Saturday, March 15, 2008

Pre-L: Lunar Cycle

L511: “Lunar Cycle”
Hey, Big Mama C, why so serious? Is it, you know, that time? Look, we get it -- lunar cycle. Lady business. Female troubles. Aunt Flow. But did you really have to go and pack four references to PMS in the first eight minutes? I mean, it’s like I’m watching “There Will Be Blood: The Menstrual Edition.” Oh, and let’s not forget all the treachery, deceit, heartache and pain. Sheesh, no wonder they call it The Curse.

1) Gosh this seems familiar.2) A little awkward with your coffee?3) Hey, you think if we joined forces we’d get more lines?4) Bitchy Brunch, party of seven.5) Dawn Denbo and lover Cindi talk majority shares.6) OK, make that a lot of awkward.7) Lesbian Twinsies Syndrome in its last gasp.8) Who do you think wears the pants in this relationship?9) Christ, she cheated on you. Don’t apologize!10) Say it with flowers Blackberry.11) Thank you all for coming, now please bend over.12) Just wait, it gets better once the pizza girl arrives.13) Have we learned nothing from Paris Hilton, nothing?14) So much……for the……afterglow.15) Either you are with me, or you are with the terrorists.16) Terrorist!17) Shit, are pigs flying?18) There’s a new sheriff in town.19) All eyes on the lesbian.20) When really bad ideas happen to really good people.21) Flirt……much?22) The only way to respond to that “Let’s be friends” crap.23) Dude, does anyone else have the munchies?24) The many personalities of Jenny Schecter:
Suicidal.Crazy.Heartbreaking.25) Guilt in a box.26) Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!27) It’s OK, Angelica’s OK. Though throwing it out in the dumpster? Are you going for a bad idea record, Kit?28) The happy family.
New Guestbian Count: 1
[Melanie Lynskey as fashion designer/Alice flirter Clea Mason]
Best Line: “I’m so glad I don’t have to go through that anymore.“ -- Max to Kit while surveying the dyke drama.
Best Fake Line: “They’re like the best couple that ever lived.” -- Fake Alice about fake Bette and fake Tina.
Something I Would Never, Ever Say to a Girlfriend, Even If I Secretly Thought It: “I hope you bleed soon, I really do.” -- Alice to Tasha

16 comments:

heather! anne! said...

Terrorist? That was awesome.

pecola said...

Is it just me or does Clea Mason look a lot like our favorite soup chef?

The Big Shamu said...

Damn is Uli from Season 3 of Project Runway designing Dawn Denbo's lover Cindiwithnolastname's wardrobe?

Cindy said...

What the hell happened to Bette and Tina? It looks like it didn't take Bette long to go back to her cheating ways with Jodi. Geez! Maybe I'm reading it all wrong though. ARGHHHHHHH.

Anonymous said...

Bette's a big old pussy. How long does it take this chick to just freaking say NO to someone she was with less than a year and who she respects but isn't in love with? The longest farkin breakup in the history of the farkin world!

I agree with Cindy. What the hell happened to Bette and Tina. This is the way Ilene has written them? We've had hardly anything from these two since episode 6 and now we have to be tortured with the Jobette on a continous loop of saying goodbye? FU IC and this time I mean it.

Tina. Run, run far far away from Bette, the 40 plus old cheater/pussy weakling. She is over 40 years old and she still behaves like a tennybopper. A cowardly one at that. Ugh!

Gina said...

BRING BACK THE SOUS CHEF.

Ashley said...

Clea Mason and Soup Chef = separated at birth. Seriously. They must have specifically chosen this actress because she looks unnaturally like Lauren Lee Smith.

Anonymous said...

"Are pigs flying?" LMFAO! Dorothy, you've outdone yourself this week. I have a feeling that hug is going to get me all choked up, even though Jenny's crazy. Love love love Jenny and Tina together!

As for Bette the coward and the longest breakup in history ... f*ck that. Bette is such a farkin' wimp this season, she's practically unwatchable. Stop with the bullsh*t already! I don't care how beautiful she is. The FF button is my friend.

Anonymous said...

I hate the way they wrote Bette this season. So weak...she had a few strong moments but nothing like previous seasons.

Techincally, she's not really cheating on Tina, since they are not officially together. She and Jodi arent's broken up yet, Jodi is trying to work it out, while Bette is trying to break her down easy. This is where her famous line comes in: 'Some lesbians, you have to break up with them more than one'.

Nekane said...

i didnt even notice the resemblance between clea and lauren until u guys pointed it out...*sniff* bittersweet memories...

she's the chick in 2 and a half men right? never thought she was hot until i saw this pic...aint it true, lesbians do it better! :D

Anonymous said...

Yes, Melanie Lynskey is now in 2 1/2 Men. But what's important is that she was in Heavenly Creatures and But I'm a Cheerleader!

Amanda said...

Haha, hell yes to Shane on the gravity bong.

Amanda

2m.mn.ml said...

AWESOME AND FUNNIER EVERY WEEK, I am LMAO, short and sweet. After Tibette the thing I'm going to miss the most is your Pre-L.

Anonymous said...

no problem with bette indeed...i think she tries to do the best with carp kissing jodie but with jodie everything is crap....and don't forget tina is not a fidelity model ...but it's ON now and IC please put your
crap on others...3 years for bette & tina that's enough and you have a lot to do

Lou said...

Only one more pre-L! I'm going to have to start reading Top Chef as some sort of p/recap methadone to ease the withdrawal...

On a side note - what was up with the soundtrack of ep 11?! Did someone mix up the tapes for the L Word with some dodgy made-for-tv thriller?

Also, Melanie Lynskey, so very lovely (sadly straight and married - but the magic of IMDB says it's to the guy who played Lucy's sidekick in D.E.B.S. which is kinda cool!)! More of her please!

sloane said...

this clea character is not attractive on any level. she seems to be a socially arrested woman who can barely articulate herself. is it really plausible that alice would go from two women with strong personalities like dana and tasha, to this milquetoast wet mop? give me a break!

i feel like bette and jodie's break-up was one of the most credible i've seen on the show. it was long, drawn-out, messy, and akward, and lasted an entire episode! it made more sense then shane and paige's one minute breakup.

i actually felt sympathy for jenny...i couldn't believe it. and it was so horrible seeing a gun in that baby's hands real or fake, acting or no acting. that was frightening.