Saturday, January 17, 2009

Pre-L: Long Night's Journey Into Day

L601: “ Long Night's Journey Into Day” that's why they say you should always wait an hour after eating to get in the pool. Yes, this is it. The beginning of the end. The end of the beginning. A quick reminder for the uninitiated. Pre-Ls are pre-caps for each new “The L Word” episode, posted early Saturday morning. They are spoilery. So, if you want to wait all the way until Sunday night then, you know, shoo. Otherwise, you can click any or all of the shots to enlarge. And with that, let's jump into the deep end, shall we?

1) Did Xena just hit on TiBette? Commence threesome femslash.2) Don't mind us. We're just going to wheel this dead body through your living room... Is that your baby? She's adorable. Can I hold her? This thing will keep.3) Shane McCutcheon: fastest hairstylist in the West.4) Shit, did I get sucked into an argument about cheating again?5) Nothing says “I'm sorry I fucked your girlfriend" like jazz hands.6) If you look closely enough, you can see the demon, the minor demon, that lives inside Jenny's head.7) Wait, are you saying the internet is bad for your relationship? This explains a lot.8) It took 16 minutes to get to girls kissing. Someone needs to get fired.9) And now this meeting of Cheaters Anonymous will call to order.10) All the dialogue they give me for the whole damn year could fit between here.11) Since when did The Fonz have such bad timing?12) Bette vs. the Digital Thermometer is better than Frazier vs. Ali.13) Seriously, who answers the door in a bra? Cover up woman.14) “Flowers in the Attic” meet “Crazy in the Jenny.”15) Don't make Bette angry. You wouldn't like her when she's angry.16) Xena was right, they are a beautiful family.17) No hat, Papi? Just when you think you know someone.18) Thank God, someone finally shut her up.19) Since when did Helena become a badass?20) Who wants in on the “How long can Bette stay faithful?” pool?21) Public Service for Frat Boys Everywhere: The 43:31 mark.22) If she gets any more adorkable I may explode.23) If she gets any hotter I will explode.24) Fighting for Jenny to the death would make me queasy, too.25) Sorry, but the showmance has gone out of our relationship.26) Forgive......or forget?
New Guestbian Count: 0 Sgt. MaryBeth Duffy (Lucy fucking Lawless, y'all)
Best Line: “I know how hard it is for you to cover up the panic that you feel inside.” – Tina to Bette
Worst Clintonian Parsing of Sex: “Jenny, she only ate me out.” – Niki to Jenny about her hook up with Shane
Best Just Because You're In A Rant Doesn't Mean You Can't Be Polite: “This is Los Angeles. There are same-sex families on every street corner. She was born in this fucking hospital and both our names are on the fucking birth certificate. So why don't you just give us a fucking break you bureaucratic maggot and get our daughter to see a goddamn doctor. Please.” – Bette to a bureaucratic maggot
Only Response When Confronted With Crazy Jenny: “Fuck.” – Shane


melinda6499 said...

# soooo with you! it doesnt get any hotter then rose rollins in a tank top! add that to tank top tuesday :P

ShaggyRed said...

#5 made me spew coffee over my screen.

Jude in the sky said...

Thanks, that's all I have to say. You just made my Saturday at work a lot less boring.

Gaëllan said...

Why not an l word tank top tuesday? There's material!

foolproof plan said...

#5 and #10 are made of win. I needed this after hearing the gentle musings of Steve McPherson.

Anonymous said...


Was that Molly in the pic with Jenny in her bra?

LaKeeau said...

I couldn't agree with everything you said more. Of all the seasons this is my happiest. Why? Because it ends with the death of Jenny and you don't want me to start on her!!! You're awesome keep up the good snark!!

Ann said...

Excellent writing.

Anonymous said...

"Since when did Helena become badass?"

She's British! Always has been a badass. It's in her blood.

Nanc Twop said...

'New Guestbian Count = 0 ?'

Hey, please feel free to count Xena, I know I'm countin' on her!

And Bette is on the birth certificate?... then what was all that adoption/social worker nonsense in Season 3?

In CA if you're on the birth certificate you're golden, no adoption necessary. (No wonder Joyce W. is wealthy - these writers are geniuses...)

Pyewacket said...

Thank you.

Between your Pre-Ls and scribe's both have made The L Word more worth watching.

So I guess I have nothing else more to say except enjoy your vacation...oh...

and since Tina is now officially your fake wife...let me inform you that I, too, have taken a fake wife...and her name is Padma.

Again, enjoy the vay-cay.


Sha25 said...

So glad the Pre-L's are back! Melinda girl you're definitely right! Melinda and Gaellan love both those idea for Tank Top Tuesday!

Sha25 said...

Wanted to add, guess that brief jailtime brought out the badass in Helena, LOL.

Anonymous said...

What a fucking crazy show!
Ilene really screwed it up!!
too bad they didn't kill off Jenny and continue with
the better half of the show - without Ilene's ego.
...and maybe Kate can go eat a sandwich now.

Ms. Snarker - I loved your comments with
photos - "all my lines could fit into here..."

You made my freezing day here in the northwest!

