Music Monday:

The thing about Joan Jett is, while she continues to be private about her personal life, I don’t think anyone could argue that she hasn’t been clear about her sexuality. You can’t cover “Crimson and Clover” like this, in 1981 no less, and not know what you’re doing. And you can’t continue to play it throughout your career, and present as she presents throughout her career, without making it abundantly clear. Joan Jett is queer icon, period. Anyone who might think otherwise, as she told The New York Times a while back, can eat me. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

I had heard about Andrea Gibson, the queer poet, before their death on Monday. But, because of the benign and, yes, also sometimes sadly malignant chaos of daily life, I had never gotten around to experiencing their work until after their passing. So, needless to say, this week has been both an education and memorial wrapped up in one. I have found myself moved to quiet tears at the ways Andrea expressed their joy for life even as it fought them tooth and nail for every extra day. But nothing, nothing, was more moving than watching Andrea read a poem they had written, “'Love Letter From the Afterlife,” for and to their wife, fellow poet Megan Falley. The small, “Jesus Christ,” from Meg at the end. May we all love and be loved so hard in our lives that it defies the afterlife. Happy weekend, all.

Movie Review: The Old Guard 2

I really, really wanted to love “The Old Guard 2.” Same cast, same mission – and now with added Uma! What’s not to like? Plus, hello, the payoff of Andy and Quỳnh reuniting after 500 years was gonna be epic, right? Well. Alas, the sequel lacks the kinetic elegance and narrative panache of the first film, due in no small part to the absence of original director Gina Prince-Bythewood.

This time around, Andy and Co. are battling The First Immortal, Discord – played by Uma Thurman. Discord, as her name suggests is generally bad news. I mean she’s an arms dealer so that tracks. The second film plays a little faster and looser with our immortal heroes’ immortality – they seem to heal much faster than they did in the first one. And some other parts of their mythology felt forced this time out. It also shamelessly underuses KiKi Layne as Nile, who learns from Discord that she is the last Immortal.

But my biggest beef with the sequel is how it still triptoes around Andy and Quỳnh’s romantic past. Sure, we can infer they were more than just besties who kicked ass together. Or, you know, “roommates.” Yet they continue to deny us any glimmer of their sapphic past together. And, SPOILER ALERT, Charlize and Veronica Ngô don’t even kiss once. For a film series that has so lovingly has depicted – and shown – the love between Joe and Nicky, two gay men who have loved and fought side-by-side for centuries, to refuse to show us the same with Andy and Quỳnh seems incongruous to say the least. I mean, look, I get it. Girlfriend is PISSED that Andy didn’t keep looking for her. And 500 years is a long time to process your relationship during watery torture. But, still – flashbacks exist, people.

I’m still glad I watched and, SPOILERS AGAIN, there is hope that the third film might finally give us the Andy/Quỳnh goodness we deserve. I mean, was this whole film just a long lesbian makeup session? We can only hope. At least Charlize kept swinging that labrys the whole movie. And she manages to make that mullet look, well, I mean, she’s still Charlize Theron after all.

Engayged

OK, fine, so I’ve been a bit of a Debbie Downer this week. It’s just all the masked heavily armed men grabbing people off the streets and throwing them into unmarked vans has just got me down for some reason. And, you know, everything else. But here’s some good gay news. Because we still deserve joy… I think. No, we definitely deserve joy. So mazel tov to Hayley Kiyoko and Becca Tilley who got en-gay-ged last week. The singer/actress/Lesbian Jesus and former Bachelor contestant apparently have been dating since 2018, but publicly hard launched their relationship in 2022. So, good for them. No, really. Good for them. They look happy and sun-kissed and gay. I’ll take any good news I can get, and happy queers is no small feat in these times.

