Thursday, October 07, 2010

Hit it

Dear Christina Hendricks,

We, the assorted gay ladies of the world, apologize for hitting on you. OK, that’s a lie. We do not apologize for hitting on you. We love hitting on you. We dream about hitting on you on the regular. If given a chance, many of us would crawl over broken glass or any such similarly jagged and therefore painful surfaces to hit on you. These are just facts which like science and fresh-out-of-the-oven chocolate chip cookies cannot be denied.

What we apologize for is hitting on you in front of your husband. Bad form. As you told Harper’s Bazaar, women apparently hit on you all the time. Gay men, too. We’re tickled you find it flattering. But we’re a tad worried that your husband finds that so many of us hit on you “odd.” He has eyes, right? I mean, not to be mean (which, have you ever noticed, whenever something is prefaced by that what follows is undoubtedly incredibly, shamelessly mean?) he is also aware of all of our unending resentment at his very existence, right? Nothing personal, it’s just we resent anyone who gets to go home every night with the object of international lust and countless sweaty fever dreams.

I guess what I really wanted to say is thank you for being flattered, we’ll try to hold off on the flirting in front of your husband and, dude, just sit back and enjoy it. You’re married to Christina Hendricks. You lucky fucking bastard.

Cheers,
Ms. Snarker

p.s. There was also that one time Christina did this on “Without a Trace.” So now, well, I hope you can understand where all those sweaty dreams are coming from.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

I feel like you blog about the same women over and over and over and over... :(

Still love you!!

CAB said...

Hey I for one and happy to read whatever you write, same woman or otherwise. I just find your writting amazing ;)

Lynnie said...

Once again you score, Ms Snarker. And, on behalf of Christina Hendricks' husband's emotional state, I mean that of course in the non-sexual way--

p.s. As a dyke in good standing since 1974, I totally appreciate that the word I'm supposed to spell out to post my comment is (srsly), "nonbi."

Big Shamu said...

Damn it woman, I've got work to do. Now all I can think about is Christina.
Are you trying to get me fired?

Tinsoldieress said...

I've been reading your blog for years now and I decided to take a moment to emerge from my lurker-dom to say I love every moment of it. You're such a talented writer.

Your posts are always funny, smart, interesting and well written. So, thank you, for taking the time out of your day to deliver such awesome-ness.

lisa said...

I love you, Ms. Snarker, but I can't say the same about Ms. Hendricks. She doesn't float my boat even a little bit.

lynnie said...

Honestly D.S., you really need to get yourself a girlfriend...Im just saying...:>)

bigbraingirl said...

Please find the pic of her in the winter white 3 piece suit!?!?! and post it!?!?!?!

Roni said...

Great post as usual, Ms. Snarker. The Without a Trace episode you mentioned, "Check Your Head," is on tomorrow (Friday) night at 9 ET on Ion. It's a lesbian love story with a happy ending (yes, you read that right) starring Christina Hendricks, therefore one of the greatest things ever aired on television. Christina is also going to be a guest on Ellen next Thursday, so this is a great week to be a fan of hers.

elliB said...

I have watched that episode of Without A Trace so many times, I practically have it memorized. Besides that episosde, I think I've only seen two others.

Norma Desmond said...

Can I just confirm that she is hotter in person than she is in pictures or on TV? I know, it sounds hard to believe, but I swear it's true; I was once on a VERY early morning flight with her to LA... Woman's stunning even when she's wearing no make-up and is cranky 'cause the flight got delayed two hours.

Also, she may or may not have caught me ogling her... I'm just saying.

Kathryn said...

Hallelujah.

Joan Y. said...

There's something decidedly Monroe-esque about her. *swoons*

Anonymous said...

And the seduction-off between her and Morena Baccarin on Firefly? Dear Lord yes.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your blog! Do you have any suggstions for dating services for lesbians? I am not feeling the ones I use ... :(