Gender Fuck Thursday: Red Carpet Edition

Well, here’s a good trend for a change. You know, not like the precipitous decline of our democracy and dismantling of our public services. But, uh, a positive fashion trend counteracts all that, right? Right?!? Anyway, at least we have women in suits. I’ve noticed more female stars opting for suits on the red carpet recently and obviously I am not mad about that. Oversized suits seem to be the specific trend, but I don’t size discriminate. So, please enjoy this stylish selection. Does it make up for the undeniable creep of fascism? Yeah, no. But I’ll take what I can get to spark some joy these days. Keep suiting up, ladies. A grateful nation needs you (well, 75 million of us need you). Nicole Kidman

All these sexy straight roles for Nicole, I say it’s time to mix things up – sapphically speaking. This suit agrees with my casting requests, clearly.

Carrie Coon

Mike White should really fuck us all up and have Carrie’s character and Parker Posey’s character have a wild lesbian affair together on “White Lotus” this season. This tux says it would work.

Halsey

Sure, she looks like she’s running for county comptroller. But you know you’d vote for her based on that suit alone.

Olivia Wilde

Whereas Olivia looks like she’s everyone’s favorite poetry professor at a small liberal arts college.

Cynthia Erivo

I think this is her only suit during this whole Wicked premiere/award season tour. Which, as we can see here, is a shame for us.

Cate Blanchett

Ties are, obviously, optional.

Lisa

Bow ties are also optional (hear that, Brandi?).

Janelle Monae

Shirts are also, obviously, optional.

Keke Palmer

Pants, too!

Kate Winslet

Giving us a choice between black and white suits, really Winslet – you are too kind and I totally understand why you needed all that space on the door.

A Simple (Gay) Favor

Right, so if we’re doing this again, they’re gonna make it gay this time – right? Like really, actually gay – right? Sure, they had that lil sympathy smooch in the first one. But for the sequel, they run off together and live happily ever after – in an extremely gay way. RIGHT?

Yes, I will probably watch “Another Simple Favor” – whether it’s actually gay or not – because Blake Lively in menswear just does it for me. Granted, I don’t know why Anna Kendrick’s character would jet off to Italy to be the maid-of-honor for someone who literally tried to kill her – other than she loves her in a totally gay way. But if they don’t make it gay, I certainly hope they throw us a ton more hot looks (or should I saw lewks) to satiate our needs. But, seriously, make it gay.

p.s. See, remember? GAY.

GGALGG: Oscars Edition

So the thing about this year’s Oscars is they were very, very, veryveryveryvery straight this year. I mean, sure, Ariana Grande opened with “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” from “The Wizard of Oz” and then Cynthia Erivo followed with “Home” from “The Whiz” and they both finished with “Defying Gravity.” Ari even had a freaking ruby slipper attached to her back. Which, I mean, sure – that’s a pretty fucking gay way to start things off. But instead of staying gay, the rest of the show was pure “Kansas Rainbow” (this is a deep “Somebody Somewhere” cut – which if you recognize it let’s be real gay together).

But after that? None of the higher-profile queer nominees won (not Cynthia, not Brandi Carlile and Elton John, not Colman Domingo and definitely not Karla Sofía Gascón). The highlights for LGBTQ+ folks was out costume designer Paul Tazewell taking home the trophy for “Wicked” – making him the first Black man to win – and Queen Latifah singing “Ease On Down The Road” (was “The Whiz” the telecast’s true winner?) with Glad trash bags tied to her shoulders.

And can we talk for a moment about how neither of the two “Emilia Perez” winners mentioning the trans community even once in their acceptance speeches? Hello??? If you’re wondering why this movie wasn’t embraced by the LGBTQ+ community, uh, that’s why. When you use us as a plot device without any real intention of representing the greater community, it shows. That and it was a bad movie, period.

Honestly, there wasn’t much SGALGG to speak of from the red carpet either. Like hardly any fun shots of straight actresses trying to Sabrina Carpenter themselves with other straight actresses, so clearly queer sensibilities had a bad night. Also, can we talk about how 25-year-old Mikey Madison pulling a surprise upset for Best Actress over 62-year-old Demi Moore is the perfect postscript to “The Substance,” because yeah.

Even if the awards were very cis and very straight, I’m here to bring the GGALGG because that’s my whole and entire mission statement. Granted, most of the Queer Lady Rainbow Mafia only showed up for the after parties – which is just another sign of our good taste. Ahem.

