SGALGG/GGALGG: Gay Golden Gals Edition

As SGALGG has evolved over the years, I think a not-insignificant small sign of progress has been how many out gay gals have snuck in as well. They originally started because, well, there weren’t enough queer celebrities to fill a post so straight acting like gay gals had to do. But these days so many celesbians and queerebrities (I dunno, I’m trying out a new word, just go with it) you could practically post just about them. In fact, I think I will. So here are all the gay gals acting like gay gals (sometimes with other gay gals, sometimes with the obligatory straight gals – not that there’s anything wrong with that. We’re here, we’re queer, and our Globes are totally golden.

Jodie Foster

Jodie’s evolution into our reigning Lesbian Elder Stateswoman (LES, for short because of course) has been a true joy to watch. She’s married, she’s winning awards, she’s looking great and she’s doing it all on her own terms. And those terms are stone-cold gay. May we all become the biggest LES possible! Also Jodie showing up with her son instead of wife at the Globes is s true mombian flex. I not-so-secretly hope that Alexandra said take the kid, I’m going to watch it in my PJs like before. Though, I also not-so-secretly hope that Jodie sitting on Kate Winslet’s lap has made Alex reconsider attending next year. That, or the sight of her throupling with Kirsten Dunst and Jesse Plemons. Or, possibly, the death-grip Nicole has on her wrists here. Just saying.

Angelina Jolie

They say three makes a trend but we’re talking about queer women here so two will do (what, we move all relationships faster – it’s kind of our thing). The Globes were apparently also Bring Your Child to World day for the queer female nominees. Following in Jodie’s footsteps, Angie showed up with daughter Zahara. She also got hugged by Kate Winslet (Jodie and Angie? Shoot your shots, Kate) and stood very close to Salma Hayek. We’ll take all the beauty proximity we can get.

Ayo Edebiri

Like I don’t know if Ayo has ever openly dated a woman before (at least not in public since she got famous, that I can tell…), but she sure is shooting her shot at becoming the next queer female heartthrob in this suit. First of all, LOVE the golden feather tie. Second of all, love the swagger. Third of all, love all the flirting with Zendaya, Ali Wong, Andrew Scott and, of course, Michelle Yeoh. Oh, and then showing up at the afterparty with a ballcap on? Shots shot.

Cynthia Erivo

I spotted Lena Waithe in the background, so relax everyone. Cynthia continues to live her best gay life. Like who wouldn’t be thrilled to meet Kathy Bates/Evelyn Couch, or sneak a snuggle with Zoe Kravitz or cling to Kate Winslet’s shoulder like she’s a piece of door floating in the icy North Atlantic Ocean?

Sarah Paulson

Dearest, we already did the Cate/Carol thing. But after seeing this photo doesn’t it feel canonically impossible that Sarah isn’t in the second “Wicked” movie somehow? Like, that much queer energy needs to include some Paulson. Make it happen, gay GCI wizards. You have until November.

Emma D'Arcy

I applaud Emma for continuing to show up on red carpets looking like a haunted orchestra conductor. I also applaud them for checking out Michelle Yeoh on the red carpet, as one should to be respectful/horny.

Hannah Einbinder

Speaking of showing respect, I respect the way Hannah makes her and Jean Smart look like the one May-December couple you can’t stop shipping despite all the problematic everythings. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not into Ava and Deborah. But I am totally into Hannah and Jean. What, I already admitted it was problematic, but the heart wants what it wants.

Auliʻi Cravalho

Since we’re talking queer female heartthrobs, hello. Gen Z, why are you sleeping on Auliʻi Cravalho? Like, I am in a totally different age bracket. But if I was a quarter century younger? Yeah, I’d want to be that rose. Youths, act appropriately.

Jessica Gunning

The “Baby Reindeer” star and newly minted Golden Globe winner scores major queer points for getting her award from THE Kathy Bates (every queer gal is doing it, see above). I hope she whispered “Towanda!” when accepting the trophy from her.

Kali Reis

I couldn’t find any pictures of Kali and her fine-ass suit hanging with any other celebrities at the Globes. But I did see her connecting with Kathryn Hahn the night before at a Globes pre-party in a different fine-ass suit. So, you know, Gay Card stamped, approved and notarized.

So, any favorite queer moments of the night for you?

