Thursday, December 22, 2011

Alpha Bette City

So last week I sang the praises of that lesbothrob Shane. Shane, Shane, Shane. And, well, it got me a little nostalgic. And what is got me nostalgic for was that glorious creature Bette Porter. Oh, what a specimen. What a magnificent mix of alpha behavior and bossy tendencies. So, so, bossy. What a complicated mess of loyalty and desire, power and weakness, strength and tenderness. And when she wore those power suits, sweet merciful Zeus, how the knees automatically buckled. But it was her flaws that made her so very interesting. Power on its own is rather bland, boring even. But power with problems and all those glorious messy things that make us human? Well, that’s the wonders of Bette Porter. Also, damn, the lady was hot as fuck.


;) babs said...

I miss alphaBette very much, especially the season 1 version of her. she was a real predator.

FASTTCR said...

Hot as fuck indeed! This is all the Xmas gift I need. Thank you.

Solo said...

this video is so very orgasmic !

Malika said...

I didn't realize that I missed her that much. Go Bette :)
The video was just awesome. I think I might re watch the show.

lisa said...

Okay, I can't watch that. Too much heat with no way to release it! lol

Anonymous said...

Of all the dykes, all the lesbians, all the would be's, could be's all the whispered maybes, Bette Porter is the one.

I love the scene where she picks up the girl in the bar. "Do you want to dance", as though the poor twinkie had a chance or a choice.

Fucking "A".

Gee I miss that White Suit.

Roz Turner said...

Best Xmas present ever!

...and now for some cold shower.

Anonymous said...

"Alpha Bette City"?

GREAT line Snarks! **Great** line!!! :D


PS Never was much of a Bette fan though I'm afraid. I know - no accounting for taste and all that. Actually, early Dana and Alice aside, I never really was a big fan of the 'L Word' full stop.

"Hersey! Hersey! PD is spouting heresy all over Snarks lovely blog!!! Arrest her!!! Confiscate her membership card!!!"

Yikes! I'll be seeing you later darlings!

Anonymous said...

I am back and re-evaluating my position. Yes, you are right. She is HOT! But only when she’s been safely rendered mute and her flouncy blouses have been confiscated! :D


PS Bette darling; leopard print?! What the hell *were* you thinking?! Did some deplorable villain try and convince you that were a damn MKULTRA sex kitten?!!! :D

C. said...

Thanks so much for the reminders of all the best parts of the L Word.

egghead said...

Solo said...
this video is so very orgasmic !

Um, yeah, there shoulda been a warning?! Why oh why do I not drink the coffee first, try to wake up BEFORE turning on computer in the morning? Why????

Anyway, yes, she is a hot fuck. I mean, hot as fuck. No I did not really mean to say that. Bette Porter is a supporter of the arts which makes her a REAL human being, not just some object. ;)

Alpha Bette, when (over) powering up for workplace made me nervous. Didn't recognize her with her hair wound up so tight on top of her head. Seriously, I wondered who the new actress was at first. Great acting chops Ms. Beals. Do you want cream with your coffee?

But my favorite turn ons about Bette is somewhat weird (and of course I'll talk about with my shrink later). When she is sliding down walls and/or crying? Or those big browns just getting wider and sadder? Well, perhaps that's what Snarks meant by "glorious messy things"

egghead said...

"PD is spouting heresy all over Snarks lovely blog!!! Arrest her!!! Confiscate her membership card!!!"

Handcuffs your tipple? :D

"I am back and re-evaluating my position. Yes, you are right. She is HOT! But only when she’s been safely rendered mute and her flouncy blouses have been confiscated! :D"



Hoodie72 said...

I gotta get out of this office...right. now. lol

Anonymous said...

"Handcuffs your tipple?"

Depends rather on just who has the key! :D

Rae said...

I have loved Beales like, my whole life. I will never stop. And Bette...le sigh. soooo bossy. I just get weak in the knees...

Anonymous said...

“My desire for someone who looks very Shane…” – Our good pal Snarks just last week

Darling, I believe I may be able to offer some assistance on that score?! *Ta! Da!* Especially for you dear Snarks; the last in PD’s festive ‘hands across the ocean cultural exchange’ trilogy…

‘Gender Fuck Thursday’ – The Sharleen Spiteri Edition!!!

“But PD darling, she’s *straight*!”

“Yes darlings, but so is Moennig, right? Right?!” :D

Anyway, let’s get down to it!

To be honest, it’s pretty much always been a bit of a gender fuck with Texas, hasn’t it? (The band, not the State!!! Heaven forbid I offend any of those absolutely charming but frightfully well armed # nice southern boys and girls! :) ) This old clip in particular abounds in gender fuckery!

“I think we do confuse a lot of people.” Yeah, like no shit Sherlock! I mean darlings, at 10 paces and after 15 or so whiskies could you tell those two apart?! :)

Yes, Ellen used one of their songs as the theme to her sitcom. Incidentally, Spiteri (an ex-hairdresser :) ) sported that famous ‘do LONG before that other hairdresser (the badly enunciating one) was even so much as a glint in Chaiken’s eye! Thus, it could be argued that ‘Lip Service’ was in fact merely repatriating the damn thing! :D

So there you are; quietly minding your own business propping up some (sophisticated!) bar or other. You reckon you’re doing not too badly -thank you very much!- despite the 19 vintage malts you have consumed. Or so you thought… Don’t look now! Wham! They’re at it again; playfully walloping you on the back of the head with that battered old copy of ‘Twelfth Night’!

