Wednesday, June 20, 2007

My, what big Lesbian Qualities you have

Score another convert to Team Pink. Coral Smith from “The Real World: Back to New York” and about a bazillion Real World/Road Rules Challenges/Infernos/Battle of the Idiots Sexes has come out in an interview with Outlook Magazine. (Has anyone ever heard of this magazine? Is it a free glossy you get at the gay travel agency?)

Coral’s main function on past shows seemed to be -- if you will allow me to be eloquent for a second -- starting shit. She was a fighter, not a lover. Or perhaps a lover of a fighter. Or perhaps she was just a girl who liked to get all up in other people’s b’idness. At least, that’s what I could tell from the brief moments I landed on and was too lazy to click away from the televised trainwreck of 20-somethings drinking, getting naked, calling each other names and then hooking up, preferably in a hot tub.

Coral’s coming out was equally eloquent:

What is your sexual orientation? You dated men on Real World.
“Oh, yeah. It’s very cloudy at this point in time. I’m definitely venturing toward my lesbian qualities…”

Venturing toward my lesbian qualities? Dammit, if I’m not going to have to start incorporating that into my everyday conversations. I think I’ll start this weekend at Pride. “Hey, check out the Lesbian Qualities on that girl!” Or, “Hey, baby, want to take a venture at these Lesbian Qualities?” Fantastic, thank you, Coral. You’ve inadvertently added a whole new euphemism to the lesbian vernacular. And, considering that maddening mess of an interview, (seriously, read the wacky), it might be the only thing we’ll be thanking you for for quite a while. So enjoy. In lieu of a toaster oven we’re sending a toaster. Just in case.


slacker said...

"She’s not my girlfriend. I’m attracted to beautiful women. Beautiful women tend to be attracted to me. It really seems to work out for me."

Maybe hedge all bets and just send toast.

Huggitis Brown said...

"Hey, check out the Lesbian Qualities on that girl!”

That was priceless. Thank you Dorothy !

Anonymous said...

Loved. That.