Gender Fuck Thursday: Red Carpet Edition

Well, here’s a good trend for a change. You know, not like the precipitous decline of our democracy and dismantling of our public services. But, uh, a positive fashion trend counteracts all that, right? Right?!? Anyway, at least we have women in suits. I’ve noticed more female stars opting for suits on the red carpet recently and obviously I am not mad about that. Oversized suits seem to be the specific trend, but I don’t size discriminate. So, please enjoy this stylish selection. Does it make up for the undeniable creep of fascism? Yeah, no. But I’ll take what I can get to spark some joy these days. Keep suiting up, ladies. A grateful nation needs you (well, 75 million of us need you). Nicole Kidman

All these sexy straight roles for Nicole, I say it’s time to mix things up – sapphically speaking. This suit agrees with my casting requests, clearly.

Carrie Coon

Mike White should really fuck us all up and have Carrie’s character and Parker Posey’s character have a wild lesbian affair together on “White Lotus” this season. This tux says it would work.

Halsey

Sure, she looks like she’s running for county comptroller. But you know you’d vote for her based on that suit alone.

Olivia Wilde

Whereas Olivia looks like she’s everyone’s favorite poetry professor at a small liberal arts college.

Cynthia Erivo

I think this is her only suit during this whole Wicked premiere/award season tour. Which, as we can see here, is a shame for us.

Cate Blanchett

Ties are, obviously, optional.

Lisa

Bow ties are also optional (hear that, Brandi?).

Janelle Monae

Shirts are also, obviously, optional.

Keke Palmer

Pants, too!

Kate Winslet

Giving us a choice between black and white suits, really Winslet – you are too kind and I totally understand why you needed all that space on the door.

A Simple (Gay) Favor

Right, so if we’re doing this again, they’re gonna make it gay this time – right? Like really, actually gay – right? Sure, they had that lil sympathy smooch in the first one. But for the sequel, they run off together and live happily ever after – in an extremely gay way. RIGHT?

Yes, I will probably watch “Another Simple Favor” – whether it’s actually gay or not – because Blake Lively in menswear just does it for me. Granted, I don’t know why Anna Kendrick’s character would jet off to Italy to be the maid-of-honor for someone who literally tried to kill her – other than she loves her in a totally gay way. But if they don’t make it gay, I certainly hope they throw us a ton more hot looks (or should I saw lewks) to satiate our needs. But, seriously, make it gay.

p.s. See, remember? GAY.

GGALGG: Oscars Edition

So the thing about this year’s Oscars is they were very, very, veryveryveryvery straight this year. I mean, sure, Ariana Grande opened with “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” from “The Wizard of Oz” and then Cynthia Erivo followed with “Home” from “The Whiz” and they both finished with “Defying Gravity.” Ari even had a freaking ruby slipper attached to her back. Which, I mean, sure – that’s a pretty fucking gay way to start things off. But instead of staying gay, the rest of the show was pure “Kansas Rainbow” (this is a deep “Somebody Somewhere” cut – which if you recognize it let’s be real gay together).

But after that? None of the higher-profile queer nominees won (not Cynthia, not Brandi Carlile and Elton John, not Colman Domingo and definitely not Karla Sofía Gascón). The highlights for LGBTQ+ folks was out costume designer Paul Tazewell taking home the trophy for “Wicked” – making him the first Black man to win – and Queen Latifah singing “Ease On Down The Road” (was “The Whiz” the telecast’s true winner?) with Glad trash bags tied to her shoulders.

And can we talk for a moment about how neither of the two “Emilia Perez” winners mentioning the trans community even once in their acceptance speeches? Hello??? If you’re wondering why this movie wasn’t embraced by the LGBTQ+ community, uh, that’s why. When you use us as a plot device without any real intention of representing the greater community, it shows. That and it was a bad movie, period.

Honestly, there wasn’t much SGALGG to speak of from the red carpet either. Like hardly any fun shots of straight actresses trying to Sabrina Carpenter themselves with other straight actresses, so clearly queer sensibilities had a bad night. Also, can we talk about how 25-year-old Mikey Madison pulling a surprise upset for Best Actress over 62-year-old Demi Moore is the perfect postscript to “The Substance,” because yeah.

Even if the awards were very cis and very straight, I’m here to bring the GGALGG because that’s my whole and entire mission statement. Granted, most of the Queer Lady Rainbow Mafia only showed up for the after parties – which is just another sign of our good taste. Ahem.

Cynthia Erivo & Lena Waithe

Had to find a sneaky picture of Cynthia & Lena at the Oscars because they did not pose on the red carpet together and posted individual shots of themselves at the Oscars on their respective Instas. Which, hey, I get keeping your personal lives private. But it’s the Oscars, ladies. Not even one official shot together at the Gay Superbowl?

Marissa Bode & Lauren Brooks

The “Wicked” star brought her girlfriend with her throughout the movie’s award show run and happily posed together on the red carpet so I’m not saying she wins Girlfriend of the Year but she’s definitely not losing Girlfriend of the Year for lack of effort.

Brandi Carlile & Catherine Shepherd Carlile

I love them, I don’t love their abundance of bows. Like was Brandi’s suit inspired by Minnie Mouse, what is happening? Are bows the new carabiners? Explain, universe. Explain.

Queen Latifah & Eboni Nichols

Did a Catholic middle school dance chaperone get to them and say they needed to leave space for the Holy Ghost or what?

Niecy Nash-Betts & Jackie Betts

Thank Sappho for Niecy and Jackie, a queer couple that always looks great together and will give us the Gay Superbowl photos we deserve.

Oprah & Whoopi Goldberg

Fine, while neither is truly family, I think we can all just agree they look like the most stylish couple at Senior Prom Night at their high-end 55+ community.

Laverne Cox & Hari Nef

More trans representation in one photo than the entire production of “Emilia Perez.” Enough said.

Sarah Paulson & Hannah Einbinder

It’s like spare body parts from The Substance and a fashion-forward Dalek from Doctor Who showed up as each other’s dates.

Chappell Roan & Elton John

We have reached Maximum Gay. Any more Gay and we may risk Nuclear Rainbow Overload.

Melanie Lynskey & Jason Ritter

The only straight couple I will include because after seeing Melanie in this Jessica Rabbit getup, every lesbian has reaffirmed her spot on their “Celebrity I So Would” lists. And Jason is just adorable, even though he will fight every single last one of us for lusting after his wife.

Renee Rapp

Speaking of Jessica Rabbit, I’m glad to see Renee embracing her inner – or should I say outer – Jessica as well.

Clea DuVall

Again, this is exactly how I would show up at award shows were I ever to be invited to award shows – or in this case, award show after parties.

Katy M. O’Brian

I love that these are actually pants. Oh you didn’t notice the pants because of the muscles? Yeah, you’re gay.

Music Monday: Sabrina & Dolly Edition

Speaking of genres I don’t listen to as much, county (particularly contemporary country) sits atop the list. Of course I have my exceptions: Kacey Musgrave, The Chicks, Willie and, of course, Dolly Parton. So when Sabrina Carpenter (a.k.a. The Unfortunately Straightest Pop Girlie Around, Despite Her Best Efforts) rereleased her hit “Please Please Please” minus her ex-Barry Keoghan and with Dolly, well, I was just tickled pink. Or, uh, I think pink. The video is in black and white. But doesn’t it feel pink? I mean, what else would you wear to bury a (soon-to-be) dead ex-boyfriend’s body? Happy Monday, kittens.

p.s. Please please please tell me they also recorded an explicit version with Dolly that keeps in the “motherfucker” because, well, you know why.