Carol & Abby: The Sequel

I’m still a little rusty after the Holiday Twilight Zone of the last two weeks. Instead of a full SGALGG post for the Golden Globes, I thought I would stall and give you these instead. So please enjoy Cate Blanchett and Sarah Paulson at the Globes. Carol and Abby, together again. You’re welcome. You are so, so welcome. You are particularly welcome for that last pictures.

Music Monday: Gods Like Us

Right, so let’s kick 2025’s ass. We are not just the obsequious serfs for the billionaire class. We are the gods of our own lives. And we have electoral, political, and personal power. Also, wouldn’t “Gladiator II” have been so much more interesting if it was about women in whatever Romanesque/Shakespearean/Game of Thonesian setting this is instead of just beefy men beefing in sandals? We grow human life. What can do you do, dude? Lift heavy things? That’s cute. Happy we are gods Monday, kittens.

My Weekend (Somebody) Crush

Yes, I know, more “Somebody Somewhere” proselytizing. But while searching for clips from the show, I came across this song from the first episode of the first season. Truly, this song – this scene – sums up the entire series. After finishing all three seasons, if you don’t cry buckets watching early Sam and early Joel find each other in this music, well, then you’re made of stronger stuff than me. May we all find your Sam or your Joel – be they romantic, platonic, familial – in this lifetime or possibly the next. Somewhere there is a place where we belong, each and every one of us. Happy weekend, all.

Ode to the Secretly Gay Pop Stars

If I’m being brutally honest, SNL these days usually only elicits some earnest yet not-overly-enthusiastic guffaws these days – at best. But when cast newcomer Jane Wickline sang this song on Weekend Update late last year, I laughed – like really, really laughed. Like out loud and everything. And then I watched it again, and laughed and laughed. So in the interest of starting this year as hilariously gay as possible, please enjoy Jane’s “Sabrina Carpenter” song. And, not to belabor the “if you asked me on a deeper level” meme, it’s a glorious sign of our continued progress as a queer community that a song about wishing people would think you are gay to increase your cultural cache, but alas instead being recognized as the most benignly straight pop superstar around hits a universal theme. I mean, she really did make out passionately with Jenna Ortega and a female alien and we’re all like, aw, I wonder why her and Barry couldn’t work it out. Truly, if you don’t lose it at the deadpan “Hellllp me” then I’m not sure we can be friends.

Roaring into 2025

I know people clown on this song. But if Lee Greenwood can keep trotting himself out as a pinnacle of MAGA patriotism, we should keep embracing the unabashed feminism of Helen Reddy. “I Am Woman Hear Me Roar” remains as relevant as it was when it was released 54 years ago. Two years later, and Roe v. Wade was decided. This performance, in 1989, came after abortion had been legal federally for 16 years already. Yet here we are nearly four decades later and women and pregnant people have now lost that guaranteed right. Well, fuck that. Fuck them. And for the next four years and beyond I hope we all roar with our disapproval and defiance. Indeed, “women are not without electoral or political power” – so let’s keep working and pressing and demanding our full equal rights and complete bodily autonomy. Roar more in 2025, ladies. Roar more.

Somewhere Wonderful

Since I’m trying (emphasis on trying) to have a more positive outlook heading into 2025, I thought I’d mention one more thing I’m thankful for in 2024. “Somebody Somewhere,” which ended its third and final season earlier this month, is easily one of my favorite shows of the year. In fact it’s easily one of my favorite shows of the past several years. Possibly, and this is a big statement, of all time. But, definitively, it’s the best, most lovely TV show I watched this past year. Period.

This small, unassuming series about a middle-aged woman and her gay best friend living in their small Kansas hometown feels like the warmest, tenderest of hugs. But it’s not just an exercise in sugary feel-good weepiness. All of its tears – and believe me I cried buckets during the finale – are earned through real connection with these imperfect but still trying characters. You will recognize the elemental bonds between Sam and Joel. You will feel the complicated prickliness surrounding Sam and her sister, Tricia. You will welcome the embrace of this group of oddball outsiders who form a family. Bridget Everett & Co. poured so much love into these people’s lives and allows them to take up space in a world that so often ignores (or even worse) the so-called weirdos. And lest you think it is all just schmaltzy rainbows shit, this show is funny. So. Fucking. Funny.

I’ve always called “Somebody Somewhere” a little show with a big heart. This transplanted Midwestern gal feels seen, and anyone with a found family will feel at home. That we got three whole seasons is a gift in itself. And it’s one I will cherish, and rewatch, forever. Happy end of 2024, kittens.

