Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals: Fight Club

Yes, my pretties, they’re ALL coming back this week. First Naked Lady Monday. Then Tank Top Tuesday. And now Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals (or SGALGG as it’s affectionately known by people who like acronyms that sound like someone is choking on a piece of toast). But this isn’t just any SGALGG, this is SGALGG: Special Hotties Unit. Sorry, that was bad. But what’s not bad is the love that dare speak its name between Mariska Hargitay and Maria Bello. Look at those two lovebirds.But it seems that Mariska and Maria aren’t exclusive “special friends.” They’ve also got warm, fuzzy, SGALGG-y feelings for a lot of other ladies. In fact, it’s almost like they’re competing for unstraightest straight gal bragging rights. So, what we’ve got here in our first-ever SGALGG-Off. Let’s compare and contrast what makes each moment SGALGG-worthy and see who comes out the victor, shall we? Are you ready? And…Fight! [Click each round to enlarge the SGALGGitude.]

Round One: Maria

1. Because she’s hugging Trinity, that’s why.
2. Because of the hair, sweet Sappho, the hair.
3. Because the look on Felicity Huffman’s face totally says she showed hubbie William H. Macy exactly how it should be done with Maria for that scene in “The Cooler.”
4. Because a tank top and suspenders.

Round One: Mariska

1. Because Elisabeth Rohm is rounding second base.
2. Because everyone wants to play Naughty Nurse with Nurse Hathaway.
3. Because she is clutching Hilary Swank like she really is a million-dollar baby.
4. Because whatever she is doing to Jean Smart, Allison Janney approves.

Winner of Round One: Maria – come on the hair, the suspenders, the Trinity.

Round Two: Maria

1. Because she’s making Emily Blunt blush.
2. Because Maggie Grace will be gay for pay.
3. Because Joely Fisher was on a little show called “Ellen.”
4. Because no straight woman would wear this to a movie premiere.

Round Two: Mariska

1. Because standing thisclose to Stephanie March would turn any woman gay.
2. Because Marlee Matlin got to kiss Jennifer Beals, repeatedly.
3. Because she is hugging Rosie O’Donnell while waving a latex glove.
4. Because Jodie Foster is totally thinking what I’m thinking.

Winner of Round Two: Mariska – Rosie, Jodie and latex, need I say more?

So ladies, who takes it? Who’s the undisputed heavyweight champion of SGALGG? Or maybe we should just watch them fight some more. Wait, did I just say that out loud?