My Weekend Review: The Prom

Well, that certainly had some Zazz. And I’m not even a musicals person – not that there’s anything wrong with musicals. I was just a writer nerd and not a drama nerd in high school. So my natural affinities go elsewhere. But I do enjoy a good musical, and let me tell you “The Prom” is a good movie musical. And, if you’ll allow this admitted non-aficionado to say so, I think it’s a reminder of what makes people love musicals in the first place.

The story follows a small-town teenage lesbian who makes national news when her school cancels its prom to keep her from bringing her girlfriend as a date, only to be faux-rescued by a troupe of down-on-their-luck Broadway divas looking for a cause to promote along with themselves. Yes, that’s a lot and that’s the point.

I never got a chance to see “The Prom” in the real, live, humans-all-packed-together-in-one-big-room-with-other-humans-performing-on-stage-together theater. But after watching the movie I get the distinct impression that I missed out.

One of the things that makes “The Prom” so good is that it seamlessly adapts to the screen thanks to having an actual storyline – fantastical as it may be at times with its whiplash-inducing redemptive arcs, it’s still a storyline. So, unlike “Cats,” that means it has a raison d’etre other than just looking spectacular live. And that raison is to raise jazz hands against the injustices of high-school bullies and small-minded thinking around being gay.

The other thing that makes “The Prom” good is it leans into the dada-esque absurdity of people breaking out into song and dance over matters mundane and sublime in the middle of an otherwise average day. It’s the kinetic magic of song and dance that helps make this not-your-average high school musical movie really work. Plus, the songs are darn catchy. “Note to self, don’t be gay in Indiana?” Hell, why wasn’t this song written when I was gay in Indiana? It would have explained a lot I ended up learning the hard way.

In many ways this is the more wholesome, fresh-faced cousin to “Glee” (I see what you did there, Ryan Murphy). Whereas that show delighted in its snarky self awareness, “The Prom” deliver on aw-shucks Midwestern earnestness instead.

Alas, yes, this is another story that centers on the collective LGBTQ-specific trauma of both coming out and being out, especially as a teenager. But with a cast this ridiculously talented (Meryl! Nicole! Kerry! Keegan-Michael! Rannells! Tracey freaking Ullman!), you knew they’d squeeze every last drop of emotion from the over-simplified narrative. It also helped that the movie’s stars, out queer actresses Jo Ellen Pellman (as Emma) and Ariana DeBose (As Alyssa), are ridiculously winsome and have a lovely, slightly awkward first love chemistry that really works.

My only true complaint is with James Corden, who is woefully miscast and desperately outgunned in the acting department. First off, he is clearly no Meryl Streep. We’re asked to invest in his emotional arc almost equally as with Emma and Alyssa’s, and let’s face it – the poor fella doesn’t have the range. There also have been criticisms of his performance as gay-face, which I can understand. Though, to be honest, at best his turn as Barry the Broadway Star is low-energy Cameron Tucker cosplay.

What his casting mostly represents is a lost opportunity to cast someone truly fit for the role who could conveyed that fear of rejection for simply who we are that try as we might never entirely goes away as a LGBTQ person. Like, Andrew Rannells would have eaten that role.

In a season of remarkably mainsteam and refreshingly good LGBTQ+ themed representation in entertainment, “The Prom” has earned its place in the list of media that tried its best to save 2020, and possibly even our help heal our little queer hearts. So go to prom this weekend, if you haven’t already or go again and have the fabulous time you wish you had in real life. Happy safe, healthy and righteous weekend, all.

Silky Smooth

More gay-ish TV news, but admittedly much much less gay than the last two day’s news. So if you’re a Canadian kitten, or did a lot of downloading and using VPNs, you are no doubt familiar with “Being Erica.” The TV show aired for four seasons in the late aughts, early tens on the CBC. Well it is being rebooted for American TV with “Girls” and “Get Out” star Allison Williams as the lead.

The original show centered on a woman named Erica (duh) who – and bear with me because I’m getting this from Wikipedia – appears to have a magical therapist who can send her back in time to relive her biggest regrets in life. Damn, Canada, drinking the strong stuff I see.

I don’t understand the mechanics of how this time travel therapy worked because I’ve never watched a whole episode. In fact, I’ve only ever seen clips from one episode. That being the Very Special Gay Episode of “Being Erica” starring Anna Silk as Erica’s sexy lesbian next-door neighbor. Trust me, Anna has the lady magic with or without Bo (or Lauren or Tamsin, for that matter).