Music Monday: Ingrid Lang Syne

On this penultimate day of 2024, I hope you have plans soon to gather with good friends and raise a glass, and your voices, together. Sure, it’s easier when you have the singing caliber of friends that Ingrid Michaelson has. But the rest of us can muddle through with maximum enthusiasm instead. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend (Christmas) Crush

Please, like I wasn’t going to post the original this week just to bookend the holiday experience. The melancholy majesty of Judy Garland’s “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” remains unmatched. She may have sung it 80 years ago in “Meet Me in St. Louis,” but her voice continues to ring through the ages. I hope your heart has been light this week, and well beyond. Happy weekend, all.

Let’s Jingle

Just because Christmas is over, doesn’t mean the holiday spirit is done as well. So as we enter into the strange twilight week between Christmas and New Year’s when no one knows what day it is or how many cookies they’ve eaten, may we all rejoice in the weirdness that was the 1988 Pee-wee's Playhouse Christmas Special featuring kd lang singing “Jingle Bell Rock” in a denim western dress. This is the chaotic queer joy I hope to bring to every holiday occasion. Make the yuletide gay, indeed.

Christmas Brandi

Yes, I know. You already heard ”Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” this week. And I posted it from Billie Eilish (yes, her again) for Christmas last year. But, you see, it’s pretty much my favorite holiday song – in no small part because it was originally sung by Judy Garland and includes the line “make the yuletide gay.” So I will take every single version I can take, particularly when it’s sung by queer music icons like Brandi, Billie, Chappell, et al. And, well, it’s Christmas. So, please, whatever you celebrate today I hope your day is merry, bright and more than just a little gay. Merry Christmas, kittens.

Santa Weirdo

Anyone having holiday anxiety and similarly convinced that they ever actually met The Big Guy they’d also make it weird? Though, as a single gay woman, I think if a strange man in a red suit carrying a sack showed up in my living room in the middle of the night I would probably freak out and do a lot more than make it weird. So I commend fellow gaymos Kate McKinnon and Billie Eilish on keeping it just weird with Santa. Happy Christmas Eve, ya weirdos.

Music Monday: Christmas Chappell

I think one of the better storylines of 2024 has been the meteoric rise of Chappell Roan. Yes, there have been a few bumps along the way, but somehow they’ve mostly just made her that much more relatable. From relatively niche indie newcomer to bona fide mainstream superstar, she appears to be the very definition of overnight – well in this case over year (first post last March, MARCH!) — success. But, of course, there is no such thing.

Yes, sometimes amazing people seemingly get noticed by everyone all at once. But Chappell has been working, grinding, performing for years – and usually far less glamorous locales than international music festivals in front of hundreds of thousands of screaming fans. That she found her audience, even with such an unabashedly gay agenda and aesthetic, is a testament to her talents. It is also a testament to personal growth, because here she is is six years ago playing in the KOLR10 and Fox49 studios in Springfield, Missouri. Six years later, and she has six Grammy nominations. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend (Carol) Crush

Dearest, it is time. “Forget” your gloves. Eat creamed spinach and poached eggs. Drink so many dry martinis with olives. And invite that cute shop girl round, sometime. Happy Carol Day Weekend, all.

Lesbian Deeds

I remember Liz Feldman when she had a rainbow light saber and did vlogs for that former website that should not be mentioned. Now she’s back with a new TV show starring Lisa Kudrow and Ray Romano as well as a couple of queer actresses featured in sapphic storylines. The dark comedy features Lisa and Ray as a couple selling their beautiful home while trying to hide a secret from its potential buyers. They include “A League of Their Own”’s Abbi Jacobson and Poppy Liu as a lesbian couple trying to have a baby and Linda Cardellini as a woman having a secret relationship with Shane herself, Kate Moennig. I don’t know anything else about their stories yet – and haven’t had a chance to watch (it started streaming on Netflix last week). But I’m happy to see Abbi and Kate in meaty queer roles. And any alum from the old AE days doing well? Well, it warms the cockles of my little gay heart.

Another Harley Ride

Admittedly, I am behind on my viewing. The fourth season of “Harley Quinn” debuted in 2023 and for some reason I just haven’t caught up. I know, I KNOW. But with the holidays and a little down time coming up, I think I’m perfectly primed for some sapphicly inclined mayhem. Plus, Harley and Poison Ivy are great role models for that whole “Become Ungovernable” thing I’m going to be trying out in 2025. Here’s to the bestest, most titillatingest, most excitingest queer female couple on television. What? She carries a bat everywhere, like I wasn’t going to call them that?

