My Weekend Crush

Can you believe it’s been 25 years since Willow and Tara first kissed on screen. Do you remember the episode? A week ago marks the anniversary of the release of arguably the best “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” episode ever, “The Body.” Yes, our two favorite witches finally kissed in the same episode where Buffy’s mom died, which aired Feb. 27, 2001. I know, my knees crack just thinking about how long ago that was.

But, as a dedicated fan (stan before stanning was a thing), I remember so clearly how momentous that moment felt. This was three years before “The L Word” premiered. Eight years before “Glee” was a gay twinkle in anyone’s eyes. And 14 years before same-sex marriage became legal in America. Before Callie and Arizona, before Bo and Lauren, before the entire casts of “Pretty Little Liars,” and “Orange Is the New Black” and “Wynonna Earp.”

Before all of that, there was Willow and Tara. Sure, Joss may have been revealed to be just another disappointing man. But the story of Willow and Tara, it will always matter regardless of him. It matters because of us. And if there are any of my OG Kitten Boarders out there, stay strong like an amazon. Happy 25 years to us. Happy weekend, all.

Jean v. Gillian

As if we needed more reason to be excited about “Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma!,” but it has ignited a probably parasocial, definitely enjoyable heated rivalry between Gillian Anderson and Jean Smart for Hannah Einbinder’s affections. Like, when Hannah posted a picture of Jean in a jaunty beret with a sexy martini, Gillian had to respond with her own French twist - yes, towel beret and grape olive and all. Seriously, please, more of this. We need it. The world needs this. I did not have Gillian Anderson and Jean Smart battle to be drawn like one of Hannah Einbinder’s French girls on my 2026 bingo card, but I will most definitely take it. Gillian, Gillian, I was unfamiliar with your towel game.

Mothers Mothering

I half watched the Actors last weekend. And it had some nice moments. The lovely posthumous acceptance/tribute to Catherine O’Hara. Harrison Ford’s humble, empathetic Lifetime acceptance speech. I’d like to note that it’s a small point of pride that I picked one of the better straight white men as my movie idols from the very start. That’s my Han Solo/Indiana Jones.

Still, because, I have to make it gay somehow, I thought I’d instead comment on these pictures of Connor Storrie being anointed by these Sapphics-Approved Mothers. The “Heated Rivalry” star is fresh off hosting SNL and then this happens? Kathryn Hahn and Sarah Paulson give you their blessing on the same night?

Also, doesn’t the picture with Sarah look like she is an immortal vampire queen and he is her hand-selected son who she sends out into the night to seduce men and women alike, but only to bring the tastiest women back to her for…reasons. You know, just as a suggestion. Meanwhile Kathryn looks like she’s his proud drama teacher. Look, everyone has different fantasy sequences in their heads.

Camp Time

Do I know what’s happening? No? Do I care that I don’t know what’s happening? Also no. I do know that Gillian Anderson and Hannah Einbinder are gonna get weird together in “Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma!.” And that’s good enough for me.

Actually, that’s a lie. I also know that the movie’s queer, trans, nonbinary creator Jane Schoenbrun also directed my favorite film from 2024, “I Saw the TV Glow.” Also, I know it stars Eva Victor (who I love, love, loved in last year’s quiet “Sorry, Baby”) in a mohawk and leather.

I also assume that Gillian is playing the original final girl turned reclusive actress behind the hit “Camp Miasma” slasher franchise which now years later is being resurrected by an “enthusiastic young director” played by Hannah. I’m assuming the weird shit we can’t yet explain from the trailer is the “blood-soaked world of desire, fear, and delirium” they find themselves falling into.

So, to recap: Gillian. Hannah. Eva. A kickass director. DELRIUM.

Heck, I don’t even care that it’s about slasher horror films, which has historically been one of my least favorite film genres. Let’s get weird.

