Wayward Watch

I;m not entirely sure why I haven’t started “Wayward” yet. I mean it stars Mae Martin as a trans cop in a small town with a pregnant wife. Also, hello, Toni Collette. But maybe it’s the creepy nature (remember what I said about horror yesterday) or the general bleakness of torturing troubled teenagers that I just haven’t yet. But I know, I know – I should. I will.

Spooky Lesbian Season

If there’s a moment when we could all use a queer zombie comedy, it is this moment. Spooky season needs saving when the real world is so – horrible and stupid all at the same time. So, you know, spooky. Even though I’m not a horror person, I do enjoy a well-made genre flick. And I’m curious what Tina Romero can do with such a clearly queer storyline and aesthetic. Yes, I know she is the daughter of horror icon George A. Romero, who practically had a genre named after him. But did he ever cast Katy O’Brian and Margaret Cho? Lesbians and drag queens would definitely make a formidable zombie-fighting force. I’d watch that.

The L in SNL Stand for Lesbian

Leave it to my Fake TV/Film Wife’s Real-LIfe TV/Film Wife to make the SNL sketch of the season. Yes, I know this season has only just begun, but it’s hard to think of a more lesbian sketch than this, so, my statement stands. This also kind of confirms my reasons for not having watching “The Hunting Wives” yet. “It’s like if ‘The L Word’ took place in Yellowstone.” Snort, but also precisely.

I feel like we need to send Amy Poehler a toaster oven for bringing The Aubrey Plaza into that skit. And as a real lesbian, no less!

Also, she deserves a monogrammed toaster oven specifically from me for bringing out Tina Fey not just once but twice.

Hey, SNL, invite more of the show’s female alums back to host. Because when they do, they absolutely kill it. Not that I expected anything less from Amy, even if we’re in the midst of a one-sided TV/FIlm Wife standoff.

Music Monday: Queer Katseye

Yes, I know, I KNOW. This is an commercial. Corporations aren’t our friends. But, damn, if it isn’t catchy. And for the past month it’s been the jeans antidote to that awful Aryan Nation-esque American Eagle abomination from Sydney Sweeney. Also this ad is the only reason I know who KATSEYE is. And because I know who KATSEYE, the multi-cultural K-pop girl group, is I have learned that it includes not one but two out members. They are Lara Raj, who came out in March, and Megan Skiendiel who came out during Pride month. Aw, and their own music is pretty damn catchy too. And, again, not racist. Which can’t be said of the federal government. I mean, they creates a gory telenovela masterpiece where all the women are fighting over Jessica Alba (instead of a stupid man, yay) and a pussy wins at the end. 10/10, no notes as the kids say. I think. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Few films lesbian films are as underrated, or stand up so well, as “Saving Face.” So I’m thrilled that the movie continues to receive well-deserved flowers. The movie celebrated its 20th anniversary (gulp) by being selected for the Criterion Collection and having an all-star reunion with writer-director Alice Wu and stars Michelle Krusiec and Lynn Chen. I’d like to think Wilhelmina and Vivian are still together, and Viv is still teasing Wil and making her blush on the regular. I guess it’s time for a rewatch. Happy weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Drag Bake

We did not get nearly enough of Jessika on this season of Bake Off. Like, truly, we’re been robbed of this delightful drag king’s presence. Also, is being taken out by school bakes bullying? Like no queer kid needs those kinds of memories! Anyway, had she been able to hang on this would have been one of the most drag-positive seasons ever. Truly I hardly recognized Prue Leith. She looks more like Richard Attenborough in Jurassic Park than Richard Attenborough! Oh, Bake Off, think of what you are missing. What if Prue and Jessika had a drag battle? Bake sync for your life!

p.s. But seriously, here is Jessika AS Paul Hollywood! Why would you eliminate this? Why?!