A Wicked (in a good way) Couple

While we’re swooning over “Wicked,” let us not forget that its star is an out queer woman who is dating another out queer woman who are both absurdly accomplished. I don’t know why it took me two years and a damn People magazine article to clue into the fact that Cynthia Erivo and Lena Waithe are a couple. Like, how did I not know that? At first I thought it was maybe because they’d been lowkey and not gone out in public much. But then I did a quick image search and, uh, they’ve been everywhere together. EVERYWHERE.

How everywhere? Well this year alone they’ve been to…

…the US Open in September

and the Olympics in August (with many famous friends, peep Anna Wintour in the front there, yo),

and the Tonys in June (with another Elphaba),

and The Los Angeles LGBT Center Gala in May (with a woman whose name should be kept out of your mouth, especially if you are Chris Rock),

and the Met Gala in May,

and the “Shirley” premiere in May (with "Shirley" herself),

And the Oscars Vanity Fair party in March (I call this Florence & the Queer Machine).

The thing is, they’ve been officially dating since 2022. Yet somehow I was oblivious to this fact despite them stepping out time and time and time again that very same year.

Like at the SAG Awards dancing February 2022 (with dancing queen Jessica Chastain).

Or the Oscars in March 2022.

Or the GLAAD Awards in April 2022.

Or the Grammys also in April 2022.

Or the BET Awards in June 2022.

Or the Tonys also in June 2022 (with photobomb by Bernadette Peters).

Or the Glamour Awards in November 2022 (though I'm still sad about Poussey).

Yeah, I don’t know how I missed it either. And attending more than one fancy dress event in one month together over multiple months? I hang my head in shame. Though, I will say the most relatable thing about their relationship so far is their (relative) hibernation in 2023. I could find only three images of them out and about. Sophomore year of a relationship nesting, I see you.

From 2023:

Dancing with Dwayne Wade at his Fall of Fame party in August.

Snuggling at the “Stephen Sondheim's Merrily We Roll Along” opening in October.

And hanging with Rustin himself in December.

Anyway, I hope my now exhaustive chronicling (bordering on stalkerish, sorry about that but these were all public events) of this most excellent lesbian power couple suffices as a mea culpa. And, lest we forget, there should be much more to come with “Wicked Part 2” hitting theaters next year. Go forth, and be gloriously gay and tremendously talented together on every red carpet you can find, Cynthia and Lena. Or should we call them Cythna?… Lethia? …Waitiro? … Evithe? Yeah, those are all terrible. Just congrats to the happy couple.

p.s. This one is from when, as they’ve said themselves, they first met at the Met Gala in 2018. Rainbow capes plus rainbow eyebrow rhinestones? It was written in the Celesbian Stars, I tell ya.

Music Monday: Wicked Edition

Let’s get the easy stuff out of the way first – yes, I loved it. Yes, I also loved the musical. Yes, it really was hard not to sing along. Yes, the cast was all excellent and the set pieces extravagant. Yes, I can’t wait (checks watch) a whole damn year for Part 2. Yes, you should catch it if you have a chance. Yes, of course I believe Elphaba and Glinda are not-so secretly in love. Duh. Happy Monday, kittens.

Mental Health Minx: Anne & Diana

Anne Shirley and Diana Barry were in love. Period. What did you think bosom friend means, people?

Mental Health Minx: Auliʻi Cravalho

Well, it’s Thursday. And Auliʻi Cravalho is wearing a leather vest. So, this all seems appropriate. Also appropriate, this new class of young queer stars – your Auliʻis, your Renees, your Chappells, your Bellas, your Billies, et al, who are refreshingly, uncompromisingly open about their sexuality. So, yeah, America – the No. 1 movie in America (Moana 2) is led by an out queer young woman. And the No. 2 movie is, too (more on Wicked soon).

Mental Health Minx: Cate & Rooney

This is my favorite red carpet picture from the “Carol” press tour. The light, the dark, the dramatic sweep of it all. Ten days until Dec. 21, after all. Ladies, prepare you Gloved Lunches.

A Year

It’s been, quite frankly, a bit of a shit year. The tail end of 2024 has especially been working overtime. My favorite aunt, my mother’s only sister, passed away after a sudden and short illness last weekend. Very sudden and very short. So I will be taking a few extra mental health days. I should be back to posting regularly next week. Tell the people you love that you love them, kittens. Tell them today.