Music Monday: Joke's On Them

I’m going to see Brandi this weekend. This will be my second time seeing her, but my first since she became BRANDI FREAKING CARLILE. So, you know, that’ll be fun. I also hope that she plays “The Joke” and continues to dedicate it to the U.S. Women’s Hockey Team. Because, damn, do they deserve it. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

I always, always love the Olympics. But this year, the event (despite its many, many flaws from ongoing corruption, exorbitant expenses, environmental impacts, et al) came at perhaps the perfect time. For a nation like ours that is so fiercely and feverishly divided, the Olympics was a hopeful reminder of what makes us really great. No, obviously not that rah-rah jingoism of bald eagle screeches and whatever the fuck Kash Patel was doing in the Team USA men’s hockey lockeroom. But the big-hearted, big-dreamers who care about and cheer for each other.

The version of America that most of the athletes of the 2026 Winter Games showed was that of empathy, grace, compassion and most importantly concern for their fellow athletes. I’ve never seen a more genuinely caring figure skating Olympic competition. Like this is the same contest where in the past one athlete ordered a hit on another athlete, FROM THE SAME TEAM. I’ve never heard more athletes talk openly about the toll Olympic pressure puts on their mental health. Or what success means outside of winning medals. And, of course, I’m heartened despite the horrid backlash they’ve endured that so many of Team USA also have spoken out about what is happening in this country. More of that, from more athletes and everyone else, all the time and not just every four years, please.

This year’s Olympics were also a reminder for me about how much I despise all the unchecked AI being thrust into our lives. I can’t help but believe it’s true intent is – besides, of course, getting rid of all those pesky higher-paying white collar jobs so the oligarchs can buy more private sex islands and megayachts – is to rob us of the wonder of humanity. So with each picture, each video, each given “fact” we have to ask, “But is it real or AI”?

Honestly, when I look at any of the magnificent photography coming out of this year’s Olympics, I see why I will never accept AI art. A whole industry just to recreate and reorder reality. Yet the beauty of human emotions doesn’t need enhancement. We’re doing it every day. Look at Alysa Liu's face. The JOY. All that, and it’s also destroying the planet. So, truly, truly fuck off, AI. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. Credit to the human photographers Matthew Stockman/Getty (top) and Christophe Ena/AP (bottom).

Gender Fuck Thursday of a Certain Age

Someone called me “creepy” for noting that Amber Glenn, who is a 26-year-old fully adult woman, is hot. Which, I might add, could just be empirical fact. Regardless, I would like to comfort those who are concerned about my moral compass, that I would never actually initiate any real-world romantic relationships with someone approximately half my age. Nor do I want to. But, also, I have eyes that work – and I’m not dead. Anyway, to not offend anyone’s sensibilities – delicate or otherwise – how about some Gender Fuck Thursday of a Certain Age? All these women are well within an appropriate age bracket for a Gen Xer who keeps throwing those AARP invitations in the trash.

Suranne Jones, 47

It’s the manspreading for me.

Tracy Chapman, 61

Boy, I wish she would play publicly more so I could objectify the shit out of her…talent.

Cate Blanchett, 56

I’ve never pulled off a velvet suit this well at any age.

Jodie Foster, 63

Granted, I might be on the edge of youngish for Jodie depending on her May-December tolerance. Which clearly would be the only thing holding us back and not the fact that she’s already married and also Jodie Foster.

Jenna Lyons, 57

I wish she was still with J.Crew, because as a Gen Xer I still have major residual nostalgia about that brand and its catalogue.

Regina King, 55

I’m pretty sure I can’t pull off an orange suit either, regardless of age.

Lena Headey, 52

I’ll always have a thing for age-appropriate florists thanks to her.

Cynthia Nixon, 59; Carrie Coon, 45; Christine Baranski, 73

Yes, I know Louisa Jacobson (34) and Taissa Farmiga (31) are just sweet baby angel children, so please accept the reverse 20+year age gap with Christine as my mea culpa.

p.s. In case further apology is needed, please accept this with my most sincere age-appropriate feelings (just put your thumb over 38-year-old Karen Gillan’s face if necessary) as everyone else is 50+.