Cynthia Erivo & Lena Waithe

Had to find a sneaky picture of Cynthia & Lena at the Oscars because they did not pose on the red carpet together and posted individual shots of themselves at the Oscars on their respective Instas. Which, hey, I get keeping your personal lives private. But it’s the Oscars, ladies. Not even one official shot together at the Gay Superbowl?

Marissa Bode & Lauren Brooks

The “Wicked” star brought her girlfriend with her throughout the movie’s award show run and happily posed together on the red carpet so I’m not saying she wins Girlfriend of the Year but she’s definitely not losing Girlfriend of the Year for lack of effort.

Brandi Carlile & Catherine Shepherd Carlile

I love them, I don’t love their abundance of bows. Like was Brandi’s suit inspired by Minnie Mouse, what is happening? Are bows the new carabiners? Explain, universe. Explain.

Queen Latifah & Eboni Nichols

Did a Catholic middle school dance chaperone get to them and say they needed to leave space for the Holy Ghost or what?

Niecy Nash-Betts & Jackie Betts

Thank Sappho for Niecy and Jackie, a queer couple that always looks great together and will give us the Gay Superbowl photos we deserve.

Oprah & Whoopi Goldberg

Fine, while neither is truly family, I think we can all just agree they look like the most stylish couple at Senior Prom Night at their high-end 55+ community.

Laverne Cox & Hari Nef

More trans representation in one photo than the entire production of “Emilia Perez.” Enough said.

Sarah Paulson & Hannah Einbinder

It’s like spare body parts from The Substance and a fashion-forward Dalek from Doctor Who showed up as each other’s dates.

Chappell Roan & Elton John

We have reached Maximum Gay. Any more Gay and we may risk Nuclear Rainbow Overload.

Melanie Lynskey & Jason Ritter

The only straight couple I will include because after seeing Melanie in this Jessica Rabbit getup, every lesbian has reaffirmed her spot on their “Celebrity I So Would” lists. And Jason is just adorable, even though he will fight every single last one of us for lusting after his wife.

Renee Rapp

Speaking of Jessica Rabbit, I’m glad to see Renee embracing her inner – or should I say outer – Jessica as well.

Clea DuVall

Again, this is exactly how I would show up at award shows were I ever to be invited to award shows – or in this case, award show after parties.

Katy M. O’Brian

I love that these are actually pants. Oh you didn’t notice the pants because of the muscles? Yeah, you’re gay.

Music Monday: Sabrina & Dolly Edition

Speaking of genres I don’t listen to as much, county (particularly contemporary country) sits atop the list. Of course I have my exceptions: Kacey Musgrave, The Chicks, Willie and, of course, Dolly Parton. So when Sabrina Carpenter (a.k.a. The Unfortunately Straightest Pop Girlie Around, Despite Her Best Efforts) rereleased her hit “Please Please Please” minus her ex-Barry Keoghan and with Dolly, well, I was just tickled pink. Or, uh, I think pink. The video is in black and white. But doesn’t it feel pink? I mean, what else would you wear to bury a (soon-to-be) dead ex-boyfriend’s body? Happy Monday, kittens.

p.s. Please please please tell me they also recorded an explicit version with Dolly that keeps in the “motherfucker” because, well, you know why.

My Weekend Crush

On this, the last day of Black History Month, let us join Aretha and lift every voice and sing so fucking loud that even those racists running DC can’t ignore it. “Lift Every Voice and Sing” has been known as the Black National Anthem since 1917, a good 14 years before the “Star Spangled Banner” was officially recognized as the national anthem in 1931. Written in 1900 by James Weldon Johnson and set to music by his brother, J. Rosamond Johnson, the song has become a rallying cry for Black Americans throughout the Civil Rights Movement and beyond. More recently it has even been sung before the Super Bowl for the last several years as well, which of course prompts a lot of hand-wringing in certain very white circles. But, and I say this most sincerely, suck it all you hideous losers. You may feel rejuvenated now, what with your “Roman salutes” and the whole administration going full Nazi, but your hate is a relic. We will never stop fighting for a more just and equal society. We will march on ‘til victory is won. Happy weekend, all.

