Monday, September 22, 2008

Emmys on the Rocks

What do you call five Emmy hosts and not one single laugh? The first eight minutes of last night's Emmy Awards telecast. And when I say not one single laugh, I mean the sound you'd hear in a black hole. And it got a whole lot worse before it got a whole lot better. And, when I say a whole lot better, I mean Tina Fey. Once, twice, three times a Tina Fey. What? You thought I'd miss an opportunity to rave about my gal? Again? Sheesh, it's like you don't even know me at all. But more on her later.

The Emmys are, at best, Oscar's less flashy younger sister. At worst they're the wicked stepsister Oscar can't uninvite from Thanksgiving dinner. Last night's show started out in stepsister territory and was only saved from a permanent banishment from all future family gatherings by some deserving winners. No, I'm not talking automatic-for-the-Emmy winners like Jeremy Piven (third consecutive, really? Though his zing on the uber-lame Emmy opening bit redeemed him a tad). Speaking of the five-headed hosting monster of Bergeron-Klum-Mandel-Probst-Seacrest, I've seen more chemistry in a bag of Pop Rocks.

And while I'm on the topic, whoever had the bright idea to have two men literally rip the clothes off of Heidi Klum should be fired. No, wait, they should first be paraded into a public square and have their clothes ripped off. Then they should be fired. I'd expect some terrible, not to mention terribly sexist (the real kind, not the Palin variety), stunt on “Who Wants to Marry America's Most Eligible Pirate Whisperer,” but never on a show that is actually supposed to award excellence.

Now I will try to forget the night's copious blerg-worthy bits and only think the happy thoughts the night's most deserving winners gave me. A salute to the people who made losing those three hours of my life called the Emmy Awards seem almost worth it.

Glenn Close: Best Actress in a Drama
“We're proving that complicated, powerful, mature women are sexy in high entertainment and can carry a show. I call us the sisterhood of the TV drama divas.” Darn tooting!

Sandra Oh: Emmy Presenter/Nominee
“My parents couldn't be prouder, unless I actually was a doctor.” Oh, Sandra, please don't let that stop you from playing naughty doctor with me whenever you want.

Laura Linney: Best Actress in a Miniseries/Movie
The woman who played Abigail Adams thanks all the “community organizers who helped form our country.” Yes, she can...go there. p.s. Is it just me or does Laura totally look like Laurel Holloman's long-lost sister here?

Stephen Colbert: Outstanding Writing for a Variety/Music/Comedy Program
His bit equating McCain with prunes later in the night was great, but what was best was watching a truly humbled and honored Colbert accept the trophy. Person/character, character/person. Now I can't wait to see the character crow about it next week.

Tina Fey: Queen of Fucking Everything
(Best Comedy Writing, Actress, Series)

Oh, kittens. From her proclamation of “Oh, nerds” when she won her first award of the night (for writing) to her thanking of her parents for “raising me to have confidence that is disproportionate with my looks and abilities. Well done. That is what all parents should do” (while winning for acting) and her recitation of all the places online and TV you can watch “30 Rock” (watch, dammit, watch!) she alone made those three hours of my life worth it. Plus, did you see her holding hands with Amy Poehler when she came on to present? Commence femslash in 5-4-3-2-1...

[Click any to enlarge, especially that last one.]

p.s. I cannot possibly overemphasize how much the show (minus its winners) both sucked and blew. Wretched, utterly wretched.


The Gentleman said...

Tina Fey: Queen of Fucking Everything! LOL
Those 3 wins (4 if we included Alec Baldwin for best actor) were totally worth it 3 hours of my life (european time again... here started at 2am... sigh)

Samantha Adams said...

Wow, that last picture of Tina and Amy is really amazing! (yeah, I'm on first name basis with both of them... because I can't spell Amy's last name and I'm too lazy to look it up...)

Sarah in Chicago said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you ... seriously, who the flying fuck thought the idea of violently stripping a woman half naked on stage was 'funny'?

