Naked Allure

I will always love naked ladies. Come one, no brainer. And naked Padma? I am her cheeseburger of love. But – and it almost pains me to say this – this year's Allure The Naked Truth photoshoot leaves me a little cold. Make no mistake, I love the subject matter. Padma Lakshmi, Eliza Dushku, Chelsea Handler and two women I've never heard of but look great in their birthday suits (Lynn Collins and Sharon Leal). Yay, nakedness, yay!

But for a series that claims to be about naked truths, Allure sure spent a lot of time Photoshopping all semblance of truthfulness or sensual nakedness out of the pictures. The photos are, of course, tasteful. And I wouldn't want it any other way. Naked doesn't have to mean tawdry. But these are so extremely airbrushed and expertly lit that what is so sexy about the female body – namely its raw curves and gentle imperfections – seems to be missing. [Click any and all to enlarge]

For real sizzle, you need to read the ladies' accompanying interviews.

Like what does Padma wear to bed:

“I tend to sleep in the nude. I'm an innately tactile person and a very sensual-leaning woman. You have to use the word 'leaning' or it sounds like I'm boasting! When I'm in my own private space, I do spend time with very little on.”

Or why it's important to knock before entering Eliza's trailer:

“I'll strip down to my underwear and my Ugg boots when I eat lunch in my trailer.”

I'm getting a mental picture. I'm getting mental picture. And...I'm back.

But when it comes to the real pictures the ladies look too great, almost inhuman. Now I know folks were troubled by Dara Torres' Got Milk? Photoshopping last week. And while I agree that she was buffed and polished to a high gloss, I think all best bits were still 100 percent her. But here, while I have no doubt that these ladies all look otherworldly without their clothes, they might as well be wax figures. So how, then, is this supposed to make me feel better about my body as it's supposed mission statement proclaims? I don't have an army of makeup artists, lighting specialists and Photoshop whizzes ready to turn me into a glowing goddess.

Can we get just a little realism with our nakedness, please? Allure's naked photos haven't always been so plasticine perfect. But in the last few years the women have looked less womanly and more mannequinely. Fine, so that isn't a word but my body is having a hard time computing my brain's criticism of naked pictures – any naked pictures – of beautiful women. It keeps screaming something like, “Shut up, conscience. They're naked. They're ladies. What's not to like?” OK, fine. I think I'm going to let my body win this one now and shut the hell up. Did I mention Padma is naked? Mmm, naked Padma, mmm.

p.s. Almost forgot the hat tips: Thanks Virgotex, ThinkArt, Beth, Valerie, TJ!

Naked Lady Monday

You know, I haven’t always been the biggest fan of the annual Allure Naked Truth issue. Nothing against naked ladies, obviously. But the images tend to be too Photoshopped and artificial for my taste. If you really want to celebrate truthful female beauty, let some of our so-called flaws show. Otherise it’s just a cheesecake naked photo, you know. As such I tend to prefer the ESPN Body Issue, especially when it showcases the athletes actually doing the athletic feats they’re famous for. But this year’s nude feature is pretty exceptional. It’s not necessarily because actresses I like including “Sleepy Hollow” star Nicole Beharie, “The L Word” alum Sandrine Holt and continual “D.E.B.S.” crush Jordana Brewster are featured. It’s that Laverne Cox is featured. And that, friends, is a big fucking deal. Celebration of beauty in the transgender community is far too often something that has to be taken, instead of given freely. Our rigid, all-too-narrow standards leave out anyone who (as the New York Times would put it) is “less classically beautiful” than the ideal norm. That norm, of course, leaves out most of us. So then to have a black transgender woman be selected to appear in the Allure Naked issue matters. And that’s exactly why Laverne did it:

“I said no initially, thought about it, and said no again. But I’m a black transgender woman. I felt this could be really powerful for the communities that I represent. Black women are not often told that we’re beautiful unless we align with certain standards. Trans women certainly are not told we’re beautiful. Seeing a black transgender woman embracing and loving everything about herself might be inspiring to some other folks. There’s beauty in the things we think are imperfect. That sounds very cliché, but it’s true.”

Now that, that’s beautiful.

Naked Thanks

You know what, we all deserve a treat. So let’s pretend it’s Monday and get with the naked ladies. I know, I know – feminism, objectification, sisterfire, Birkenstocks. But it’s Naya Rivera and Jennifer Morrison and, goddammit, haven’t we been through enough this week? The two actresses, separate halves of possibly two of the most popular ships in the lesbosea, took it all off for Allure’s annual naked issue. The accompanying mini Q&As are pretty inconsequential, so we can’t really even use the whole, “But, really, I was reading it for the articles” excuse. So let’s not even pretend. Thanks ladies, we needed that.

Also, duh, NSFW.