Monday, November 16, 2009

Leave it to Beaver

I’m back, kittens! I missed you! Did you miss me? How was your week? I hiked to the top of a waterfall and drank many cocktails, not necessarily in that order. Gosh we have a lot to catch up on. But first and foremost, I need to talk a little more about Jodie Foster. To be more specific, I need to talk about Jodie’s beaver. Wait, no. Not that beaver. Also, why the fuck is it called beaver? Because unless we’re talking about that biting movie “Teeth,” I really don’t see how a large, flat-tailed, buck-toothed rodent has anything to do with our sensitive lady business. OK. Right. So I’m way off track here. BACK TO JODIE’S BEAVER. Ahem.

Jodie, as you might have heard, is directing and starring in a new movie. A movie called “The Beaver.” A movie about a man who communicates with a beaver puppet he wears as if it was a real person. Sounds crazy, is crazy. And because crazy loves crazy, Mel Gibson is starring as said crazy beaver-talking guy. No, I did not make that up – I am not nearly that creative. Now, reading about this is one thing, seeing it is entirely another. I mean, this shit is nuts, no?

Yes, the only answer is yes. First, there are just too many jokes to make here. A man, a beaver, Jodie Foster? Head spinning. Mind racing. Must. Stay. Focused.

OK, funny business aside, Jodie plays Mel’s wife in the movie. The two have been good friends since they co-starred in that 1994 Western comedy “Maverick.” And she famously defended him after the whole getting arrested for drunk driving, blaming the Jews for everything Mel-O-Drama a few years ago. This is actually one of his first movies back since that ugly incident. Well, who knows, maybe a wacky comedy about a man who keeps his hand up a beaver is exactly the vehicle Mel needs to make people forget about his raging antisemitism. Or maybe running around looking like an idiot on screen is part of some karmic penance.

As awkward as it always is to watch Jodie romance a man on screen (remember “Contact” and her negative chemistry with Matthew McConaughey? Better yet, don’t), this movie at the very least doesn’t sound dull. Yes, I still have problems with Mel. But, dude, a beaver puppet.

Adding to my amusement is the appearance of Cherry Jones, who has a yet-undisclosed role in the film. Though Cherry’s mere presence on set was enough to spark rumors on The Internets that she and Jodie were an item. These rumors were quickly and decisively shot down by Cherry’s ex (and still good friend) Sarah Paulson.

Well, shoot, that would have been quite an interesting pairing. But, at least we have more fodder for our inner 12-year-old. I mean – come on – two lesbians in a movie about beaver? These jokes just write themselves.

18 comments:

;) babs said...

welcome back, ms. snarker!
missed you a lot!

jodie foster, cherry jones and the word beaver is just too much for me on a monday morning...


;) babs

CK said...

If you look at the script, Cherry Jones role is apparently the VP of the company where Mel Gibson's character works. It's only a very small role, almost a cameo.

tlsintx said...

yay! you're back!
mel gibson...ack!
he's looking old
that's all i got

Big Shamu said...

As much as I love Cherry Jones and I'm ok with Jodie there's no way I'm paying money to see that asshat in another movie. Not today, not tomorrow, not for a beaver, not ever. He was a jerk before the DUI but his comments just confirmed his status to Douchehood.
Pass.

Anonymous said...

So Cherry Jones walks into a Spanish restaurant in Greenwich Village, looking for some tacos...

A guy walks in wearing a beaver...


Babs, You're right: Cherry Jones, Beaver, Jodeeeee (the Coppertone Girl).....muy too mucho for a Monday.

Anonymous said...

Hold up! Ms Shamu....how can you let what an actor says (especially if they were drunk) a few years back keep you from seeing a movie with other faves?

Especially if one of the FAVES is the brilliant and incomparable Cherry Jones?

Tsk, Tsk.

teddy said...

JODIE ON MONDAY? Did Christmas come early this year?

snookie said...

Oh honey we missed you too!

Thanks for the fab chuckle this AM! Loved it

pebbles said...

dear dorothy. how can I find a girlfriend? regards, pebbles

Norma Desmond said...

*giggles* Beaver.

Anonymous said...

uh, speechless.

Andy 7 said...

Mel looks like fried shit in these pictures.

Anonymous said...

But on the upside, Mel's the only costar with whom she's ever had onscreen chemistry. Of course not counting Kelly McGillis, or Kasi Lemmons in Silence of the Lambs or that girl in Candleshoe.

Um, this isn't exactly a comedy. It's quite dark actually. And Mel is perfect as the emotionally and mentally stable dude. Should be interesting to say the least.

Anonymous said...

^I meant unstable, obviously.

Making Space said...

It's all a little too much to take in. I have a hard time with the notion of Mel Gibson and Jodie Foster on the same planet, much less in the same movie.

TheWeyrd1 said...

Yep...pretty sure Ms. Snarker was on the same ship...lol

As for the beaver...er...

Big Shamu said...

Tsk tsk me all you want but my money stays in my pocket and not going anywhere near Mel Gibson's status as someone to pay money to see. Drunken antisemitic babbling was bad enough but driving while under the influence is pretty despicable.

I look forward to see Ms. Jones in any future film...without Mel Gibson.

cath said...

who the fuck came up with the plot in this movie? kudos to that person