I remember the clips from back in the day well because nobody forgets getting flirting with Anna Silk. Also there’s finger painting and ladies sexy dancing with other ladies in clubs and hand bikinis and just all kinds of late aughts, early tens straight-gals-experimenting-with-lesbianism cheesy goodness. Yeah, I definitely remember those clips – fondly. They were memorable for, um, reasons.

Obviously, I have no idea whether this reboot of “Being Erica” will have anything as or more gay in it than the original series. My point? Well, mostly I just wanted to post those old clips of Anna Silk doing her best to get another lady into bed. Feels like old times again.

p.s. You can watch all of Anna Silk’s scenes from that Very Special Gay Episode here on YouTube. They wouldn’t let me embed it because of age restriction which I hope is because of the innocuous hand bikinis and not its queer content but alas who knows.

Going to Bat

Want some more good and gay TV news for 2021? The first trailer for the new “Batwoman” series with new lead Javicia Leslie donning the Batsuit has arrived. While it’s undeniably awkward for a show to change its lead star after the first season, it’s obviously not unprecedented and in the world of comics kind of like your average Wednesday. Javicia being cast to replace original series star Rudy Rose, who quit suddenly after the first season, is a welcome and refreshing, not to mention historic, move. These first glimpses of her in action prove she is more than capable of filling Ruby’s cowl. (Plus, not to be mean, but Ms. Rose was no Shakespearean actor). I think the show’s decision to replace instead of just recast the character of Batwoman (while of course keeping her a lesbian) will turn out to be a good one, possibly a very good one. Here is a Black woman leading a superhero series about a Black lesbian superhero with her name as the title. Gosh, and it only took until 2021.

The Casting Word

Can you believe the finale for the first season of “The L Word: Generation Q” aired at the start of this year? January 26, to be exact. Doesn’t it feel like that happened three years ago? What a decade these last nine months have been. So the good news is the show is definitely coming back, having already secured its second season renewal before the pandemic started. After a delay because, well you know why, the show started filming its second season at the start of this month (as announced per Leisha Hailey’s Instagram feed showing an “Alice” show prop).

Last week we got the first casting news of the new season. The show announced three new guest stars, whose names made me go, “Cool. Sure. Meh.” They are: Rosie O’Donnell, Donald Faison and Griffin Dunne.

Per a report in The Wrap, Rosie plays Carrie, “a brash and kindhearted public defender who is thrust into Bette’s life and quickly gets under her skin;” Faison plays Tom, “a self-deprecating editor who works with Alice;” and Dunne plays Isaac, “one of the biggest international art mega-dealers who Bette comes to know.”

I have no major qualms with Donald or Griffin, and I suppose the show needs to add male characters now and then. But I am much more interested in Rosie’s role, and any possible future female quest stars coming to the season. Also, isn’t it kind of astounding that Rosie hasn’t been on “The L Word” before this? Like Arianna Huffington and Snoop Dogg were on the show, but not Rosie? Wild.

Our eagle-eyed and steel-minded friends at Autostraddle have sleuthed out that “Carrie” is also the name of Tina’s so-far-unseen fiancée. Could this Carrie be that Carrie? (Honestly, I had not remembered that tidbit from the show. Though these days I sometimes do not remember what day of the week it is, thanks pandemic brain.) Time will tell, but I can definitely see a Rosie type getting on the nerves of a Bette type, and vice versa.

While the reboot wasn’t flawless, it was both solid and refreshing in approach to telling stories about contemporary lesbian women’s lives, and the lives of the people they love and surrounds themselves with. So I can’t wait for its return. We’ve had a small embarrassment of riches when it comes to mainstream lesbian and queer women’s representation amid the smouldering horror of this year. Let’s keep that representation going in 2021, and make it even better and more inclusive.