Back Down, And Under

The Shetland Pony and Lesbian Giraffe are back! Dulcie and Eddie, the odd-couple Aussie detectives are back solving even odder Down Under crimes which all involve animals somehow. First a seal, now a croc, AND they added a Hemsworth brother for the second season? Come on, how Australian is this show? Anyway, I’m just glad the whole gay/gay postive gang, including Dulcie’s extremely demonstrative in the most lesbian way wife Cath, are all back. Also, I figured out a way to watch Prime without having to sign up for Prime again. So, you know, fuck you Jeff Bezos for good measure too. Just good vibes all around, actually.

The Hand Hold

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Look, maybe I’m still post Olympics afterglow (more on that later in the week). So I am perhaps feeling especially nostalgic. But this little clip of Amy Poehler being Angela Chase and Claire Danes herself being Jordan Catalano spoke directly to the deepest parts of my Gen X heart. I only wish it was set to Buffalo Tom’s “Late at Night,” like the original (though, who knows, maybe it was wherever the clip originated - but this was the only embeddable version I could find). Though, points for finding a somewhat Jordan-y jacket for Claire and grunge stripes for Amy.

Right, where was I? Oh, yeah, time to go down another “My So-Called Life” rabbithole. Too bad Jared Leto turned into such a douche. But, at least for a moment, they had a time.

My Weekend Crush

MUNA is back and as queer as ever. In fact, did they get even gayer in the interim? Brava, you magnificent music makers, you. Also, hello, nonbinary bandmate Naomi McPherson going bare chested and Josette Maskin with the masc haircut and just so many tank tops. Maybe there is a Lesbian Jesus after all and she loves us. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

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As if there was any other choice than newly engaged Olympic medalists and celesbian supercouple extraordinaire Hilary Knight and Brittany Bowe? As captain, Hilary just led Team USA to its third gold medal at the Winter Olympics, defeating arch rivals Canada (we’re sorta sorry about that, given how our government has been such twats to our Canuck friends – but still) yesterday. Today, Brittany takes to the ice again to race in the 1500m, her final of these Games.

And they aren’t the only Team USA queers to make their mark on these Olympics. From Amber Glenn’s team gold (plus redemptive free skate last night) to Breezy Johnson’s downhill gold and Hilary’s fellow golden out teammates Cayla Barnes and Alex Carpenter, I’m so proud of our out athletes. In fact I’m proud of so many Team USA athletes for speaking out against what this corrupt and cruel administration. But anyway, back to the newly engaged lovebirds. Mavel tov, you magnificent sporty sapphics, you. May your lives together be golden always. Happy weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Hot Masc Queer News

On this fine Thursday, I am happy to report that Meryl Streep’s hot masc queer daughter that I first reported on last April remains hot and masc and queer and Meryl Streep’s daughter. So, carry on, Louisa Jacobson. A grateful nation, that could really use the pick me up, thanks you. Very, very happy to be able to keep you abreast of the very latest and clearly most important news. You are welcome.

p.s. Her hands are also hot masc and queer. (As are her friends.) Just being thorough with my reporting.

The Lesbian Jesus Movie: The Trailer

The Lesbian Jesus Movie trailer has arrived! I repeat, the Lesbian Jesus Movie trailer has arrived!! Hayley Kiyoko’s “Girls Like Girls,” the movie based on the novel based on the song that she all wrote, has dropped. The coming-of-age story will come out in theaters June 19. You know, Pride Month, nice. It is of course based on the song that came out in the summer of Our Lesbian Jesus more than a decade ago – before we all entered The Bad Place. Sigh. Also, yes, that is Zach Braff as The Dad. Talk about some manic pixie dreamgirl nostalgia or what. Yeah, also that movie came out more than 20 years ago. OK, I’ll stop talking now. Enjoy the Lesbian Jesus Movie trailer, even if time is after us all.

