Wednesday, October 24, 2007

There’s something about Jessica

So, let’s discuss this picture for a minute. I know it’s been making the rounds for a bit now, but I can no longer ignore it’s inherently gay qualities. In fact, it’s just screaming out for further dissection. So, let’s dissect. Here is Jessica Biel and her tank-top wearing friend on the sidelines of the Green Bay Packers at Lambeau Field game earlier this month. In front of her, as handily pointed out by TMZ’s big yellow arrow, is Jessica’s boyfriend Justin Timberlake. And behind her, Jessica’s friend appears to be giving her behind a nice, firm squeeze.

OK, gratuitous girl-on-girl ass grab aside, this photo is just brimming with The Gay. The girls’ tank tops? Super gay. Their wide, toned shoulders? Mega gay. Their matching shaggy You’re-Looking-Very-Shane-Today hair? Come on, don’t make me repeat it. And that’s not even touching on their butch belts or her buff forearms. I mean, you don’t even have to have good gaydar to pick that stuff up, just moderately good vision. If I didn’t know better I would have sworn this shot was taken at the Dinah Shore. It’s that gay. Based on all this irrefutable empirical evidence, Jessica Biel is clearly either a straight woman trapped in a gay woman’s body or, well, just plain gay. Also, any chance her mystery friends/girlie groper is the same gal as from this photo taken earlier this summer? The evidence, it mounts.
UPDATE: Thanks to Anonymous #1 (with an assist from Anonymous #6) we get to see the front of our mystery groper. And, as I suspected, it only furthers The Gay. Heavens, it’s almost textbook. Punky hair. Camo shirt. Wrist cuffs. Studded belts. Cargo slacks. Checkered Vans. (Click to enlarge The Gay.)
And for the coup de grace, Jessica is wearing the exact same Vans. Flip to the “How to Become Gay Twins”-chapter in the big “Lesbian Relationship Handbook” and you’ll find this picture under Step 1: Buy the same sneakers and wear them out together.

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

According to some gossip blogs (not exactly beacons of journalism, I know) that is Justin's cousin and assistant, Rachael.

Here are some photos of them shopping together: http://www.celebritysnap.com /celebrities/jessica-biel/ jessica-biel-goes-shopping- in-manchester-uk/

Here is one of Jessica, Justin, and another (the same?) friend:
http://jezebel.com/gossip/ snap-judgment/justin-- jessicas-canadian-threesome -307195.php

Interesting...

jennifer from pittsburgh said...

Wow, yowza, and whoa. I know that JT is lesbian friendly, but I had no idea that JB is too. Oh life, she is a mystery with gay sprinkles on top!

Anonymous said...

Doesn't the other girl in the first picture have darker skin than the girl in the second picture? Or maybe it's just the lighting, I suppose.

Anonymous said...

girl-girl ass groping behind the back of your "boyfriend"?

I foresee some drama

AKILAH said...

I ALWAYS thought she was a lez, now I just believe more forcefully. She is just so hot. Then again so is JT.

Anonymous said...

That ass grab pic reminds me of the poster for Imagine Me and You. heh

Anonymous said...

When I first came across this pic, I just dismissed it as photoshopped.

Its for real??!!!

Mara said...

Ow yea. Whether it's set up or not; nice pic.
Them two are taking sexy back from JT!

Alex said...

I've seen it on a number of blogs and the general consensus is that JB and JT are each others beards. (Does "beard" apply to a man?) If that's true or not, who knows.

Anonymous said...

In this link.....

http://www.celebritysnap.com/celebrities/jessica-biel/jessica-biel-goes-shopping-in-manchester-uk/

.....they are wearing the exact same Vans. Isn't there a saying about lesbian couples merging?

Anonymous said...

Using empirical evidence is always a good route. It makes me observe her in a different light. Because if I had gone on a purely conceptual statement that she was gay, my male hetero heart would surely shrug that off. Now, my soul despairs...only for a moment; she is incredibly hot ever still.

click said...

Oh man, the update photos. Matching sneakers. Dear me, not too obvious at all...

Lisa said...

Well, ladies, the explanation is obvious. The sexy, Saphic, sidekick must be the personal trainer, and she was just checking to see how tight Ms. Biel's glutes are.






What? It could be true.


But I doubt it.

Anonymous said...

Don't know who the girl is, but she's certainly brought "sexy back".
Wow.
That back shot is enough to make me want to ... have drinks with her! Yeah, that's it. :-)

Anonymous said...

Not only do they have matching sneakers, they have matching facial expressions! Especially in that first shopping photo.

lisa said...

Dorothy, don't miss the dead give ...

When you enlarge the first pic, "The Sexy Saphic Sidekick" is wearing a fanny pack! Retro Gay!!

AKILAH said...

I thought you were kidding about the fanny pack, I had to take a second look.... ok no doubt in my mind now!

Anonymous said...

Sidekick also has a thumb ring--so gay. See her left hand.

Sophia said...

footage of all three of them at the game:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sN9iVCk6ygQ

Jackie said...

I hope so. I mean not that I have a chance, but its nice to think. More of a chance than if she were completely straight!