Music Monday: Tegan & Sara Edition

Does it get much gayer than having Tegan & Sara sing the theme to your lesbian holiday rom-com? No, no it does not. For all the horrors and ongoing catastrophes of this year, it gave us a surprisingly robust slate of new queer stories. From “Happiest Season” to “Ammonite” to “The Haunting of Bly Manor” to “Racthed” - and those are just the mainstream options. Plus we haven’t even talked about all those gay Hallmark/Lifetime boy rom-coms yet that aired recently. So this holiday season make yourself the happiest by snuggling in to some queer entertainment and truly make the yuletide gay. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Look, Christmas is coming. And if I could have one gift it would be...for the pandemic to end. For Trump to go to jail. For humans to finally band together to reverse climate change. For BIPOC, LGBTQ+ people and all underrepresented peoples to have full equality and opportunity. And then, after all that, I’d really like that dream Charlize Theron and Aisha Tyler lesbian “Die Hard” movie to happen.

Wait, you haven’t heard about the lesbian “Die Hard” movie with Charlize and Aisha? I shall explain.

The other day someone tweeted that lesbian rom-coms were all fine, but what he really wanted was “a Die Hard where Charlize Theron goes on a rampage to save her wife.”

This is how Charlize responded:

Where do I sign https://t.co/nO47Bj28CN

— Charlize Theron (@CharlizeAfrica) December 8, 2020

And then this is how Aisha responded to Charlize’s response:

Where do I cosign https://t.co/fWe7kWKlME

— Aisha Tyler (@aishatyler) December 8, 2020

Right, so, MAKE IT HAPPEN HOLLYWOOD. Or, you know, Santa could come through. Honest, I’ve been extremely good this year. Barely left the house. Worn a mask. Kept socially distant. Washed my hands. Voted for Joe Biden. Yes, I sorta believed the polls so that was bad. But, truly, it’s been just an unending hellscape of a year. We need this. We want this. We deserve this. COME THROUGH, SANTA. Happy safe, healthy and righteous weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Gentleman Jack Edition

Now that’s what I like to see. Beloved fictionalized historical figures taking real-life modern issues seriously. After an extended delay because we’re in a goddamned global pandemic still, production with necessary safety protocols has begun again on the second season of “Gentleman Jack.” Filming began last month, about six months behind schedule because, because you know *points to everything on fire*. After one of perhaps the swooniest endings in modern lesbian stories told on the big or small screen (I mean, that mountaintop kiss - come on!), I can’t wait to see what Anne Lister does next. But you know Suranne Jones will be doing it off-screen in a mask. As we all should.

Once (Again) I Had a Secret Love

You know the one vignette in “If These Walls Could Talk 2” that starred Vanessa Redgrave and Marian Seldes as a longtime lesbian couple in the 1960s? I always fast forward through that story. Always. I do because it’s too painful to keep reliving the collective grief of our past (and still too often our present) like that. That’s not entertaining to me anymore. That’s just hurt.

Well, what if they made a whole movie about that vignette, but in present day an in France? Yeah, remember when I said I was grateful for all the variety in lesbian representation this year on screens large and small? I should have been more specific and said I didn’t mean a redux of that painful longtime secret love storyline.

Here’s the thing, this could be a very good film. And critics and festivals have awarded it thusly. In fact it is France’s official selection for the international feature for the Academy Awards. So, yeah, I will very likely watch this. Plus, even though I chafe at the secret love thing, I do greatly appreciate seeing older actresses as the central stars and centering their full and vibrant lives. Women don’t stop being interesting at 25. Or any age. Period.

But remember when we were talking about coming out stories as the predominate LGBTQ+ narratives told in mainstream fiction? Well, we’re not wrong – they truly are the stories they love to tell about us. But, with each retelling we are the ones who relive a specific trauma together. And in a story like this, where years of loving and living and just getting through all the muck that comes with agreeing to go through all of our space and time together is again reduced to “just friends” – it enrages as much as it aches. How many times do straight audiences need to be told and retold these stories until they understand?

I hope this is a great film and perhaps one of the last films that needs to be made on this particular subject.

Will You Go to Prom with Me?

Well, remember when I bemoaned out lack of options for stories that center lesbians and queer women? Like, lesbian period dramas are great and all but how many can we watch? The good news is this year seems to trying its best, despite the inclimate circumstances, to buck that trend. We have so far been served up: a psychological thriller, a ghostly love story, a historical romance, a holiday rom-com and now a star-studded Broadway musical. I’m sure I’m missing something, and already that’s some not unimpressive variety. So no matter if “The Prom” is first season of “Glee”-great, or “Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again”-heinous, it’s an option. And the more we find on the menu, the more chances we’ll land on something we truly like. Guess we’ll find out if “The Prom” is one of those things this Friday on Netflix.

