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Look, I am not hugely personally invested in whether Bert & Ernie are gay (they are). But I think it’s odd how much “Sesame Street” seems invested in denying the idea that Bert & Ernie are gay (because, again, they are).

Earlier this week a former “Sesame Street” writer Mark Saltzman – who started in 1984 and spent 15 years writing for the Muppets – confirmed to Queerty the he wrote the iconic duo as a loving gay couple.

“I always felt that without a huge agenda, when I was writing Bert & Ernie, they were. I didn’t have any other way to contextualize them…. So I don’t think I’d know how else to write them, but as a loving couple.”

He said he modeled the two after his own relationship, with his then partner Arnold Glassman partner who was nicknamed Arnie. Hello, Mark & Arnie/Bert & Ernie. Saltzman went on to say:

“That’s what I had in my life, a Bert & Ernie relationship. How could it not permeate? The things that would tick off Arnie would be the things that would tick off Bert. How could it not? I will say that I would never have said to the head writer, “oh, I’m writing this, this is my partner and me.” But those two, Snuffalupagus, because he’s the sort of clinically depressed Muppet…you had characters that appealed to a gay audience. And Snuffy, this depressed person nobody can see, that’s sort of Kafka! It’s sort of gay closeted too.”

No sooner has this tiny sliver of happiness entered the public discourse when both “Sesame Street” and famed Muppeteer Frank Oz himself (who first portrayed Bert) released statements squashing the idea that Bert and Ernie were gay, in a relationship or had sexual orientations to begin with.

“Sesame Street” tweeted a statement:

“As we have always said, Bert and Ernie are best friends. They were created to teach preschoolers that people can be good friends with those who are very different from themselves. Even though they are identified as male characters and possess many human traits and characteristics (as most ‘Sesame Street’ Muppets do), they remain puppets, and do not have a sexual orientation.”

Frank Oz tweeted one too:

“It seems Mr. Mark Saltzman was asked if Bert & Ernie are gay. It’s fine that he feels they are. They’re not, of course. But why that question? Does it really matter? Why the need to define people as only gay? There’s much more to a human being than just straightness or gayness.”

So, yeah, there’s a lot to unpack here. But the main thing is some Muppets absolutely have a sexual orientation. Miss Piggy & Kermit the Frog. Oscar the Grouch & Grundgetta. And I maintain the Mahna Mahna gals are absolutely a couple – you know how lesbians start to look alike and all.

Now, I get it. Not everything has to be sexualized in this world – particularly children’s programming. But accepting that, yes, LGBTQ people exist is emphatically NOT sexualizing children’s programming. It’s revealing the world as it is. Gay people exist. Lesbians exist. Trans people exist. Bisexuals exist. Non-binary people exist. We’re not make believe. We exist.

So when a straight white male says, “Why the need to define people as only gay?” I take some issue. We don’t want to be defined as only gay. We want to be fully realized people who are gay. We want the totality of our existence acknowledged, which includes our sexual orientation. We want to be accepted and treated as equal because we are human beings who deserve to be accepted and treated as equal.

That means representing us on the media and our popular culture and our politics, et al. Yes, even on children’s programming because – again – LGBTQ people exist and deserve to be seen. Straight couples get to be represented without question on “Sesame Street.” Indeed Oz’s, “They’re not, of course,” poo-pooing of Bert & Ernie’s possible gayness comes from a place of assumed straightness. Of course, they’re straight. Duh!

Plus, let’s be super honest here, Muppets don’t wear pants and get fisted all day long. So, you know, perhaps don’t get so defensive about their sexuality and just let their freak flags fly.

Fine, so maybe I am a tad more personally invested in Bert & Ernie being gay than I thought. (Because, again, they are.)