Thursday, August 24, 2017

Lesbian Horror Story

Sometimes life imitates fiction. Sometimes fiction imitates life. Sometimes Ryan Murphy sneaks into your living room and films your whole damn life. Hello, “American Horror Story: Cult.”

This season’s plot says, and I kid you not:

“Sarah Paulson plays Ally, one-half of a couple (her partner is Ivy, played Alison Pill) living in Michigan who flips out when Donald Trump wins the election.”
Same, said every lesbian everywhere.

Look, I love watching real-life lesbian Sarah Paulson play a television lesbian. And with Alison Pill, to boot. But this seems a little “too soon” for my poor heart. I don’t need to watch some poor lesbian freaking out about Trump being elected. I AM A LESBIAN WHO CONTINUES TO FREAK OUT ABOUT TRUMP BEING ELECTED. Every. Damn. Day.

So, thoughts? Also, get that damn camera out of my house, Ryan Murphy.

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Puppies, puppies it must be puppies

Man, can you believe it was just one week ago the current President of the United States was defending Nazis? And two weeks ago when he was threatening to turn us all into cinder and ash? Oh, oh, and would you realize it was only the start of this week he committed us to endless war? Yeah. Trump has managed to “Lemon, it’s Wednesday” this entire year. I have no idea how we will ever get through three and a half more years of this. So here is Kate McKinnon playing with some puppies. I know it won’t fix everything, but it sure doesn’t hurt either. Happy Wednesday that now always feels like it should be Friday, kittens and puppies.

p.s. Yep, you needed this.

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Tank Top Tuesday

And you thought I’d forgotten about tank tops. Never! No matter how much the darkness blots out the sun (nice eclipse you got there, shame if our idiot president were to stare directly into it…oh wait, he did?), I will never abandon the sight of beautiful women expressing their right to bare arms. So all of those without retinal damage because we believe in scientists and doctors when they tell us things, please enjoy.

Gal Gadot

I’m waiting to learn how to do the “Wonder Woman” workout. OK, fine, I’m waiting to learn how to do the first step of the “Wonder Woman” workout: Be born on an island of Amazon warriors completely devoid of men.

Danielle Brooks

Agree. And the best part of this season’s OITNB.

Katie McGrath

Ship who you want, when you want, whenever you want, SuperCorp friends.

Gillian Anderson

Vintage Gillian working on her fitness is *kisses fingertips*

Kelley O’Hara

This reminds me how much I enjoy the Women’s World Cup.

Tatiana Maslany

I miss the sestras so much.

Monday, August 21, 2017

Her Drunk Television

We’re gonna need a bigger kitchen, drunk or otherwise. Professionally Cute Lesbian Who Eats and Cooks For Our Entertainment Hannah Hart of “My Drunk Kitchen” fame has gone and got herself a TeeVee show. The YouTube star has made the leap from computer screen to television screen with her new Food Network series “I Hart Food.” It’s essentially a traveling and eating show, where she goes out and tries yummy things so, you know, right in my wheelhouse. The show debuted last week (you can watch the entire premiere episode here on YouTube, if you want to feel nostalgic for a little Harto in her natural state). And, you’ve got to admit, she had much (much, much, much, much) better hair than Guy Fieri. New episodes air Mondays, so alternative lifestyle haircut lovers and food lovers, get your TV grub on.

Friday, August 18, 2017

My Weekend Crush

I officially want “Sheet-caking is a grassroots movement!” on a t-shirt now. Look, this needs no set up or explanation. My Fake TV Wife is back and eating all of our feelings for us. This is truly one of the best and most honest laughs I’ve had since Nov. 8, 2016. Happy weekend and sheet caking, all.

Thursday, August 17, 2017

So Long Sestras

Aw man, I miss them (and by them I mean mostly Tatiana Maslany times 274) already. If you haven’t watched the finale of “Orphan Black,” cease and desist with the reading. And if you haven’t watched the series, come on now. The finale was interesting because in many ways it was so unexpected. I was bracing for the twists. I was ready for the turns. But instead of throwing one last big scary surprise at us, it went straightforward. It actually let them beat the big bad baldie (yeah, that was one hell of a wig) at the half way mark.

And then, and then they were allowed to just be. Just when we think we have “Orphan Black” figured as a fast-paced crazy science thriller, it slows down. It got quiet and reflected on what all that crazy science actually means. Questions about biology, destiny and self abounded. But what mattered most was these sestras, the connection this unparalleled sisterhood. And while, no, it wasn’t what I expected, it was lovely. And Clone Club lived happily ever after (Cophine very much included - yay gays!).

