Look at those fucking hipsters

[Click to embiggen the skinnyjeanapolooza.]

So yesterday the paparazzi found Ellen Page and Clea DuVall walking together in Old Montreal. This isn’t an enormous deal. People walk together all the time. I walked in to work yesterday with a co-worker whose name I can’t remember even though we’ve worked together for years. It doesn’t have to mean anything. Except, of course, we to think it does. Are they friends? Are they friends who wear the exact same black high-top Chucks and skinny charcoal jeans? Are they “friends.” It’s so fun to speculate . I do it. All the time. Constantly. I wallow in it sometimes. It’s silly, really. But it’s also telling.

When a celebrity we perceive as gay is spotted with another celebrity we hope is gay, woo doggie, do we project. It’s the whole Gay by Association theory. If Star A is gay and Star B knows Star A, Star B must also be gay. Dude, if only it was that easy. Don’t you think I would have made the cute barista with the cool (and might I add complimentary) spoon thumb ring gay if we had that kind of power? If merely walking down the street, going to dinner, being seen in the presence of one of us could make a person queer, honey, every day would be a gay pride parade.

I guess what this all boils down to is human nature. We’re curious creatures, that’s for sure. Sometimes I think besides opposable thumbs, the ability to gossip is what really sets humankind apart from the rest of Earth’s animals. But we also have a desperate desire to feel a little less alone on this big ball of rock going around the sun. And so if seeing someone who hope might be like us give us even the tiniest hint that she might, in fact, really be like us – well we’ll take that tiny crumb and run with it. Sometimes it’s just a crumb, sometimes it’ll lead you to the whole cake. In this case, I don’t honestly know. I have no grand thesis here. But I am glad Ellen and Clea are friends. Because in my head, Graham from “But I’m a Cheerleader” and Juno from, well – you know, “Juno,” were already BFFs. Isn’t it great when reality finally catches up to the voices in your head.

Be Brave

I am so excited for “Brave” for so many reasons. 1) Pixar, I love Pixar. 2) Red-Hair, I love red-hair. 3) Scottish accents, I love Scottish accents. And 4) A Heroine, I love a good heroine, not to be mistaken with the sort you inject and listen to jazz with. Though it’s that last bit that’s the most important. In all of its acclaimed history, Pixar has never made a movie around a heroine. They’ve had female characters, clearly, but it’s been the Nemos and WALL-Es and Woodys who have saved the day. But with “Brave,” that’s all different. Brave is set in the Scottish Highlands and follows “tomboyish” Princess Merida (voiced by real Scottish lady and “Boardwalks Empire” actress Kelly Macdonald) who has a shock of fire-red hair and appears to be handy with a bow and arrow. The rest of the voice cast includes Emma Thompson, Billy Connolly, Craig Ferguson and Julie Walters. Pretty damn impressive, if you ask me.

Now, I know there has been some complicated behind-the-scenes backstory involving the film’s original female director being replaced. But to me, while problematic, it does not detract from the true import of the thing. And that is this: Girls deserve to be the heroes of their own stories. We aren’t just damsels in distress or funny sidekicks or beautiful girlfriends. Sure we can be those things, and we sometimes are. But if that’s all we are shown as, well, then that’s doing a disservice to everyone. Boys, girls, everyone. Because in the real world, women are the heroes of their own stories every single day. You don’t need a focus group or a test market to discover this. It just is. That it’s taken so long for Hollywood to realize it, well, that’s the real fairy tale.

First rule of Fight Club

WARNING: Right, so if you haven’t watched the season premiere of “True Blood” yet, shoo. Get. Go on now. Spoilers are coming up. But if you’ve already watched or have no intention of watching but want to know what I’m talking about anyway, please, let us proceed together.

Right, so how much more do we love Tara now? Or, I should say, Toni. Man, I have to say she was one of the consistenly most annoying characters on “True Blood,” through no fault of her own but the writing’s consistent insistence on making her as the angry, clueless, angry some more victim. And, well, that’s no fun at parties. But now that Tara has effectively rebooted her life as an octagon-ready MMA fighter with a hot MMA fighting girlfriend, I suddenly find her so much more interesting. So much more.

