Wilde wiggle

So, if you follow Olivia Wilde’s Twitter feed, you know she can be a pretty funny lady. Also pretty. But also just funny. And you know how I love me a funny lady. You probably also know I love to look at pretty, funny ladies. I am totally not above a good ogle now and, well, kind of now. Though, I try to appeal to my own better angels by making it a respect-based objectification I practice here at Surrenders HQ. But, still, I unabashedly like to look at the ladies. It comes with the whole gay thing. Which brings me back to Olivia. The very nice to look at Ms. Wilde appears on one of two new covers for the New British GQ Comedy Issue. Which, you know, is fine and good. She’s wearing a bra and jeans and precious little else. See, women are both pretty and funny and pretty funny. But then, oh dear, then things get complicated. The other cover features a host of funny fellows, all dressed in their GQ best. They are dubbed “The Kings of Comedy.” Right, I know – this is a lad’s mag. What should I expect? But then, then they had to go and release a video trailer to promote the issue. And, well, here’s where things get at once more complicated and more basic. Please, sit back and take in the next 1 minute and 48 seconds.

Right. So, yeah. I’m guessing you rewound back to second :14 a couple, few, dozen, wore out the button – eh? Yes, people of the Internet. Olivia Wilde just jiggled her boobs for your enjoyment. Boobs. Jiggle. Yes.

Oh, but here is where that complicated v. basic thing comes in. On the one hand, as a red-blooded American gay lady, I am drooling a little over my keyboard and high fiving my cat at the sight of a lady as luscious as Olivia giving the ladies a little loving. On the other hand, as a women’s studies minor earning progressive feminist lady, I am fairly appalled that Olivia is the only woman included and being put into an assortment of skimpy outfits while the men are all wearing full suits. So it goes like this:

Brain: This is so sexist!
Area Lower Than Brain: Shut up and hit rewind!

I’ll admit, it is kind of a chicken and egg situation. Which is right? Are both answers right? Are both answers wrong? I think, in the interest of science, we should watch those 3 seconds in question again and again and again. For science. Yep. Science.

From lesbians to Kelly

I don’t know much about much. But I know one thing for damn sure. Lesbians love them some Kelly Clarkson. Maybe it’s her feisty independent streak. I mean she sang “Miss Independent” after all. Maybe it’s her cathartic post-breakup song selection. Put on “Since U Been Gone” in a lesbian club and watch everyone – and I mean everyone – sing along. Maybe it’s her relatable everygirlness complete with Texas waitress backstory. That she never seemingly strives to be a size 0 makes me happy about the universe. Maybe it’s those rumors. Whatever, they’re rumors – I have no claim to knowledge about which team she plays on one way or the other. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s that the gal can flat-out sing. No egg carriage or papal themes or fireworks tits required to keep our rapt attention. Whatever it is, us gay gals can’t get enough. So here’s to you, Kelly. May your breakup anthems keep gay gals singing to you at top volume in the car for years and years to come.

Stronger


Since U Been Gone


Behind These Hazel Eyes


Miss Independent

And, of course, nothing says you’ve made it with the lesbians like the Troubletones covering your music. Plus it’s five more weeks until “Glee” returns. So we have to pass the time somehow, and how better than with a little Kelly.

Naked Lady Monday: TLW Edition

So while I took Leap Day to bemoan the lack of Jennifer Beals on our TVs, I know plenty of “The L Word” alums are gainfully employed and gracing our screens (large and small) with their post-Chaiken magnificence. So, because it’s Monday and because some of you seemed somewhat perplexed by the clothing-optional selections I posted of their former coworker, I thought I’d double down. How about a little Naked Lady Monday with the hard-working former ladies of TLW? These lovely former ladies of the L all have interesting projects and programs they’re working on. And that they look god not entirely clothed? Well, that’s a sure bet. (As always, sort of NSFW. But, come on, you know you want to peek.)

Sarah ShahiThe artist formerly known as Carmen returns for the second season of “Fairly Legal” March 16 on USA. She’ll be back as legal mediator Kate Reed who usually wears considerably more clothes than this while solving complex legal disputes.

Janina GavankarThe artist formerly known as Papi will return as a series regular on True Blood this summer on HBO. She plays shifter Luna, who kind of has forever redefined my image of a beautiful wild pony running free across the planes.

