Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Throw Like Mo'ne

Throw like a girl. Play like a girl. Punch like a girl. All that gendered bullshit we’ve heard all our lives. The horrible insult of it all to be associated with girlness. It’s a wonder any of us make it our of childhood to become fully functioning human beings what with our inherent terribleness.

Yes, pity us – the girls of the world. Oh, wait, did I say pity? I meant respect us. Appreciate us. And if you’re a batter staring down the barrel of Mo’ne Davis’ 70-mph fastball, fear us. The 13-year-old became the first girl to throw a shutout in the Little League World Series. Her accomplishment also landed her the cover of Sports Illustrated magazine, thus becoming the first Little Leaguer ever to receive the honor.

Mo’ne is also the 17th girl to play in the Little League World Series in 68 years. The sixth to record a hit and the fourth to post an RBI. Well, they can’t all be firsts – and that’s a good thing.

The best thing about her success is her very cool, very refreshing attitude about herself. When asked to describe her pitching she said:

“I throw my curveball like Clayton Kershaw and my fastball like Mo’ne Davis.”
Damn right, you do. Someone put “Throw Like Mo’ne” on a T-shirt, immediately.

Mo’ne and her Philly Taney Dragons play against Las Vegas on ESPN tonight. Start your throw like Mo’ne chants now.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

K-Stew Strong

Maybe Kristen Stewart is your thing, maybe she isn’t. Maybe prisoner detainees of war movies are your thing, maybe they aren’t. But I do know that Kristen Stewart in military fatigues is something relevant to most lesbian interests. So I post this as a public service to my people’s. As Demi Moore and her shaved head were a sexual awakening to many a burgeoning 1990s gay lady, so may K-Stew and her gunny cap be to 2010s kids. Be all that you can be, K-Stew.

Monday, August 18, 2014

If it's not Scottish it's...

I like romance as much as the next gal. But I’m not usually that enamored with what Hollywood has called romance. So much swooning, so little smarts. But the new Starz series “Outlander” is both swoony and smart. And best of all, at least so far, it is decidedly feminist. The series is told entirely from the point of view of Claire Randall, an English nurse transported through unknown mythic forces from her post World War II life into the rough and tumble 18th Century Scottish highlands. Don’t question the physics of said space-time continuum disturbance, just know it had to do with a monolith and some druid dancing.

But instead of just being a fish-out-of-water story or a fantastical Whovian adventure, this time travel story is both undeniably romantic and unexpectedly thrilling. This is really good, really sweeping stuff. Even without the time travel this could be considered a period piece, yet the series has a modern edge. And I think it’s because we’re seeing it through Claire’s eye. Here is a woman who uses only her intelligence and instinct to survive. This is also a woman who is allowed to express her sexual desire, and a show that pays attention to her sexual pleasure. Gosh, what a crazy concept.

Already it’s made some very pointed statements on sexual menace, the one sexuality we’re most often allowed to see on screen in relation to women – no matter the time period. As Claire tells a Scottish nobleman who questions her predicament in the second episode, “Is there ever a good reason for rape, Master MacKenzie?”

Nope, nope there isn’t.

The clearest sign that this story has sucked me in already is that I wish it was on Netflix instead of Starz. That way I wouldn’t have to wait a whole week for the next episode, and the next and the next.

p.s. All through the premiere episode I was driving myself crazy trying to figure out who Caitriona Balfe, the woman who plays Claire, looks like. And I finally figured it out. She is Joanne Kelly’s Scottish doppelganger. Well, she did touch an artifact and travel through time. Makes sense, really.

Friday, August 15, 2014

My Weekend Crush

So earlier this week I was rewatching “Far From Heaven” and I noticed, really noticed, who was playing Julianne Moore and Dennis Quaid’s maid. It was Viola Davis. I’d just never paid attention before. Which is terrible, but true. So watching now, knowing who she is, I was struck once more by how limiting our preconceived notions of people can be. This stunning actress who had won a freaking Tony the year before was the blink-and-you’ll-miss-her maid in “Far From Heaven.” Jesus. I know there’s been a lot of discussion in the African-American community (and some outside it) about Viola later being nominated for an Oscar for also playing a maid. But all roles are not created equal and I’d never fault her for taking any of her roles. I fault a system which cannot see past color or size or age or gender to sexual orientation to tap into talent. Talent is talent, no matter the form. But this also makes me doubly happy that Viola gets to sink her teeth into something extra meaty with her new ABC series “How To Get Away With Murder.” Sure, the premise (and characters) seem morally ambiguous at best. But, come on, it’s Shonda Rhimes. Shit’s gonna be good. Also, since I have already done a regular Weekend Crush on Viola, please consider this a crush on her arms. They deserve all the screentime they can get. Happy weekend, all.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Urge, Overkill

[Photo by AP]

I try to keep things pop culture related and relatively light here most of the time. This is for fun, after all. But you cannot deny the culture part attached to the pop we so enjoy. I’ve watched with more and more appall as news has out of Ferguson, MO this week. The unwarranted tragedy of police shooting and killing an unarmed 18-year-old black teen named Mike Brown has been made exponentially worse by the absolutely bananas law enforcement response to protesters. Combat gear. Armored vehicles. Tear gas. Flash bombs. Assault rifles. FUCKING SNIPERS. All pointed at citizens of the United States of America exercising their First Amendment right of the people peaceably to assemble.