Granted, we’re not really sure where this storyline is going. It’s problematic that Tara’s new identity comes with secrets and lies (Toni? Atlanta? Dead grandma?). And it’s also problematic that Tara seems to have come to whatever section of the gay-lesbian-bisexual sliding scale she is on after a series of really disastrous relationships with men. But, I’m just going to be super shallow and say how consequences-be-damned hot the scenes between Tara/Toni (Rutina Wesley) and Naomi (Vedette Lim) were in Monday’s premiere. What, you’re having trouble remembering? Let me help you with that.

Yes, the lying. Yes, the deception. Yes, the fake name. Yes, I know. I know. Still, so hot. If that’s the last we see of the luscious Naomi this season I will be a very, very, very unhappy camper.

Also, what’s in the water over there on “True Blood.” Right now Sookie and Jessica are practically the only female characters (OK, minus a few Merlotte’s waitresses) who haven’t gotten their lady loving on. To date: Pam (with the Estonian stripper), Queen Sophie-Anne (with Sookie’s cousin Hadley) and Nan from the American Vampire League (with some very topless lady in her limo) and now Tara and her MMA sparring partner? Granted, most of those are vamps – who I think might all be bisexual or pansexual or just plain equal opportunity about their horniness/hunger. But, still, that’s a lot of ladies willing to step up to the bat for our team on one show.

Right, like I was saying: Go Tara/Toni. Get it, girl. Get. It.

Monday Monday Monday

Kittens, I say this every year, but I think I’m too old to party three days in a row for Pride. In fact, I know it. My body won’t stop yelling it at me this morning. But, still, totally worth it. Though, I made the rookie mistake of leaving my watch on while out in the sun and festivities all day yesterday. So I’ve got awesome screw-on hands today. Other fun things that happened at Pride? New York passed gay marriage. Equality is the best reason to party, period. I met Tegan & Sara. They were casually selling merchandise at the Revel & Riot booth all day. It was fun to watch the wave of recognition as the gay ladies passed by. Oh, wait, are they…HOLY CRAP. I also met my very talented AfterEllen colleague Lindsey Byrnes. Super cool gal who is excellent at finding funnel cakes. And, let’s see what else? Cocktails. Dancing. Rainbows. You know, the usual. But because of that I’m a wee bit exhausted today. So in lieu of a full post, please enjoy 10 minutes of everyone’s favorite closet lesbian and straight-up bitch Santana Lopez doing what she does. Can you believe I only saw one “Lesbanese” T-shirt all weekend? Hope you all had a happy Pride, too. Now, who else wants a nap?

My Weekend Crush

If femme Evan Rachel Wood could date butch Evan Rachel Wood, I think they just might make the hottest lesbian couple on the planet. I mean, come on, look at them. Evan debuted her new short crop at the “True Blood” premiere this week to the delight of gay ladies everywhere. She paired her new dapper do with some tailored men’s wear and a cocksure attitude, which is practically a guaranteed formula for weak knees.

There’s just something about Evan Rachel Wood. There always has been, from the moment sensitive Jessie Sammler first realized she may like girls, and kissed one, I knew. She’s different – and not just in that “I used to date Marilyn Manson”-way. She’s different because she never seemed to want to be the next Julia Roberts. She never seemed too concerned with box office potential or landing the next big blockbuster franchise. Yet she still did good work. From “Thirteen” to “The Wrestler” to “Mildred Pierce” and now “True Blood,” she has a knack for finding her own way and making it shine. You want to follow her career because you know it’ll be interesting. It has to be, just look at her – especially in her vest and slacks.

Now you truly believe what she told the Esquire interviewer earlier this year when she came out as bisexual – that the North Carolina gentleman comes out in her when she’s with a woman. “I’m the dominant one. I’m opening the doors, I’m buying dinner. Yeah, I’m romantic.” Honey, you can buy me dinner anytime. Happy Pride Weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: In Knots Edition

So, I’m thinking of wearing a tie out this Pride Weekend. I don’t usually wear ties, though I love them. As a kid, playing dress up with my dad’s old disguared ties was one of my most favorite games. (Seriously, how did I not know earlier?) But as an adult I haven’t ventured out in them too much for a number of reasons. My workplace is pretty casual. I’m not actually all that butch. I’m absolute rubbish at tying them. And, well, it can be a little stereotypical (I know, I know – big gay watch, big gay thumb ring, big gay chunky belt already). But this year I’m just really feeling the allure of a beautiful cravate. Naturally, I turn to my ladies of the gender fuck for inspiration. My, what lovely inspiration it is.