Kate MoennigThe artist formerly known as Shane has signed onto the Showtime pilot “Ray Donovan,” where she will play gay once again as the “dark, intense” right hand gal to the title character L.A. P.I. to the rich and famous. Via the pilot script, we first see her waking up next to lovely lady in bed. Guess we all know who she’s looking very like that day.

Mia KirshnerThe artist formerly known as Jenny had a recurring role on “The Vampire Diaries” last season. She can next be seen on the big screen alongside True Blood vamp Stephen Moyer in the horror film “The Barrens,” about a family being stalked by the Jersey Devil. Hmmm, maybe it killed Jenny.

Lauren Lee SmithThe artist formerly known as the Soup Chef joined the second season of the Canadian psychic drama The Listener, and will return for its third season debuting later this year. I’m not going to lie, I miss the red hair.

Leisha HaileyThe artist formerly known as Alice is still as adorable as ever. But instead of acting she’s making merry music with her band Uh Huh Her. And they even have a new video out, with “So You Think You Can Dance” runner-up and out dancer Sasha Mallory.



Definitely NSFW:

Pam GrierThe artist formerly known as Kit starred alongside Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts in “Larry Crowne” last year. The inimitable Ms. Grier can next be seen in the action film “The Man with the Iron Fists” with Russell Crowe and Lucy Liu. To quote every line of Kit’s dialogue ever, “You go, baby girl!”

NOTE: No, clearly, this is not a comprehensive update of all the past TLW regulars. Those without current performing projects on the large or small screen were left off on purpose.

My Weekend Crush

My God, do I respect the hell out of Viola Davis. She’s smart. She’s articulate. She’s talented. She’s amazing. An enormous part of me hoped Viola and Meryl would tie for the best actress Oscar, as both women shone brighter than the sun in their roles this year. And while I, clearly, rejoiced in Meryl’s win I have nothing but glowing adjectives to say about Viola’s work in “The Help.” But it’s not just her acting that makes me respect her; it’s her integrity as an artist.

Because, let’s be honest, the Africa-American stars of “The Help” took a lot of crap from their own community for starring as maids. They did. There was a lot of controversy and ambivalence about the film, not only for the portrayal of domestics but also the idea that the white women essentially rescued the black women. And so they were in the precarious position of both defending their roles in the film to their own community while petitioning for more quality roles for black women with the wider community. It was a tight rope, that’s for sure. But one both Octavia Spencer and Viola handled with class and passion. In fact, if you haven’t already, watch their truly fascinating and illuminating conversation with Tavis Smiley from earlier this year. Go, I’ll still be here when you’re done.

And then when Viola said this, this really hit home:

“My whole thing is, do I always have to be noble? If I always have to be noble in order for the African American community to celebrate my work that is when I say that you are destroying me as an artist. As an artist, you’ve got to see the mess. That’s what we do. What we do as artists is we get a human being. And It’s like putting together a puzzle. The puzzle has to be multifaceted mixture of human emotions and not all of it is going to be pretty.”

This, this rings true for all minority groups. In the end, even as we continue the struggle to be truly equal and included and accepted, we are all just humans. And that, that is the ultimate struggle and goal – to reach a point where we aren’t just the noble black woman or the noble gay man or the noble Asian child, but just humans with all our flaws and all of our wonders. Like I was saying, mad, crazy, total respect.

Though, while we’re talking about her, holy crap is Viola hot. Back, front, arms – damn, girl. It is all working for her. Plus, come on, how awesome was it of her to rock her natural short ‘fro at the Oscars? So awesome. As I was saying, respect. Happy weekend, all.

UPDATE: Things you should know. 1) I am not a white woman. Though interesting some people should automatically assume that I am a white woman by default in the absence of standard visual cues. 2) I call anyone I think is articulate, articulate. Because I enjoy and admire articulate people – women, men, black, white, Asian, Hispanic, liberal, conservative, whathaveyou. 3) If you watch the entire interview with Tavis Smiley, which I linked to in this post, you will hear a very articulate, very smart conversation between three very articulate, very smart people talking about exactly the issues I bring up in this post. I suggest you do. It’s a lovely exercise for the mind.

