Monday, January 10, 2011

This slays me

So last night, in a moment of weakness and because nothing else was on TV and it was a free preview weekend for Showtime, I cracked and finally watched “Twilight.” I’d resisted watching a single “Twilight” movie for more than two full years. Of course, I heard all about them. Unless you lived in a cave (without cable service or the internet service or subscription service to “Entertainment Weekly”), it was impossible to ignore the phenomena. But until last night I’d just scoffed on principle. Now, well, now I feel I can scoff with authority. It’s not necessarily that I thought “Twilight” was terrible – I take it back, every time Bella and Edward spoke to each other it was terrible. It’s just that it’s such an outmoded kind of love story. Really, the weak girl needs a strong man to protect her? Really, stalking as a form of romantic courtship? Really, “You’re like my own personal brand of heroin,” really? Whuck?

I guess what “Twilight” really does is make me miss “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” even more. Because instead of being about a fragile girl and her gallant, broody vampire protector, it was the story of a gallant girl who protected the world and, OK, occasionally dated broody vampires. But at least none of her vampire boyfriends sparkled in the sun like a sullen disco ball. Buffy also had Willow and Xander. And Willow had Tara and extra flamey candles. It also has the L Word (Lllll-esbians!) and the F Word (Fffff-eminism) and the P Word (Ppppp-op culture zingers!) I need to go pull out my DVDs immediately and hug them tight.

I know it’s unfair to compare “Buffy” and “Twilight,” really. One is about a romance set to appeal to teen girls and people’s inner teen girl and the other is about subverting of all those teen girl romances and carving its own path. But just in case those of you watching at home had forgotten, Buffy is better. And all those teenage girls sleeping soundly on their Team Edward or Team Jacob pillows should instead be sleeping under a big Team Buffy comforter. Because that’s the real stuff dreams are made of. Also – come on – Buffy would clean the floor with Edward. Seriously, not even close.

39 comments:

Trish said...

I have yet to watch ANY Twilight movie just on principle. Thats all my friends talk about. Its just another teen girl thing. Like the Jo Bros and JBeiber.I just hope it ends soon.Im just sick of hearing bout it at school.

Shade said...

Thank you so much for this. Buffy rules!! I only watched the movies to see what the singing was all about. ;) It only made me want to throw Mr. Pointy at Edward.. seriously.

Shade said...

Thank you so much for this. Buffy rules!! I only watched the movies to see what the singing was all about. ;) It only made me want to throw Mr. Pointy at Edward.. seriously.

Josephine said...

I watched Twilight, finally, after sincere recommendations from grown-up friends who should know better. It was so bad that I almost turned it off in the middle, but I stuck it out. After that, I could not stop rolling my eyes for a week. Literally, every time I thought about Twilight, my eyes would roll involuntarily. Never again!

Anonymous said...

you´re RIGHT, Buffy rocks! and make me laugh, remember “Twilight” people? Sense of humor!!!

Melinda said...

I know this link might get me tagged as spam, but this post reminds me of one of my favorite t-shirts: http://www.jinx.com/women/shirts/geek/buffy_staked_edward_womens.html?catid=1&cs=19&csd=buffy

It always gets me laughs and hell yeah's when I wear it.

Robin said...

I've only watched the first Twilight movie once, and only agree to do so with the promise that we could MST3K the hell out of it (which we did). Afterward, we watched a little Lost Boys as a palate cleanser.

If you're into such nerdery, there's a great Tumblr blog called Reasoning with Vampires that's deconstructing the poor writing quality of the books, as well as the unfortunate values they contain. I always click through from my RSS reader just for the hilarious tags and comments.

Anonymous said...

I want to echo the bad writing comment. My niece began reading these books a few years ago, and I quickly jumped into reading with her - excited she was getting into my first love. I couldn't get past the terrible writing quality of the first few chapters, let alone the rest of the series. Thank the goddesses she's reasoned enough to recognize the crappy quality and avoid the books from then on. That these books are put in the same category as Harry Potter (for introducing series reading, not content) makes me cringe - the writing is atrociously unoriginal. Sorry for the tl;dr. Just awful! I can only imagine how bad the movies would be.

phillydyke said...

here here! i'm not a buffy fan but i can understand why a show that empowers women and in fact, has a butt kicking woman as its main character is awesome. twilight....eeek, not so much.

Vale said...

Omg, I'm so loving you right now! Loved this post!

Emily said...

You want a good vampire movie with a kick-ass woman? Underworld. Kate Beckinsale in tight leather doesn't hurt either. ;)

My friends who've read the Twilight books (I haven't) say that the movies keep getting better. IMO, they keep getting more boring and downright terrible. Stay far far away from the Twilight series.

