My Weekend Crush

Sometimes you have shows you really liked and watched and watched and just stopped watching for no one reason in particular. But, goodness, if Padma Lakshmi’s Instagram feed doesn’t make me think I should start watching “Top Chef” again. What? It can’t all be deep. Sometimes it’s just observing the beauty that can exist in this world – in its underwear. With respect, of course. Always respectfully. Ahem. Happy weekend, all.

Throwback Gayzzoli

Cue “Memories” and grab your Aviators of Sexy Justice. Angie Harmon (at least her voice, and what a voice that is - more on that later) is back! Det. Jane Rizzoli may only live on in our hearts, dreams and rerun marathons, but Angie is bringing her voice back to television to narrate the true-crime docuseries “Cellmate Secrets” for Lifetime. Yes, you can her That Voice narrate a new murder show. Granted, I’d listen to Angie read a phonebook. (Which, for the youths, was a physical paper product that took everyone’s home landline telephone numbers and published them in a bound catalogue that was then thrown onto your doorstep once a year by the telephone company. In short, this is how you Googled someone before Google.) So, definitely I’d listen to her talk about infamous, high-profile crimes? Obviously. And that’s not just because I’m tickled that Angie herself remembers and misses The Ponytail of Righteous Justice. Oh, the good old Gayzzoli days.

p.s. I know the subtext recaps have poofed off that site that shall not be named. And I’ve received questions about accessing them. I am searching to see if I have all the original copy and screencaps. I can’t promise you anything, but maybe one day I could find them a new permanent home. One day.

A Better Hunger

All I want to know on this random Wednesday is why they would put Charlize Theron and Kristen Stewart in a movie together and not make them lesbian vampires in love with each other. I mean, it’s right there.

Luckily I’ve already written my own lesbian vampires in love story in my head that will make us all forget we dutifully sat through “The Hunger” to be respectful of our culture or whatever. And, uh, also forget about the ones with the sparkly vampires. (Though, upon rewatch, if you take them as high camp they’re practically masterpieces.)

I mean, not as much a masterpiece as lesbian vampires in love movie I’ve written in my head. But how could it be with them in it?

SGALGG: Oscars Edition

Well, I’ll tell you one thing – this year’s Oscars were definitely different. I actually didn’t mind the wildly underproduced and at times awkwardly intimate staging of this year’s Academy Awards. At least for a while I didn’t mind it. I enjoyed the more organic and often heartfelt results through the first part of the broadcast. The Oscars are typically such a polished affair, making them decidedly different just felt right in this decidedly different ongoing pandemic year. I actually abhor the tendency of Hollywood and other institutions to pretend things aren’t different and project total normalcy. But, hello, shit isn’t normal. So the Oscars shouldn’t be normal either.

But, and yes sadly there’s a but (but not Da Butt, which is awesome and we shall discuss later), it didn’t work the whole way through. The trivia tidbit introductions for nominees worked the first few times, but then it just dragged. Having presenters tell, instead of show, when discussing everything from costume design to visual effects was, well, dumb. And the ceremony’s aversion to clips seemed almost pathological. Like, the producers understand that the Academy Awards are basically an advertisement for Hollywood and the nominated films, right? So you should, I dunno, maybe show people even a little bit of these movies and these performances? Call me crazy, but the magic of Hollywood is in its moving pictures. So, you know, show us the moving pictures. Oh, and that In Memoriam fast-forward segment was shameful, simply shameful (as was leaving off Naya Rivera and Jessica Walter, SHAME.)

Still, there were enough unexpected moments and enough deserving winners to make it a pretty interesting night, if nothing else. Sure, we all knew Chadwick Boseman should have won (and, boy, did the producers gamble that he was going to win by moving his category to the last award failed spectacularly – talk about your sad trombone ending). But we also got the first woman of color to win Best Director (not to mention the first woman to win Best Director for directing a movie about a woman). And, well, Glenn Close did “Da Butt.” So, it wasn’t all bad.

Granted, there wasn’t a ton of SGALGG which given we’re still in a global pandemic is fine by me. But there was some. And, unlike the Oscar telecast producers, I will show and not just tell you about it.

Regina King & Andra Day

I could have watched Regina King just walk to start the Oscars for two hours. If Andra walked with her, three hours.