Music Monday: Shameika's Potential

Hey remember wayyy back in April when we thought, “Of course this thing will be under control by the election, if not the holidays! Of course!” You know, 700 years ago? Anyway, back then one of the things getting me through was Fiona Apple’s new bonkers genius experimental album “Fetch the Bolt Cutters.” I simply love it, this primal scream of sonic expression. For me perhaps its most emotionally affecting songs is “Shameika” with its undeniably hopeful refrain “Shameika said I had potential.” And then I shared a story about the Shameika in my own childhood?

Well, kittens, it turns out not only is Fiona’s Shameika real, she’s pretty spectacular. She has so much more than potential, she’s gdamn good. Pitchfork tracked the real Shameika Stepney down, and wrote about her and Fiona’s (virtual, stupid pandemic) reunion all these years later. It’s funny what can bond people, and how small moments can change lives.

Shameika is doing well, sells time shares, and used to have credible music career in the 1990s and early 2000s before leaving the business. And she’s good. Not only does the real Shameika appear (again, virtually) to intro the music video for the eponymous song’s music video, the former schoolmates collaborate on a new song called “Shameika Said” where she raps lead to Fiona’s backing wails. And that song too had more than potential, it’s just damn good. Happy Monday, Kittens.

My Weekend Crush

In general, we shouldn’t “stan” politicians. I know, I know – I have a lot of fun with Madam Vice President Straight Bette Porter. It’s no secret I’m a fan of my son-to-be former senator and incoming Vice President-Elect Kamala Harris. But there’s sincere appreciate and there’s blind worship. And we’ve seen way, way, way too much undeserved worship these last four years.

Now, you might argue, but you bought yourself a Kamala shirt, you hypocrite. Yeah, I bought that shirt and wore it on Election Day. But, no, I will not be wearing a big obnoxious Biden-Harris baseball cap around town for the next four years. And I’m not going to fly a Biden-Harris flag telling you to “Fuck Your Feelings” on my lawn anytime soon. Before Trump only the craziest of crazies would wear campaign gear non-ironically after the campaign was over. But here we are, with people who are using their cult-like devotion to a politician as shorthand for a personality. Like, what the actual fuck with all these flags and hats? But it’s the natural distillation of people who view politics as nothing more than a winner-take-all sporting event.

This is a long way to go to say, if we are going to stan politicians we should at least pick ones worthy of the adoration. And in her short time in the national spotlight, Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has proven herself to be more than formidable. AOC is a model for how progressives should push their agenda. She’s so smart and she’s so spot-on with her messaging. Instead of in-fighting, Democrats (moderates, progressives, et al) should learn from each other. Again, it’s not a sport. We’re all a team, and when we work together and play to our strengths we can win and make meaningful change for the people who need it most. We really, really can.

So here’s the to future of progressivism. And, um, I would be remiss if I did not say that AOC looks good in a suit and in the general face region. So there’s also that. Happy safe, health and righteous weekend, all. And by next weekend, we should have an Electoral College Certified new president to celebrate. No, we’re not tired of winning yet. And we’re not done either.

Review: Ammonite

Let me just put it all out there: “Ammonite” is the lesbian prestige period piece that FUCKS.

The film starring Kate Winslet and Saoirse Ronan is ostensibly a semi-historical romance set in 1840s England about two women who fall in love while searching for fossils along the unforgiving southern seashore. Yes, it’s “Portrait of a Lady with Fossils” mixed with “Carol for Rocks,” sorta.

Indeed, “Ammonite” is about stones. Stones in the literal sense that they unearth bearing the shape of creatures long lost to time, and the stones we can fill our hearts with or that can stubbornly block us from our true passions.

While “Ammonite” may have much in common with our recent slate of lesbian and queer-themed films about women (often period pieces, often filled with long scenes of moody gazing), the movie’s male writer-director has decided gritty and unrelenting realism was his best chance at standing out.

So the second thing you should know about “Ammonite” is that the tone remains resolutely grim through much of the picture. Like, I’m not sure if Kate cracks more than three smiles as stoic and steadfast paleontologist Mary Anning. Her real-life character was a famed fossil hunter. In the film, she is apparently past her major discoveries prime and now sells what she finds as trinkets for tourists in her coastal town.

