All gay, all the time

In honor of Pride Weekend (holla, San Francisco!), I’m making today’s post a veritable Festival of Gayness. No tidbit is too trivial, no morsel too minuscule, as long as it’s as queer as the day is long. And that’s pretty gay considering yesterday was the longest day of the year. Now, let’s get this homo train rolling.

Go Team Gay!

Twenty-year-old actress Lyndsy Fonseca (previously seen on “How I Met Your Mother,” “Big Love” and “The Young & The Restless”) will join the super-powered spectacular “Heroes” next season as April the gay cheerleader. The pom-pom princess will be the “sweet” girl to other new cheerleader Debbie’s “mean” girl. Both are expected to be classmates of invincible cheerleader Claire at her new school in Southern California . Is it just me or does Lyndsy need to buy a vowel?

Jenny Gets An Assistant

Dammit, this means she doesn’t stay lost at sea. In the first L Word casting news of the new season, Malaya Rivera Drew has been picked to play Jenny Schecter’s assistant. Malaya has had roles on “ER” and “Las Vegas.” This move is sure to mean more Crazy Jenny screentime. I can see it now: “Assistant, fetch me my medium triple soy cappuccino with three pumps of vanilla.” “Assistant, clean up Sounder’s boo-boo.” “Assistant, bring me the head of the Vagina Wig…and a Vitamin Water.”

The Lesbian Has Left the Kitchen

Wow, that was quick. Gay Top Chef contestant Sandee Birdsong got booted this week for poaching her lobster. Sadly, that’s not a euphemism for something naughty. In honor of the departed Sandee, a look at her great moments in fauxhawk above.

But Another Lesbian Is Still Standing

“Last Comic Standing” contestant Sabrina Matthews made it to the next round in the premiere episode of the NBC reality series. I love that she is a big, cuddly dyke with the wee, girly name Sabrina. Fantastic. Plus, she is damn funny. Even more fantastic. See, lesbians do have a sense of humor. Hey, stop laughing.

Ro Replaced By a Mo?

Will Rosie’s replacement be a gay man? Yeah, that’s what they need on that show -- more bitchy energy (love ya, boys, kisses!). Two fancy fellas in particular are being mentioned as possible co-hosts on the coffee klatch: Mario Cantone and Ross Mathews. Mario was Charlotte ’s best gay on “Sex and the City” and Ross is Ross the Intern from “The Tonight Show With Jay Leno.” Hmm, I’m not necessarily opposed to a gay guy filling Rosie’s chair, but I thought the whole point of “The View” was to show the diversity of women’s perspectives by discussing the important and not-so important news of the day. I mean, I thought that was what it was about. I don’t really know; I stopped watching after Rosie left.

The FCC Hates Pride

Seems men in feather boas and women in assless chaps are just too much for the good old FCC. San Francisco independent station KRON has moved its live broadcast of the Pride Parade from basic cable channel to digital cable (plus a live internet stream). The change was made because the station’s broadcast license was up for renewal. Oh, FCC. You allowed “ Walker , Texas Ranger” to air happily for 10 fucking seasons but the poor gays can’t get their party on once a year? Puh-lease. Plus, this broadcast is pretty much the only way I ever get to see the Dykes on Bikes roar their traditional start to the parade come Sunday morning, since we’re all still too drunk, hungover, sleepy damn lazy to actually get up and go to Market Street and cheer at such an ungodly hour. Hey, 10:30 a.m. is ungodly the night after Pride. Trust me.

Taking this weekend’s festivities into account, I might be tardy with my posting on Monday. The old body doesn’t bounce back quite as quickly as it used to. Now, go, get your gay on. Just remember to stretch first.