Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals: Fight Club

Yes, my pretties, they’re ALL coming back this week. First Naked Lady Monday. Then Tank Top Tuesday. And now Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals (or SGALGG as it’s affectionately known by people who like acronyms that sound like someone is choking on a piece of toast). But this isn’t just any SGALGG, this is SGALGG: Special Hotties Unit. Sorry, that was bad. But what’s not bad is the love that dare speak its name between Mariska Hargitay and Maria Bello. Look at those two lovebirds.But it seems that Mariska and Maria aren’t exclusive “special friends.” They’ve also got warm, fuzzy, SGALGG-y feelings for a lot of other ladies. In fact, it’s almost like they’re competing for unstraightest straight gal bragging rights. So, what we’ve got here in our first-ever SGALGG-Off. Let’s compare and contrast what makes each moment SGALGG-worthy and see who comes out the victor, shall we? Are you ready? And…Fight! [Click each round to enlarge the SGALGGitude.]

Round One: Maria

  1. Because she’s hugging Trinity, that’s why.
  2. Because of the hair, sweet Sappho, the hair.
  3. Because the look on Felicity Huffman’s face totally says she showed hubbie William H. Macy exactly how it should be done with Maria for that scene in “The Cooler.”
  4. Because a tank top and suspenders.
Round One: Mariska
  1. Because Elisabeth Rohm is rounding second base.
  2. Because everyone wants to play Naughty Nurse with Nurse Hathaway.
  3. Because she is clutching Hilary Swank like she really is a million-dollar baby.
  4. Because whatever she is doing to Jean Smart, Allison Janney approves.
Winner of Round One: Maria – come on the hair, the suspenders, the Trinity.

Round Two: Maria
  1. Because she’s making Emily Blunt blush.
  2. Because Maggie Grace will be gay for pay.
  3. Because Joely Fisher was on a little show called “Ellen.”
  4. Because no straight woman would wear this to a movie premiere.
Round Two: Mariska
  1. Because standing thisclose to Stephanie March would turn any woman gay.
  2. Because Marlee Matlin got to kiss Jennifer Beals, repeatedly.
  3. Because she is hugging Rosie O’Donnell while waving a latex glove.
  4. Because Jodie Foster is totally thinking what I’m thinking.
Winner of Round Two: Mariska – Rosie, Jodie and latex, need I say more?

So ladies, who takes it? Who’s the undisputed heavyweight champion of SGALGG? Or maybe we should just watch them fight some more. Wait, did I just say that out loud?

43 comments:

@typeaholic@ said...

Well...They both surely know who to act like that with! Not this hard with those gals though! Too easy "going gay" for those smart and talented people. I wish I could have a fight or two in the same tournament...
You all have a nice day! ;)

danamitey said...

guess they know who their audience is!

Anonymous said...

oh god, I LOVE your blog!!!

when I saw some of the mariska/maria pix some time ago, my gaydar went crazy - they sure are very touchy feely with each other!

but unfortunately I have to agree with "danamitey", and they are not alone (angelina, megan mullally, p!nk, kristanna loken, keeley hawes, drew barrymore,...) it serves/extends your audience!

great work, dorothy!
love from vienna/austria,
babs

Anonymous said...

LOL awesome!!!

Maria wins. Tank top and suspenders, hello!? How hot is she...

Anonymous said...

I love you ms snarker. seriously. ditto on how hot maria bello is in tank tops and suspenders. DAYUMMM

Lezlie Mac said...

Enough already ! I'm intensely gazing at my computer screen (hello crazy hot pics) and laughing out loud, giggling like a 12-years old (hello DS' comments, seriously...), at work !! I cannot go on like this. SGALGG Special Hotties Unit...If this gets any funnier or any hotter, I'm suing.

And I'm not much for animosity so let's just keep Maria & Mariska together, shall we? In the same frame. Doing whatever it is they do that makes them so hot in to the sapphic eye. Yum.

Anonymous said...

Since when is Mariska not gay? I mean, come on. Seriously. She even has a huge b&w photograph of Maria in her apartment. Who has one of those of bffs? I know I don't.

Also, I love you, Ms Parker. Awesome pics!

Lindsay said...

best post ever?
because who doesn't have a crush on Mariska?

vikki said...

I give it to Mariska because of the very first pic of her and Maria and the grip she's got on her! That grip says, "She's fine and she's mine!"

The Gentleman said...

I'm voting for the fight... maybe we can get Dawn Dembo to organize the match...
still I think Maria gets a little edge over Mariska... sleek haircut, suspenders, tank top and tuxedo? Com'on those are not just for fashion, those are statements!
On the other hand, Mariska sure knows the best lesbian accessories: Rosie, Jodie, Jenney, March and Matlin..
mmm... i think we have a tie :P

Anonymous said...

I had real work to do today! You've totally ruined me. Oh well, it wasn't that important. Mmm, suspenders.

Anonymous said...

please, please let it be mariska ....

reelgal said...

Hysterical post! It must go in your "file of fame". Thank you!

TheWeyrd1 said...

I'm with Lezlie...lets call it a tie and go back to looking at those first pics!

dykenextdoor said...

It HAS to be Mariska.

