SGALGG: Golden Globes Edition

You know when ladies pretend to kiss a shiny golden statue but they’re really just trying to kiss each other? Yeah, well in my head that’s what happens at every single awards show – but especially the Golden Globes. There was plenty of Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals action at this year’s ceremony. There were also Gay Gals Acting Like Gay Gals and Straight Gals Not Acting All That Gay But Still Pertinent To Your Gay Gal Interests (SGNAALTGBSPTYGGI?!?) Anyway, the whole thing, as I mentioned yesterday, was a sometimes invigorating, sometimes dissonant affair that I hope takes advantage of all the attention it has garnered. And with that, on the SGALGG and GGALGG and SGNAALTGBSPTYGGI. Yeah, I know, that last one needs work.

Helen Mirren & Viola Davis

That feeling when you’re gonna chase down every last sexual predator and hold him accountable for his actions.

Elisabeth Moss, Amanda Brugel & Yvonne Strahovski

Three’s company, very good company.

Octavia Spencer & Jessica Chastain

Just demonstrating some consensual touching.

Kerry Washington, Debra Messing & Eva Longoria

Just demonstrating some consensual touching in a threesome.

Tatiana Maslany & Laverne Cox

Tatiana Maslany and Laverne Cox know and appear to like each other. What a time to be alive.

America Ferrera & Natalie Portman

Natalie just looks so proud of getting America pregnant here.

Gwendoline Christie & Emilia Clarke

Admit it, you totally ship Brienne and Daenerys.

Lauren Morelli & Samira Wiley

Don’t worry, you can still ship married couples, too.

Amy Sherman-Palladino & Rachel Brosnahan

This looks like they’re going to an old-timey Butch-Femme Prom.

Lena Waithe & Tracee Ellis Ross

I never knew how much I wanted Lena & Tracee to be a couple until this exact moment.

Zoey Deutch & Haley Lu Richardson

This is how you act when you want to become a couple.

Laura Dern & Reese Witherspoon

This is how you act when you are a couple and want to go home.

Sarah Paulson & Amanda Peet

I hope Amanda know how lucky she is to be Sarah’s perpetual stand-in girlfriend.

Tonya Harding & Allison Janney

My main reaction to this photo is, holy crap, that’s Tonya Harding.

Salma Hayek & a Golden Globe

My main reaction to this photo is, holy crap, I wish I was that Golden Globe.

And now for the SGNAALTGBSPTYGGI Section:

Claire Foy

Pertinent.

Tessa Thompson

Pertinent-er.

Gillian Anderson

Pertinent-erer.

Lena Headey

Pertinent-est.

Gal Gadot

Amazonian.

Bonus:

Rita Moreno

When I’m 86 I hope I look 1/86th this cool.