Now, children of the 80s like me know that the Debbie or Tiffany question was one of the defining questions of our era. It was the Team Edward or Team Jacob of our time. The way you answered it framed you as this or that kind of person. Well, at least that’s how it played out in my head. I was all Team Debbie. Tiffany sang in malls – malls, people. But Debbie, she shook her love. Totally different.
In my adolescent mind, Debbie was much classier. But then, they both ended up posing naked in Playboy. So, I guess I just further proved the truism that preteen girls should never be arbiters of public taste.
Of course, this is a genius way to settle all real (or imagined) pop culture rivalries. Schlocky sci-fi movies should become our go-to way to once and for all settle the matter of supremacy. Angelina Jolie vs. Jennifer Aniston in “Ultra Fox vs. Mega Friend.” Rosie O’Donnell vs. Elisabeth Hasselbeck in “King Kong vs. Godzilla.” Backstreet Boys vs. *NSync in “Who Are We Kidding, We Both Suck.”
Now, time has a funny way of putting everything in perspective. And these days I think I feel a little more nostalgic for Tiffany’s cheesy 80s ballads than Debbie’s (also, she insists on being called Deborah now, which – girl, come on).”Could’ve Been” was also the first song I ever slow danced to at a school dance. To be honest, I don’t remember the boy. But I remember the girl who sang it.
Though, if I could make one small, crucial suggestion to SyFy before they start filming - please, please, please put them in Day-Glo and acid-wash jeans for their big swamp fight. This is an 80s rivalry, after all. It only seems right.