Thursday, February 24, 2011

Case study

So Neko Case can’t get laid. OK, wait, let me rephrase that. I am sure Neko Case can and does get laid, but she’s not getting laid by groupies at the rate of her male singer counterparts. And, to extrapolate further, it seems no female musicians are getting laid at the rate, frequency and intensity of their male counterparts. There is, apparently, just no such thing as the male groupie. Salon did an interesting piece on Neko’s recent Twitter admission that “ladies in bands don’t get ANY action.” It’s interesting but also kind of a bummer because someone as talented and beautiful and smart and successful as Neko Case should be awash in whatever kind of sexual smorgasbord her heart desires. She is Neko goddamnfucking Case. Take her to bed immediately, men of this planet.

But it also illustrates a broader, equally bummer truth in our society. Most men simply find it easier to get action than most women. And this is especially true when it comes to smart, successful men and women. While men are awash in lady loving, their female counterparts find their options more limited. Why? Well, we could be here for weeks talking about sexual politics and societal patriarchy, power dynamics and gender norms. But let’s just mutually agree that this is a fact, like gravity and the impossibility of eating just one Pringle. Or, now that I think about it, Twizzler.

So here is the obvious follow-up question: Is this true to gay women? Does this mean we doubled down on the inability to get some? Or does this make it total cake? I can tell you from my own totally unscientific empirical observations, lesbians really suck at hitting on each other, even when none of the parties involved are famous. Obviously, someone needs to interview Tegan & Sara on this subject immediately. I have no idea whether lesbian artists have ardent and active fanbases willing to drop and fling their panties at them. I don’t know if they’ve got to hire double security to block the stage door or can saunter out into darkness unnoticed. I know I’ve seen many, many a lesbian performer on stage and have never waited outside of the tour bus to see if I could my own private encore. But then, I’m not really the groupie type. Though, as always, I would wait at the stage door to hell forever and always for just one shot at Tina Fey. (Had to put it out there one more time. You understand, universe.)

I guess, in a way, I’m a little glad that female musicians don’t partake in the bedroom buffet line that many of their male counterparts do, where they open the door and point. Don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with sex for sex’s sake between two consenting adults. Sex is natural, sex is fun. Sex is usually best when it’s one-on-one. But mostly this is just because any more than one other person and the experience becomes a complicated timing exercise of how much and how well one spends attending to each separate partner – or so I’ve, um, heard. Right, where was I? Ever the ERA backer, I think her refusal to board this particular sexual gravy train should be entirely the female artist’s choice. As Neko tweeted after her groupie lament: “I realize for myself, I didn’t want to be hit on BY lots of men so much as I wanted to be hit on AS MUCH as men. Competitive inferior complex.”

Neko, darling, if you’re interested in testing your theory with the other team, I am more than willing to help. Point me to your stage door. I’ll be happily waiting.

Really, men aren’t lining up for that? God, they can be such idiots.


sonja said...

Hmm, I'm not sure I agree with this post, at least as far as heterosexual women are concerned. Before I realized I was gay, I was *always* aware that I could have sex with men whenever I wanted to. Men are easy. Go up to one - just about any one of them no matter their relationship status - slip your hand around their waste and lean into them, and they are ready to go, especially if you make it clear that you're not looking for anything else than a one night stand. In every relationship I had with a man, when and how often we had sex was always my choice, and as soon as I said, "I'm ready," they were READY RIGHT THAT SECOND.

I'm pretty confident that Neko Case could have all the one night stands she wanted if she made it clear to the object of her affection that she was ready to put out. But you are right in that it's not like a man to stand with a bunch of other men at her trailer and hope she picks him. She'll have to pick him a bit more inconspicuously than that.

Lesbians, however, are a whole different thing.

sonja said...

Meant slip your hand around their waist in paragraph one. Slipping your hand around their waste would be icky. Really icky.

buddyroe said...

The no straight dude groupie thing doesn't confuse me - it's biology, right? Regular workaday men just don't seem to get wood for women who are perceived as better than them, more famous, rich, talented, powerful, whatever. It's a shame, 'cuz being with someone awesome isn't an assault on your own identity unless your self-image is really brittle and fragile... in which case, you lame jerkoffs don't deserve to sweat in Neko Case's shadow.