Music Monday: Squeeze a Fruit

Last Weekend’s Crush got me thinking about our shared history as queer people. And as long as there have been LGBTQ+ rights activists, there have been allies as well. So please enjoy this 1977 anti-Anita Bryant diddy “Squeeze a Fruit for Anita” by Anni O’Brien and Rosey Carter. I haven’t been able to dig up that much on the singers, but Carter was, I believe, June Carter Cash’s daughter. Squeeze a Fruit for Anita was also a popular protest slogan of the time. Here we are 47 years ago, fighting these same stupid battles against the same bigoted so-called Christians. Time to write some new songs, queers and allies. I mean, while we’re also loading up on pies. Happy Squeeze a Fruit for Anita or Pie a Bigot in the Face Monday, kittens.

My Weekend (Protest) Crush

I wanted to send you into your weekend with a little reminder that direct action has always been a part of resistance and protest. So please, please, please enjoy with all your little gay heart as famed anti-gay bigot Anita Bryant getting pied in the face. Yes, you are allowed to laugh. Making fun of absurd hatred by pointing out its absurdness works. While the pie-ing is the main attraction, please take note her matter-of-fact discussion of homosexuals “flaunting it” and “deviant lifestyles” and denying they’re trying to “do away with the homosexuals.” Gosh, does any of that sound familiar? Much to my surprise, she’s apparently still alive. And I bet she loves the GOP’s anti-trans messaging these days. Same old playbook. I guess we need a lot more pies in the years to come. Happy weekend, all.

Serious Funny Business

Fortune inspired me to find more joy. And comedians, well, if they’re doing it right they’re professional joymakers. So if you’re decompressing from your family and ready to laugh, here is a little taste of Wanda Sykes. I’ve watched all of Wanda’s Netflix specials. And it is high time I rewatch them. As an out Black lesbian comic, her career is a testament to perseverance, talent and just being yourself. Truly, she should have been as big, or bigger, than Ellen. But, you know, she’s doing pretty well as is – despite the election results. I can’t wait for her next special. Given her recent appearance on Jimmy Kimmel, she’ll have plenty of material. Sometimes we laugh to keep from crying.

ExMas Eve Viewing

When I say there are only a few lesbian holiday rom-coms this year, I mean besides Tello’s “The Holiday Club” I only found one other. “Last ExMas” is an indie film funded largely through, I think, a Patreon. Per its official description:

Maggie & Julianne, ex-girlfriends whose bitter breakup led them down different paths until they unexpectedly rekindle the spark during a visit to their hometown for the holidays. Are they meant to be or is it just the magic of the season? Maggie and Julianne will have to navigate their feelings, the gossiping town, and ghosts of exes past to find out!

From the trailer, they packed in all the exes and enemies to lover vibes you could ever want. The film is written by Adrianna DiLonardo, who also wrote the 2016 indie straight-lesbian besties comedy “Almost Adults.” And as proof of the It’s a Small Lesbian World Entertainment Carousel, “Almost Adults" lead Elise Bauman was one of the stars of my favorite lesbian holiday rom-coms, “Under the Christmas Tree.” So, you know, we’ve got some lesbian pedigree going. “Last ExMas” is available to stream now, so you know what to do.

Lesbian Christmas Returns

It’s beginning to look a lot like lesbian Christmas! Tello Films, that steadfast deliverer of sapphic content, is back with another holiday film. Honestly, it may be THE holiday film, given it's called “The Holiday Club.” Per the official description:

Sam hates the holidays. Bailey loves them. On a lonely Valentine’s Day, the two women in small-town Ohio meet incidentally, bonding over pastry and an instant attraction. With every passing holiday, they spend more time together … But romance proves elusive.

A slow-burn holiday rom-com after a meet cute PLUS pastries? Sold. And, from the trailer, the two leads have good chemistry. And, you know, there are baked goods. Looks like this Tello offering may be one of the few sapphic holiday films we’ll be getting this year. After offerings in 2023 from Hallmark (“Friends & Family Christmas”) and Lifetime in 2021 (“Under the Christmas Tree,” which honestly is underrated), the major networks don’t seem to be making things as merry or gay this year. But, at least indie producers like Tello are still out there. So if you are hankering for some sapphic holiday romance, head over to their site.