Angela Bassett & Viola Davis

Pandemic-approved SGALGGing because something tells me both women also have hand sanitzer in their bags.

Speaking of Viola, did you see her MIME TAKING A SHOT?

Someone give Viola Davis an Oscar just for this performance of her pretending to take a shot https://t.co/aXVTwTSRna #Oscars pic.twitter.com/NJdHuQJxkF

— Variety (@Variety) April 25, 2021

Tiara Thomas & H.E.R.

These women are both half way to an EGOT, which feels like a good reason to kiss. I’m saying I’d like to see them kiss. Sorry if I was being unclear.

Mia Neal & Jamika Wilson

The first black women to win Oscars for Makeup & Hairstyling are included here because a) that is an awesome and long overdue accomplishment, and b) anyone who wears that dress collar with those arms is at least honorary family. (Yes, I did crop out the white dude.)

Chloe Zhao

I can’t wait to see what she does with the new Marvels superhero tentpole “The Eternals.” Also, she wore sneakers to the Oscars. So championing comfortable footwear is obviously lesbian culture.

Emerald Fennell & Carey Mulligan

Look, I know they’re not doing anything particularly gay. But they are wearing their masks indoors amid a crowd of people not from their own households. Which is both smart and safe. So, maybe they are doing something particularly gay?

Marlee Matlin

Could you imagine if Marlee brought back Jodie Lerner for “The L Word: Generation Q” and they had her appear on a tractor to make Tibette fandom’s head explode all over again?

Jan Pascale

I believe Jan Pascale, who took home the trophy for Best Production Design for “Mank,” was the night’s only out queer female winner. Also that sound you heard during the telecast was every queer lady screaming “My wife Louise!” at their TVs during her acceptance speech.

Frances McDormand & Youn Yuh-jung

Could you imagine them in a buddy road trip movie, like “Thelma & Louise” but without the “Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid” ending. And, of course, make it gay. Also, Memo to Award Show Producers: Have these ladies give all the acceptance speeches.

Glenn Close

You didn’t think I forgot about Da Butt, did you? The award for the night’s best sport clearly went to Glenn Close who while she still does not have an Oscar, has an honorary Oscar in all of our heart for shaking her butt gamely to “Da Butt.”

Music Monday: Kehlani Edition

Honestly, I thought Kehlani had already come out as a lesbian. I mean, you’ve heard/seen her song “Honey,” right? But I guess she had just identified as queer and/or bisexual before – not that there’s anything wrong with that. And now she identifies as lesbian and “gay, gay, gay.” Join the club, my friend. Join the club. “Honey” is a really great song, by the way. We played it, along with as many other queers songs we could find, at our wedding reception. Happy Monday, kittens.

p.s. Oscar SGALGG (well as much as you can have in a pandemic) coming tomorrow, kittens.

My Weekend Blogiversary

I don’t know when it officially becomes gauche to celebrate your own blog anniversaries in public. And, honestly, some years I forgot about the date myself. But this Saturday will mark my 15th year writing Dorothy Surrenders. I started it way back in 2006 because why let the boys have all the fun? And here we are all those years and sweeps lesbian kisses and very special gay episodes and celebrity outings and celebrity guestbians and all that fighting, fucking, crying, drinking and everything else later still at it. Geez, you’d think we’d learn. Well this year – as with each passing day, week, month and year – I am thankful for you continuing to stop by or perhaps finding me for the first time.

I’ve said it many times before, but I write Surrenders to get the things I yell at the television (and world/universe/et al) out of my head. That folks come by to read it has been one of the great rewards of my life. And, because I am Gen X for life, I have steadfastly never put ads on my site – despite offers – because I’m no sellout, man! (*dances furiously to “My Sharona” in a gas station*)

Still I have been asked over the years how people can tip me. But aside from the one campaign I ran to buy this very laptop (yes, I’m still using it all these years later), there really haven’t been any ways to do it. But this year I thought, why not. So if you feel so inclined, feel free to tip your friendly neighborhood lesbian blogger. My Venmo is @Dorothy-Snarker or you can use my email dorothysnarker@yahoo.com. You are, of course, under no obligation to contribute. I’m just happy you’ve liked processing all things lesbian pop culture and then some with me for these past 15 years. Here’s to many more years of queering the internet together. Happy weekend, all.