Annie LennoxWatch and learn, children, watch and learn

Marion CotillardShe makes me want to be a better woman in men’s clothes.

Anne HathawayThis photo proves that Anne needs to play gay in a movie immediately, if not sooner.

Karolina KurkovaI don’t usually feature models (let alone two, with Miranda Kerr above), but I was helpless against the killer lip bite and loose tie combination.

Kate MoennigCan’t explain the hair or the gloves. But I do love the tie.

BeyoncéI just like how she’s always leaning. Against stuff. She leans great

Selma BlairIf this was a “No Shirt, No Hands Down Pants, No Service” establishment, Selma would be in big trouble.

Lucille BallThe real reason we loved Lucy.

There, now don’t you feel all inspired? Now the only question left is which knot to use. And when, exactly, to loosen it.

Love in the Big House

Lesbian in prison making out? So cliché. Lesbians in prison making out played by Mary-Louise Parker? Sign me up! Arrest me! Throw away the goddamn key! Right, sorry, getting ahead of myself. Everyone's favorite pot dealer returns for the new season of “Weeds” and things have, well, changed. (Spoilers for Season 7, though nothing not in the promos already.) It has been three years since the end of last season. In that time Nancy Botwin has turned herself in. Went to prison. And, by all appearances, went gay. Really, really gay. Observe.

[NOTE: Took out the embed to rid us of the damned autoplay. But if you haven't seen it, or want to relive it, click on over to E! where it was originally posted. It doesn't autoplay there, for what it's worth.]

Granted, this is more than likely a L.U.P. situation (Lesbian Until Parole, a second cousin twice removed from Lesbian Until Graduation). Still, I will take my Mary-Louise making out with another woman any way I can get it. Plus, I started watching “Bad Girls” during vacation which has made me a total convert to the subtle art of prison courtship. Anyway. Where was I? Oh, yeah, Mary-Louise. Hey, you're not paying attention either. You're rewatching the clip. Fine, I'll wait. It's Nancy whispering goodbye into Zoya’s ear right before leaving that gets me the most. In that one breathy moment you can see their entire past relationship flash before you. And, man, is it hot.

Though I think we should all be thanking ourselves for this scene. It looks like our letter-writing campaign last season must have paid off. What? You don’t remember that letter you wrote? Well let me refresh your memory. Last year in her interview with Vanity Fair, the reporter asked if she’d be getting any lady action with the lesbian pot dealer played by Linda Hamilton.

MLP: Yeah, yeah, I hear you. But no, that’s not happening. It’s just something they put in the trailer because it’s funny, but it doesn’t actually happen. It’s not a bad idea though. I’ve always thought that Nancy should have sex with a woman. It’d be good for her.

VF: Would it help if we started a letter-writing campaign?

MLP: Like a grassroots sort of thing? Yeah, we should do it. “People In Support of Nancy Botwin Embracing Lesbianism.” Right on.

Score one for the mighty pen. And, now we get to see if sex with a woman was indeed good for Nancy. I know it was good for me.

My love for Mary-Louise is long and storied. It started, as it did with most of us, with Ruth. And it’s carried over through her career in movies and TV. I love her adult brand of sexy. It’s not coy, it just is. When you’re a grown-ass sexy woman, you don’t have to play games. I mean, you can if you’re into that. But if you’re like Mary-Louise you can just smile and show us what you’ve got, knowing full well that we’ll want it. And we do, we really, really do.

Tank Top Tuesday

You know what’s nice to wear when sailing on a ship? Tank tops. You know what’s nice to see when talking about lesbian “ships?” Tank tops. Life has this beautiful symmetry to it sometimes. Today, in honor of some of our favorite gay lady relationships on TV (maintext, subtext & just the voices in our head varieties), how about a little friendly couple competition? Which pair wears it best? And, to get even more cutthroat, which partner in each pairing wears it best? Total lezzer tank top supremacy awaits, ladies. Choose wisely.

Naya RiveraStill No. 1 in our hearts, minds and pants.