My dear Watson

I like Lucy Liu as Watson. There, I said it. I’m all for a female sidekick to a new American Sherlock TV remake for CBS, “Elementary.” It seems, yes – I’m going to say it, elementary to me that in an industry rife with onscreen gender and racial inequality, a little character sex and ethnicity change is a good thing. Why not, it makes it a little more exciting, a little more new. Though, yes, it would be a lot more exciting and a lot more new if they made both Sherlock and Watson female characters. Now that, that would be revolutionary. If you’re going to remake a familiar pairing, why just turn it on its side? Turn it on its head and let’s all look at the world a little differently. (p.s. Those busy kids on Tumblr have already done just that. Though might I suggest Jaime Murray for Moriarty instead?)

But it seems a lot of people don’t like Lucy as Watson. Not even a little. Not even less than a little. Take, for instance, some editor at BuzzFeed. Wow, way to wave the flag for gender and ethnic diversity, guys. Hey, maybe think before you create your snarky bold-lettered macro. Because I can practically see the “Long Live White Dudes!” “We Rule Everything, Get Over It!” “No Girls Allowed” signs being hoisted now.

Other folks say why mess with tradition? Why swap the gender of established characters? Just write new female characters instead. Well I say, sure. Let’s do that. But there’s really no reason we can’t do both. People remake familiar shows because they’re familiar and therefore have a greater chance of success. That’s the whole damn point. So a show with familiar characters with new genders might stand a better chance at making it than a new show with new genders. That’s just life. As is, female-fronted buddy shows stand out because they are just that, female-fronted buddy shows – think “Rizzoli & Isles,” think “2 Broke Girls.” And then we’ve got to reach back and go “Cagney & Lacey,” Kate & Allie,” “Laverne & Shirley, “Absolutely Fabulous.”

There are and have been several famous male-female crime-solving duos. “Castle,” “Bones,” “The X-Files,” “Moonlighting,” So that wouldn’t really make “Elementary” all that different. But this would be the first interracial male-female duo. If the show makes it to air Lucy would be the only the second Asian-American actress in a leading role on an American broadcast network television. (Maggie Q on the CW’s “Nikita” is the only other one right now. Sure, we could argue about Sandra Oh on “Grey’s,” but I really think she’s part of more of an ensemble. And don’t get me started on poor Jenna Ushkowitz. From “Glee.”) So, let’s be honest, we’re due a strong Asian-American female lead – we really are.

But by far the most perplexing criticisms of this casting is that CBS has done this intentionally to eliminate the possibility of delicious, delicious gay subtext on the show. Two which I say, bahwha? No, but really, BAHWHA? Look, I will give you that CBS may be angling to create sexual chemistry and a will-they/won’t-they vibe between Sherlock & Watson. It’s the rare male-female duo show that can keep its leads from eventually getting it on like Donkey Kong. The slow tease sells. Just ask “Castle” fans.

Still that’s not the same as actively trying to quash gay subtext. To be honest, I’m pretty sure TV executives don’t give two farts about gay subtext, unless it creates internet buzz for their shows. That buzz usually means more enthusiasm and eyeballs. And while they almost never actively encourage it, I really don’t think stopping it before it starts is on their agenda. And, who says just because the leads are opposite sex there can’t still be gay subtext on the show? The thing about gay subtext is the fans create it. Sure, sometimes the writers and actors leave a very visible breadcrumb trail. But it’s the viewers who make these non-canon relationships happen. So, who is to say Holmes might not have a smoldering chemistry with the chief of police? Or Watson may make googly eyes at a female detective on the force. Or, better yet, a female Moriarty (really not kidding about Jaime Murray – think about it, CBS).

The thing is, this new Sherlock reboot could suck. There are absolutely no guarantees, regardless of casting, that it will be good or bad for that matter. But what I do know is a talented, veteran Asian-American actress has landed a role that has traditionally been filled by a white male actors in the past. So now instead of looking like it always looks, TV might look a teeny tiny bit more like me. And I am A-OK with that.

Leap of Beals

Every four years we are given one extra 24-hour period to do as we damn well please. We could be lazy, and use it as a shrine to sloth. We could be helpful, and do unto others instead of unto ourselves. We could be spontaneous, and do whatever the hell we feel like whenever the hell we feel it. But me? Me, I like to use Leap Days as a bonus day to try to right a great injustice in the world. I know, I know – please, do not stare directly into the nobility of my actions. You might lose an eye from the imaginary sword I’m using to imaginarily bestow a knighthood on myself.

So this year, with great beneficence, I have chosen to concentrate my Leap Day Injustice Righting on one of the greater injustices of our time. Yes, yes – I am talking about the tragic lack of Jennifer Beals on our televisions. There’s a sign-up sheet on the back wall for those interested in volunteering to pass out water and megaphones for the protest rally I have planned later today. Together, we can right this terrible wrong.