She meets Saoirse’s Charlotte (whose husband has dumped her with Mary because of some kind of diagnosed hysterical rich lady problems, but what I believe is an undiagnosed case of post-partum depression and unrealized lesbianism) who reluctantly comes to walk the rocky beaches with her in search of even more rocks.

Now, you’d think long walks on the beach would be the perfect setting for romance. I mean, the waves crashing! The dresses billowing in the wind! But, “Ammonite” telegraphs its serious intentions by focusing on the harshness instead of the beauty. Shit is dour, man. Stuff is grimy. Life is drab. Also, the second you see a boiled egg being cracked open look away for a bit. Trust me, it’s not pretty and that’s the point.

But, and here’s the biggest “but” perhaps ever, all this grim and grimy determination is interspersed with moments of almost spastic yet entirely believable desire. You know that sex scene everyone is talking about? Believe me, you won’t miss it. I can honestly say it’s like nothing I’ve ever seen in mainstream lesbian movies, especially mainstream lesbian movies brimming with A-list stars. And unlike some of those other much-talked-about lesbian sex scenes of late (“Blue is the Warmest Color” and “Disobedience” come to mind), this one totally passes the Lesbo Street Cred test – if you know what I mean.

Also, it’s not unhot.

[SPOILERS FOLLOW, COME BACK AFTER THE NEXT ALL-CAPS, BOLDED BRACKET]

Right, so that scene? Well, OK, I’m just going to say it. Saoirse Ronan sits on Kate Winslet’s face. Yes, you read that correctly. If you’ve ever wanted to see an Academy Award-nominated actress climb onto an Academy Award-winning actress’s face like a little spider monkey and then proceed to ride it to nirvana, this is the movie for you. And, you know what, I ain’t mad about it. Not one little bit. I may have rewatched it, um, for scientific arts criticism purposes. What? I’m only human, OK?

[SPOILERS OVER, YOU CAN COME BACK NOW]

The film also features what may be the earliest historical presentation of lesbian U-Hauling I’ve ever seen. For those still harboring a crush on Kate since her “Titanic” days, it will come full circle as she draws another woman like one of her French girls. Saoirse and Kate squeeze as much chemistry as they can in brief, meaningful glances over cold, dispassionate rocks.

“Ammonite” is a very good film, if not a particularly joyful one. Most of its festive moments (not to mention most colorful ones, in the figurative and literal senses) involve brief encounters with Mary’s upper-crust ex, as played by the always magnificent Fiona Shaw. Otherwise, it seems like the movie goes out of its way to make Kate look as unglamorous as possible – which is fine. Not everyone is Carol Aird. But, we get it, she’s working class and work is hard – especially for women working in a man’s world.

I’ve sometimes grumbled about the trend of lesbian prestige period pieces. Sure, lesbians lived in the past when things were tougher and society was different and that’s interesting. But how about we tell some contemporary lesbian stories up in here for a change? We still exist today, you know. (Another reason “Happiest Season” is so damn refreshing in its conventional contemporary appeal.)

In a perfect world we’d have a little of everything. The grim period pieces. The sweeping romances. The cheesy rom-coms. We would have diverse choices. We could choose to be picky about genre. You know, like straight folks get to be every day when they choose between the endless options of entertainment in television, film, music and more created precisely for them and their sexual orientation.

But we’re not in a perfect world, yet – clearly. So we take what we can get and we’re happy it’s taken if nothing else seriously. “Ammonite” is definitely worth seeing, it’s a solidly crafted and at times emotionally aflame story of finding love in a hopeless place. And, we’ll always have that scene. That alone might be enough to rock our worlds, so to speak.

”Ammonite” debuts on Video-on-Demand tomorrow, Dec. 4

Welcome, Elliot

You know how lots of us kind of roll our eyes at coming out stories, having seen them again and again and again and even in our holiday rom-coms. Well, the thing about that is they still matter. They still matter because LGBTQ+ people are still afraid to reveal who they really are to the world. And LGBTQ+ people are still afraid to reveal who they are to the world because the world continues to denigrate, deny and even destroy those identities. This is particularly true for trans and non-binary people. Look, oppression isn’t the Olympics. We clearly shouldn’t pit each other’s struggles against one another. But it’s plain to see there’s a crisis in the trans community, particularly the murder of trans women of color. We are only as good as how well be protect the most vulnerable among us.