Seriously? Not to be vulgar or crass but... Mariska is every gay gal's wet dream.

Okay, so that might be a little over generalized. I take that back.

Mariska is MY wet dream. ;)

Erin said...

Shh, stop pointing to the GAY with Mariska or she'll forever be in the closet. (Though I wouldn't mind her taking me with her. She probably needs some company.)

I think we need more photos to drool, er deliberate over.

Amanda said...

Um, this was fantastic. haha

Amanda

Pyewacket said...

"Because Elisabeth Rohm is rounding second base."

hehehe Okay, you really got me with that one! I had to clean the monitor! :P

It is a tie for me with these two women...the hotness, the hairstyles, the hand-zee-ness...all good things! lol

So I agree with the wrasslin...oil, mud, puddin...for a final elimination and all. :D

exegesis said...

Oh wow... Dorothy... Mariska, Maria and (all together now) Carrie-Anne (!!!!) is just what I needed to cure my post-business lunch slump.

I'll have them all, please. Thank you!

dani-po said...

OMG Maria, suspenders,tuxedo I heart you!
Excellent post Ms. Snarker

Renee said...

Wow! What a freakin hot-sexy fight club!

I want the fight to go on... but Mariska will always win just because I love her to pieces!

carmen said...

I nominate the next SCALGG! You should google Cate Blanchett and (in honor of her appearence here) Julianna Marguiles. There is a series of pictures of them together on the red carpet of some movie (Talented Ripley?) and they are clutching and gazing and holding hands and you couldn't get a piece of paper between them! *sigh* It totally worked for me (and my imagination). :) I have them on my hard drive, but have no idea how to share them here. Worth looking for tho'!

Anonymous said...

My dear Dorothy Snarker, SGALGG is my new favorite on this site! Please please do it more frequently!

Anonymous said...

Mariska, hands down. She makes my mouth water. Seriously.

Anonymous said...

I think you mean GGALGG.

Anonymous said...

Or GGALSGALGG.

Anonymous said...

OMG. I'm another one who just tried so hard not to laugh at work that I spat on the computer screen - that has to be a sign of a pretty awesome post!
I vote Mariska. The other one does the SGALGG thing well, and I think Mariska might be disquialified on account of the whole GGALSGALGG thing, but, ummm, how could I not for Mariska in anything where I get to vote for Mariska?????

Thanks
from Australia

Anonymous said...

Best post ever! Mariska all the way :-) she´s a hottie!

yenbar said...

Mariska and latex..did someone say wet dream? The only thing that would be better is Mariska and a pair of handcuffs.

Anonymous said...

Thank you... thank you... THANK YOU!
great post!
Made my day.. hilarious...
I can't wait for round 2... and 3.. and more, please!

Anonymous said...

I heart Mariska Hargigay. But I also think she and Maria might compete in two separate categories ;) I'm all for GGALSGALGG and SGALGG.

Anonymous said...

Mariska!Mariska!Mariska!Mariska!Mariska!Mariska!Mariska!Mariska!

P.S. Did I say Mariska?..she's just perfect! Love her!

Susanna said...

Oh my, I don´t remember if I´ve ever read anything as entertaining as this post. I like Maria more ;)

AnyDreamWillDo said...

I *heart* this post so much, I want to marry it and have loads of little posts, just like this one!

Brilliant. Ooooh Mariska.

plasticcalifornia said...

As an Olivia/Alex shipper and devotee, I should pick Mariska, but I don't actually think she's very gay in real life, just is touchy feely...she so has gay hair tho.

Maria wins it for me...

Marie said...

I say Mariska, so many straight women would turn gay for her!! By the way, I thought Kristaana Loken was an out lesbian? Enlighten me please!

december1 said...

*LOL* This one made me spill coke all over my computer. Love it! Thank you! XOXO

Bridget said...

this may just be my fav post of yours ever...and i'm obsessed with ur blog.

can't they both go gay for pay and replace dawn denbo and lover cindy in season 6 of l word?

wyrmoftheflame said...

Maria + Emily = Total WeHo Lesbian Wedding, n'est pas?
xxx
W.

Cecilia said...

Hi, my name is Cecilia and I'm Hot for Hargitay ;)

On a serious note, seeing these makes me so upset for Mariska. She's obviously covering for herself; look at pictures of her and her husband, she never looks this happy.
Let the gay out, girl! Seriously, she'd be so much happier and more relaxed... but if she needs company in the closet, I'd be happy to provide that for her.

*Correction, Mariska in NYPD uniform is every girl's wet dream.

Anonymous said...

I'M REALLY not getting this . I SWEAR Mariska Hargitay must have posted most of these comments herself .
This woman is HUGE on tv, fat , doughy , with SHORT brown hair ? huh ? Her arms look like fat zucchinis . Shes BORING ! Whatever , post on mariska , some of us aren't buying it .

Anonymous said...

mariska should be gay.
She´s acting more authentic with women, than her husband, I think.
I hope for a outing.
She´s every girls wet-dream <3

I hate it, that she "pretend" to be a happy-straight-wife.

Cathy Burnham said...

Hello! Maria just came out! Not a surprise, but I. just have fantasys about mariska! !