Some of you will fondly remember the news that Jennifer was going to guest on “Castle.” Others of you fondly remember the promo pictures of Jennifer standing next to Stana Katic while guesting on “Castle.” And still others of you fondly watched the episodes where Jennifer acted alongside Stana while guesting on “Castle.” Well, I’d like to take a moment to unite all those clearly disparate groups toward the common goal of finding Jennifer a permanent show where she is not just a guest. I know with hard work and determination we can create the change we want to see on our television sets. Because otherwise, it means we are missing seeing this on a regularly scheduled basis.


Think about your life, think about your choices, television executives. We shall overcome, comrades. Keep the faith.

SGALGG: Oscars Edition

I love the Bridesmaids more than cheese. Granted, this isn’t saying a ton because I’m lactose intolerant and too much cheese makes me bloaty. But still, dammit, if I don’t love me a hunk of Camembert every now and again. You always hurt the ones you love, no? But, truly, the Bridesmaids typified what I enjoyed about this award season. Ladies enjoying each other’s company, making each other laugh and giving us all great entertainment in the process. Which, after all, is the true spirit of Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals. Sure, it’s about the touchy feely fabulosity of those fauxosexual moments. But it’s really about women being comfortable in the presence of other women and appreciating each other for the fantastic creatures that we are. So, in that spirit I give you a very special Oscars Edition of SGALGG.

Rose Byrne & Melissa McCarthyNo true drunken straight gal hookup starts without shots. Scorsese!

Viola Davis & Octavia SpencerI just love these two together. Also, this is a Viola Davis Arms Appreciation Post.

Viola Davis & Meryl StreepI just love these two together. Also, this is a Viola Davis Back Appreciation Post.

Busy Phillips & Michelle WilliamsThese two are obviously taking a couple shot for their Facebook profile pictures so they can simultaneously change their statuses to “In a Relationship.”

Gwyneth Paltrow & Penelope CruzIs it just me, or does this totally look like albino Batman is giving hot Robin a hug here?

Glenn Close & Janet McTeerGlenn’s all, “Did you see her flash those puppies in ‘Albert Nobbs?’ Yeah, keep your hands off. They’re MINE!”

Claire Danes & Rashida JonesI am overcome with the unshakeable desire to see Claire guest on “Parks & Recreation” as a grown-up Angela Chase who befriends Leslie and Ann.

Jessica Chastain & Milla JovovichI feel like they’re silently acknowledging to each other that 1) They had two of the prettiest dresses on the red carpet and 2) They’d love to see each other’s dresses in a pile on their hotel room floors.

Dianna Agron & Malin AkermanI feel like Dianna is not-so silently acknowledging the No. 2 point above.

Amy Adams & Olivia WildeReboot. I’m sorry, I think my brain short circuited for a minute from all the pretty. Reboot. I’m sorry, I think my brain short circuited for a minute from all the pretty. Reboot. I’m sorry…

Ginnifer Goodwin & Sasha AlexanderSuddenly, looking at Ginnifer’s sexy pixie cut, Jane Rizzoli is starting to feel a little insecure.

Heidi Klum & Bar RefaeliClearly they did this purposely to get into SGALGG.

Cameron Diaz & Kate HudsonPlease see above.

Miley Cyrus & Kelly OsbourneWell now it’s almost starting to feel desperate.

Amy Adams, Jennifer Westfeldt, Claire Danes & Paula PattonYou want us to do you one on one? Or two by two? Or we could do three on one? Or we could do four by four? Do four by four? Four by four.

And finally, I call these last group of pictures: Meryl Streep Seduces The World

With Sandra BullockSandy is reminding Meryl of the time they kissed and trying to impress her with her finger size.

With Rooney MaraNow is your chance, Rooney. Kiss her! Hard, on the mouth!

With Octavia SpencerAnd we’ve come full circle with the drunken straight gal hookups. Someone must have yelled Scorsese and Meryl obliged.

Bonus: Angie’s Right LegI think we should acknowledge that Angelina’s bisexual side was alive and well at the Oscars as her right leg was obviously trying to initiate a threesome with Angie & Brad.