So each new trans and non-binary person who comes out, well, that matters. It can make someone feel less lonely, less alone. That particularly matters when that person is very famous and very active and very talented to boot. Yesterday Elliot Page came out as trans/non-binary in posts on his social media. The star of “Juno,” “Whip It,” “Freeheld” and more now becomes one of the highest profile out trans/non-binary celebrities in the world. His clear, heartfelt and beautiful statement is a reminder that nothing is as powerful or as important as living your life truthfully. I kind of hate the phrase “live your truth,” because it feels so trite. And don’t get me started on the whole “journey” thing. But being your authentic self, well, it matters. And it will always matter. If more people were allowed to be authentically themselves, the world would be a much better place indeed.

So congratulations, Elliot. Thank you for sharing yourself with all of us. Since coming out in 2014, Elliot has been a tireless advocate and activist for LGBTQ+ causes and underrepresented voices – and I’m sure that will only grow stronger. Congratulations at being exactly who you are. Also, I’m sorry about not finishing the second season of “The Umbrella Academy.” I’ll finish, I promise.

Happiest Horror

we did it clea.. Happiest Season horror trailer cut pic.twitter.com/kWEuhTwGa1

— Erin Sullivan (@sullivem) November 12, 2020

I cannot think of a better way to usher in the Christmas season and month of December than with the “Happiest Season” horror cut. We’ve already discussed the importance of soundtrack and editing in determining tone and atmosphere. This appears particularly true with this year’s crop of lesbian-centered projects. Look, if “Bly Manor” can be a rom-com, “Happiest Season” can get a horror trailer. Kind of gives new meaning to, “You better watch out, You better not cry…” Also, it’s been a week since this film has been out (you can read my full review here). I’d wager that it and “Carol” are now required lesbian and queer woman viewing each December, no? 'Tis the season, ladies. Happy holigays, kittens.

p.s. Granted, if you look at it the right way, “Happiest Season” is a bit of a horror film. Like in some ways it’s horrifying to watch Abby stay with her repressed closeted girlfriend with bad bangs Harper instead of leaving her for the out, funny, fucking hot doctor who looks amazing in blazers Riley. And, hands down, K-Stew had better chemistry with Aubrey Plaza than Mackenzie Davis. Regardless, we all deserve a sequel that’s all about Riley’s holiday-season journey to find love. Make it so, universe. After the year we’ve all had, I think you owe us.

Music Monday: Dolly Redux

As I’ve already gone on and on about the absolute national treasure that is Dolly Parton, but suffice to say she deserves all that love and so much more. Not only did she make that $1 million donation to aid in coronavirus vaccine research way back in April, that charitable act has paved the way for one of the most promising (to the tune of some 95% effective) vaccines against the virus. So, yeah, if Dolly ends up saving us all from COVID-19 I hereby declare that all remaining confederate statues be torn down and replaced with statues of Ms. Parton. I mean, let’s salute the real heroes in this country for a change. Happy last Monday of November, kittens. One more month of this infernal year. May it do as little harm, and bring about as much good (thanks in no small part to Dolly) as possible.

p.s. For a song about a global pandemic, this is actually incredibly catchy and rather moving. So, you know, Dolly forever.

My Weekend Crush

Now swallow. pic.twitter.com/iX356QX40g

— Ratched (@RatchedNetflix) September 19, 2020

While I can’t necessarily recommend “Ratched” as a series, I still delight in the onscreen pairing of Sarah Paulson and Cynthia Nixon as its mental ward-crossed lovers Mildred Ratched and Gwendolyn Briggs in the Ryan Murphy psychodrama. I’ll tell you one thing, 2020 was not lacking in front-and-center lesbian romance and sexual innuendo on the large and small screen thanks to “Ratched,” “The Haunting of Bly Manor,” “Happiest Season” and “Ammonite.” And while the degrees of sexuality vary greatly among the projects (so much more on “Ammonite” coming later, so much more), I think this oyster eating scene is one for the history books in its full on nudge-nudge, gulp-gulp joke about lesbian sex as portrayed by two out queer women. Plus, who doesn’t love a nice, fresh oyster all laid out for the slurping like that? Happy health, safe and righteous Thanksgiving weekend, all.