XL Entertainment

Yes, I know, I have posted a lot about Doechii recently. But I’ve really enjoyed her whole vibe, and while rap may not be my most listened to genre, I love to expand my horizons. So her collaboration with K-pop star Jennie, of Blackpink, on the latter’s debut solo album is a fun excursion. Please note their white suits throughout the video. I mean it’s Thursday, so let’s gender fuck it up while making sure the ladies continue to run this. Also, they look good together. What? Please, like you didn’t notice too. I don’t know why they’re dancing on some bald guy’s head, but again, that is 100% not my focus. If you even noticed the head with all the other, uh, scenery.

Use Your Love

Fine, I guess this is music week. I’ve actually been listening to more music recently, probably as a way to keep off the TV and especially the news. You know what they say about it soothing the savage soul. I keep seeing clips of Kelly Clarkson singing this cover of The Outfield’s “Your Love” on my feed. And I know that is for one very specific, very sapphic reason. Yep, that wink on “you know I like my girls a little bit older.” Interestingly, British rockers who made the song a massive hit back in the 80 also had a single called “Since You’ve Been Gone.” But it is no relation, or comparison really, to Kelly’s hit. Honestly, now I rather prefer Kelly’s version of their big hit as well – what can I say, the wink works.

Dark and the Endless Skies

If you will indulge me this week, I feel like an extended musical interlude. So consider this Tuesday Tunes, I guess. Before her passing yesterday at 88, everyone of course knew Roberta Flack for “Killing Me Softly with His Song” – and the subsequent Fugees cover a couple decades later. But did you know she was the first (and so far only) person to win back-to-back record of the year Grammys, for “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face” in 1973 and “Killing Me Softly with His Song” in 1974? While both songs are sublime, “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face” remains one of the most beautiful gender-neutral ballads ever sung. The lack of pronouns – which here is a freeing thing, not bigoted thing – allows anyone to dream of seeing the sunrise in someone’s eyes. And, as a lesbian wedding song, come on. Practically peerless. So thank you for the beauty and the romance, Roberta. Rest in peace, but know your music will live forever.

Music Monday: Dance Like Everyone Is Watching

Look, I know this is not necessarily gay. But it’s Robyn and David Byrne. So, like, come on. Watching them sing together on the SNL 50th anniversary concert special earlier this month cracked something inside my chest. It made me smile. It made me cry a little. But, it wasn’t necessarily a bad cry. It was more of a release. The discordance of this truly dark national moment paired with the uninhibited joy of creativity. I hope you feel the same kind of release watching these two weirdo genius legends dance with abandon and take us all for an exhilarating spin. Joy, particularly LGB-and especially-TQ+ joy, is an act of rebellion. Don’t ever forget that. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

One of the most important things I think we can do during this time when so many vulnerable communities are being assaulted by the full weight and breadth of the federal government, is listen to people in those communities. So when people in the trans community talk about what is needed in the years ahead, listen. When other queer people talk about what would help in the years ahead, listen. When people of color do, when immigrant communities do, when anyone that Orange Turd and that Emerald Mine Nazi Baby decides is bad or doesn’t deserve basic human rights or shouldn’t exist, we should fucking listen.

So today – while we’re all watching in real time as our entire system of government is smashed and burned to the ground by the very oligarchs who will benefit the most from its destruction – what we need to do is listen. And I can think of no one more articulate in this perilous yet all too predictable moment than the divine Laverne Cox. Her recent appearance The View is precisely the message we need to be sending at this moment. The LGBTQ+ community is strong and resilient and used to this shit. Fight the real problem, folks.

“At the end of the day, trans people are less than 1% of the population. Trans people are not the reason you can’t afford eggs. We’re not the reason you can’t afford healthcare. We’re not the reason you can’t buy a house or your rent is too high. I think you’re focused on the wrong 1%. I think the other 1% is the reason for all those things.”

Ex-fucking-actly. The oligarchs who are raiding our collective national pantry right now know what they’re doing. They know scapegoating has been one of the most effective tactics of the ruling class since time immemorial. Us, the people with all the power and the wealth and the resources? No, no, we’re not the problem.

You don’t have enough because this other person who also doesn’t have enough has anything at all. So take their stuff and you’ll have enough! Yet it works, time and time and time again. That brown person is why your life is miserable. That trans person is why your life is miserable. No, you’re miserable because we live in a world where we have the means and the resources for everyone to have enough yet we instead allow the smallest select fraction at the top to hoard and control everything.