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Only One Side

This is terrible to watch. But this is also America today. And this is the same group the current President of the United States insists includes “very fine people.” No. No very fine people. Bigoted people. Hateful people. Evil people. No one should be surprised that Donald Trump is an unabashed racist – we knew that before. Fuck, some of us (cough, Hillary, cough) even tried to warn us. But we should be stunned at the moral precipice we find our country. From the first black president to this monstrous excuse for a man. There are no “many sides” when it comes to white supremacists who murder people. There is no moral equivalence between Nazis and people who protest Nazis. There is no blame to be cast on Heather Heyer or any of the others who stood up against wannabe fascists and KKK members shouting “Jews will not replace us!” and “Fuck you faggots!” And anyone who does not call it out now, anyone who looks at a crowd of torch-bearing racists and see “very fine people,” is a stain on humanity, let alone the presidency. So, yeah, watch this. Bear terrible witness to what is happening in our country and acknowledge our deeply ingrained institutional racism. And then promise to vote against Trump and all his enablers forever.

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

The Carol Effect

They say three makes a trend. And here we have three lesbian romances coming to our big screens. I call it the Carol Effect, this new slew of movies about ladies who love ladies is – of course – very welcome. The films are in various stages of production from the just announced to the already finished. I have no idea which will be good or even great or remotely worth passing the torch from “Carol.” But I am happy to handicap the field here, based on gloved lunch possibilities.

“Tell It to the Bees”


Just announced this week, the period drama is based on the book by the same name by Fiona Shaw. Set in 1950s small-town Britain it stars Anna Paquin as a young doctor who returns home to take over her late father’s practice who starts a relationship with a young mother, played by Holliday Grainger. A 50s lesbian romance? We are talking major glove lunch opportunities.

“Disobedience”


Completed and set to premiere at the Toronto International Film Festival in September, this film is based on a novel by the same name by Naomi Alderman and is set in present-day London. It stars Rachel Weisz as a rabbi’s daughter who returns home after her father’s death (hold up, I sense a theme) and then rekindles a relationship with her friend, played by Rachel McAdams. From set photos, they may be wearing gloves, but somehow I don’t think they’ll be ordering poached eggs over creamed spinach for lunch anytime soon.

“Vita & Virginia”


Apparently still in pre-production, this film is based on the lives and love of literary greats Virginia Woolf and author Vita Sackville-West. The writers first met each other in 1922 and they had a decade-long affair. Eva Green will play Woolf and Gemma Arterton will play Sackville-West. A love story set in the roaring 20s? Gloves lunches and flapper skirts galore!

So, which lesbian (or bisexual – I don’t know how everyone personally identifies) romance are you most excited about? And, yes, I realize these are all very white couplings. Bring a little color into your romances, Hollywood. Alas, baby steps. Still, be sure to remember to lay a fresh glove on your “Carol” alter at home in thanks of this cinematic bounty.

Monday, August 14, 2017

Always Be Punching Nazis

I dunno, guys. Maybe we need to start making Nazis the villains in movies again so certain people realize there aren’t “many sides” to Nazis.

So here we are. A nation with Nazis threatening people in the streets. A nation teetering on the brink of nuclear war with North Korea . A nation with the host of the Celebrity Apprentice in the Oval Office – that is when he isn’t playing golf at one of his many resorts. A nation that elected a man who patently refuses to denounce white supremacists as president. Yeah, this dystopia sucks. Can we have the one with the bows and the arrows? At least we had a fighting chance there.

Friday, August 11, 2017

My Weekend Crush

I can’t believe the trip is almost over. Five years, countless Tatianas and at least two smitten puppies later and “Orphan Black” is about to end. It has been a wild and wonderful trip. Still today I will find myself watching an episode and think, “Oh, not too much Alison in this one – too bad for that actress” or “Man, Cosima is really the hottest of the clones.” But, oh yeah, they’re all Tatiana Maslany. Every. Single. One. One of the best things about this show is how it has allowed a galaxy of women to command the screen – granted like 20 of them were played by Tatiana. But it’s women who drive this narrative and we care about the most (plus Felix, we love Felix). The other best thing about this series is, of course, Cophine. Whether by design or by fan pressure, “Orphan Black” became one of the very few shows on television to unbury its gays. Now, I don’t know who will make it to the very end Saturday, but I do know we’ve been given a rich, complicated, sexy relationship for five seasons between Cosima Niehaus and Delphine Cormier. May they make beautiful science together forever. Happy watching and weekend, all.