Amanda said...

That video was amazing

Amanda

Norma Desmond said...

THIS. There is really nothing more to be said. Of course, now I want to go and watch Buffy all the way through...

Anonymous said...

I must jump in here to defend my Twilight. To those of you who comment that the writing is bad, you obviously don't read much. These books are not just interesting storytelling but exceptional writing. Note: the worldwide bestseller status. Dorothy you are wrong. The character of Bella is immensely identifiable as are the characters of Edward and Jacob. Before i was gay, i was straight. And that is precisely why I LOVE TWILIGHT Series. My first love was a guy and i loved him with a passion. But my last and present love is a woman and i love her with the same passion as Edward has for Bella. TWLIGHT FOREVER. I'm TEAM JACOB though. But still, the book and the movie rock!

Karin said...

Only watched Twilight because my girlfriend wanted to and immediately wanted those hours of my life back, but couldn't stop watching - it's like rubbernecking at a horrific car accident.

Oh, and that Buffy/Edward video is Ah-mazing.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the remix. That rocked!

Betty said...

YES! Finally someone who writes what I've been thinking since I saw the first Twilight movie. I absolutely loathed the dialogue between Ed and Bella. It was actually quite awkward to watch.

Spellbound said...

Don't get me wrong, I will never, EVER defend twilight against Buffy but the books were a lot less painful than the movies. Although there were too many of them and they were unnecessarily long winded.

As far as being 'best selling' as another person has said, that doesn't mean they're good. That just means a lot of people have purchased them. There are numerous things that have sold well that are terrible. The tween base of the twilight books is a huge audience, pant wetting, screaming girls aren't always the best judges of things.

Buffy is, and will always be the more superior of the two, in both its writing and execution.

Anonymous said...

When I first started reading this entry, my reaction was a horrified, "Oh dear God, no! She's going to say she gave it a try and has actually learned to like it!" From someone who has read the books and watched the first movie in an attempt to be fair, I can say that I am THRILLED by your disapproval and couldn't agree with you more. That series is the most poorly written series I've read in a long time, not to mention the atrocity that is Bella as a role model for young women to look up to.

Also, I think you'll enjoy this t-shirt here. ;)

http://www.hottopic.com/hottopic/Apparel/TShirts/WordTees/Buffy-Staked-Edward-TShirt-249172.jsp

Anonymous said...

I love Twlight and the entire series. Just watched the first two installments this weekend on Showtime and rented Eclipse. Introduced my girlfriend to it and she too is in love with the movies. We can't wait until the 4th movie comes out. I don't know what is with you people on this board. Must all heroines fit Your idea of what she should be? Who are you??

Anonymous said...

I dont know about all the buffy versus bella stuff but that Jacob is fine as hell. Awesome body! And before you ask, yes I'm bi.

cocoro said...

hahaha, you hugged your DVD tight?
I laughed a lot, I love that sentence!

thanks for today's posting!
It's almost evening,
nice evening, then~

Anonymous said...

Word.

Anonymous said...

*kneels*
*gulp*
"marry me?"

TheWeyrd1 said...

Once upon a time, I watch a bad online pirated copy of the first installment of Twilight...I was like..."meh". But I figured it might have been the bad version...scratchy and faded like a camera phone copy from the movie theater. So, yeah, I watched the second one on free Showtime. Good thing I was multitasking...heh.

Alexa said...

Can't agree more!! My husband and I are re-watching Buffy and Angel series. Truly Joss Whedon created the best vampire culture. The only other series that comes close is True Blood.

Sercee said...

"Best Seller" does not equal "Quality Writing", and from my understanding of discussions with friends who are extremely well read and well spoken, Twilight is definately the former, not the latter.

I have not read or watched Twilight. Now and then I think I should download it (I cring at the thought of paying for it) so I can have an honest opinion but...I...just...can't! Vampires do not sparkle, Pattinson is difficult to stomach in a short role let alone a starring one, and I need my characters to at least pretend they're intelligent and dynamic. So, I haven't yet.

Oh, Kate Beckinsale is hot in that PVC onesie, but kinda has too much "rebellious teenager" vibe to it. I'll stick with Spike, Vlad, and Bella Lugosi.

Anonymous said...

Seriously, Twilight bashing? I would never expect that "oh-I-am-so-superior-for-hating-some-teen-series-everyone-pretends-to-loathe-because-it's-trendy". That's so original. Oh, wait... I would.