This One Time at Lesbian Camp

Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!! Gillian Anderson and Hannah Einbinder in the same frame for “Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma!!!” As I was saying, ahhhhhhhhhh!!! Also, there’s a teaser of some sort, and some creepy posts on the movie’s new social feeds. But I would expect nothing less from the queer, trans, nonbinary creator behind “I Saw the TV Glow.” I simply cannot wait for Jane Schoenbrun’s slasher, and I kind of hate slasher movies. But with Gillian and Hannah? Bring on the “Little Death,” ahem.

Also, this film description which says it will also continue Jane’s “body of work shaped by themes of trans identity and queer horror?” Slash me, baby, one more time.

“After years of slapdash sequels and waning fandom, the Camp Miasma slasher franchise is handed over to an enthusiastic young director for resurrection. But when she visits the original movie’s star, a now-reclusive actress shrouded in mystery, the two women fall into a blood-soaked world of desire, fear, and delirium.”

Also, no, I have no idea what’s happening here either. But it’s creepy! And, I’m assuming, gay.

Music Monday: When Brandi Met Leisha

I never went to the Dinah, and never really wanted to, but I kinda do wanna go to Girls Just Wanna Weekend. Brandi Carlile’s annual sapphic music bacchanalia along the Mexican coast has only become bigger and cooler and gayer. OK, it’s always been pretty gay. But dueting with Leisha Hailey? And I guess The Chart really was right, because did you hear that Rose Garcia (of “The Real L Word” fame, lord, remember that show?) and her business partner purchased it from the original lesbian spring break’s founder Mariah Hanson (who has announced that 2025 would be the Palm Spring event’s last)? Anyway, where was I? Oh righ, it is always fun to remember that before Alice, there were The Murmurs. See, all roads lead to lesbianism. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

@amberglenniceskater Reminder during this Olympics that athletes come in all shapes & sizes #strongisbeautiful #olympics #TeamUSA ♬ original sound - Tbow

Whew. Olympic gold medalist and out queer figure skater Amber Glenn is…fit. She is very fit. She’s also very rad. She is among the slew of Team USA athletes who has spoken out against the Trump administration (only to face the wrath of the MAGA hate mob and the Orange Turd himself – because of course). I’m really so proud of all these athletes for showing the world that decent and compassionate U.S. citizens still exist. While I’ve been too busy to write about these Winter Olympics, I have taken every free moment to catch what I can. The 26 year old, who came out as pansexual in 2019, will return to Olympic ice on Tuesday. But before then she posted herself in this tank top. And, well, I simply could not wait until Tuesday. I think you can understand my reasoning perhaps. Also, please accept this early submission as my apology for going AWOL again this week. My work thing is now successfully over and I can return my attention to Ye Olde Blogge again. Anyway, please enjoy the abs. *swallows tongue* Happy weekend, all.

p.s. Did you know she is also a huge Magic: The Gathering fan? A queer jacked nerd with guns and a six-packs who prioritizes her mental health? *reswallows tongue*

Be(She)Deviled

Um, hello, I know there’s nothing explicitly sapphic about “The Devil Wears Prada 2.” But there’s Meryl Streep, Anne Hathaway and Emily Blunt looking better than ever. So of course it appeals to my extremely gay sensibilities. Duh, I have eyes. Releasing this and “Mother Mary” back-to-back may almost be too much for my wlw heart to take. Almost.

Music Monday: Super Sapphic

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I’m alive! Sorry, I’ve had an extremely (like crazy stupid) busy February for work. But I did make time to watch the Super Bowl, you know, to fill my once-a-year quota for straight male sportsball viewing. (Don’t worry, I’ve of course also been watching the Winter Olympics and will have some very queer thoughts about that this week.) Anyway, what I wanted to say about the Big Game – other than how much I’m looking forward to watching MAGA’s heads explode about Bad Bunny’s exquisite showcase of Latino Excellence during the halftime show – is how great it was to see Brandi Carlile sing “America the Beautiful.” Like, an out queer female icon (and wearing a suit and tie no less) invited to the biggest celebration of traditional heteronormative values. You just love to see it. Happy Monday, kittens. (Also, please say a prayer or whatever you do to ask the universe to be gentle for me, my crazy busy work February culminates later this week.)