Yes, her, again

I will have a full Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals Oscars Edition post for you kittens tomorrow. Also, you can hope over to AfterEllen later today for my Oscars recap. But right now, right now let us luxuriate in the wonder that is Meryl Streep’s “surprise” third Oscar win. Look, absolutely no offense to other two-time Academy Award winners like Jane Fonda, Sally Field, Jessica Lange and Hilary Swank, but it’s about time Meryl FUCKING Streep had more shiny naked gold man statuettes than you guys. And, while she has those 17 nominations, the last time she actually won was 29 years ago for “Sophie’s Choice” and 33 years ago for “Kramer v. Kramer.” So, thank heavens it was “Oh, no! Oh, come on, why? Her – AGAIN!”

One more, and she’ll tie the great Katharine Hepburn. I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t bet against her.

My Weekend Crush

You guys! You guys, you guys, you guys. Wait. Stop. Make that, you gals! You gals, you gals, you gals! You know what’s making me super excited about this movie year? A shock of cascading red hair, a sure-tipped arrow and a badass display of self-bodice ripping. Yeah, I’m talking about the two minute and 30 second clip from “Brave” released this week. Pixar’s first film to feature a female lead isn’t in theaters until June 22. That’s four months away. But already the film looks to like it will add a rich, spunky, capable heroine to the cinematic pantheon. Also, who doesn’t love a good mooning gag? Now I love me some Pixar and, of course, I love the ladies, so this movie is aimed right at my bullseye, so to speak. Oh, and Scottish accents, I kind of can’t resist a Scottish accent. Happy weekend, all.

What doesn't Glee you

Most Very Special Episodes strive to cover one Very Special Issue. Like, say, drug abuse. Or child neglect. Or that funny shaped mole that turns out to be the C word. But not “Glee.” Nooooo. “Glee” has to be different. “Glee” has to be even Very Specialer than the most Very Special Episode. It’s the Very Specialest of Episodes. To wit, it crammed not only teen suicide, not only teen marriage but also teen texting while driving into one hour-long Very Specialest Episode. When it was over, I felt a bit like poor Quinn – hit by a truck.

Here’s what I can say about “Glee.” What it does well it does so achingly well you want to catch it in a jar and put it on your nightstand and watch it slowly dance before you as you gently drift into slumber. But what it does badly or, even worse – heavy handedly, it does so badly you want to throw said jar against the nearest wall and watch it crash into a million little pieces, each of which represents an infinitely frustrating missed opportunity.

But let’s address them one by one, shall we? First, teen suicide. Teen suicide from bullying is a terrible thing. People from across the globe came together to address this issue in a beautiful show of grassroots solidarity with the It Gets Better Project more than a year ago. So, taken on its own, the interspersed images of an emotionally distraught Karofsky agonizing about being outed and bullied was poignant and important. Kids can be cruel. Adolescents can be hell. The world can seem hopeless. But you’re not alone. It does get better. And living is the only way you can ensure you get to the good stuff.

But here’s the thing, “Glee,” what you do doesn’t happen in a vacuum. You can’t say, outing is so terrible and so wrong and so tragic and so possibly suicidal one minute, yet just three months earlier say outing is A-OK if the popular hero quarterback dude does it to a kinda bitchy mean girl and then makes her sit awkwardly in front of him as he sings a song about girls wanting to have fun. Granted, sure, everyone’s experience is different. But you can’t really have your cake any way you want it. Otherwise the message is: Boy outing is super bad, girl outing is super helpful. Not cool.

Oh, and while we’re on the subject, what the actual fuck with Kurt lecturing Quinn on how she should feel about Karofsky’s suicide attempt? What kind of my minority issue is more important than your minority issue speechifying is that? No. Uh-uh. Not cool. This isn’t the Ism Olympics. This is a silly little show about a Midwestern glee club that can, at its finest, provide crystalline moments of emotional resonance. And other times, they just sing and dance really well, and stuff.

Right, so there’s now on to teen marriage. All I’m going to say about this ridiculous Finn and Rachel getting hitched storyline is it is ridiculous and no one who writes a word of it should be paid in real, actual money. Instead might I suggest reimbursement in community college credits instead so they could take a Critical Thinking Skills 101 class and realize that this out-of-nowhere, this-helps-make-Finn-special story is at best illogical and at worst ludicrous. p.s. Yes, Faberry Nation, I know that wedding totally should have been Quinn and Rachel because that, that would have made sense.

