Thursday, October 28, 2010

Bite Me

I have a thing for vampires, this is no secret. The fangs, the biting, the immortality. That’s one sexy combo. It helps that lady vampires are being portrayed right now on screen – both big and small – by some very attractive actresses. So with Halloween approaching, I thought we’d pay tribute to these toothsome talents. But why mindlessly ogle when you can make it a cutthroat competition? Let’s sink our teeth into the beautiful bloodsuckers from the three biggest vampire series out currently (“True Blood,” “The Vampire Diaries” and the “Twilight” saga) and see which group tastes the best.

TRUE BLOOD

PamHot, blonde and into chicks.

Sophie-AnneHot, ginger and into chicks.

JessicaHot, ginger and not into chicks, but I would happily spend an eternity trying to convert her.

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES

KatherineEvil, but has a good doppelganger so, you know, kind of the best of both worlds.

CarolineI like her so much better as a vampire than a human, is that wrong?

IsobelWe all knew Jenny Schecter was a vampire already, this is just more upfront about it.

TWILIGHT

Esme and Alice CullenDoes the fact that they’re not really mother and daughter makes it any less creepy that I think they make a nice looking couple? OK, still no.

RosalieI’m just going to say it, I don’t like Nikki Reed as a blonde.

JaneDoes the fact that her character is, like, 1,000 years old make it any less creepy that she is actually 16? OK, still no.

So, which lady vamps do it for you? Who sucks the least, figuratively? Or the most, literally? Yes, I know I went there with all the bad puns. Bite me.

30 comments:

Norma Desmond said...

I have no interest in any of these shows/movies... So, from a purely non-viewing point of view, I'm going to go with... Vampire Diaries. Because, holy crap, that Katherine chick is hot. And, truthfully, I even find Mia Kirshner attractive... when she's not being Jenny Fucking Schecter.

Polyserena said...

You're missing out on Being Human! It does seem to focus more on male vamps than women, but Lauren and Daisy are smoking hot.

K.R. said...

I'd have to say of this selection, True Blood chicks are the hottest. It feels almost wrong though to vote on hottest female vampire without some selection from Buffy (i.e. Darla/Drusilla/Harmony). Granted you did mention these shows were all currently on the air. So, Pam, Sophie-Ann, and Jessica it is.

Erica said...

This post makes me wanna be a True Blood convert...damn.

Kathryn said...

"Bite me," indeed. Love you, Dorothy!!

Miz Moffatt said...

Oh, the ladies of True Blood are the definite tops of this list. Pam, FTW!

Rachel said...

I just have to affirm your opinion. Nikki Reed as a blonde? No thanks...should have left her brunette.

Morcegos no Sótão said...

I don't care about vampires and I don't watch any of these shows/movies, but am I the only one who finds it weird that in True Blood the vampire teeth are the incisors instead of the canines? I mean, even in Nature, carnivores use the canines to tear the meat apart...

The mind boggles.

MJNuts

Strawberry said...

I'm not usually into redheads (being one myself), but Sophie-Ann could suck me anytime...

Anonymous said...

Sweet Mia for the win. (She's not Jenny, y'all.She's a wildly talented actress)

TaylorBoi said...

How can you forget Kate Beckinsale, Sophia Myles, and Rhona Mitra from the Underworld movies!? Black leather and latex!!

Anonymous said...

I just cannot get into the vampire thing at all. I'm so not into it that it makes me find women whom I otherwise consider hot, unattractive. I actually think the whole phenomenon bloody sucks and anyone who disagrees can bite me! *ducks* Do I get a biscuit for the pun hat trick?

Kuutar said...

I love vampires too! From these three I'd say that True Blood chicks are the hottest. Though Katherine and Isobel come very very close.

Shay said...

Oh, Jessica. *sigh* I wish I got good enough cable to watch True Blood.
Oh, and it's never a bad thing to live the vampires better. 9.99 times out of ten, I ALWAYS root for the vampire. Especially when they look like Jessica, not to mention Jasper from Twilight.

Emily said...

I'll agree with TaylorBoi- give me the ladies of Underworld anyday! Kate Beckinsale in tight leather trumps all. Plus Sophia Myles and the DELICIOUS Rhona Mitra (and whoever plays Amelia for that matter). Those are the hottest vamps.

From the other ones... Twilight for sure. Alice and Rosalie are sooo yummy. And I've never seen True Blood or VD.

Sarah said...

I'm with K.R. here - for me, vampires start and end with Buffy (though I might make an exception for ogling the Underworld ladies). But seriously, Vamp Willow - evil, skanky, and kinda gay. How do you beat that?

Anonymous said...

I'm actually quite sick of Vampires. They're everywhere now, which would be okay if they were different and original stories, but they're not. These days, vampire novels all center around the same concept:

Pretty human meets pretty vampire. Pretty human and pretty vampire fall in love. Yay!!!

Twilight, admittedly, is the worst of these three, since the books were just so poorly written. At least the series that "True Blood" is based on, written by Charlaine Harris, is actually very good and held it's own unique originality, even if it did start out with the overdone "pretty human meets pretty vampire," concept. (Though vamps weren't overdone and popular when that series first came out, so I'm giving her a free pass).

Truthfully, I miss vampires who are actually - wait for it - malicious, dangerous beings. I miss the days of Anne Rice writing characters like Lestat, Armond, Louis, and all those great novels. Modern day vampires have been boring me out of my mind, even if some of the chicks playing them are sexy.

Anonymous said...

Team True Blood all the way! Pam is the only thing that saved the 3rd season for me. Put Jessica into the mix and you've got vampire yum yum.

Plush said...

No evil vampire Willow. For shame.

Zahir Blue said...

Of those you've listed, my faves are Jessica and Alice.

Mind you, one of my fave ladies with fangs was a recurring character on Forever Knight, namely Urs.

Sapphist Gazetteer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
pineal gland said...

i love vampires ,rrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

lookatthestar said...

Ohh Vampires! how i love u all...ok i'm not gonna lie, i have mad love for Jenny Schecter, Isobel from Vampire Diaries is my fav among 'em all and been watching that show religiously. Jane and Jessica 2nd place..I dont like twilight and watch so little of true blood.

Anonymous said...

you forgot the gggorgeous Lorena, from True Blood... her plus Katherine..... anytime girls!

http://www.trueblood-news.com/mariana-klaveno-does-noh8-campaign

Danielle said...

I would wait 2 to 3 years to post this comment...but who know if I'd be able to find the article so I'm just going to say it - Dakota!

andrea said...

Have to say I am liking the red eyes on Dakota

NemoStar said...

Vampire Diaries cuz even though I love redheads the fact that the True Blood vamp fangs are in the wrong place pisses me off.
And the Twilight eyes kinda creep me out.

Levitra kaufen said...

Jane is for sure the coolest of all vampire girls. Twilight!! Group Jakob!

thebodyelectric said...

True Blood's lady vamps all day, errday! I've always thought Mia Kirshner look she could pull off a pair of fangs but even she can't beat Pam, Sophie-Anne, & Jess.

Candice said...

True Blood, definitely. Pam is easily the best character on TB with the most fantastic one-liners. Plus, she's sexy as hell ;)