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The Biggest Matriarch Energy

Speaking of TV shows I wish made their female leads gay for each other, how about those first-look pictures of Gillian Anderson and Lena Headey as rival badass matriarchs in “The Abandons?” Remember more than two years ago when I got all excited about the Big Matriarch Energy anticipation at the thought of a face-off between these two? Per the new show’s logline:

Set in Washington Territory in 1854, the series follows the matriarchs of two very different families: one of wealth and privilege, bound by blood; and the other a found family of orphans and outcasts, bound by love and necessity. The families find their fates linked by two crimes, an awful secret, a star-crossed love, and a piece of land with silver underneath. The collision echoes the American struggle of the haves and have-nots, in a place just beyond the reach of justice.

OK, but do they kiss? But, really, now smooch. Please, you were thinking it too. I guess we’ll find out when it premieres Dec. 4 on Netflix.

Tank Top Tuesday: Keeping up with the Jones

Look, it’s Suranne Jones’s turn. Jodie Whittaker wore the tank in my first post about “Frauds.” By the way, my Brit kittens, how is that? I don’t think we stupid Yanks can watch it yet. But more importantly, anything gay? (I know, but we can always dream.)

Music Monday: New Robyn

I put this song on one of my driving playlists this summer and I cannot overstate how much it lifts my mood whenever I’m out and about. Because no matter where I am or what I’ve been doing this song makes me have to move. My feet – when I’m not driving. My hands on the steering wheel when the feet are occupied. And screaming this at the top of your lungs in your car? Highly cathartic. Would recommend. 10/10. No notes. I heard Robyn is coming out with her first new album in seven years soon. Which, honestly, just knowing that makes my serotonin levels go up in anticipation. More joyous car dancing on my own, here I come. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Somehow I missed Melissa Etheridge’s daughter getting married – sorry, let me be more specific, getting gay married – last month. So belated mazel tov to Melissa's eldest daughter, Bailey Jean Cypheridge, and her wife Bailey Jocelyn Simone Rhude who got hitched at a winery in Sonoma in September. The couple wore custom Armani which is super gay and had “100% female and queer vendors” which is even gayer. Oh, and mama Etheridge also performed, making this perhaps the gayest wedding ever. I wish the happy couple endless, overwhelming gayness for the rest of their days. To the brides, and the most lesbian mother-in-law situation ever. Happy weekend, all.

NYC Hacks

I’m so thrilled “Hacks” is coming back and so thrilled “Hacks” is filming in New York City. Why? Because then you get to see Deborah Vance pose with a Sabrett’s cart. And do, well, whatever ridiculous nonsense that Deborah, Ava and company are up to in the concrete jungle.

Also, come on, I know it’s wrong. And I actually don’t even want to see it happen on the show. But, yeah, I ship it. I can’t help it.

p.s. Speaking of inappropriate crushes, I definitely have not overcome my totally age-inappropriate crush on Hannah Einbinder. I mean, after that Emmy acceptance speech, who could not have a crush on her?

Welcome to Spooky, Sparkly Season

I mean, you drop that many original Oz references and you know I’ll have to write about it again. Hello, it’s in the name. I surrender! I thoroughly enjoyed Part One, so expect to also love me some “For Good.” And, of course, it would be even better – and of course gayer – if they actually made it gay. Elphaba and Glinda 4eva. Now that’s how you witch up for October. Friends of Dorothy, indeed.

More Kate By the Minute

If you have 23 minutes to spare, might I suggest you watch Kate McKinnon struggle her way through the hottest wings on the planet. But true to her new agrarian lifestyle, Kate is eating seitan wings, which for some reason are strangely chewy. Like, it’s plants… What is that pull? Anyway, there are worse things you can do with 23 minutes, is all I’m saying. Also, if you have five more minutes, might I suggest you catch Kate talking about luddite farm life, too? Because the world is hard enough right now. Have yourself 28 minutes of joy, I mean Kate McKinnon.

Music Monday: Triple Barracuda

Look, have I now posted live performances of “Barracuda” three times this year? Yes, yes (and yes), I have. The first one was Heart. The second one was Chappell Roan. And the third time is the charm with Chappell and half of Heart, Nancy Wilson. And you’d better believe if that other half of Heart wants another go, I’ll post it again (again, again, again). So there. Because who can deny those guitar riffs? And why would you want to? Happy Monday, kittens.