Finally, the teen texting while driving storyline, a.k.a. Let’s hit poor Dianna Agron with a truck. Hey, remember when she wanted to steal Shelby’s baby? This kinda makes me think back fondly to that plotline. I bet Dianna couldn’t be happier that Quinn’s a senior. If I was her I’d run as far away from Ryan Murphy as my legs could take me. That is if her legs still work when the show returns April 10.

Also, don’t get me started on the intrinsic cruelty of voicing poor Tina’s simple desire to be able to sing a song and then not actually letting her sing a song. I think this makes “Glee” even more of an asshole. At least if it was oblivious to its flaws you could hope to improve them. But to know your flaws and flaunt them? Yeah, total asshole move.

So, there you have it. “Glee” in a nutshell. Flashes of genius. Long stretches of why is this happening. Giant sinkholes of logic. And some real asshole moves.

Also, can anyone tell me what the actual fuck that peanut butter nonsense was all about?

Well, at least we got to see the Troubletones. What “Glee” doesn’t kill, makes us all stronger for stomaching.

My lady business, myself

When life, both personal and public, gets really frustrating often the best medicine is a little laughter. The whole “if we don’t laugh, we’ll cry” thing is real. Well anyone who has been paying attention to our political landscape recently has been howling to keep from hysterically weeping. A Congressional hearing on birth control with no female panelists? A Virginia law that would requires women to be penetrated with a transvaginal ultrasound before being allowed to have an abortion? An Indiana State Representative who thinks the Girl Scouts of America are “radically pro-abortion,” “promote homosexual lifestyles” and in cahoots with “feminists, lesbians, or Communists?” One of the biggest financial backers of GOP presidential contender Rick Santorum telling women that birth control is cheap, just put a Bayer between your knees and squeeze? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. SOB.

Sure, this war on women from the right wing of politics is nothing new. But the fact that things that seem so basic – like birth control is important and should be accessible basic – coming under attack is pretty fucking ludicrous. I keep thinking the Republican presidential candidates have arrived in our dimension from 1952 via a hidden rip in the space-time continuum. But no, here we are in 2012 talking about why it’s bad to exclude women from the conversation when we’re talking about women’s bodies. Though, maybe that Indiana idiot is onto something – I was a Girl Scout and I’m a feminist and gay lady and while not a Communist, I do believe some careful application of socialist principles could help our country a great deal. Also, their cookies are delicious.

So now, to keep from crying, please enjoy some very hearty chuckles at those wingnuts expense.

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
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To quote Amy Poehler, don’t tell me what to do with my body or brain, GOP.

Tank Top Tuesday: Global Warming Edition

It’s been an unusually warm winter out here in California. Granted, it’s California. So it’s always going to be warmer in the winter than, say, Minnesota. But still, even for the Golden State it’s a little nuts. Especially up here in Northern California. I mean, it’s supposed to hit the 70s this week. It’s still February, right? I know this should probably be wringing my hands about global warming and our carbon emissions. And – don’t worry, Al Gore – I totally do. But I’m also a tiny bit selfishly grateful for our depleted ozone layer. Because it means ladies are going to break out the tank tops that much faster. Hey, don’t judge me. I recycle.

Troian Bellisario

I’m so behind on my “Pretty Little Liars.” Is Spencer gay yet? Because she should be.

Lena HeadeyRemember when Lena was on that show about robots from the future and she ran around in a lot of tank tops. Yeah, me too.

Olivia WildeRemember when Olivia was on that show about teenagers from The O.C. and she made out with Mischa Barton? Yeah, me too.

Maria BelloOh, “Prime Suspect,” you could have been so damn good.

Halle BerryIt’s been 10 years since she won her Oscar. I know, that is blowing my mind too.

Mila KunisMore movies where you make out with Natalie Portman. Less movies where you make out with Justin Tumberlake. Oh, and don’t even consider making out with Ashton Kutcher again, honey.

Charlize TheronEvery time I see her in a tank top I think, “You know what, $140,000 for a kiss might even be a little low.”

Michelle RodriguezIf I had a dollar for each time Michelle gave a camera this look I’d be able to buy everyone of you a tank top, and then some.

Hope Solo

OK, OK – this isn’t “technically” a tank top. But it sure makes me appreciate warm weather. Also sweat. Also abs. Mmmm, abs.

Right, so maybe our carbon footprint isn’t looking so great. But until the rising oceans swallow all the land, I’m going to enjoy this silver lining while I can.