Music Monday: Moved by Mavis

How can you not be moved by Mavis Staples singing “We Shall Not Be Moved?” In this moment, solidarity is our greatest power. Over the next four years we must come together to support our communities and other marginalized communities. LGBTQIA+ people, Black people, other people of color, disabled people, undocumented people, migrant people, poor people and all those others on the margins will need to support each other. We will not relent in our fight for our civil and human rights. We will not be moved from our shared humanity. Happy solidarity Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Well, what’s more joyful than coming out? And coming out while talking about one of the few things we can actually look forward to in 2025? Now, that’s a twofer of epically gay proportions. Kelly Marie Tran, of “Star Wars” and “Raya of the Last Dragon” fame, came out in a behind-the-scenes feature for Vanity Fair about the new even queered remake of “The Wedding Banquet” set to premiere next year.

To jog our collective memories, the movie will feature Kelly and queer Golden Globe winner Lily Gladstone as girlfriends who are trying to have a baby through IVF, who concoct a plan with their gay male friends – played by queer SNL star Bowen Yang and South Korean actor Han Gi-chan. The movie will also star LGBTQ+ ally extraordinaire (she of the 90s/early 2000s lesbian movies “Wild Side,” “What’s Cooking?,” “Saving Face” et al fame) Joan Chen as Kelly’s character’s mom and Oscar-winning South Korean actress Youn Yuh-jung as Han’s grandmother.

The stellar, and stellarly queer cast, helped inspire Kelly to come out. She told Vanity Fair:

“I haven’t said this publicly yet, but I’m a queer person. The thing that really excited me about it was I got to play a person that I felt like I knew. I don’t feel like I’m acting at all in this movie…. I’m here doing this amazing movie with these amazing people. I’ve never been in a queer space before. I’ve never truly felt this accepted before.”

Congratulations, Kelly! I am going to assume that your toaster oven is in the mail. I am always extra thrilled to welcome more gaysians into the fold. You have certainly earned your truth and your tributes after having to weather relentless online bullying already for daring to be an Asian woman in a “Star Wars” movie.

It sounds like the experience of filming the new “Wedding Banquet” reboot with “Fire Island” director Andrew Ahn has been a reaffirming celebration of queer joy. Kelly says of the new film that “the spirit is the same, and I think it’s even more queer.” And Lily called the production “just one big cuddle.” And just look at the sapphic cuteness between Lily and Kelly together. Yes! More queer! More cuddles! Queer POC actors playing queer POC roles! More sapphic cuteness!

As I was saying, now that’s something to look forward to in 2025. Happy weekend, all.

Happy Gender Fuck Chersgiving

Well, kittens, today I am thankful for Cher dressed in Elvis drag being embraced by Stevie Nicks like she’s at prom with the bad boy your parents warned you about. In these grim times, it’s the little things that can bring joy. Hope you’ve found a little something to be thankful for this Thanksgiving as well. May you all have plenty of good food and company today, and a little gender fuck never hurt either on a Thursday.

Lesbian Soccer Mom Central

While I’m on a roll, how about even more joy? Soccer stars Sam Kerr and Kristie Mewis are having a baby! The sporty couple (Sam plays for Chelsea and the Australian national team and Kristie for West Ham and the US national team) announced their engagement last year – also in November. They’ve been together since 2020, and famously confused a few fans by cuddling on the pitch after a USA/Australia World Cup match. Aren’t female friendships the best? I mean, it’s almost like they’re roommates. Anyway, congrats to the happy couple who in 2025 will become the very definition of soccer moms.

Fame & Fortune

OK, how about a little joy for a change? Just in time for the holidays, our favorite Hooters-loving lesbian comic is back with a new Netflix comedy special. “Crushing It” will feature more stories about Fortune’s family and wife, Jax. To which I say, break out the Hooters wings and let's get to laughing.

Music Monday: Let's Talk About It

Yes, another Tracy Chapman song. Yes, another reminder for these times. We can either rise up or continue to be ground down by the incessant demands of capitalism fueled by the endless greed of the 1%. Or we can start with a whisper that builds to a fucking scream. Do not comply in advance. Do not normalize these carnival barkers. Anyway, per usual, fuck the patriarchy, fuck white supremacy and fuck late stage capitalism. Happy Monday, kittens!

My Weekend Crush

I leave you this week with a moment of grace. Mahalia Jackson remains one of the most celebrated civil rights singers – from Selma to the March on Washington and, tragically, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s funeral. I think, during the next four years and beyond, we can all listen a lot more closely to Black women. Marginalized people will need every last bit of grace the world can give in the face of what is to come. Take a moment, steady yourself. Find your grace and happy weekend, all.

p.s. To the poster who continues to scream about how I lost Kamala the election by going on vacation, not that it’s truly any of your business, but I went to see my 83-year-old mother who I only get to see maybe once a year and lives half way across the country so we could celebrate my birthday together for the first time in more than 25 years and also could ride out the election side by side. If you don’t like how I spend my time you are certainly welcome to stop reading my little blog. Best.