Heather MorrisStill No. 1 in Santana’s heart, mind and pants.

Anna SilkIf you haven’t watched “Lost Girl,” I actually pity you.

Zoie PalmerDr. Hot Pants should always pair them with a tightly fitted tank. Always.

Sara RamirezTank scrubs, think about it Seattle Grace.

Jessica CapshawReally, really think about it Seattle Grace.

Lily LovelessLily, a pint and that smirk – it’s all a growing girl needs to survive.

Kat PrescottThough, of course, a daily supplement of Kat couldn’t hurt either.

Lea MicheleNow this is entirely different kind of “bait girl” look. I approve.

Dianna AgronWearing a tank top is basically the same thing as wearing a “Likes Girls” T-shirt, no?

Angie HarmonThis season on “Rizzoli & Isles,” in addition to wanting more eye sex we should all demand more tank tops.

Sasha AlexanderIsles being a Rizzoli is both confusing and hot. So. Fucking. Hot.

Man, life is just one tough decision after another.

Reality check

Let’s talk, for a moment, about this horrible trend of fake lesbian bloggers. Both the authors of A Gay Girl in Damascus and Lez Get Real were revealed as frauds when, after amassing followings and support, they confessed to being married straight white men. They even flirted a little with each other as fake lesbian bloggers, which is the most and only funny part of these stories. Because what they did represents an insane breach of trust. Sure, you can’t believe everything you read on the internet. You can’t even believe half of it. But you expect that people who dedicate themselves to writing about important issues of equality and justice come from, at every least, a place of truth. Now, these two men could care very deeply about LGBT rights. They could, in fact, be great advocates. But they can’t do that while lying to their readerships. And what they did hurts us all. It makes people wonder, is it all fake?

Well, no, it’s not. I want to go on record and say, again, that I am not a straight white married man. I am not a man. I am not straight. I am not married. I am not any combination of the three. I am a gay gal who loves to write about pop culture and has done so online since 2006. The fact that married straight white dudes want to masquerade online as lesbian bloggers boggles my mind beyond comprehension. I really don’t understand why they bother. This isn’t a road to riches or any kind of quantifiable fame. It’s hard work that takes day-in-day-out commitment. Did they think this would be a way to somehow hook up with lesbians? Did they want to fantasize about being a gay woman? Did they just want to find better recipes for homemade hummus? I have no idea. But it makes me sad.

I write online because I love it. Writing, engaging, finding people who obsess about TV as much as I do. And I don’t reveal my “secret identify,” such as it is, for a number of reasons. I was always a shy child, and continue as an adult to fight persistent flashes of the tendency. That’s made me a private and cautious person. I seem to have missed the internet exhibitionist gene that afflicts so many these days. I also believe that writing is, ultimately, about the words. Without a face to put to them, it’s only about ideas and thoughts. So then it also becomes about trust. Do you trust the person on the other end of a glowing screen? I hope you do. I hope in the more than five years I’ve been banging away at a keyboard you’ve come to understand a little something about little old me. I don’t think you need to know what a person looks like to know what’s in their heart or mind (in my case: tank tops, girls in suits and a life-sized cut-out of Tina Fey). So today what I’d really like to do is thank you. Thank you for trusting me enough to come back, day-after-day, and to share this little corner of the Internet together where we can talk about high art and low art and really smart girls. I never take it for granted.

p.s. Yep, that’s really me in the picture. Well, at least my lips and terrible cuticles.

My Weekend Crush

The thing about equality is we’ll never get it on our own. There simply aren’t enough of us. The truth we sometimes like to forget is that the vast, vast, vast majority of the world simply isn’t gay. Straight peeps be everywhere, yo. Like almost any minority group, our GLBT rights depend on fair-minded people who aren’t like us championing justice over their own majority. So then when a straight (or straight identified, we’ll get to that later) person comes out and wears her support for us with pride, I can do nothing but applaud. Which is exactly what I did when those first shots of Dianna Agron wearing her now-infamous “Likes Girls” shirt on the Glee Live Tour surfaced this past weekend. All right, I might have let out something between a yelp and a gurgle in excitement instead.

