Thursday, September 16, 2010

Face Time

I’ve come to the startling realization that I have a disease. I’m not sure if it’s curable, I’m not sure if it’s contagious. I’m pretty sure it isn’t recognized by the American Medical Association (though, man, it should be). My affliction, my sickness, my curse? I’ve got Chronic Screencappers Disease. I can’t watch a movie or TV show on my laptop without screencapping it. If you need to see further evidence of its symptoms, just check out my “Rizzoli & Isles” screencap folders.

This, of course, makes a relaxing night of watching a movie more difficult. I’ve found I’m not overcome with the affliction while watching TV or DVDs on my regular TV. But the urge to open up Photoshop is too strong when I’m watching something on my computer. Like last night, when I finally saw “Chloe.” Now, I can’t really recommend the movie for its plot. Its last half hour devolves into a ridiculous mish-mash of “Single White Instinct” proportions.

Though I can recommend the movie for its shear eye candy. Because, let’s be honest, “Chloe” is just 96 minutes of unapologetic wallowing in the face porn of Julianne Moore and Amanda Seyfried. Granted, you can’t really blame director Atom Egoyan for luxuriating his lens on these lovely ladies. They’ve got the kind of bone structure that were born to be projected two-stories high on the big screen. As such, a good half of the movie is tight shots of their faces. There are also a few choice close-up of other areas. But, you know, it’s a workday.

The plot, such that it is, involves Julianne hiring high-class call girl Amanda to seduce her husband (Liam Neeson) whom she suspects is cheating. And then it kind of turns that hooker with a heart of gold trope from “Pretty Woman” inside out. (Spoiler Alert: Also, dude, they totally do it.)

So this is when my illness works to your benefit. Because of the aforementioned Chronic Screencapper Disease and because of the aforementioned face porn, I will now share the bounty of my sickness with you. Please enjoy.

OK, fine, I’ll post one NSFW one. But remember, NSFW, so scroll down at your own peril. And by peril I mean yum.

The funniest, truest review I read of this film came from The Daily Beast which contains this perfect line: “Julianne Moore can act with her bosom.” She really can, kittens. She really can.

EDIT: Since you asked so nicely, here goes. If you don’t have a DVD program that takes screenshots automatically, you can follow these four simple steps to Basic Screencapping 101 on a PC. 1) Pause DVD/video on the scene you want to cap. 2) Press the “Print Screen” (PRTSC) button. 3) Open Photoshop (or MS Paint in a pinch). 4) Click “New,” then “Image from clipboard” (just click “Paste” in MS Paint). And, voila. You can crop and run it through various filters, but that right there is a screencap, friends. So now I’ve infected you all with the disease. Bwahahaha!

18 comments:

Eva Moos said...

Completely agree here. The plot sadly went pretty crazy in the end, but the movie was total eye candy!!

MormonLesbian said...

I'm also afflicted with Chronic Screencappers Disease. It takes me twice as long to watch movies or TV shows because of it. Like praise Buddha that Rizzoli & Isles is over so that I can get to bed before five a.m. on Tuesdays now...

Yeah, I don't think I commented on anything in my Chloe review except for the fact that Julianne Moore is smoking hot.

lookatthestar said...

I effing love this movie! as for my Screencappers Disease, it still under control..hahaha

Heather Anne said...

OMG! I have Screencappers Disease too! It's so awful. And so AWESOME.

(Also, my word verification is "chump." Ha!)

Anonymous said...

CSD? Could Dr. Maura Isles help with that??

Anonymous said...

I was cured from it when my DVD-drive broke! haha. But there still are those files filled with thousands of screenshots, savely burned on CDs or stored on my computer. I could look at them some time, thanks for the reminder, haha!

vrgriffith said...

Oh! So Julianne more can have on screen chemistry with a woman.

Kathryn said...

Delish. . .how many times did I look at this post today. . .3, 4?

Gorilla Bananas said...

I didn't even know what screencapping was, so thanks for the demonstration. This art form clearly has a bright future.

Anonymous said...

Are you willing to give the technologically challenged a brief how to lesson?

Anonymous said...

As per usual, I totally agree with you re the movie. And I love your disease and hope you don't seek treatment anytime soon.

Hannah said...

Chloe was involved in one of the most awkward moments of my life so I'm not capable of enjoying it. My girlfriend and I rented it and we were watching it at her house and her mom decided she'd watch it too. It was 96 minutes of pure agony, seeing as its just a teeny tad bit porny, and I'm the first girl my girlfriend has dated. And her mom kept drawing up similarities from the movie. It was the most awkward moment. Ever.

tlsintx said...

and the kittens go...purrr...

Lyn said...

I didn't like Chloe at all. I found the sex scenes awkward and unmoving. I think I visibly winced while watching them. If I could go back in time I wouldn't bother watching this movie.

Anonymous said...

I think Ms. Moore is achingly beautiful, but must disagree with you regarding Ms. Seyfried. She reminds me of the Star Baby from 2001 and creeps me out.

Norma Desmond said...

Face porn will ALWAYS make me watch a movie... Not to mention I already wanted to see this, so double win!

Thankfully, I seem to be safe from SCD... for the moment. Should anything change in the near future, I'll know EXACTLY where I contracted it from.

Gemma said...

Or if you have Windows 7 or Vista, you can just click Snipping Tool. :) Muah ha ha!

Anonymous said...

Here's a different review of the film http://www.archive.org/details/EgoyansChloeAnAllegoryOfTrueLoveAndDivi neLight