Stay Home for the Holidays

It’s almost cruel to ask us what we’re thankful for in this universally infernal year. In case you forgot, we’re in the midst of the first global pandemic in over 100 years. And this thing is only getting worse instead of better after more than eight months of failed federal leadership. Half the country won’t take even the most simple precautions, from wearing a damn mask to social distancing from anyone not in your immediate household to, say, NOT HOSTING BIG THANKSGIVING DINNERS.

It’s painfully obvious that we’re not living in the same realities in America. We’ve got new members of Congress who believe in thoroughly debunked not to mention incredibly dangerous conspiracy theories. About half the country actually thinks Donald fucking Trump deserved another four years in office. And, there are folks who refuse to make the most cursory concessions to an ongoing health crisis that has killed over 250,000 of their fellow Americans.

Look, I get it, it’s hard. I haven’t seen my mother now in well over a year. I haven’t seen my sister and my nephews and niece in longer than that. I had considered flying home quickly for the holidays to see at very least my mom, but then reconsidered as the numbers continued to climb. I could never forgive myself if I made her sick, or if I made other people sick. So this year, I’m thankful for all the kind, empathetic, science-believing people who are doing their best to keep themselves, their loved ones and everyone else by not getting together this Thanksgiving with anyone from outside of their households.

It may not feel heroic staying home and not doing much of anything. But I’d rather go through some boredom and loneliness than act selfishly and possibly make it so someone else will never again sit down at the Thanksgiving table with the people they love. This year, we should all stay home for the holdays. And may we all have all new, wonderful things to be thankful for next Thanksgiving. Thank you for caring, kittens.

Review: Happiest Season

If you’re a lesbian or queer women who likes Christmas, or you ever dreamed of kissing a woman under the mistletoe, or you made out with your bestie freshman year when you both stayed in the dorms over winter break only to feel funny about it for months afterward, well, do I have the the movie for you.

“Happiest Season” comes out today on Hulu, exactly one month before Christmas. And it’s the early Christmas present your little gay heart always wanted to find waiting for you under the tree. In fact, it’s the lesbian holiday rom-com your inner cheesy rom-com watcher wishes she could be watching instead all those Lifetime/Hallmark Christmas rom-coms about marrying princes, medievel knights and/or blueberry farmers you secretly watch while wrapping presents year after year.

What’s most remarkable about “Happiest Season” isn’t its cast (which is undeniably remarkable given it’s filled with A-list names from Kristen to Mackenzie to Dan, Mary, Victor, Aubrey, Alison and more) or its subject matter (this is a year filled with a truly remarkable variety of quality choices for queer women who like everything from moody ghost stories or fossil hunting historical pieces and now holiday rom-coms). What’s most remarkable about “Happiest Season” is how utterly conventional it is, and I mean that in the best way possible.

“Happiest Season” is exactly what you’d expect from a holiday rom-com, down to scenes of sibling rivalry devolving into slapstick violence to The Big Unforeseen/Unlikely Obstacle that almost breaks them apart to that most classic of rom-com of moves involving one half of a non-married couple hiding semi-clothed behind a bedroom door from disapproving parents. And, like their straight counterparts, they get just physical enough to remind you they are adults who totally have sex, but not enough to make it too awkward to watch with your mom.

Yes, it’s that kind of movie. And that’s OK. That’s very OK. It’s OK because the big difference is, of course, instead of a good-looking straight couple at its center, there’s a good-looking lesbian couple at its center.

I have now watched “Happiest Season” three times in full and can honestly say that I plan on rewatching it each year during the Christmas season. It’s that kind of movie. In fact, along with “Carol,” I believe lesbian and queer women now have two – albeit very different - holigay classics to enjoy of their very own.

The light-on-its-feet affair is helmed by Clea DuVall, who directed and co-wrote the film. Along with proving the movie unassailable queer bona fides, DuVall and Stewart’s presence roots the movie in the modern gay experience. DuVall also makes a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it appearance during the credits, finally bringing your youthful crush on her since her Graham days in “But I’m a Cheerleader” full circle.

“Happiest Season” walks that razor-sharp-enough-to-trim-your-lesbian-undercut line between appealing to its eager contemporary queer audience and reaching out broadly to straight folks. Hence the subject matter, which is admittedly some fairly basic Gay 101 stuff. A lesbian couple (Kristen Stewart’s Abby and Mackenzie Davis’s Harper) goes home for the holidays, only to find out that Harper hasn’t come out to her parents yet, thus complicating Abby’s plans to propose.