Granted it also raised an eyebrow. But those questions were all answered the next day when Dianna herself wrote a lengthy post on her Tumblr about The T-shirt Heard Around the World. As she said in part:

Yesterday, during our second show, instead of wearing my usual shirt during “Born This Way” I decided to wear one that said “Likes Girls”. It should actually have read, “Loves Girls”, because I do. The women in my life give me things that the men in my life can’t. And vice-versa. No, I am not a lesbian, yet if I were, I hope that the people in my life could embrace it whole-heartedly. And let me tell you, I can easily spill (quite comfortably) what I admire, respect and think is beautiful about any of the women in my life. Piece of cake!

Last night, I wanted to do something to show my respect and love for the GLBT community. Support that people could actually see. Which is why I decided to change my shirt for the show. I happened to read a few comments that were posted on twitter. Many of you asked, “why?” This is my response. I am not asking for you to agree with what I am saying, but if you are listening, thank you. That is all I can ask. And a step further would be to take a moment to (honestly) answer the questions that I have raised. We can’t always put ourselves in someone else’s shoes. But we can try.

Now, I know there might still be some lingering gray area for some of you about exactly what this declaration meant. I know she didn’t say, “No, I am not bisexual.” But the intent, to me, seemed so pure and so heartfelt that I take it not only at face value but as a gift. We need more people like Dianna, straight-identified famous folks who are willing to be unabashed in their support for our rights. And we really need more unfamous folks, straight allies from every corner of the world, too come forward and say enough with the hate an intolerance. Face it, without them we’ll keep getting sent to the back of the bus.

We’re all born how we’re born. Gay people, straight people. We can’t help it. But we can help how we treat each other. Sometimes in this world, it seems all we hear about are the bad seeds. Those amongst us who sow bigotry and fear. But I still believe there are enough good people who can see past who we love and recognize it for what it really is – love, period. Dianna Agron, she’s one of the good ones. We need more like her in this world. Also, seriously, could she be any prettier? No, no she could not. Happy weekend, all.

Picture perfect

KITTENS! Did you miss me? I missed you! So much! Like crazy! I had an aces vacation though. I got to see Italy for the very first time. I got to wade into the Mediterranean Sea for the very first time. I ate pretty much every carb I could find across five countries. I learned that instead of exchanging our worthless dollars for Euros, Americans should just bring suitcases full of Converse and Coca-Cola to barter with instead. And, of course, I took lots and lots of pictures. Pictures of the beautiful Tuscan landscape. Pictures of the impossibly azure water. Pictures of food, glorious food. And, yes, even a few pictures of myself. (If you’re so inclined, you can catch a few of my holiday snaps over at Ms. Snarker Regrets.) What I learned is that taking good pictures is hard and that I should probably stick to this word thing. But that’s not to dissuade others from lifting a lens. And, if the lady behind said lens happens to be lovely herself – like the luscious Rosario Dawson – well, all the better. Say cheese, darlings.

Marion CotillardLight, camera, drool.

Naomi WattsMy what a big…lens you have. Yes, lens, definitely lens.

Diane KrugerThis is exactly how I looked reviewing my vacation pictures in the hotel room. And by “exactly,” I mean that I too had a suitcase and a camera.

Kristen BellSome Kristens seen perennially sunny in front of a camera.

Kristen StewartSome do not.

Helena Bonham CarterOh, Helena, if I was wearing that outfit I’d insist on being the one behind the camera as well.

Penelope CruzThere should, however, be some sort of law that Penelope only gets to be on the receiving end of a camera lens.

Mena SuvariWhere’d she go? Remember when she was everywhere?

Drew BarrymoreHey, it’s Thursday. And nothing says, “Welcome back from vacation,” like a little Gender Fuck.

It’s good to be back, kittens. It’s good to be back.

Vacation Vixen: Frankie Rayder, Liv Tyler & Eva Mendes

So it’s the last day of my vacation. Why not go out with a threeway?

Vacation Vixen: Noomi Rapace

But I did not go to Sweden during any part of my vacation. Pity.

Vacation Vixen: Sophia Loren

I went to Italy for part of my vacation, how could I not?

Vacation Vixen: Tilda Swinton

Even the back of her head is fucking fascinating.

Vacation Vixen: Beyoncé

Beyoncé’s thighs should be registered as a national treasure.