Vacation Vixen: 9 to 5 Gender Fuck Edition

I don’t even think I need to write anything here. In fact I will stop now.

Vacation Vixen: Tibette Edition

Cue “Could’ve Been” by Tiffany for the perfect moment of Tibette past, present & future nostalgia. And best of all, not a tractor in sight.

Vacation Vixen: WayHaught Edition

I know we haven’t had a full debrief on the season/likely-to-possible series finale of “Wynonna Earp” yet. But let me just say than the show and its finale are so much more than fan service (but, goodness, what fan service). What this really was, despite all the demons or perhaps because of them, hopeful storytelling. And all the WayHaught goodness? Well, you cannot really ask for more of that. What makes a hero? What makes a family? Love, honestly. A whole lot of love.

Music Monday: The Story Edition

I’m going to take a few blog bereavement days this week. I’m actually headed back to work this week after taking two weeks off for bereavement. The death was close, but complicated – and honestly not really the kind where condolences are as much for grief as much as for the truly crap circumstances around everything. But it’s still been quite emotionally taxing, and so I offer a few days of Vacation Vixens in lieu of normal posts to acclimate myself back to working and all that capitalist jazz. For today, please enjoy this blast from queer entertainment past. It was 10 years ago last month that the episode with Callie & Arizona and The Song happened. While it’s hard to outdo Brandi Carlile at her own song. But goodness if (pre-out) Sara Ramirez doesn’t give it the old Broadway try. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

What happens when you have queer people on staff, both in front of and behind the camera? You get just pointed, hilarious skits like SNL’s “Lesbian Period Drama” which make you howl with its correctness. Like we were just talking about that “Ammonite” scene and everything. How correct is this skit? Lesbian Monthly’s blurb of “Sure. I mean I’m gonna see it”? The accuracy. And Kate McKinnon as “the one actual lesbian actress” dressed like a stone-cold ex dandy? You love to see it. The trailer for “Lesbian Period Drama” almost makes me want to watch another lesbian period drama. Or gather rocks on the beach. Probably both. Happy weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Top Tig

It’s fun to watch people rediscover hot butches every now and again. You can trace the phenomena back to the early 1990s when Cindy Crawford posed atop kd lang in that iconic Vanity Fair cover. I repeat, butches are hot. And now The Internet is horny for its latest hot butch, Tig Notaro. The lesbian comic strikes her best “Top Gun” in the new trailer for “Dawn of the Dead.”

Like, put a flight suit on any queer woman with a masc haircut and you’ll basically give Tom Cruise a run for his money (with the added advantage of not being Tom Cruise/a nutty Scientologist/they’re the same thing). Anyway, I will watch this zombie movie because I already have a Netflix subscription and you saw Tig in that flight suit, right?

p.s. I know smoking is bad and gross and bad some more. I hate it. But the way she chomps on that cigarette holder...goodness. Let’s just pretend it’s weed. Plus, you know, it’s a zombie apocalypse so long-term health outcomes probably aren’t front of mind.

Help a Grandma Out, Ladies

If you watched “Thunder Force” on Netflix since it premiered last weekend, you probably enjoyed the scene with Grandma Norma and her wishful lesbian thinking. I liked the Melissa McCarthy and Octavia Spencer comedy, which is kind of the “Now and Then” of buddy superhero movies, just fine. But, as always, it would have liked it better if they made them gay, just like grandma wanted.

Mare of Television

We can add Kate Winslet to the long list of A-list actresses to play a “Sad Detective” on television. Sad/gloomy/dour say what you will, but it’s often darn good television - especially when the smart female detective gets to do smart things on screen. Here Kate appears to be a former high school sports star who is now a Sad Detective in her same small town in "Mare of Easttown." But a new case gets her out of her gloom, maybe. Anyway, I’m going to watch it because, again, I have an unhealthy love of crime shows with female leads. Plus, after getting Saoirse Ronan to (SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED AMMONITE) sit on her face, well - I feel like I owe her one.

Music Monday: Vaxxed Edition

Look, I’m not a Boomer. (Gen X, thank you very much.) But this is a fun little ditty I haven’t been able to get out of my head. And it just so happens to have received my second shot last week. So, yeah, I’m feeling pretty good. And in one week I’ll get my first haircut in like 15 months. Also, by this Thursday (April 15) everyone in California will be eligible to get their shot. So get jabbing, Golden State and everywhere else. Thanks, science.