Just Rosie

Right, so maybe I owe Rosie an apology. Because when she fled the country at the start of Trump’s term, it felt a bit like an abandonment. And, of course, it was only possible through no small amount of privilege. But, damn, if she didn’t precisely predict exactly how unhinged that Orange Turd would become. Because, like can you imagine if truly any other President of the United States – Republican or Democratic – declared that lesbian comedian and actress Rosie O’Donnell was a “threat to humanity” and then threatened to revoke her citizenship. Like, setting aside the fact that no president can single out individual native born citizens and take away their citizenship just because he doesn’t like them, this is just such petty bullshit from the so-called Most Powerful Man in the World. Don’t worry, I’m well aware that harassing a former daytime talk show host is on the lower level of fucked up shit Trump has done in his second term. But still. The intentional lawlessness of all their actions and threats are straight out of the fascist playbook. I just know 77 million people did vote for this. So I wonder, are they cheering or just not paying attention. Or somehow both?

I know attacking a lesbian comedian might seem just silly. But it follows his continued assault on LGBTQ+ identity and rights. The banning of trans existence has been one of this administration's cornerstone policies. Kicking out trans service members. Refusing to use correct gender markers for trans and nonbinary citizens on passports and other federal documents. Subpoenaing medical centers that dare to provide youth gender affirming care. Erasing the “T,” and even at least some of the “B” from the Stonewall National Monument website. wonder if the so-called Log Cabin Republicans will ever feel ashamed. Or if our so-called allies who still voted for him because of the price of eggs will ever feel stupid.

Anyway, sorry, Rosie. You were right. Would that we could all get the fuck out.

Music Monday: Marching Again

Curse America and our terrible short-term memory. Because this song came out during the first Trump presidency. Remember that? Remember?? White supremacists running down protestors. Migrant mothers and fathers being torn away from their children. That Orange Turd himself telling us to maybe inject bleach during the pandemic. Yet here we are again. And it’s so much worse. Every breaking news alert edges us closer to a full-on dystopian hellscape of 77-million of our fellow citizens making. (Not my making, I voted for her.) Anyway, yeah. We made it to another week, so there’s that. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Yeah, yeah, I know it’s not Pride anymore. But I wanted to salute these Pride Hard Launches that slipped in late in the month. How did people announce their relationships before Instagram? So belated mazel tov to Elliot Page who hard launched on the Gram with “Overcompensating” star Julia Shiplett. This is Elliot’s first public relationship since coming out as trans I believe, so very much good for him. Also the kids today seem to love “Overcompensating.” Truly well done all around. And congrats to Top Chef-testants Melissa King and Nini Nguyen who Storied their hard launch. I just watched Nini in “24 in 24: Last Chef Standing” (yes, I watch all the Food network slop) and Melissa has always been *swoon*. These cuties all deserve each other. More happy queers being happy queers together makes my heart happy, and we could all use happier hearts. Happy weekend (and hearts), all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Big Suited Sapphics

Look, nobody loves this Really Big Suits trend on female celebrities more than me. Hello, I named a whole day after my obsession with women in suits. But lest all those straight starlets forget, the lesbians and other WLWs were the O.G. And, obviously, we wear it the best. And here are just a few choice receipts.

Jenna Lyons

Pinstripe always.

Sarah Paulson

Oh, Paulson. You scamp.

Amandla Stenberg

As I was saying about pinstripe.

Lucy Dacus

Is she starring in a Cameron Crowe movie, or is she a lesbian?

Renee Rapp & Towa Bird

Per my previous emails about pinstripes.

Kate Moennig & Leisha Hailey

Shane and Alice 4Eva (but, platonically, because ew).

Tori Time

I had the unstoppable urge to listen to Tori Amos yesterday. And so I listened to some Tori Amos. This also gave me the urge to pull out my old Tori Amos “Little Earthquakes” tour tee, which I have stuffed in my sentimental T-shirts box in the back of my closet. But that, that was a bridge too far. For now. I think I’ve said it before, but Tori is way overdue for some kind of Kate Bush Renaissance. Some show wants 90s street cred needs to resurrect her hits for a new generation. Or not, and we Gen Xers get to keep her all to ourselves. Also, sorry, there’s nothing especially gay about this post. Sometimes a girl just feels sentimental. (Fine, I had a crush on Tori, all that wild red hair and wilder piano playing.)