Tina Fey, of course, is Teh Awesomeness, and seriously deserves finally to be getting some real recognition for her talent.

Though can I be a stereotypical femme and go all drooly over Catherine Keener totally rocking the pant suit?

Seriously, I'm either finding out who her designer is or I'm raiding her wardrobe (I'd say 'stripping it off her', but then, I have class and don't do that unless asked. In private.)

Anonymous said...

Do you think Tina is intentionally going without her glasses to distinguish herself from Palin (as if the distinction wasn't clear)?

jennifer from pittsburgh said...

Tina Fey...I hardly know where to begin. She's everything that is funny and wonderful in the universe! I rewatched the 30 Rock ep 'Rosemary's Baby' last week and I have to tell ya, that line about never going to a second location with a hippie is true comedy gold!

Collins said...

oh snarker! i, too, felt tina was the only thing that got me through that train wreck of an emmy telecast last night.

though i was late to the 30 rock (and fey) bandwagon (season 2 had me at mystic pizza: the musical), i now shout fey's brilliance from the roof tops to everyone i know, especially the smart ladies and discerning gentlemen who can appreciate greatness when they see it.

i can't wait for 30 rock to return in late october, but in the meantime, i will find comfort in hulu and and nbc on demand and youtube and anywhere else ms. fey can be found.

Anonymous said...

Tina pulling her acceptance speech out from her cleavage was pure class.

Microkritter said...

I knew as I watched Tina win the first time that I could come to my favorite blog to hear about her.
You did not disappoint. Thank you.
And honestly, what was with so many awards for mini-series/movie? Then they gave the awards for guests in drama and comedy series on another night. But those are the shows I watch!
Horrible, horrible show.

Pyewacket said...

"Sheesh, it's like you don't even know me at all."

Oh, there was one sure bet for me today and that was seeing your Monday blog be about Tina and Emmy.

And no, I don't mean Amy. lol

Thanks for not disappointing! :)

Tina and Amy rocked but I almost missed them at the beginning because I knew something utterly crap-worthy was about to happen when William Shatner was ushered onto the stage regarding Heidi. So I turned the channel for a bit.

Ms. Klum looked HOT in the tux and should have stayed in that. She was much more watchable among her fellow co-hosts when they first all came out. She certainly presented a better figure then the guys.

Anonymous said...

Tina Fey: Queen of Fucking Everything! Golly I agree.

What areally, really, really bad show.....

oh the pain...

roark said...

I'm glad she won. She deserves it.

But I turned the show off after Fey and Poehler presented....

Anonymous said...

Don't really like Tina's new 'do but loved her wins for acting, writing, and best comedy series. Can't wait for the new season of 30 Rock to start! Thanks for sharing the pics and quotes DS!


Karin said...

I saw Heidi Klum come out in a suit, and I was like, "Wow, that's hot." And then when I saw William Shatner come on stage, I knew that they were going to pull it off and it all happened in slow motion. Horrific. And then the whole Brooke Shields thing. I can't believe she agreed to do that! Ugh.

But Tina Fey was totally the saving grace of that show. I laughed hysterically (really the only time I laughed during the entire show) during her skit with Amy.

Trihardist said...

Emmy's? Didn't watch them. But I'm sure they were gods-awful.

But your recap, Ms. Snarker? Pure brilliance.

*cosmic freak* said...

I was very sad they didn't have the rerun in my country (I'll check again today but chances are). It was aired live but it was during the time we good people who had to go to the office to earn a living could not slack off work just for the emmy's.

However, thanked god for the brain He has giveth to the people who invented the internet. :-)

Tina Fey deserves all win! No, she should just host the bloody show, win all awards and let us have 3 full hours of her, only her!

dc said...

Quote from Tina Fey at the Emmy about Palin:

"I want to be done playing this lady Nov. 5," she said. "So if anybody can help me be done playing this lady Nov. 5, that would be good for me."