My Weekend Crush

So I missed Anne Lister’s 230th birthday last weekend. My most sincere of apologies. Terrible form on my part, admittedly. Our fine “Gentleman Jack” is looking lovely for any age. And, honestly, I simply cannot wait for the second season. Suranne Jones does a smashing job as our our favorite period drama butch, and truly you can’t get a more beautiful, wind-swept, romantic moment than that mountaintop kiss. Like, come on, swoon city.

I plan a full and luxurious rewatch of the first season shortly before it debuts, which should be much less stressful than the first watch as I spent the whole first season bracing for The Terrible Things that might happen to our couple because of The Gay. Until then, we wait. And, belatedly, sing “Happy Birthday” to our dapper gal. Happy weekend, all.

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Gender Fuck Thursday: Cate the Great

Look, it’s not all complicated stuff here. Sometimes it’s as simple as Cate Blanchett in a tuxedo being shot for Armani Beauty because WHY NOT IT’S BEEN A LONG PANDEMIC. If Ralph Lauren can do it for Janelle, Armani can do it for Cate. We might as well squeeze every last enjoyable drop out of Late Stage Capitalism while we can.

(Hat tip to Erin M. for the glorious, glorious find)

Teenage (Lesbian Vampires) Wasteland

[Hook (& Lewis]

Right, so how is it that a whole damn show about teenage lesbian vampires (and teenage lesbian vampire hunters) is coming to Netflix and nobody told me? Like, is the Lesbian Bat Signal broken or something? Did we collectively forget how to work a phone tree? No, instead I had to have TikTok – TikTok of all places – tell me that there was a whole damn show about teenage lesbian vampires (and teenage lesbian vampire hunters) coming to Netflix. The indignity of it all.

But, seriously, I’m happy to report the aforementioned teenage lesbian vampire show, called “First Kill,” is based on a short story of the same name. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the story follows a “teenage vampire Juliette Fairmont (played by Sarah Catherine Hook), who has to claim her first victim in order to take her place in a powerful vampire family. She sets her eyes on Calliope Burns (played by Imani Lewis), a new girl in town. Calliope, it turns out, is a vampire hunter from a celebrated family of slayers. They each find out that the other won't be easy to kill — but far too easy to fall for.”

So, what you’re telling me is this is “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” crossed with “Romeo & Juliet” but MAKE IT GAY? Yes, thank you. I will watch this. I haven’t heard of either actress before, which is fine considering they’re supposed to be teenage lesbians and all. Hook has episodes of “Law & Order: SVU” and “Monsterland” on her IMDB, and Lewis has some recurring roles on “The Get Down” and “Hightown” on hers. I know nothing else about the series except Emma Roberts is producing it. But then, again, they had me at star-crossed lesbian vampire and lesbian vampire hunter series.

Vegas, Baby!

Oh, shit. I am gonna watch the heck out of this. I love a good crime procedural and CSI set the gold standard (as well as wildly inaccurate depictions of what law enforcement forensics was actually capable of doing, but that’s a whole other issue). So to bring two of the O.G. cast members back for the spinoff/continuation series “CSI: Vegas” is pretty exciting. And for them to be Grissom and Sara (William Petersen and Jorja Fox)? Hell and Yeah.

Now, it’s important to note my excitement at Grissom and Sara coming back is not because I’m some closet GSR shipper. I mean, I didn’t really have anything against their relationship on the show. Indeed it’s awkwardness was kind of endearing at times, but boy was it awkward at other times. But, sure, whatever. They’re still a couple in the CSI canon, I think. Right? Divorced, but together? Well, we’ll find out in the fall.

Mostly I’m just happy to have Jorja Fox back on my TV. The actress and her charming gap-toothed smile have been a favorite for probably obvious reasons. She played “no meat, no men” Dr. Maggie Doyle on “E.R.” then spent the better part of 15 seasons playing Sara Sidle on “E.R.” She also had a brief stint as a Secret Service agent on “The West Wing.” In short, she has played a series of professional women who wear very comfortable shoes.