Tank Top Tuesday: Old Guard 2 Edition

Well, I am going to have a full review of “Old Guard 2” later this week next week, after I get my shit together from the long holiday weekend. What? Doing nothing while certainly not celebrating America is exhausting. But I thought I would give you a preview of the aesthetic we’re working here – with some bonus tank tops to boot because it’s Tuesday. Lest you forgot, it involves Charlize Theron and Uma Thurman rolling around on the ground together.

Yes, the Uma, Charlize; Charlize, Uma jokes write themselves. But why joke when we can just appreciate these two women standing next to each other. They don’t even need to be wielding weapons to look deadly.

Also, is it just me or are they essentially wearing the same outfit in these shots, minus the formal jacket on Charlize?

Music Monday: Master of None

Will we ever escape the military-industrial complex? Will we ever make peace with bombs? Also, and obviously much less urgently, where has Joan Osbourne been all these years? There’s one thing I know, if God really was one of us they would be pissed. Yes, of course, God is non-binary. Speaking of which, since non-binary and trans people have now been kicked out of our Armed Forces, at least they won’t have them to kick around the never-ending war machine anymore. Gotta find the silver lining, no matter how slim. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend (Our Land) Crush

I know it doesn’t always feel like it, but this land was made for you and me. And don’t you ever fucking forget it. Thanks for the reminder, Sharon Jones & Dap Kings. Again. Happy birthday, America. Do better, be better. And to the rest of the world, a lot of us are really sorry about all of our own bullshit. Happy Fourth of July weekend, all.

It Is Horrendous, But Then It's Magnificent

You know what, I think I didn’t give Kristin Scott Thomas in Fleabag its proper icon status yesterday when discussing her new directorial debut. I’ve been a longtime KST lover, since “Four Weddings,” heck since “Bitter Moon” (hello, her and Emmanuelle Seigner in bed together *makes purring sound*). And of course, who didn’t swoon over her in “The English Patient.” But unquestionably her most memorable (while simultaneously shortest) lesbian role was as Best Woman in Business Belinda Friers in Fleabag. Her monologue to Phoebe Waller-Bridge? Yeah, let’s relive that one again. As a perimenopausal woman it gives me hope. And it’s a good reminder to, if the chance arises, you should probably snog Kristin Scott Thomas.

A Not Gay, But Still Gay Wedding

Wait, I thought Pride was last month. But here it is, a movie where Scarlett Johansson and Freida Pinto play a lesbian couple. Maybe the good straights are atoning for the bad ones, and this is their mea culpa. Whatever the reason, I’ll take it. “My Mother’s Wedding” is the directorial debut of Kristin Scott Thomas, who lesbians with long memories like me will remember as “a lesbian once in school” in “Four Weddings and a Funeral” and was a full-time lesbian in business in “Fleabag.” It stars ScarJo, Sienna Miller and Emily Beecham as the three daughters whose mother is getting married. I get some "Happpiest Season" vibes form the sister dynamic from the trailer, down to the one lesbian sister. And did I mention Scarlett is said sister here as a British naval officer AND Freida is her girlfriend? Look, does it bode well for this film that it took almost two years to get released and it still isn’t coming to theaters until August 8? Not necessarily. But Scarlett and Freida are lesbianing together in it, so I’ll wait as long as it takes – which, in all likelihood, is whenever it gets sent to whatever streamer I’m already paying for. What? That’s usually only a couple months, tops, these days. I’m impatient, but also frugal. Even for lesbian ScarJo.

Truly Hot Ones

It’s July and, oh yeah, straight people exist. So here are two very nice and nice-to-look-at straight people doing the straightest thing possible, eating super hot chicken wings. Charlize Theron and Uma Thurman did a Hot Ones challenge together to promote “The Old Guard 2.” I maintain it’s homophobic for Netflix to wait to release this movie until early July (tomorrow, to be exact). But, I will forgive them a tiny bit because they cast Charlize and Uma together and made them fight. Come on, The Bride v. Furiosa? Sometimes, it’s the little things. Like Charlize’s plain white T-shirt. Who needs a whole marketing campaign when she can just show up, eat wings and look like that?