If she had any original thought - she'd make The Farm - The Film: Alice as a reporter and all the great stories she could of covered... now that would of been an idea... maybe I'll go write it now.

let me dance said...

ds, what happened?
i feel you have very
weird vacation..(-_-)?

somehow, it doesn't related to
today's post,a memory comes up
in my mind.

she was a mom who has two boys
in west. anyway, the book about
how difficult to raise kids in
out of my country.

when her yongest son asked her
is it that much good to have sex?
she answered that, adult life is
more complex than sex thing.
and i more think others than sex.

so i think it's part of, i mean
important part, but not everything
all the time.

Mia said...


Lawless looks hotless... I mean, hot! And, for the first time to me, Bette too ;)

Now Jenny is my fav ever, Shane is the worst ever.

TheWeyrd1 said...

The Gentleman is so excited about "Lucy Fucking Lawless" that she took time out of her own personal lesbian love haze to blog about it. Dang it, I was gonna do that, but I can only blame my blog lapse on work. So nice to be able to see Ms. Lawless on TWO lovely lesbian(ish) shows at the SAME time!!!

Anonymous said...

Ahhhh, the "minor demon" comment killed me. Props.

Anonymous said...

When were these ever funny?

Oh, right, I remember, now. Never.

AJ said...

Papi returns???

Sarah said...

13) Seriously, who answers the door in a bra?

I do. All. The. Time.

Anonymous said...

#6 - awesome mention of the minor demon. I have to say though that the melody to "in the jungle, the quiet jungle, the lion sleeps tonight ..." No idea why.

Xena + TiBette = a threesome I could really get into.

let me dance said...

good night ds~~^^

not only but also said...

I've been knocking on the wrong doors.

Anita said...

Minor demon.. That screencap of Jenny makes me imagine her head spinning around while she vomits peasoup. But unlike most I am not a Jenny-hater. There has to be one crazy bitch around to create drama.

And now that Jenny is dead, well did you see Shane? She is gonne be the new crazy character this season. I hate and love this show. What bothers me the most is just how convoluted the storyline has gotten.

We went from an awesome tv show to main character writes a novel about the awesome tv show.. to main character gets progressively more insane while making a movie about a story she wrote about a show that is getting less awesome.. So that's a minus 100 points.

But Lucy Lawless gets 100 points so that evens it out. Then if u add Leisha Haley (too cute) and the rest of the cast, well I'm still hanging on. *End rant here*

Anonymous said...

alice beautiful and dorky, yes yes yes!

tasha hot oh my gosh yes.

fighting for jenny and everyone taking sides at the end????? dumb. jenny can move. on.

shane/kate's smoldering/conflicted/intense looks in the last work i've seen in a while from ms. moening.

god i love this show. god it torments me!

TechGirl said...

WTFOMGROFLMAOBBQ!!! I love the JAZZ fingers comment.

So why is Shane trying to get Jenny to forgive her anyway? She had broken up with Niki. Yes, the timing sucked. Pun intended. Jenny is just nuts and I won't be surprised if she killed herself just to get even with someone. She made sure Molly won't be contacting Shane with that outrageous lie. Maybe Dana will kick some sense into her on the other side.

Lucy Lawless....YES! The L Word and BSG in the same week. I can't wait to see where this is headed.

Thank you again for the laugh Ms. Snark.

blue said...

Who is the artist & what's the name of the song that was playing during the closing credits???

Anonymous said...

O.K. Before, I thought the real target was Shane but Jenny got wacked instead. Now I wonder...


cappuccinogirl said...

I'm pretty sure that I speak for many when I say that aside from the Bette/Tina, this episode sucked and I'm wondering why on earth I bothered tuning in when I had told myself previously that I wouldn't.

j said...

"Shane McCutcheon: fastest hairstylist in the West." hilarious.

by the way, you guys should check out my blog for more commentary on this ridiculous episode.

rutibegga said...

Worst. Episode. Ever.

(Though no matter how bad the show is, my girlfriend and I always end up having post-L-Word sex.)

Canuckgrrl said...

Xena + TiBette is way hotter than that icky 3-some (D'Anna/Baltar/Six)on BSG. I block Baltar out in my head.

Helena got her badassness from Mama Peabody. (Sorry, but I had to up my game when I saw "adorkable".)

ohio*LEZ-girl*in*NYC said...

I'm not so sure about this season...I like that Helena's got some bad-ass-ness from that stint in jail. Glad Jenny's got her crazy back, too...We'll have to wait and see, I suppose.

Excellent writing, as always

Sarah said...

#19- Since she went to prison. Duh!

And FYI- when an adoption is final- the child is issued a new birth certificate with both parents names. Im not entirely up on CA adoption laws- but it would be correct that if Bette did a second parent adoption (that storyline was bullshit anyway- its not up to the SW whether they would be allowed the second parent adoption) than Angie would have been issued a new birth certificate with both parents names.

Awesome post. Once again the commentary on this episode is 100 times better than the episode itself.

kimber p said...

this is absolutely brilliant! and the only thing hotter than Rose Rollins in a tank and bandanna would be Kate Winslet in a tank and bandanna..*sweat*