While Jorja keeps a low profile, she has championed animal rights and environmental activism over the years. And she also started a production company that has taken on independent projects, including a recent musical adaptation of the life of singing icon and bixesual superstar Dusty Springfield.

I don’t know Jorja’s relationship status (or if she’s been out about any of it), but I do know she looks good in a utility vest with her arms crossed. So, yeah, I’m happy to have Jorja, Sara & CSI back on our screens. I can’t wait for the bad opening puns and techie synth music soundtrack to lab scenes. The original was, and will always be, the best. And not just because this screencap exists. Can they bring back Det. Sofia Curtis and give her lots and lots of scenes with Sara because YES. Yes to all of this. ALL OF IT.

p.s. But for real, best “cop” forearms in the game, no?

Music Monday: Rosie's Girls Edition

Well, now, here is an enormously gay blast from the past. Way back in 1997 – which, can I tell you, is the year all the new hires at my job were BORN – this aligning of the lesbian stars happened on daytime television. Well, at the time it was publically considered a partial aligning of lesbian stars as the Indigo Girls were out, but Rosie O’Donnell was not yet – not for another five years. So it’s quite something to see Rosie give our Girls the shorthand for family by singing all of their lyrics by heart. That’s the lyrical equivalent of the lesbian head nod while passing each other down an aisle at Lowes. Anyway, Rosie came out in 2002 – shortly before her daytime talk show ended. Then it would be another four years before she returned as host of “The View.” And correct me if I’m wrong but she may have had one of the very first celebrity Twitter beefs with Trump, before America made that stain on humanity the President of the United States. Anyway, that guy is unemployed now and Rosie is about to fulfill every lesbian’s dreams and guest star on “The L Word” – with lots of scenes involving Jennifer Beals apparently. So, you know, funny how the world changes. Right, enjoy the music, y’all.

My Weekend Crush

As you have probably already noticed, I like smart, sarcastic women. Daria remains the gold standard, but she’s a cartoon. So in the real world a long list of such ladies have caught my eye and made me take notice. And among them for years has been Shannon Woodward. I first noticed her on “Raising Hope” like a damn decade ago. And I always thought she was great and was excited to see her pop up in shows. Like, when she played “Elsie” on “Westworld.” And, yeah, I totally noticed when she kissed Clementine.

I also noticed when she kissed Ellie as Dina in the “Last of Us Part II” videogame, even though I’m not a gamer.

So believe you me I took notice when Shannon came out as queer kinda casually on Twitter recently. And then last month came news that she was going to headline her own show, “Bucktown.” The ABC sitcom centers around a woman (Shannon) who moves back into her childhood home with her mother and niece. Nicole Richie (yes, that Nicole Richie) plays her boss. And the show is created by “The Conners” and “Cougar Town” writer Emily Wilson and executive producers/out queer lady Sara Gilbert and Tom Werner.

I have no idea if the show will be good, but I think with Shannon leading the way I’ll definitely give it a try. And I’m just happy to see one of my smart, sarcastic crushes see her star shining so bright. Plus, come on, I caught major vibes from her since her “Raising Hope” days. So, you know, told ya so. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. Ignore the male announcer here and just enjoy the career retrospective/gay stuff.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Janelle the Crooner

I know this is just an advertisement. I know Ralph Lauren has just gathered a bunch of extremely attractive people and put them in some beautifully tailored clothing and then shot them in black-and-white on a faux Casablanca set. I know it takes a full 3 minutes and 7 seconds for Janelle Monae and her tuxedo to show up. I know this is just a 20-minute exercise in capitalism. But, goodness, do I not care. (And no, that is not some setup to an April Fool’s joke, honest.)

What this is is an appreciation of a very specific aesthetic. How have we not seen Janelle the Crooner before? She wears a tux impeccably. She sings like a timeless angel. Like a person this easy on the eyes and ears should already have her own dedicated big band. Maybe Janelle can do a whole album of standards, with her own very cool, very diverse live swing band behind her. Or, write her own as she performs here as well. Honestly, I would pay a lot of hard-earned post-pandemic money to see that live on stage. Heck, I’d pay a lot just to see Janelle stand still in that tux on stage. So, yeah, advertising works.

Honestly, I highly recommend watching the whole 20 minutes. Suspenders show up at the 16-minute and 16-second mark. You’re welcome.