Seriously, Miss, you need to change the ink in your pen or something, because you're singing on the same note over and over again. Lesbian or no lesbian, you're boring as hell, constantly bitching and whining about things no one gives a slightest fuck. Get a life or something.

I think I know what your frustration comes from. See Boardwalk Empire, soufragette talk at the birthday party scene and you'll get it.

Anonymous said...

Oh, and one more thing. It's no surprise you don't understand "personal brand of heroine" thing. I'm almost sorry for you. Almost. That means you have no slightest idea what real love is. How you love the other person so much it actually hurts, how you desire them the way a junkie desires their kick. Sometimes even stronger. That's one of the most amazing experiences one may live through. Good or bad for you, that's a different story. But I'm not surprised that you don't get what's going on between Edward and Bella at all, since you seem to lack understanding of anything that doesn't scream "Lesbians!". I can imagine how you were disappointed by this movie, for there were certainly no boobs or butts in it. Boardwalk Empire, lady. That's all I want to say. Go and bash Twilight with your sycophants, I'm sure now you feel better about yourself, don't ya?

hopshackles said...

Buffy slayed Edward, the end.

MakingSpace said...

Love that - as soon as I started reading I hoped you would link that Buffy/Edward mashup vid. Awesome, LOL.

Amanda said...

Wow. Blogs are for opinions. If you don't agree with the blog, don't read it.

Amanda

Anonymous said...

OMG who's the screamy whackadoo tween having a hategasm at 0930 and 0946 or whatever! LOOOLLLL!

Don't slit your wrists, honey. Jesus.

Anonymous said...

My wrists are fine, thanks for your concern, sweetheart. Hategasm... that's a good one. Actually, this was exactly what I expected. Most people are just brainless sheep, repeating what someone said or wrote, and never using their brains, because then it would appear their vision is not the one and only. Use your brains, honey. If you think that only emotional teens read or watch The Twilight Saga, then I'm sorry for you. You should broaden your horizons a little. You know, read a book or something. it doesn't need to be twilight. Try James Joyce. I'm sure all of you read works of Aristotle and Plato (hint: Plato is not a Disney character). Twilight? Some teen romance, naaah.

I bet you are not aware that in Shakespeare's times his "Romeo and Juliet" was also considered a stupid teen romance.

What's really stupid, it is a bunch of people who criicize just to criticize, so other wouldn't think that they are (God forbid!) not cool.
Oh, and by the way, show me a "screaming tween", who uses words such as "sycophants" on the net and watches things like Boardwalk Empire. I'll buy you a beer. Seriously. You just don't get it, do you?

As for The Grinch... pardon me, Snarker, I used to really like this blog. Some posts were a pleasure to read. But recently... I kept reading, hoping that her constant whining and bitching on the same note would was only temporary (like, we all are whining bitches, sometimes). But no. These remarks on Twilight over and over again, constant bashing because it is oh-so-funny-oh-so-trendy-oh-how-smart-I-am... Woman, we get it, you don't like it, because it has no lesbians. Although you have no idea, what you're writing about, we get it. And this St. Kurt Show, that Glee has become, and... Now it is just enough. You're right, I don't have to read it. So I won't, anymore. You can stay in your little, narrow-minded world and bash Twilight because everyone else does. So original.

Regards to all the ass-lickers,

"Screaming Whackadoo Tween"

PS. This nickname is so good that I'll consider actually using it.

Ryou said...

I'm sorry to say that I've finally given in to watch Twilight half a year ago because of Kristen Stewart. And her LOOK is the only thing I remember from the whole movie. My rating for it from 1 to 100 is probably 2.

Celine said...

Wow, the Twilight thing sure brought out some interesting folks who seem to lack a sense of humor. There are things I absolutely adore (like Glee), but I can joke about it, too. It's called having perspective.

I love the Buffy character because she's strong and independent. I have read all the Twilight books and seen the movies, and Bella doesn't seem to have any defining qualities except when it comes to her feelings for her two guys.

When Edward leaves her, she sits and does nothing for months. When Angel left Buffy, she hurt but she didn't completely shut down. Because there was more to her than Angel. And she had a world to save. A lot.

And Edward's proclaiming he would literally kill himself if Bella dies might be a romantic notion to some, but to me, it says he really needs a life outside of his girlfriend. Seriously. What the heck does Bella do outside of Edward? She lusts after (and toys with) Jacob. Lovely.

Anonymous said...

Only reason I own the Twilight movies : Alice. Also, I sleep with my Buffy seasons only 3 feet away from me. :)

Your friend, Rusty said...

Yikes, somebody considers Bella a "heroine"‽

Anonymous said...

Buffy and Twilight same stuff but different generations ...both are mewwwwww