Wednesday, January 07, 2009

That dream within a dream

Three things come immediately to mind when I think of weddings: 1) Love, 2) The first dance, and 3) That scene from “The Princess Bride” where the priest keeps saying “mawwage.” But you know what doesn’t come to my mind when I think about weddings? Bridezillas. Not even a little, not even at all. In fact, I hate the whole concept. I hate the show. And now, even without seeing it, I hate the movie. What movie? Oh, you know, the movie starring two big should-know-better stars. You know, this movie.

Now, I’ve come to expect drivel from Kate Hudson because she hasn’t been in anything worth wasting popcorn on since “Almost Famous.” But Anne Hathaway? Oh, Anne, Anne. How could you? How could you go from “Rachel Getting Married” to “Bride Wars?” How could you sign on to a movie that perpetuates the stereotypes of female cattiness and bridal insanity? How could you sign on to a movie with such clichéd dialogue as: “That’s like a century in girl’s years,” “Your wedding will be huge, just like your ass at prom,” “The gloves are going to have to come off?” And, worst of all, how could you drag Murphy Brown Candice Bergen down with you?

In fact, I’ve decided that the only rational way to deal with this horrid movie’s existence is to reimagine the whole sorted mess. Picture this: “Bride Wars: A Girl-Loves-Girl Wedding Story.” Instead of being about two life-long best friends who are planning their separate weddings but then wage war on each other when they find out there is only one date open at the Plaza, it will be about two life-long best friends who are planning their wedding to each other, but then wage war on a society that refuses to acknowledge their love. In fact, it really isn’t that hard to imagine.

The then and now is uncanny:

And then, well, then there are these:

Take that, Prop. 8. Sigh, if only. The world is so much better in my head.

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

Two words: True Dat.
word, Dorothy
xxx
wyrm

The B said...

I think that movie in your head works better ^^* I'd go see it in that case.

I agree with you about Kate and 'Almost Famous'...

By the way, you made me laugh with this post!

Beatrice said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Beatrice said...

Sorry!

Dawg said...

Sigh .. Hathaway .. she was cute, what happened?

Loaf said...

Oh this post is so what I've been thinking every time I see that trailer! Your re-imagined movie is one I would watch over and over and over again....

-femalehusband.wordpress.com

Pissy Missy said...

Hear hear!

Elizabeth said...

Ha, I thought this when I first saw the trailer and it showed them dressed as bride and groom when they were little... perhaps we should write our own movie!!

Anonymous said...

Two best friends
One wedding date open at the place they want

It's obvious what's going to happen isn't it? They're going to end up having a double wedding and everything will be "OMG ROSES" better.

I think the US is running out of movie ideas. Either that or the public is insanely stupid to keep going to all these mundane movies.

The industry just needs to throw in a high profile lesbian movie and promote it heavily and I guarantee they'll get the publicity and it'll do well (that is, if it's made well), but no one wants to take a risk so they just recycle ideas over and over. Some one break the cycle, please!

twoladiesinwaiting.com said...

Short of one with copious quantities of blood and guts, it's almost impossible for me to think of a movie I am LESS interested in seeing. And I like weddings.

Pyewacket said...

Ya know, when I first saw the picture of Kate and Anne from that dreaded movie coming out...I got a little worried about you, Miss Dorothy.

But my faith was restored when I started reading and immediately saw where you were going with this.

lol

It totally would save the movie for me going with your plot, Miss Dorothy.

let me dance said...

humm...

Danielle said...

miss snarker, you are truly talented. you just manipulated "bride wars" into a movie i would actually go see (no small feat).

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I like the world in your head, too...
(hopefully one day it will climb out of all our heads and we'll find ourselves walking around in it...)

val said...

I hate that movie too already.

aj said...

yes.

yes it is so much better in your head.

and on your blog.

aj said...

ps - kate hudson....

....hottie

getinmy said...

That was brilliant! Maybe I'll rent it, put it in a language I don't know, and make up lesbian dialogue.

crabbyanne said...

Haha, fantastic. I read a review of this movie, I think in the NY Times, that actually said the same thing, that if they were marrying each other it would be a lot more interesting.

Anonymous said...

I like your idea better, Dorothy. Oh, if only somebody would produce a movie about two Canadian high school girls who get married before their senior year.

(Sigh)

BernieB

Jessica M. said...

I also read the NY Times article with similar insinuation:

http://movies.nytimes.com/2009/01/09/movies/09brid.html?ref=movies