I actually think all the bro-ligarchs decided the workers of the world were getting a little too uppity – what with us forming unions and demanding better working conditions and liveable wages – and decided now was the time to strike. Their objective, of course, is to return to their roles as feudal lords (I’ve already heard talk of the return to company towns, hello) to create an even cheaper workforce.

That’s easy to do if you erase every last speck of good that the government can do. So then the people’s only recourse will be to turn to those billionaires bosses and corporate overlords for any hope of salvation – money, food, shelter, et all. They want a quiet and compliant workforce that just shuts up already about their rights and is grateful to toil for their exclusive benefit. Duh!

Anyway, all this wanton destruction, cruelty and idiotry to give billionaires more tax cuts. As Laverne said, I think you’re focused on the wrong 1%. Eat the fucking rich. Happy weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Lucy’s Hot Masc Edition

If it wasn’t for the whole Christo-fascist takeover and oligarch-led looting of the United States government and all, it would be an awesome time to be a young lesbian. Like, you have multiple – multiple – famous queer female music artists to choose from. You have your boygenius and your Renee Rapp and your Doechii and your Chappell Roan and your Billie Eilish and your Brandi Carlile and your Janelle Monae and even your JoJo Siwa – if you’re into that sort of thing, poor dears.

So I appreciate the very specific masc aesthetic Lucy Dacus evokes in her new music video for “Best Guess.” Shot after an open casting call for hot mascs (again, what a time to be alive – except for the fascism thing), the video is an andro-queer fever dream. ER Fightmaster! Towa Bird and Muna’s Naomi McPherson proving they’re not the same person! Cara Delevigne, for some reason! Wait, is Cara masc? Like she’s got top energy, but masc? Perhaps she just magically appears whenever four or more lesbians are in a room together.

I’ve heard a little chatter criticizing the lack of body diversity and other kinds of diversity among those chosen. But still, for us old timers, I mentioned it still sometimes feels like a dream to have this much overt queerness celebrated, considered cool and lusted after in public, right?

Also, you have to tip the old beanie to Lucy for making the entire video for her ode to the love she has for her bandmate and bestie Julien Baker into the hottest masc thirst trap ever. Also, “You are my best guess at the future” is such a stunning line. Bring on the hot introverted writer lady thirst trap videos next. You know, just a suggestion.

Happy Not Outing

Would you like something adorable that isn’t actually gay but is definitely gay adjacent and also did I mention adorable? Now many of you may know Allison Tolman from the first season of the “Fargo” TV series (or “Emergence”). But I know and love her from the very little-seen “Downward Dog” which was told from the perspective of Allison’s character’s dog and omfg was so sweet and I kind of hate the universe for not watching this show. Anyway. Where was I? Oh yeah, so recently Allison was on Seth Meyer’s show and told the story of her accidental coming out. Not only did she accidentally post that she came out, she did it on National Coming Out Day and then turned off her phone for a couple hours. Aw, the straights say the darndest things. Unrelated, but I would kill for Allison and Melanie Lynskey to play sisters in a project. Make it happen, universe! Then I might almost forgive you for the “Downward Dog” thing. Almost.

p.s. Is anyone watching “St. Denis Medical” on NBC? It looks kinda funny, but I’m kinda maxed out on network shows. Worth it? I don’t want to be making others “Downward Dog” mistake here.

Where are These Lesbians Now: IMAY Edition

Did you know “Imagine Me & You” turns 20 this year? T-W-E-N-T-Y. The 2005 rom-com remains a gold standard for lesbian rom-coms thanks largely to its hugely likeable (and talented – more on that later) cast. I rewatched IMAY again over the holidays, my first rewatch in quite a while. And goodness if it still isn’t charming as all get out. PLUS, 20 years on and this cast has done exceptionally well for themselves? How well?

Here’s a little Where Are They Now, Lesbian Edition for the IMAY cast.

Lena Headey as Luce:

While we all know her as the hottest florist in all of England/The Universe, heterosexual folks know her as Cersei on “Game of Thrones.” Up next up for our florist/queen is period Western drama “The Abandons” from “Sons of Anarchy” honcho Kurt Sutter. While I’m not really a Western drama kinda gal, at least it’s not another “Western drama” from “Yellowstone” creator Taylor Sheridan. Plus this one also stars Gillian Anderson, so, yeah. I am watching that.