In the Closet with Jodie

Yeah, I am gonna post about Jodie Foster again because before her recent on-screen renaissance us fans had to endure a very long, very dry, very private patch. But she is The O.G., after all. Obviously I love Jodie’s Criterion Closet segment. And her picking Céline Sciamma’s magnificently queer “Portrait of a Lady on Fire” as her first pick? Of course. I mean, it’s French, it’s gay, it’s amazing. So of course Jodie loves it, of course. I also love that her first few picks are all female directors, much like in her real life with women at the helm of all of her projects since 2023’s “Nyad.” So yeah, I’d trust this woman with my fancy Blockbuster picks any day of the week. Also, please clap for me not making any Jodie in the closet jokes for the duration of this post (headlines don't count).

Are You Ready for Some Quefs-Ball!

Forget football, I want more Quefs! Yes, yes, I know the Big Game is this weekend. And yes, I will at very least be watching Bad Bunny’s halftime show (because he makes all the stupidest/most hateful people so angry, but also come on, who can resist his certified bangers). But what I really, really want is to see “Quefs.” My kingdom for a steamy new lesbian culinary drama. And of course I would also devour its accompanying after-show,”Talkin’ Quefs” co-hosted by Renee Rapp. I’ve never been so enamoured by the lower third of my screen! Bring on the Quefs! We deserve Quefs! QUEFS!

Music Monday: The B&L Word

When I started to see clips of Leisha Hailey on stage with Brandi Carlile at the latter’s sapphic music lovers festival Girls Just Wanna Weekend, I thought maybe I was having strange lesbian feverdreams. But sometimes real life really is like queer Mad Libs. The singing Grammy gay icon with the used-to-sing/TV star/sang-again gay icon singing Radiohead’s “Fake Plastic Trees” together. While I never made it to the Dinah, I think one of these days I may just have to make one of Brandi’s weekends. I mean, just think of the iconic lesbionic onstage combinations to come. The mind boggles. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Don’t worry, and thank heavens, this isn’t an in memoriam post. Instead it’s to commendation of sorts, to honor the courage it took for Natasha Lyonne to go public with her relapse. After a decade of sobriety, the actress took to Twitter (no, I’ll never call it that other thing) to talk about recovery as a “lifelong process.”

I’ve been a fan of Natasha’s for what seems like a lifetime. Even before “But I’m a Cheerleader,” I took notice of her in 1998’s “Slums of Beverly Hills,” her indie breakout role. And I’ve followed her along the way (Heck, I even remember her in that one “Blade” film”) and delighted at her TV renaissance with "Orange Is the New Black” to “Russian Doll” and “Poker Face.” Yes, we all kow she is the most gay not gay actress. But, I have accepted her heterosexuality, not that there’s anything wrong with that.

I think, during these very troubling, very enraging, very frightening times, we should all give ourselves grace. We may mess up. We may fall short of our own expectations. Be honest, but be gentle with yourself. So many of us are struggling in ways large and small, and too often unbearable ways. May Natasha find help and the right path back. We’re all rooting for ya, kid. Happy weekend, all.

Old Married Couple

Holy shit, can you believe it’s been 30 years since Susan and Carol got married on Friends? Earlier this month, to mark the episode’s Jan. 18, 1996 airdate, Carol actress Jane Sibbett posted about the anniversary while praising Susan co-star Jessica Hecht and saying “I am still so grateful that this testament to love in all forms touched the hearts of so many people around the world.” So much has changed in our popular zeitgeist since Susan and Carol walked down the aisle in the dowdiest lesbian wedding dresses ever as Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich’s lesbian sister Candace Gingrich officiated. And yet, here we are. With the powers that be intent on rolling it all back. But three decades later, we’re never going back. Fuck this fucking administration and everything it stands for. And happy 30th anniversary, Carol and Susan!