Along the way exes show up (someone get every single lesbian Riley’s phone number - hello, a single lesbian doctor working at Johns Hopkins as played with hand-in-pockets authenticity by Aubrey Plaza). And Parker’s sisters played by Alison Brie and Mary Holland (the film’s other co-writer) add plenty of zany WASP-families-are-secretly-crazy comedic interludes.

If you’re used to seeing K-Stew from the “Twilight” franchise or her more edgy indie fare, “Happiest Season” will give you a window into her funny side. It’s a little unbalancing at first watching someone so patently hip use a dorky reindeer glider to skate around an ice rink or awkwardly fail to impress the parents. Her very specific, low-key, continually too-cool-for-school persona at first might seem an odd fit for a rom-com. And at times, it seems Mackenzie and Kristen’s energies don’t entirely connect. But they have enough chemistry to make you care, and that’s what matters.

Making “Happiest Season” so traditional in many ways is perhaps the perfect bait-and-switch. It gets more people to watch what for queer viewers will be an affirmation and for straight viewers will hopefully be an eye opener about why some people still struggle with coming out. In the end, we’re all just humans who want to be loved, and anything that puts up potential barriers to that love is, shall we say, complicated.

Yes, a lot of things have changed in our political landscape. Things have gotten better. We can legally marry. We can serve in the military (and hopefully our patriotic trans and non-binary servicemembers will soon again – fuck, and I mean this most sincerely until the end of time, Donald Trump). But so much is still not equal, and we have so many fights left to win. And that fact that it took until the year 2020 for a mainstream holiday rom-com featuring lesbian leads to be even be made.

Dan Levy brings his best Woke David Rose energy to the role of Abby’s gay male best friend. He also provides its compassionate heart while walking hetero watchers gingerly through The Gay Experience, a bit like the unseen stage narrator of “Our Town,” except he is very seen and very welcome. Still, if you’re a hardened gaymo like me, you’ll find your heart growing several sizes as the movie reaches its inevitable emotional crescendo.

Look I never thought, growing up as as a nerdy kid in the Midwest who liked Jennifer Connelly in “Labyrinth” a little too much, that one day one of the biggest movie stars in the world who also happened to be gay would play a gay character in a lesbian rom-com with a major joke/plot point about literally hiding in the closet - but here we are. Now every little lesbian and queer girl growing up has a cheesy – and I mean that in the best way possible – lesbian rom-com of their very own. And that matters.

A Very Gay Christmas

As all you kittens well know, I’m always all about the ladies here at Surrenders. But, I hope this is also an inclusive space where gay, bisexual, trans and queer men and women and non-binary friends can come to enjoy some of the effervescent joy of the culture we call pop. Sure, things have been pretty serious of late because the culture has been pretty serious. But, things are looking up - and perhaps a little bit like Big Gay Christmas. Anyway, this is a really long introduction to today’s trailer for “Dashing in December,” which I can only accurate descibe as the Lifetime Gay Western Christmas Rom-Com of your wildest dreams. Look, if we can celebrate the first mainstream lesbian holiday rom-com (which premieres tomorrow on Hulu, I'll have a review here tomorrow too), we can certainly give the fellas their moment. Also, I would totally watch this while wrapping presents. What, Andie MacDowell in in the movie, too!

Music Monday: Early Christmas Edition

this was the first time i heard this song in 2020 and it was absolutely the best possible occasion 🎁 pic.twitter.com/Fb5fd2cDCH

— adri ♛ (@adriofwands) November 8, 2020

Well, this is Thanksgiving week. So that means here in the states that the holiday season is about to officially begin. Now, normally, I’d frown on playing Christmas music before Thanksgiving. But, let’s be honest, it’s been a hard year. We all needed a little Christmas early this year. So please enjoy this flashback to a couple weekends ago when half of America felt like they’d awoken to find the biggest present under the tree. If people literally dance in the street after voting you out at the ballot box, you should probably permanently change you name to Scrooge. But then Scrooge had a change of heart. And Trump, well, he’ll go down as a lying, cheating, whining loser forever. Man, that was a good, good day. Like, maybe even better than Christmas. Happy Monday, kittens.