Wednesday, July 02, 2008

My girlfriend is back

Ahhh, Sarah Haskins. Where was she during Pride Weekend? (Yes, I got a tiny bit of that vibe too, ladies.) Her latest “Target Women” segment takes on Botox. Look, I know no one is particularly thrilled about aging. Heck, old Ponce de León died searching for that elusive Fountain of Youth. But now, thanks to modern medicine and centuries-old poisonous neurotoxins, you too can paralyze tiny muscles in your face in an attempt to look young and totally expressionless. Yay for botulism! Let’s let Sarah explain.



My favorite line: “They want them boners back!” My second favorite line: “Don’t listen to me, I’m a form of punctuation that signifies an aside.” Grammatically correct and hilarious. Be still my heart.

True story, I have a beautiful 28 year-old-friend who uses Botox. She is twenty-freaking-eight! And she is beautiful! And she lets a doctor inject botulism into her forehead! What the fuck? It borders on evil how the cosmetic and pharmaceutical industries prey on the one thing that is guaranteed to happen to every single one of us. How’s that song go?

But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I’m getting older too...

We all are, so stop making us feel so fucking bad about it. Being healthy and trying to look your best is one thing. Intentionally paralyzing parts of your face is entirely another. For God’s sake, if you wouldn’t eat it when it’s festering in a can, why the hell would you willingly shoot it into your face?

16 comments:

Lezlie Mac said...

Ms.Snarker, I can't see the vid ! The fun is lost on me..

The Gentleman said...

this is the URL for the video:

http://current.com/items/89053755_target_women_botox

... and the fun is back again ;)

Anonymous said...

28?! WTF. Tell me she makes fun of Nicole Kidman's face too. What are people thinking?!?

I've only heard about Ms. Sarah through you, but she is lovely. :) I shall look for more.

Editrix said...

Ah, yes. Parentheses. I too love the "I'm a form of punctuation" bit.

I also love how out-of-body-ish I feel when I watch Sarah Haskins's video about yogurt (http://www.salon.com/mwt/broadsheet/2008/05/12/yogurt/index.html) and -- in the midst of laughing my ass off -- go, "Wait, that's Alice Pieszecki! Alice! ALICE! What are you doing in this yogurt commercial?"

Editrix said...

I see you already posted a link to the yogurt video (http://dorothysurrenders.blogspot.com/2008/06/i-dothink-youre-hilarious.html).

I suck.

See, this is why leaving a blog comment terrifies me as much as leaving a voicemail. One minute, you're sharing perfectly normal information. The next minute, you're in the middle of a long, pointless monologue about your phobia of dentists, or that time you went to Kennywood Park when you were seven, or some other thing no one wants to hear about.

I'm shutting up now.

Lezlie Mac said...

Editrix, fear not! This is a friendly frenzy free comment area. Hell, I comment on not being able to find a video on a web site...That's how low you can go. So I'd say you're good.

Grazie The Gentleman, you rock. Hilarious indeed. I'm in love. Sarah, marry me.

moinfo said...

A friend just sent me an e-mail about this website a couple of days ago. It's goes well with your post. It's completely and totally scary. http://www.mybeautifulmommy.com/

Amanda said...

"Is it my turn to bring orange slices to soccer??!"

Too good

Amanda

Anonymous said...

I'm becoming a fan of her too, thanks to you... She stikes me (but not hard) as the love child of Willow from BTVS and Ellen (yes, that one). Not a bad combo in my book. But if she's your girlfriend, Ms. S, where does Ms. Fey fit in??

Anonymous said...

Dorothy....I am so glad I stumbled upon this site. It's good to know that there is someone out there that can actually read my mind.

Peace, and Kudos.

Trihardist said...

Sigh . . . I just started seeing (as a personal trainer) a woman who is going in for Botox in a couple weeks. Wasn't sure what to say to her.

jennifer from pittsburgh said...

I have to say that I don't quite comprehend the whole paralyzed face thing as making you look younger vs. it making you look like you've had a stroke scenario. Maybe I just know too many really old people ("Jennifer, can you drive over to Grandpa's house and peak in the window to see if he's lying dead on the floor. Thanks.") But this Botox trend for twenty-somethings just seems to follow the larger trend of women never being satisfied with their appearance (an ideal appearance dictated by fashion, the media, or just men), and their persona as a whole. Skeletal, nonexpressive, sexbots. It's sad, really.

Josephine said...

The first time my sister went to LA to meet her fiance's grandparents, his grandma said, "Honey, your skin is so smooth. Are you getting Botox?" My sister was horrified. She was 30 years old and would not dream of putting toxins in her face. But I guess it's an accepted practice these days.

jackie said...

Back off, y'all! She's mine! Mine, I say!

virgotex said...

I've started DVR the show. It's actually pretty funny throughout - the fourth of July show especially- but Sarah is definitely the best part.

She's one of those tricky gaydar resistant species,. She could be a positive, but wait, she could also be a false positive. Like, of course, Tina Fey, the queen of the false positive gaydar vibe.

Leila said...

That's lyrics from Landslide by Stevie Nicks, who I've only just rediscovered again. Dorothy, you should write about the awesomeness that is Stevie Nicks. and ya, Sarah is freaking special.