Lesbians Matlock-ed In

Naturally, given my new age bracket, I love the new “Matlock.” Also, what a showcase for Kathy Bates. Hello, love her always. But as I was watching the first few episodes I kept thinking, “You know what this show needs? Lesbians!”

Well, ask and ye shall receive. In a recent episode they dropped that Maddy Matlock’s eager fellow junior associate Sarah Yang is gay. They also introduced a cute IT specialist Kira, too. So, you know, that better happen this season. Sarah is played by Leah Lewis, who you might remember from the queer teen coming-of-age movie “The Half of It.” (You know, the long-awaited second feature from “Saving Face” writer-director Alice Wu.)

The latest episode also featured a lesbian couple who filed a wrongful death lawsuit over the death of his baby. So, you know, they’ve locked down the lesbians of a certain age viewership for sure now. The good news is we will have more to watch since the show has already been renewed for a second season. The show is on a little break right now, until after the holiday. But that gives us all the time to catch up. And also imagine the awkward yet adorable first date between Sarah and Kira.

ETA: Had to screenshot the lil Matlock lesbians for ya. So cute!

Mountains of History

Just a reminder – for those of us who have forgotten or perhaps were never taught – the wealth-hoarding elites of this world have always pitted those at the margins against each other. Human innovation (not to mention obscene wealth) has almost always come with the cost of human exploitation. And history has shown us accept that price over and over and over again – often for the possibility of even a fraction of said wealth. Anyway, just something you think about when the literal richest man in the world is now also suddenly one of the most powerful men in politics. Funny how that works. Tracy knew 36 years ago. How little things truly change. How badly they still need to.

Fuck the Patriarchy

I’ve lost the capacity to be disappointed in America. I know that is my privilege speaking – many communities have long ago lost faith in their fellow citizens’ concern for their life and liberty. Yet I stupidly thought we had maybe learned our lessons from 2016. Maybe we were ready for an incredibly smart and extremely qualified woman instead of, you know, the least qualified and most heinous man in the whole fucking world. Yet here comes the American electorate, Lucy-ing all sane citizens with that damn football. Again.

So, again, I look at every passing person and think, “Did they vote against my and other marginalized people’s pursuit of happiness?” And the answer, in most cases, is probably, “Yep, they sure did.” Racism, sexism, greed, stupidity. Pick your Pandora's box poison, it all went into his win and our loss. Those are some hard truths about your fellow Americans to sit with. Hard truths, but unfortunately nothing new.

As the horror of the second Trump term grows ever closer, we each need to find the best way to survive and – if we can – thrive. And that starts with checking on your people. All of the people I care about are scared and stressed and barely holding their shit together at this moment. While many of us may want to turn off the lights and find a safe place to gently rock back-and-forth, I implore everyone to keep caring, keep connecting.

When people say that our institutions will not save us, this is exactly what they mean. I feel foolish to have taken this long to fully understand how vulnerable and ineffective so many of our civic systems truly are. If they cannot protect us during the onslaught to come, then they were never actually designed to help those who need it the most. Instead we must strengthen our communities and find new alliances for support and power in the coming years. Think globally, act locally should be more than just a bumper sticker mantra.

A clear-eyed look at our country’s history shows those of us who support expanded freedom and civil rights locked in an endless knock-down, drag-out brawl against those who are against including more people in the American dream. From colonialism to slavery to civil rights to women's rights to LGBTQ+ rights and immigrant rights. I mean, we’ve been punched in the face by the patriarchy for 248 years, what’s four more?

The entrenched cis-het white male power structure has always worked against giving more and more diverse people autonomy and equality. I mean, the Founding Fathers went to war over freedom from taxation, not just freedom for all – full stop.

So where are we? Well, fucked. Clearly. But also, kind of in the same place. The same people who always fight against progress are fighting against progress. The time and labor those of us who want progress will have to expend pushing back against their bigotry, stupidity and nonsense is precisely why they do it. We’ll be fighting for the next four years – and then some – to get back to where we are now. But fight we must.