An alderman thrown in jail. A state senator tear-gassed. Two reporters arrested. And if they’ll do that to those folks, think what they do to everyone else? Yes, there has been some, isolated violence. Yes, I believe police have a responsibility to serve and protect. But this is not how you calm and control lawful citizens. So what if people are angry? They should be angry. This response is overkill. This response is unacceptable. Did anything look like this when Clive Bundy and his nutso armed-to-the teeth militia wouldn’t pay grazing fees he rightfully owed the government? Nope. And all these pictures were just from yesterday. Hell, this is the police response I’d expect for a hostile alien invasion, not people engaged in legal protest. There’s so much left to do. Thanks for letting me vent. May today be a better day in America, and the world.

[Photo by @ryanjreilly]

[Photo by AP]

[Photo by @PDPJ]

[Photo by @kodacohen]

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

You know how to whistle, don't you, kittens?

Oh, geez. What a bad couple of days. Lauren Bacall was one of my original silver screen crushes. Icon doesn’t seem strong enough a word. She was the epitome of a movie star, impossibly cool and impossibly beautiful. She was, is and will always be The Look – the best look in all of Hollywood. The way she could just turn her eyes and dismantle us all completely. Sigh. One of the greats, kittens. One of the absolute greats.

Just put your lips together and blow, indeed.

p.s. I hate hate hate smoking. But damn damn damn if she didn’t make it look so fucking sexy.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

O' Captain

I meant to write about “Outlander” today, which I will – just later this week. Instead I just want to say that for years I had a “Dead Poets Society” poster on my wall. And I tear up just thinking about that “O’ Captain, My Captain” scene. Of course the terrible, terrible irony is that a man who brought so much laughter to the world seems to have taken his own life from depression. The universe can be fucking cruel. It wasn’t just that Robin Williams was funny, it was that he was a kind and boundless spirit. So watching him was always a joy. Yesterday when news broke of his passing you could practically hear us all let out a barbaric yawp at the incalculable loss. We who probably have never met him, but still felt his death viscerally. He was so loved. I hope he knew that. His play was more than powerful, and we waited eagerly for his every verse. Thank you for everything.

p.s. You are worth it, too. If you are struggling with depression please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline day or night: 1-800-273-8255

Monday, August 11, 2014

Ice, Ice, Baby

Good morning, kittens. Are you awake? Are you sleepy? I’m sleepy. So how about a bucket of ice water to wake you up? Oh, not, not on you. That would be rude. How about a bucket of ice water on Rachel Maddow. Yes, Lesbian Nerd Heartthrob Rachel Maddow. Yeah, now you’re awake. The ice water trick is part of this celebrity Ice Bucket Challenge for charity. Rachel will explain the details herself. But needless to say it’s for a good cause and she also gets to throw down a challenge to Liz Cheney. So, really, it’s a wonky nerd dream come true. Happy Monday!

Friday, August 08, 2014

My Weekend Party Tips

Hey, are you going to a party this weekend? Have you been to a party ever? Or possibly you hope to go to a party at some point? (Did I cover all of my bases?) Well, then, this right here is the video for you. Professional YouTube Lesbian Extraordinaire Hannah Hart demonstrates what you are actually thinking at almost every party you have ever attended. So, please, learn from her before you head out to that party this weekend. Or realize what you did wrong at that last party you went to. Or know what you should do at the next party you go to. Whew, it’s tough covering all those bases. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. Some bonus tips on how to ask girls if they are gay at parties.

p.p.s. Do not use any of these tips.

Thursday, August 07, 2014

Gender Fuck Thursday: B&W Edition

It’s hard to think of ways to improve the sublime sexiness of a woman in a nice suit. But put her in a nice suit and take a black and white picture and, well, you’ve mad a good thing even gooder. Hush now, I’m looking at black and white pictures of women in suits and ties. Ain’t nobody got time for good grammar. Fine. Better – the word is BETTER. Now, do you feel better? Oh, sorry, not about the grammar. About the black and white pictures of women in suits. Duh.

Cate Blanchett

I’m pretty damn excited to see Cate and Rooney Mara lesbian it up in “Carol," from Patricia Highsmith’s novel “The Price Of Salt” – even if the age difference eeks me out. But, then, I think it’s supposed to.

Charlotte Rampling

At 68 she was just featured in a new ad campaign for Nars lipsticks. I’ve never heard of Nars lipsticks, but I certainly like them more now.

Léa Seydoux

I could make an obligatory “Blue Is the Warmest Color” joke here. But I’ll take the high road I love this looks except for the frilly cuffs. I just want to scissor those. Oh, shit. Sorry, I tried.


Life’s a lot easier if you just accept and acknowledge that Beyoncé is our new lord and savior.

Charlotte Sullivan

I feel bad that I don’t watch “Rookie Blue.” Yeah, that’s all I got.

Bette Davis

Old-School Suit Game Status: Impeccable.

p.s. Fixed it. My most humble apologies for not delivering Charlotte at first as promised. For shame.