this year even with the last-minute throw in of WTF slot-filler Halle Berry to make up their nominations list.

Golden Globes Being Sued

The HFPA must be taken to court. End of statement.

Kathryn said...

Sexy and thoughtful post.

Dee said...

I cannot understand why Julianne Moore was snubbed this year. She was brilliant.

Salma needs a better agent. She was in Grownups, for heaven's sake. She must have just been bored, is all I can figure.

One of my fave films all year was Get Low and it was ignored.

Let's face it, the Oscars are all about politics. Who knows who. What studio has the most money to push its product to academy members. It's ridiculous.

Norma Desmond said...

Laura Linney is a goddess... but, no, I don't think she'll ever win, as much as she deserves it, and that breaks my heart.

Selma, Julianne, Bacall... so many Oscars that need to be awarded, never enough time.

Anonymous said...

Very well done! Thank you.


Anonymous said...

You left out Deborah Kerr, who was nominated 6 times ("The Sundowners", "Separate Tables", "Heaven Knows, Mr. Allison", "The King & I", "From Here to Eternity", and "Edward, My Son") and should have been nominated for "The Chalk Garden", "The Innocents" and "Black Narcissus".

And the biggest shock of all is that Myrna Loy was never nominated, not even for "Best Years of Our Lives", for which Fredric March, who played her husband, won his second Oscar.

Anonymous said...

um? it seems like classical theme today?
I like yesterday's, cus there is DS's
specialty, mew~mew~ period.

anyway, it could be not easy
for actors when the time comes.
you know each person thinks
she's the best. and it is difficult
to measure it cus it's not like
things that easy to measure.

is it real gold? the oscar?
not just covering, whole chunk?
did lesbian actor has it?

have a nice day, DS,
Love you!

Anonymous said...
ds, ds~
I wish I have clear facts
about so much mysteries.
that will not that matter
at the end of the day.

girluxe said...


girluxe said...

I think this is your best post ever.

clara said...

i bet you've seen naomi watts way earlier than mulholand dr and didn't even notice:

hoho :)