Thursday, January 27, 2011

You must be this tall to ride

Here’s a little-known fact about Jodie Foster – she is part garden gnome. Now, I can say this as I myself am also part garden gnome. It’s a short thing. Still we of the small stature (and occasional pointy red hats) have assimilated amazingly well into normal society. Sure, sometimes we need to climb onto the shelving at Target to reach the toilet paper – seriously, do they need to put it that high? But otherwise we roam among the normal heighted with ease and confidence, oftentimes blissfully unaware of our inherent height inequity. That is until we have to take a picture. And then, alas, then it becomes all too clear. We’re garden gnomes and everyone else is gardeners. Jodie, honey, I feel your pain. And I, too, have an inordinate amount of step-stools in my house. Your secret is safe with me. I would never share all the rare photographic evidence of I’ve collected of “Gnomie” Foster mingling in the wild with the tall, tall world. Oh, wait.

Jodie & Olivia WildeI wonder how many mountain oxen Jodie dreamed of strangling while in Olivia’s towering presence.

Jodie & Kathryn BigelowWell, this isn’t even fair. Her name is BIGelow.

Jodie & Julia RobertsJodie seems to be fearfully eyeballing Julia to make sure she doesn’t step on her.

Jodie & Sigourney WeaverSigourney is clearly wishing her dress had pockets so she could put Jodie in hers and take her home.

Jodie & Queen LatifahEvery queen needs her noble gnome.

Jodie & Goldie HawnTall blonde.

Jodie & Melanie GriffithTaller blonde.

Jodie & Daryl HannahTallest blonde – though perfect eye-to-bust height.

Jodie & Sharon StoneSharon clearly has a gnome fetish.

Jodie & Kristen StewartShe played her young daughter, now taller.

Jodie & Jena MaloneShe played her younger self, now taller.

Jodie & Tom CruiseCome on, she even makes Tom Cruise look giant.

Jodie & Holly HunterFinally, Jodie is among her kind.

We garden gnomes are a proud people. But, yes, we will let you help up get that bowl off the top shelf.

32 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hehehe! I concur with the shelves being too high thing. Being 4ft 10 there's nothing more annoying than having to climb up to get things!
How tall is Jodie anyway?

Rosie said...

Oh my God! Dorothy you are on FIRE today with this one!hahahah I haven't laughed so much in a while!Love your wit...

;) babs said...

LOL
I would have never thought that jodie foster is so snacksized!
(according to IMBD she's even shorter than I am!)
makes poor olivia wilde look like a giant.

jetgirl said...

I thought she was 5'3? Or is that Hollywood for 5'0.

Some fucker once asked me if it sucked being short. I said yes. Lol. But then I had this same convo with a tall blonde beauty and she said it sucks being tall. Grass is always greener.

Sil said...

oh Dorothy, I never knew! She is kind of my size LOL being short has never been so fun. Thanks for sharing =)

Cat said...

I had no idea she was short, but now I find her even more adorable! :D

Solo-Evolution said...

Since Im not so tall myself I like thinking positive : perfumes are in small bottles... all the rest is au de toilette :))))

Big Shamu said...

What?? No Jodie/Padma shot? Or is that in your private stash?

Anonymous said...

I'm tall and like it, but obviously there are certain benefits seeing the ladies eye to breast...

Dee said...

I am 5'4, so only slightly taller than Jodie. I think she is 5'3? The issue is not that she's short, it's that Hollywood wants ginormous amazonian women to hold up as a standard of beauty. It's ridiculous.

Anonymous said...

Can anyone answer the question...
in the second photo of Jodie & Olivia,
Jodie is still wearing her "wedding" ring.

Is she single or not?

TheWeyrd1 said...

LOL...that was entertaining. Also, I fear I must be taller than Ms. Jodie when here I thought I wasn't really that tall. At least compared to all those tall blondes...lol

Anonymous said...

Mwah!
-Bobcat

Nikki said...

Lesbo Gnomes Unite!! (she says longingly as she looks at her gnome collection)

allgood2 said...

I knew Jodie was kind of short, but I always thought she was 5'5 of so. It wasn't until you placed her next to Olivia, who I knew was around 5'7 that I realized she was much smaller. What a difference an inch or few make. But it does explain why Jodie's frequently looking away from the woman when she's standing talking in pictures. It's probably like, aww look at those… no don't look! Eyes away from the breast.

Danie said...

Uh, are you sure that the one with Goldie Hawn is her?? Though, the nose does look right.

And yikes, she's shorter than Cruise?

And I think Hollywood is like Football and Baseball and other sports where 5'8" is code for 'really short, more likely than not shorter than 5'8"' I think that might apply here too 5'3"= 5'3" or less... :)

Anonymous said...

My friend said that when I shrink due to old age , that I will be able to walk under cars.


Jeanmarie

Anonymous said...

If there was ever a bubble thought that belonged on a picture it should be above Sharon Stone's head saying, "I'm gonna snap you up in one bite!"

tlsintx said...

Jodie just plays big, I guess. Never realized she was so tiny...

You're pics are the best Snarker...what fun!

Anonymous said...

in some of these high heels is a factor -- Olivia Wilde & Tom Cruise

Anonymous said...

Nice post as always, Snarker. Great pix, too.

And I wonder if Jodie was asking Queen Latifa if she uses cedar shelves in her closet?

Anonymous said...

i see you jodie foster and raise you (lower you?) a kristin chenoweth.

Anonymous said...

What a fantastic post! and, hehe, that last picture, own kind indeed :-)

sarah said...

This is awesome. I have to admit...I stand at a towering 5'1.75". There are perks to being short. You can wear boys shirts/jackets/shoes and seats on airplanes aren't extremely cramped.

Amanda said...

Wow, you guys are short. ;)

Amanda

cocoro said...

really? wow~
I never thought jodie is like..
she doesn't look like when
she showed up alone on pics.

You're true collector, wow~

I like sharon, I didn't see her
movie though, and not sure
what she's doing. like actor?
or singer? but I faced her pics
on magazines, or internet.

thought that, kind of handsome
face, don't you think?
I mean long time ago, with short hair.

thanks for the posting,
you're so unpredictable!

Anonymous said...

How can she continually grow more beautiful as she ages? (Jodie not Olivia - never found her 'wide-eyed alien' look appealing.)

She is a knock-out, stunning in these first pics. Just radiant.

And she's ickle? Aww that just makes my heart grow even fonder.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious post! I went to get a drink downstairs, and my mom asked why I was acting like the Joker. Apparently I still had a smile on my face from reading this! XD

vivian said...

"Sharon clearly has a gnome fetish."

Omg I lol'd hard at that caption cause it suited the picture so well. This whole post was hilarious, as usual. Well done, Snarker :)

EG said...

I honestly had no idea Foster was so vertically challenged. They do a phenomenal job of disguising that fact. Nice post; quite entertaining.

Pierre-Yves said...

En fait, je remarque surtout que Jodie pose à côté de célébrités très grandes (à part Tom Cruise).
La conclusion s'impose deelle-même : elle a la même taille que la plupart des femmes de cette planète.
Cela devrait vous rassurer, les filles : il n'est pas nécessaire d'être une girafe pour être jolie... ou talentueuse !
;-)

Tanja said...

Jodie isn't the tallest but you have to admit that most of the women next to Jodie on those pics are heitghtwise way above average. So those pics aren't meaningful. I noticed how feminine Jodie looks next those 5'11'' giants.