Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Dancing Solo

Confirmed: Hope Solo will be on the new season of “Dancing with the Stars.” Also confirmed: Many, many more lesbians are going to watch the new season of “Dancing with the Stars.”

So the world’s most kick-ass goalie is going to be on the show with the shiny sequins and the crazy choreography. On the one hand, wow, guess this means I’m going to have to start watching “Dancing with the Stars.” On the other hand, dammit, guess this means I’m going to have to start watching “Dancing with the Stars.”

I do not watch, though I have caught a few performances over the years. What I’ve gleaned from those few minutes is that, um, isn’t Hope a little upscale for this show? Let’s be brutally honest, it’s usually people trying to revive their careers or people without real careers in the first place. I mean, Rob Kardashian and George Clooney’s ex-girlfriend are both on the show this season. Don’t get me wrong, I like Chaz Bono and Ricki Lake and Carson Kressley and mean them no disrespect as fellow castmates. But then there’s the little problem of Nancy Grace also being a contestant. I’m not sure I can in good conscience watch any show that features that woman. She makes me want to kill someone and get away with it, just to watch her head explode. (Just kidding, I do not want to kill anyone. But I do want kind of want to watch Nancy’s head explode.)

Then there’s the injury factor. Aren’t contestants getting hurt left and right every season on this show? Hope, girl, the 2012 London Olympics are less than a year away. We do not want to have our star goalie sidelined by a tragic cha-cha accident.

Man, I am being so gay about this news. I’ve processed like 100 emotions in four paragraphs. But in the end, I think I’m mostly happy Hope will get the exposure and hopefully it’ll shine more much-deserved light onto our amazing U.S. Women’s National Team. As Hope herself tweeted, it’s to raise awareness of women’s soccer. And that’s a good thing. Also a good thing, this means I have a perfectly valid excuse to post more pictures of Hope Solo.

My, what big hands you have.
Admittedly, these legs are going to look killer in heels.
Normally I hate midriff-baring dresses. This is not normally.
If I was one of Hope’s DWTS competitors, I would seriously consider forfeiting after seeing this picture.
Arm…
…porn…
…forever.
I take everything I said back. This is the best news ever. Also, DWTS costumers, please note that Hope should only ever appear in sleeveless gowns. That’s an order. It would be a sin to cover even a single centimeter of these guns. A sin against hotness.

Hope Solo Arm Porn

15 comments:

Kristan said...

You will presumably also get to see her in tight, backless dresses.

I wonder if getting more exposure before the Olympics is another reason she's doing this. I feel like she and Abby Wambach and Alex Morgan are all pretty good sports about trying to do that.

Solo said...

This season of DWTS will certainly cause me to squint!

Hope Solo in evening gowns and tutu's? Will Chaz rip off his shirt like Maks does?? The biggest gangster to ever come out of the NBA, and what happens when he gets pissed at Len?
Nancy Grace? I can't write what I'm thinking... Yeah, this may well be the first year I DON'T watch.
I think this show has lost it's glitz and appeal. We should put those under-employed, talented WGA people back to work and dump some of these mindless reality shows.

Anonymous said...

OMG THAT GIF. WHAT HOW HUH WHAT'S HAPPENING?!

Anonymous said...

I don't know how I feel about this, but all I'm saying is that I hope her arm doesn't get worse or that she Misty May's herself, because the Olympics are coming up, and I need her in net.

Emily said...

I only watch this show when they can manage to get an athlete I really like (Natalie Coughlin, Misty May). Congrats, DWTS, you've roped me in again. I ADORE Hope sooooooo much, there's no way I couldn't watch.

Oh... and arm porn forever and ever and ever. <3

chesmd said...

The only awareness she'll be raising is awareness about Hope Solo. I don't buy the whole promoting women's soccer spiel. I just think it's terribly irresponsible for her and inconsiderate to the US team for her to do this while they're out preparing for the olympics.

Anonymous said...

Hope is cute, but she throws a right punch with her right shoulder back, way wrong; she punches like.......a girl.

Carmen SanDiego said...

I must thank you for the exponential growth of the "Pictures of Hotties" folder in my computer.

Anonymous said...

Outside of athletes the show is typically full of trainwreck celebs and the occasional feel good story. The only way to watch the show is to not take it too seriously I think. I watched a couple seasons over the years. Each time for athletes.

Hope should do well. I'm more worried about her ankles than her shoulder. The dancing would actually help her shoulder regain more range of motion. Similar to what she'd be doing in physical therapy anyway.

I was a little meh about this whole thing, but now that it is really happening I am just going to enjoy it. If they delve into her backstory at all they are going to have to talk about soccer. That's her entire life so it will be hard to avoid promoting it.

Anonymous said...

I can't be the only one who noticed Ali Krieger's hand on Hope Solo's butt in the diving picture. A picture to launch a thousand fantasies. Or is it just me?

Honestly, I'll probably just YouTube Hope's dances after the show. I don't know that DTWS is worth an hour of my life each week...

Anonymous said...

haha Theres a few action shot like that with Ali Krieger's hand right on Hope's but.

Anonymous said...

Can't say that I blame Ali Krieger. I'd probably hug Hope with my legs in friendship every chance I get. There's another pic where Hope is taking her shirt off (during a huddle) and Abby Wambach is tots checking her out (along with Natasha Kai) lol. Can't say I blame them either.

Get Set.Go said...

hope solo needs to marry me.

Kathy said...

The best part is the voice that comes out of that body. Unexpected and very swoon-worthy. Oh, my.

KC Nightfire said...

omg I'm going to have to watch for the first time ever. And I have to agree with Kathy, that voice is so unexpected but so damn cute.