Piper Perabo as Rachel:

Speaking of Taylor Sheridan, Piper has played an environmental activist on “Yellowstone” for the show’s last two seasons. I am happy Piper is gainfully employed. I am also happy Piper continues to be an outspoken political activist in real life. I just wish she’d join a show I have any inclination to watch. But “Covert Affairs” was fun while it lasted, back in the early 2010s.

Matthew Goode as Heck:

As Heck, Matthew played the extremely rare likeable cis-het white male romantic also-ran. Since then he has remained in constant demand and you’ve seen him in “The Good Wife,” “Downton Abbey” and more recently “The Discovery of Witches.” So, rest assured, Heck’s doing fine, don’t worry about him. I haven’t.

Celia Imrie as Rachel’s mom Tessa:

Am I the only one who regularly confuses Celia with Imelda Staunton? I mean, they even starred in a movie (2017’s “Finding Your Feet”) as sisters – sisters. Anyway, Celia has found herself a regular in several rom-com cinematic universes over the course of her career including “Bridget Jones” 1-4, “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel” 1-2, and “Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again.” Raise a glass of chardonnay to that, ladies.

Anthony Stewart Head as Rachel’s dad Ned:

He will always be Rupert Giles to me. But he is also billionaire asshole Rupert Mannion from “Ted Lasso.” Was IMAY the villain origin story for both Lena and Tony’s careers? Also, you have to think having him called “Rupert” was at least a little homage to our favorite Watcher. Or at least it is in my head.

Darren Boyd as Heck’s bestie Coop:

If you were still harboring any strong feelings about Coop’s essential grossness and creepiness, Darren playing Eve Polastri’s obnoxious and traitorous MI5 boss Frank Haleton on “Killing Eve” may have finally satisfied them. His demise at Eve’s hands felt extremely personal. Extremely.

Sue Johnston as Luce’s mom Ella:

Like you can make a list of British actors credits without multiple “Downton Abbey” mentions? No, you can not. Sue has played Gladys Denker, the lady’s maid for none other than the Dowager Countess Violet Crawley (RIP, Dame Maggie Smith) throughout the series and movies.

Boo Jackson as Rachel’s sister H:

IMAY remains the only feature credit on Boo’s IMDB, but in recent years she has appeared in a series of shorts. I also found her Instagram and she is still a performer and also queer/queer friendly – at the very least. We see you, little rainbow flag.

Vinette Robinson as Rachel’s Work Friend/Bridemaid Zina:

While we haven’t seen her much in the US since, British audiences have seen Vinette in “Waterloo Road,” “Sherlock,” “Black Mirror,” “Doctor Who” and “The Lazarus Project” – fine, I’ve heard of a couple of those.

Sharon Horgan as Rachel’s Other Work Friend/Cranky Bridesmaid Beth:

I am ashamed to say it took me until this winter’s rewatch to realize that perpetually cranky about dating Beth was none other than Sharon Horgan. The prolific Irish actor-writer-director-creator has become a bit of a powerhouse in the past two decades. Her critically acclaimed “Bad Sisters” is on Apple TV+, which makes me cranky because ugh do I also have to subscribe to Apple TV+ now too? I’m thrilled for her success and chuffed (did I use that right, across the pond friends?) it all started with little IMAY. Legit, it was her first film.

Eva Birthistle as Luce’s bestie Edie:

Luce’s super cute bestie who is so gay she’s ecstatic also remains gainfully employed – and as one of the sisters on Sharon Horgan’s “Bad Sisters.” I wonder if they met on IMAY and remained friends all these years and are now culminating that friendship with these sisterly roles. In my own internal cinematic universe, Luce and Rach regularly hang out with Beth and Edie (who became a couple after Beth realized her inability to find a suitable male partner was just latent homosexuality).

So, surprised by anyone 20 years on? Also, 20 years. Sweet suffering Sappho, we’re old. But at least we’re still super super gay – in both the queer and ecstatic senses.

Music Monday: Doechii Does It Again

Look, I told you I was obsessed, OBSESSED, with Doechii and I really, really am. And how could you not be, after both that Tiny Desk concert and her stunning Colbert show performance last month. She did this whole number while tied to her two other dancers. Like, come on. COME ON. Just a reminder that when we allow humans the space and support to be all of themselves sometimes they can produce wondrous things. Thank the universe for art and women. Happy Monday, kittens.