Thursday, April 26, 2018

Reading Into The Rachels

I have not seen “Disobedience” yet. But the studio’s marketing department has sent me like 30 emails about clips from the films. (Full disclosure: They also sent me a T-shirt.) So, um, I feel a little like I’ve seen it already. Like, I’m serious. Here are all of the clips.

And while I’m still quite excited to see this film (wariness about all the spitting business aside) one thing that has decidedly made me less excited is the big New York Times feature on Rachel Weisz from over the weekend. It’s everything we hate about straight, clueless writers trying to report on “hot lesbian sex.” No, really, there’s a line in the story that read:

“Baby news aside, the real reason I am below 14th Street is to discuss hot lesbian sex.”
Granted, I expect nothing less of Maureen Dowd whose many less than delightful columns during the 2016 election cycle included the all-time atrocious gem “Donald the Dove, Hillary the Hawk” piece. I also worry that the film’s big lesbian sex scene has been entirely orchestrated by its straight male director without, it seems, any kind of input from actual lesbians. We’ve had more than enough prestige lesbian films directed entirely by straight dudes, thank you.

Here’s the exchange about the big hot lesbian sex scene from Dowd’s article:
Did Ms. Weisz do any research for the love scene with lesbian friends?

“Nooooo,” she said. “You can’t ever ask people how they have sex. (Sebastian Lelio, the director) storyboarded it, so it was all his idea to have just faces and spittle and wetness and the other woman’s face. He wasn’t interested in nudity. He was interested in one woman’s face in pleasure in the frame and the other woman outside the frame so you have to imagine where her fingers and tongue are and what’s going on.”
Again, the spittle stuff is deeply off-putting to read about. Still, I want to give the film a truly fair try. I also never, ever want to hear Maureen Dowd write about lesbian sex ever, ever again.

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

We're Being Wu-ed

My love for Constance Wu is well documented. Her portrayal of Jessica Huang on “Fresh Off the Boat” alone should make her a national treasure. But Constance is now a officially a triple threat. TV star (thanks to “Fresh Off the Boat”). Movie star (thanks to the upcoming release of “Crazy Rich Asians”). And lesbian heartthrob (thanks to the new indie film “The Feels”).

Now, someone could write an entire thesis on why it took 25 years between major Hollywood films about and featuring primarily Asian-American characters (the last being “The Joy Luck Club” in 1993 – NINETEEN NINETY-THREE). The trailer looks fun and Constance is joined by Nico Santos, who plays Mateo in my beloved “Superstore.” So yay on all fronts there.

Now, onto the lesbian stuff. I’ve been tracking “The Feels” for a bit now, since I learned Constance plays a gay lady in it. It finally became available to stream or buy and I checked it out last week. The plot is a group of friends gets together for a bachelorette weekend. And over the course of drinking and dropping molly they learn that one of the bachelorettes has never had an orgasm, which naturally is distressing to the other bachelorette (played by Constance).

It’s pretty process-y and a tad awkward at times (which, given the subject matter, makes sense). But otherwise well acted and, again, have I mentioned Constance Wu plays a gay lady?

In summation, you may begin (or hopefully continue) your Constance Wu worship now.

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

I (Really) Like That

After a nice, relaxing extended weekend nothing feels better than listening to a nice, relaxing jam by Janelle Monae. While her new video has an appalling lack of Tessa Thompson (which, fine, I guess the lady needs a break from all the Bisexual Lighting and Pynk worship sometimes), it has seven the Janelles to make up for it. And, the lyrics about liking your inner and outer weirdo are wonderful.

Also wonderful? These clip of Janelle and Lupita Nyong’o dancing to “Make Me Feel.” I mean, they’re enough to make Tessa jealous, no?

Yep, I am 100 percent buying Janelle’s “Dirty Computer” when it comes out on Friday.

Monday, April 23, 2018

Good Fucking Morning

Welcome, new week. Here is a reminder to please not fuck with us. Or, as you can see, we will fuck with you right back. Happy fucking Monday, kittens.

Friday, April 20, 2018

My Weekend 420

Happy 420, Stoners and Friends of Stoners. I’m not necessarily a stoner, but I do believe we should legalize the recreational use of marijuana for adults – just like they’ve done here in California and eight other states. And I believe it should be legalized for some of the very same reasons Cynthia Nixon describes here. Look, I don’t know if Cynthia would make a good governor of New York. But I know she has been making a lot of sense when she talks about her policy positions. I mean, maybe the Unqualified Lesbian is onto something. So smoke ‘em if you got ‘em, kittens. Happy weekend, all.

Thursday, April 19, 2018

Gender Fuck Thursday

You look like you need some ladies in nicely tailored suits. So here are some ladies in nicely tailored suits. You are welcome.

Cate Blanchett

Should we pass a law that Cate can only walk around in her clothes from “Carol” or a tuxedo? Yeah, I think we should.

Letitia Wright

I want the little sister in “Black Panther” to have her own movie, accompanied – of course – by the all-women Wakandan army.

Lena Headey

In another life, Cersei runs away to pursue her love of genealogy at university and starts wearing nice tweeds and turtlenecks.


I can.not.wait. to see her as one of the eight in “Ocean’s Eight.”

Dame Maggie Smith

I suddenly want to find out everything I can about, what appears to be, Prof. McGonagall’s past as a well-dressed graduate student at an all-women’s magicians college.

Jessica Chastain

I need to make an amendment that adds Jessica in the above “Must Wear a Tux” law.

Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Bates Hotel

Kathy Bates giving us that Bruno Mars swagger is the perfect pick me up for a Wednesday. On a related note I now want “Lip Sync Battle” to focus solely on actresses over 60 years old battling each other for lip sync supremacy.

Tuesday, April 17, 2018

The End of the World As We Know It

If you know anything about my love for Pixar movies you’ll now how much this delighted me. Here is a heart-warming clip of the Swedish ending of “Finding Dory.” Um, is this how all movies in Sweden end? If you, my dear Swedish friends, you have been holding out on us.

Friday, April 13, 2018

My Weekend Crush

They year of great Bisexual Lighting continues. The latest member of our LGBTQ tribe to claim a spot at the Big Out Table is “Broad City” star Abbi Jacobson, who came out as bisexual in a recent interview. *hold for applause and stoner head nods*

As she told Vanity Fair:

“I kind of go both ways; I date men and women,” she says. “They have to be funny, doing something they love. I don’t know—I’ve never really been interviewed about this before.”
Now, this is a fun switcheroo because on the series it’s Abbi’s character Abbi who is frequently fending off the come-ons of her BFF Ilana (played by Ilana Glazer). Yet in real life Abbi is bi and ready to mingle and Ilana is married to a guy who does computational biology (which is a term I had to Google to even begin to understand…) So, as I was saying, welcome to the table, Abbi. Happy weekend, all.