You collapse to the floor groaning in helpless confusion, your *own* gender damn near fucked right out of you! (Oh alright! Yes, that was what happened to me first time I saw the damn thing! :D )
Conclusive proof that Spiteri and Gala were sharing a wardrobe back in ’97. The question is; were they sharing anything else?! :)

Next, the outfit that endeared Spiteri to *all* the ladies of the world (never mind just the lesbians!) Doffing her hat to ‘An Officer and a Gentleman’ Spiteri channels her inner sailor! ## (02:40)

She liked the sailor suit so much she took it on tour!

“I came on in my sailor suit. It was my big lesbian moment. People went, 'Is that for the boys?' and I was like, 'No, the girls'."

"I always claim that I'm the one member of the band who could actually pull the most beautiful women.” (Sharleen darling, you astound me! :D )

Spiteri wows those “beautiful women” with her Elvis impersonation:

“What is this? did i stumble across some strange lesbian cult? :O” –YT Commenter Hee! Hee! YES!!! :D

And finally tender readers, how Glaswegians deal with the Hollywood style morons of the world:
Ding! Ding! *** Sharleen Spiteri vs Paris Hilton ***

Until ‘Lip Service’ includes a similar scene (Angelina Jolie was in the city this past year! ;) ), it will remain *nowhere near* an accurate depiction of Glasgow’s gay scene! Think about it darlings; there could be real aesthetic incentives to featuring a barroom brawl! The most obvious being a certain heroic Hot Cop jumping in ninja-style to break up the melee! :)

While I’m here; a few more of those (in)famous Glasgow drunks, ‘eccentrics’, ‘wits’ and other assorted ‘colourful’ characters wouldn’t go amiss either. For instance; a typically drunken, typical Glasgow dyke, in a typical Glasgow club, staggers her way over to the ladies toilets. There she encounters a depressingly long queue of demoralised punters. In an effort to raise spirits she loudly enquires of the assembled throng,

“What’s up with the lot of yees?! Has Lady Gaga died or something?!”:)


Anonymous said...

PS Yes, I am well aware that the only reason ‘Lip Service’ is set in Glasgow is so that the Beeb can meet some stupid (EU stipulated?) regional production quota. I am also aware that it has supposedly been designed to represent some kind of blandly generic ‘Anytown, UK’ scenario. The thing is -and as anyone who has braved the city well knows!- Glasgow is *not*, and *never will be* ‘Anytown, UK’! Not to take more advantage of that fact is, I feel, rather missing the George Square night bus so to speak! :)

P(2)S Maybe they should get Spiteri on ‘Lip Service’? :) Lord knows, it could sorely do with just that kind of kick in the arse! :D

P(3)S AE interview with Spiteri:

The Daily Record interview where I found those delightful quotes:


P(5)S ## This is not to be construed as any kind of endorsement of the US Navy. We know all about their radioactive waste dumping ways in these parts! (Nor for that matter, is it to be taken as any kind of endorsement of the bloody Royal Navy!) (Or ask Emma Thompson about it!)

On a lighter note, sometimes the buggers have been known to bring the odd laugh! The captain of a US Navy destroyer to the skipper of a small Clyde ferry:

“Please identify yourself. If you fail to do so, we will open fire on you with live ammunition!'"

You want to see that ferry folks; it’s not much bigger than a cabin cruiser! That poor skipper must have about had a heart attack! :D

P(XXX)S Merry Christmas Snarks darling! I have organised some festive strippers. They should be with you in about… *checking time difference* 20 minutes! Enjoy! :D

azinthesun said...

And that glorious specimen, Jennifer Beals, just celebrated her 48th (yes, 48th) birthday this December 19th. She looks just as stunning. Beals is the quintessential Bette Porter. I can't imagine anyone else in that role. She just got what BP was all about. She and Laurel Holloman seemed to really and passionately love each other beyond their portrayals of their characters. I realize that's what good actors do but to me, it far surpassed the usual. If Ilene Chaiken didn't write such disjointed, unbelievable story lines w/too many incidental and ill-chosen characters then (IMHO) TLW would have gone on for more than 6 years.

Anonymous said...

Thank you....just.....Thank you.....sigh...

Anonymous said...

I so miss seeing her (and Shane).

Anonymous said...

oh wow. excuse me while i go pass out because i haven't breathed for the past three and a half minutes

Anonymous said...

Oh Bette, glorious Bette. Brunette Alpha with vulnerability & dark doe eyes - so my type. My ultimate fantasy would be a Bette, Jane Rizzoli sandwich. (I'm veggie but would happily be the meat...).

*fans self*

PS - that rambling spamming 'anonymous' up there is giving the rest of us a bad name ;-/

sonje said...

I think I'm the only lesbian in the world who thought that Bette and Tina were a bad couple. Oh, I hated them together. It was the nail in the coffin for me when they put the two of them back together in... season 5, I guess it was. I liked them with other people, but together, they were truly horrible to each other.

Jennifer Beals is hot though. :)

Thais Dalloz said...

I miss The L World

Phoenix said...

*Sigh*.... God I miss Bette, she was my favorite character on L Word. She was so sexy and raw and sexy, did I mention sexy. Thanks for the early Xmas present

Anonymous said...


Norma Desmond said...

Bette Porter, in all her flawed glory, is one of the best role models a young lesbian could have had. Love her and miss her.

Anonymous said...

Bette is beautiful! But for me, it was Tina who stole my heart!

Anonymous said...

What a complicated mess of loyalty and desire, power and weakness, strength and tenderness.
Great words,Dorothy,i miss Bette Porter,a lot too,the best part of the LWord by far,Jennifer Beals acting skills
and alpha glorious fucking hot...etc...
Thanks for this post,so true,Bette Porter is sexy as hell,
the suit yessss..
the alpha and the omega..

Anonymous said...

Bette Porter is TLW;so hot and sexy