Ready to Get Baked

As bereft as I was when Mary Berry departed GBBO, I’ve grown to also adore Prue Leith and her bright colors and chunky necklaces. So as sad as I am to hear she too will be leaving the tent (especially given how great she looks in drag, hello!), her potential confirmed replacement is…well, let’s say we’re longtime fans at Ye Olde Blogge (or as the kids today say, “friend of the pod”). I mean, can you imagine the sheer volume of baking-based innuendos that this woman will conjure up? Sign the deal, these bottoms won’t soggy themselves! What? It’s Hump Day, we’re allowed to indulge in a little vintage Naughty Nigella.

Riding Off Into Gayer Sunsets

Well, shoot, now I feel pretty bad about not having started “The Abandons” yet. The Lena Headey-Gillian Anderson western drama has already been canceled. Though, I think I was right to be wary of series creator Kurt Sutter, who “departed” the project before the season was even finished filming. I certainly hope Lena and Gillian aren’t shouldered with this failure, instead of you know the problematic male “genius” who keeps getting second and third and fourth chances?

Though, truly, I needn’t worry about Lena. Because she has already rebounded in the gayest way possible. She has joined the cast of “Red, White & Royal Wedding,” the sequel 2023’s prince meets president’s son sleeper hit rom-com “Red, White & Royal Blue.” I thought that movie, with Nicholas Galitzine and Taylor Zakhar Perez as the aforementioned prince and First Son, was pretty cute. Also returning are Uma Thurman and Sarah Shahi, plus the sequel is being directed by Jamie Babbit of eternal sapphic fame thanks to “But I’m a Cheerleader.” As I was saying, gay!

Not to be outdone with the landing on her feet in the gayest way possible, Gillian has “Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma” alongside Hannah Einbinder coming out this year. Somehow its queer, trans, nonbinary director Jane Schoenbrun has managed to be entirely unproblematic while also being a genius. Funny how that’s possible, for some people. Crazy even.

Anway, I hope Lena and Gillian at least got to keep a couple of the hats.

Music Monday: Joy in a Hopeless Place

The United States is not a fun place to live right now. And, I know we haven't been great to be around either for our global neighbors, near or far. (Many of us are truly sorry about all of this, we absolutely loathe him too.) I fear things will get more cruel, stupid, racist and violent before they get better. I mean, they’re just shooting people in the street in broad daylight. So, we’re already in the bad place. I salute all the good people of Minnesota, particularly Minneapolis, for standing up for their neighbors.

Not to sound trite, but in these intensely distressing times – when as an individual it feels so hard to make a meaningful difference while at the same time knowing the only way out is if we all find ways to resist and repudiate what is happening in front of our eyes – we need joy. Joy has always been a form of resistance. Not joy without the work, but there’s something exquisite about finding joy in the face of those who hate your very existence.

Anyway, this is a long way of saying please enjoy the pure cathartic joy of the cast and crew of “Hamnet” dancing to Rihanna’s “We Found Love” to celebrate the end of filming. If you’ve seen the movie, you know they’d earned that moment (especially because I’ve heard they filmed that final scene last, which *low whistle*). I love the diverse body of work director Chloe Zhao has built, always with a contemplative eye and unhurried pace. Did I think “Hamnet” was a little too unhurried? I’m just saying, don’t eat a big meal before watching, otherwise you might find yourself lulled into an unplanned nap. But that ending? That moment. Yeah, like I was saying, find your joy. Take it where you can. Let it fuel us for the road ahead. Happy Monday, Kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Part of what makes living through this historical moment feel strange is the lack of response from so, so, so many. Yes, many dedicated activists and everyday citizens and good neighbors and decent people are holding the line and showing up when it matters. Looking especially at you, brave people of Minneapolis. But the fact that some of the most wealthy, most famous and most privileged among us have chosen to stay quiet or stick their heads in the sand? Shame. Truly, completely, shame. Now, I get it, some stars probably think it's better for celebrities to be seen and not heard. But fuck that. The stakes and realities of what this administration is doing are too high. We need everyone who can stand up to stand up. And now.