I too am frightened and angry and exhausted all at once. But I also feel a grim solidarity with all similarly like-minded people. And while the total vote tally may wind up showing fewer of us this time, we are still legion. To say that I’m comforted that so many other people are in the same panicked state – stressed, sad, scared – would be wrong. I don’t feel comfort from the unjustified suffering of others. But I will say it makes me feel a little less alone. And maybe you too will feel less lonely in this grim moment. Some 74 million of us are all feeling the same fear and loathing.

May all of us, after a little rest and a good cry, dust ourselves off and continue the work of creating that more perfect union. Keep fighting, keep connecting, keep lifting each other up. Our fight does not end with one election. Our communities are stronger and more resilient than one man. We will continue bending the arc of the moral universe toward justice for all. Because, and I mean this with every fiber of my being, fuck the patriarchy.

Music Monday: America Goddam

The thing is, America has always been like this. The whole “Great Again” refrain has always been a backlash against progress, always been an anthem for the status quo, always been propaganda for the existing white patriarchal world order. Nina Simone knew it 60 years ago. We know it today. America, goddamn.

Mental Health Vacation: POTUS SBP

Truly, the very, most and beyond not a real reason to be genuinely scared and upset in this historical moment, but FUCK WE COULD HAVE HAD PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES STRAIGHT BETTE PORTER. I deal with crippling despair about what is to come with humor and profanity, preferably together. Be kind to yourselves this weekend, all.

Mental Health Vixen: 80s Rock

At this point, I won’t lie, I am just posting random photos I find in my archive folders that spark any kind of joy. So here are Cyndi Lauper and Elvira/Cassandra Peterson in the late 1980s. You know, the decade when that orange bastard was mostly just a gossip punchline, not the most powerful fascist on the planet. Sorry, I truly did mean to spark joy. Who knew I would look toward the 80s for that these days.

Mental Health Vacation Vixen: Bite Me

I meant to post this around Halloween. But then I didn’t and then the mood passed. But you know what? Become ungovernable. Bite whoever you want whenever you want – with consent, unless of course they are breaching your consent in the first place. Fuck it. Bite them.

Mental Health Vacation Vixen: Still MVP

I am sorry, but while I am technically back, I am not ready to talk about it. I’m just not. I’m somehow still in the exhausted phase, even after a vacation. And it has only been one week. I hope you are all taking care of yourselves and those you love. We’ll certainly need each other.

Vacation Vixen: Kate Winslet

Last day of my vacation and I don’t know what to do with myself either. So here’s Kate Winslet in a vest. There, doesn’t that feel at least a little bit better?

Vacation Vixen: Hillary Clinton

Anyone who lived through 2008, 2016, et al knows exactly how I feel about Hillary Clinton. Never forget that she made all those cracks in the highest, hardest ceiling. Thank you, Hillary. Thank you.

Vacation Vixen: Geraldine Ferraro

Forty years ago, Geraldine Ferraro became the first woman to be nominated as the vice presidential candidate for a major political party. I remember her running with Mondale, and how exciting it felt despite the landslide loss. Four decades later, here we are.

Vacation Vixen: Shirley Chisholm

We stand, all of us, on the shoulders of those who came before us. May we honor their hard work and historic audacity. So today, let’s all give a warm thanks to Shirley Chisholm, the first Black woman elected to the House of Representatives in 1968 and the first Black woman to run for president for a major party in 1972. The first, but her legacy has ensured definitely not the last.

Vacation Vixen: Kamala Harris

Please, America. Please vote for the woman this time. Please vote for the Black and Indian women. Please vote for the best and most accomplished candidate* (*major party, I don’t have time for quibbles today folks). Please vote for the only candidate who will uphold our Democracy. Please vote for the only candidate who isn’t a racist. Please, America. Vote and finally reject that sad, vengeful, bigoted orange excuse for a human being. History must beat hate, once and for all. Kamala Harris for President. Period.

p.s. Also, come on, you know you want to see me write about President Straight Bette Porter for the next four-to-eight years. Right? Right.

Vacation Vixen: Joni’s Gay Mafia

Like, can you imagine the combined queer energy in that room? Brandi Carlile, Elton John, Chappell Roan and Lucy Dacus? Gay Mafia, indeed.

Vacation Vixen: Angelina Jolie

Today is my birthday. And Angelina is pretty much the most beautiful woman in the world. But, in that suit? Now that is what I call a gift. Happy birthday to me.

Hands on your knees.. 🔥 #AngelinaJolie pic.twitter.com/v1jy1A4ukK

— Let Her Go ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (@angeltresjolie_) October 18, 2024