Thursday, October 11, 2007

Nigella cooks my brain

I think Nigella Lawson is, what I believe the kids today call, Teh Sex. She cooks. She eats. She licks food off her fingers. She wears really, really tight sweaters. Pretty much, it’s all working for me. Really, really working. So when I heard she had given UK Esquire a racy interview, complete with a snap of her in a tinfoil dress, I had to look [hat tip, FeltHat!].

While the resulting interview, sadly, re-avows her rampant heterosexuality, she gives us just enough naughty bits to keep the daydreams going. And going, and going.
What does she like in a man: “Hairiness. I like an animal. Hairy back, hairy everywhere. I don’t understand why a woman would want to be with a hairless man. If I was going to go for someone smooth, I may as well be a lesbian.”

OK, I’m totally ignoring the hairy back stuff because, uh, gag. But she also said “smooth” and “lesbian” in the same sentence. And she goes on to say this:

“Stockings never fail to make you feel sexy. I like hold-ups, but the problem is if you’ve got too much meat at the top, you get a bulge there. So I often wear those over-the-knee French schoolgirl socks. But I know men like the whole strappy thing of suspenders, so I’ll wear them. In fact, thinking about it, I’ve actually worn them with nothing but a pair of shoes in bed before.”

Hold on, hold on. I’m getting a mental picture. I’m getting a…oh, my. There it is. I’ve just found my happy place. Very, very happy.

But for those who need a visual aid, I present you Teh Sex: Exhibit A (photo tip, ravaj!). I believe I just lost all higher brain function. Yep. Gone. I’ve never felt better about being an idiot.


link said...

Nigella/Mrs/Ms Lawson is a real fantasy and this idiot knows that fantasy will never be a reality...Nigella and Paige Richards-long live fantasies. Thanks for the nice pics, she is beautifull.

jennifer from pittsburgh said...

Any woman who begins a recipe using the word 'spatchcock' is aces in my book!

Lula de Montes said...

Ah, Nigella Lawson: she has it all...

Brains, good food, gorgeousness from head to toe (that complexion, those velvety eyes, the accent)... need I go on? Just watching her on TV instantly brings me to a higher plane.

It was the vin santo icecream that finally cinched it for me. My favourite beverage turned into icecream. Heaven.

Thank you for that (better than your weekend crush, I'm afraid).

carys said...

she is out of this world, really, so gorgeous and funny. did you know that here in norway, men call and text each other to remind their friends that nigella is on in five minutes.
fav quotes:
- i take deep, deep pleasure from pouring this melted chocolate into the form
- stirring this is too much of a hand job for me (!)

Anonymous said...

Ha. I'm someone who likes my men smooth... but then that's why I like women too. So I suppose she has it right there.

The stocking/schoolgirl socks thing was just MEANT to cater to fantasies, yes?