Which is why I keep highlighting those who do. Using your platform to say, “This is wrong, this is bad, this is unacceptable” seems like the very least our superstars could do at this moment. But given how few stars wore even the small, symbolic “Be Good” and “ICE out” pins were worn at the Golden Globes, we have a long, long silent road ahead.

Which is why it feels so refreshing that Billie Eilish has consistently used her platform and public appearances to register her dissent. From her acceptance speech for the MLK Jr. Beloved Community Award for Environmental Justice:

“To be honest, I really don’t feel deserving. And it’s very strange to be celebrated for working towards environmental justice at a time where it feels less achievable than ever given the state of our country and the world right now. We’re seeing our neighbors being kidnapped, peaceful protesters being assaulted and murdered, our civil rights being stripped, resources to fight the climate crisis being cut for fossil fuels and animal agriculture destroying our planet, and people’s access to food and healthcare becoming a privilege for the wealthy instead of a new basic human right for all Americans. It is very clear that protecting our planet and our communities is not a priority for this administration. And it’s really hard to celebrate that when we no longer feel safe in our own homes or in our streets.”

What’s happening right now in America is not OK. We are not OK. And we shouldn’t stop shouting it from the rooftops until everyone is OK.

Good thing I already love Billie’s music, because that right there is how you make me a fan for life. Keep fighting the good fight. Happy weekend, all.

Total Ballers

Yeah, yeah, the world has gone gaga for some hockey gays. But you know what I still can’t get over? Lesbian ballers. O, ALOTO, ALOTO, wherefore art thou, ALOTO?

So imagine my glee (no, not that kind, no one needs Gleek PTSD on top of everything else right now), when I heard that a new queer lady ballplayer show was in the works. “Slo Pitch” comes to us from Crave, the Canadian streaming service behind “Heated Rivalry.” We salute you, Canada, for your belief in equal opportunity queer sports representation. We’re so sorry about, well, everything. I mean, at least the sane among us are.

“Slo Pitch,” a comedy about lesbian softball players, actually started as a webseries. And now it will be a 10-episode series done in mockumentary style comedy which follows The Public Lass Brovaries, a queer underdog slow-pitch softball team. The show’s tagline is “Beer. Lesbians. Baseball.” I mean, what’s not to love?

Per the official synopsis:

“Welcome to the world of beer league sports, where Joanne Pico (Salgueiro) is to coach six-time league losers, The Public Lass Brovaries. Coach Joanne is dead set on turning things around this season despite having just been brutally dumped by her girlfriend and co-founder of the team. Throughout the summer, Joanne leads her lovable, chaotic crew through a season of strikeouts, petty rivalries, conservative-politician sponsors, and sexy carwash fundraisers gone wrong. With her ex now playing on a rival team, Joanne’s got a lot to prove this season. It’s time to win the breakup, get the gang back together, and maybe even find new love over beers in the dugout.”

You already had me at “Beer. Lesbians. Baseball.” Adding sexy carwashes almost seems unfair. Almost. But do it anyway, especially softball sexy style. So many wet tubesocks. *snort*

Jess Salguiero (who apparently is in the new “Frasier” reboot I barely realized existed and a couple episodes of “Orphan Black,” but honestly I’ve forgotten more of that show’s plot than I remember) stars at Coach Joanne. Emily Hampshire (a.k.a. Stevie “Are We Sure She’s Not Gay” Budd on “Schitt’s Creek”) also stars and is an executive producer and Elliot Page's PAGEBOY Productions is also behind the project.

