My Weekend Crush

The more I think about Hayden Panettiere’s death, the sadder it feels. Here was a prodigious child star who became a superstar on the buzziest show of its era. Who had endured the worst of celebrity culture, while being consistently unflinching about how much it had all cost her. Familial trauma, industry misogyny, domestic violence, addiction and alcoholism, postpartum depression.

May we finally learn the lesson that the young, vulnerable, beautiful young girls of Hollywood are not commodities to be exploited. They’re people who deserve protection from the worst inclinations of the powerful and perverse. What she went though is enough to warp anyone’s life. But instead of retreating or lashing out, she shared. She shared it all, both in her interviews and her recent memoir.

I’ve been particularly impressed by the self-awareness she showed when coming out as bisexual in May. Honest about her experiences – dated women from a “very, very young age,” but had never been in love with a woman – and why she came out later in life.

“That’s something about me I was never able to share with the world, because it was just never the right time. It was either I was too young, and I was being forced to be perfect at all times. I was not encouraged to just be myself.

Then came the period where it felt like people coming out, especially women, saying that they were bisexual or liked girls, was a fad. I was afraid that if I was honest, it was going to be like me jumping on the bandwagon.”

It certainly seemed like she savored the opportunity to be open about her sexuality for the first time – after 36 years.

“It’s sad I had to wait until I was 36 years old to share that part of me, but better late than never, right?” she said at the time.

Three months, and she is gone. Thanks for sharing yourself with us Hayden. Your big gay family sees you and mourns you. Rest in power, always. Happy weekend, all.