Big Shamu said...

You might check with the Joan Jetts and the Melissa Etheridges of the world concerning post concert sex action.

jenn levo said...

um... I'm pretty sure Brandi Carlile has some groupies. Not saying that anything ever happens... but there are plenty of gay women and straight women willing to be gay for Brandi, who will happily stand in the cold for hours by the bus.

Anonymous said...

I know Amber Benson (Tara of Buffy) apparently had/has many lesbian admirers who would be happy with anything they could get. Unfortunately, she's straight. So I'm sure lesbian celebrities have plenty of groupies.

Amanda said...

Well I guess we don't need to ask Ani D. I swear I've seen girls almost tip over that tour bus.


Kait B. Roe said...

Just Ask Lucy Lawless if there aren't tons o' lesbians lining up. and throwing panties (omg, I NEVER say that word, but that is what was done at the Roxy in LA for her concert. several pairs were tossed up. and honey... I would wait til hell froze over and global warming thawed it out to get Lucy Lawless in the sack.... or Neko Case. yup. PICK ME for your local groupie.

Anonymous said...

"I hope I can comfort people a bit—maybe show people that making music is fun and accessible to them as well. I'm not out to become Faith Hill,.. I would like to reach a larger audience and see the state of music change in favor of musicians and music fans in my lifetime. I care very much about that."

wikipedia said she said so.
I don't know her, so I googled. I see,

there are people who doing like that music,
instead of growing in a system like idol?
you know lots of young singers try to go in,
cus company will take care of everything
to make them being famous and rich.

by the way, ds, you seems something,..
I don't understand whole the posting cus
although I read them, I don't feel I read.

I just wondering what to post cus
I don't have anything fun today.
so I will keep mine as it is.

thanks...I don't know but I felt
little headache in a moment.

El N said...

I have no opinion on the topic at hand, just here for the tornado video.

ps. However, years ago, I was asked backstage (ahem) by a regionally famous singer/songwriter from the south after one of her shows so it's not like it doesn't happen. I politely declined the invite for further conversation since I'm a dumbass, but I'd consider revisiting the issue for Neko if it would help her gain a competitive edge in the New Pornographers. I'm a giver like that.

flora said...

Tegan and Sara most definitely have a bunch of fans who would do the groupie throwing pantie thing/waiting aroung trying to get some thing. I think they could win some sort of prize for female-fronted band with the most female groupies

haffenc said...

i don't understand, why a female singer have to make such a comparison. Is it a achievment comparison, or actually a hidde "phallic envy" ?
Can we really compare the intensity, the form, the process of the sex between Heteo- and Homosexuality?
must the relationship between fans and performers so sein?

Anonymous said...

Looks like a couple of peeps missed the point. The point wasn't, "can female singers get men to have sex with them?" It was, "why don't female singers/rockstars have the same screaming groupies who will sleep in sewage and slap their mothers for a hunk of their short hairs?" In an interview with Michael Jackson that aired after his death he said that Madonna was jealous of him because of that issue, so apparently it is mostly a male star/female fan phenomenon.

I work in the arts but not in the music side of things. Even in this world the guys are all "bad boys" and are idolized. The women are not, even if they are more talented or famous. It is very unbalanced.

And I LOVED where Dorothy said lesbians are notoriously bad at hitting on one another. SO true. sigh.

Anonymous said...

Oh, and Sonja: The way you describe essentially "cruising guys" for sex "whenever you wanted to" then realizing you are a "lesbian"? Um, let us know when you realize YOU'RE BISEXUAL...

just sayin'

Anonymous said...

sonja - fake lesbian says what?

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Jack said...

I'm a straight male that not only loves Neko's singing and songwriting, but I also find her incredibly attractive - and take my word for it, all straight, male Neko fans have the hots for her. But, I would never be able to do the groupie thing because she's intimidating as hell! I think trying to make an impression on her is a tall task, whereas her male counterparts aren't that selective.

I have read many comments on this subject on other sites and one major problem appears to be that security will not let male fans anywhere near female performers. It's exactly the same at strip bars - if you try to touch, then you're in for a bashing.