I never watched the webseries, but have watched so many lesbian softball games in real life. So many. I don’t know if this will be the sapphics “Heated Rivalry,” but I do know the universe owes us a lesbian ballplayer show after doing us dirty with ALOTO.

A Hot Lesbian Action Movie

Does the world need a “hot lesbian action” movie by Zack Snyder? Probably not. Does the world need a “hot lesbian action” movie written by Tig Notaro by Zack Snyder? Definitely yes. Because if Tig can spin a whole movie out of “accidentally (going) viral for being sexy” then who are we to say no? Anyway, as a reminder, Tig was actually pretty darn sexy in that movie. The lesbian Tom Cruise comparisons were legit, plus come without the weirdo Scientology stuff! See, lesbians really are better. Anyway, I can’t say I love all Zack Snyder’s movies. And we’re already had our share of “Haha, there are lesbians in this!” movies (think “Lesbian Vampire Killers” and “Bitch Slap,” to name a pulpy few). Let’s hope whatever Tig and Zack dream up (which appears to be called “Deviants” and about some old-timey gay deviants) is more the latter than the former – on the lesbian pulp scale. Though I sincerely suggest they just consider renaming the film to “Hot Lesbian Action” because, truly, why would you not? Commit to the bit, and I swear it’ll pay off. That idea is free, Tig and Zack. You can thank me later. Or send me a screener, whatever works.

Tank Top Tuesday

You deserve some tank tops for making it to 2026. Heck, we all deserve a little treat for making it through the first year of The Orange Stain’s Administration 2.0. Let’s hope women are still allowed to show bare arms in tank tops a year from now. But the way things are going, well, better enjoy them while we can.

Katy O’Brian

The world needs more lesbian muscle mommies. And by world, I mean me.

Rhea Seehorn

I, admittedly, have not watched the lesbian alien dystopia show yet because I don’t have AppleTV+. But this tank top is making me want to figure out a way to watch anyway. A lot.

Melissa King

Cut-off denim vests fall under the Big Gay Tank Top Umbrella, duh.

Sarah Mclachlan & Katie Gavin

Two tank tops for the price of one and a pretty good Lilith Fair reboot start to boot.

Demi Moore

Look, if cut-off denim vests count, tuxedo dickies definitely count.

Lorde

The rare white tank and tightie whities combo I actually approve of.

Lena Headey

May we carry Lena’s flipping off the haters while rocking a tank top energy with us through 2026.

Music Monday: Hard Rain Falling

Released 63 years ago by Bob Dylan. Revived 37 years ago by Edie Brickell & New Bohemians for the Tom Cruise Vietnam War movie “Born on the Fourth of July,” Sung 10 years ago with haunting imperfection by Patti Smith at the Nobel Prize Award ceremony. I’d say it’s about time for a new artist to step in. Any takers, pop stars? Because the hard rain is falling, and we could all use some righteous music to help us find our way through it. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend (Wedding) Crush

Soccer stars Sam Kerr and Kristie Mewis got married on New Year’s Eve and the party looked amazing and amazingly gay. The Aussie and American national team players’ nuptials also landed them a glossy photo spread in Vogue Australia, which is pretty cool considering the land down under only legalized marriage equality eight years ago. (Don’t get on your high horse, America, we’ve only had it two years longer.) I truly believe that the media helping to normalize our everyday lives – because we are just normal human people who fall in love, get married, raise kids, go to work etc. etc. etc – has been key to the gains LGBTQ+ people have made toward full civil rights. Which comes from the hard work of activists over the years demanding their basic rights and moving culture forward. But, as always, those who wish we didn’t exist and were never seen remain relentless. So congrats to Sam and Kristie, the happy couple and new masc/femme wedding dream board inspo role models for sapphics everywhere.

But, seriously, how cute are they? And the tux? Low whistle.

Mazel tov, ladies. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. Posting wedding videos? See, gays really are just like everyone else.

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