Music Monday: River Redux

Did I mention she’s taking the dog, too? Because, uh, she is. I’m keeping the cats though, dammit. Well, maybe a little Brandi can make it better – or at least not worse. No tricks, just a treat today. Happy Monday and Happy Halloween, kittens.

My Weekend Thanks

Goodness, kittens, you do know how to make a recently dumped gal feel less alone, less lonely. Thanks for all your kindness and care, it honestly means so much. Today is three weeks from Implosion Day, and while I still don’t feel like I’m standing on stable ground at least the shock has mostly worn off. I am not yet OK, but I think maybe someday I will be. Hopefully.

Heck, I even feel like sharing a little good news (because, well, you can’t sulk all the time, can you?)

If you’ve been around here you know I’ve raved about the zany chaos of “Girls5Eva,” the Peacock comedy starring Sara Bareilles, Renée Elise Goldsberry, Paula Pell and Busy Philipps about the 90s girl group attempting a comeback? Well, holy shit, it’s coming back for a third season AND moving from Peacock (which literally no one watches, let alone knows if they have) to Netflix (which everyone watches and chills with always). So, there. At least one good thing is happening in this world.

A megalomaniac billionaire may be taking over Twitter. MAGA nutbags may be running for office everywhere. Democracy is in peril. The fucking planet is in peril. But, hey, at least this fun little show with a stellar all-female lead cast which includes a middle-aged lesbian main character (thanks, Paula - as a middle-aged lesbian I highly approve) is coming back and will get better exposure. I’ll take the wins where I can get them these days.

Truly, it’s hard to overstate how great this move is for this show. The first two seasons are going to transfer over next year, and it’s been greenlit for a third on Netflix. So, please, if you haven’t watched already, give it a watch and get ready for some ridiculous joy. I sure know I could use some right about now. Happy weekend, all.

A River

Hi. I’m back. Though maybe just for a little bit. Last week should have been my fourth wedding anniversary. But, alas, it wasn’t. Because my wife and I are in the process of separating. She has decided, pretty unexpectedly, that she needs to live on her own and no longer be in our relationship of almost 11 years together. And, well, that’s that.

The last couple years have been indescribably tough — as it has been for basically everyone because *waves arms at the universe in general*. Long-buried familial traumas and long-ignored mental health issues were exacerbated by the pandemic. I thought we were starting to finally see some welcome light through the darkness. But instead, she and I were looking for entirely different lights at the end of the tunnel.

I feel utterly dismantled. The future I thought we had waiting for us just doesn't exist anymore. It’s scary and it hurts. Then my least favorite companions insecurity, loneliness and despair start to sidle up and squeeze into the seat next to me.

Also, just as a fun bonus, while my personal life has imploded quite thoroughly my professional life has also experienced its own mini-implosion as well. The economic realities of going from a two-income household to a solo-income single person living alone are not lost on me. Capitalism making my heartbreak even worse is just so on brand for America it’s almost hilarious.

Anyway. I wanted to pop back briefly to thank every single one of you who offered encouraging comments and moral support. Kittens, seriously, it means so much. As terrifying as it is to start over at this age, knowing a community of people who care about LGBTQ+ representation in the media, hot women in tank tops and maybe even little imperfect me is waiting at the other end is a real comfort. Thank you, thank you, thank you, kittens.

I promise to start posting more regularly again, though I am not sure exactly when. I’m trying to feel like I am standing on stable ground once more. Most days, honestly, I just wish I had a river.

ETA: If you have a few bucks to spare, I am humbly asking for donations to My Little Life Implosion Fund, to help rebuild the half of everything that I am losing. Thanks in advance for the support, financial and moral.

How to Donate:

Venmo: @Dorothy-Snarker
Paypal: idgie2@hotmail.com

Just Life

Well, I don’t know how else to put this, but my life unexpectedly imploded over the weekend. And I am going to need a little time off from daily posting to gather up the pieces of what is left. I would love to be pontificating on Velma’s coming out of Angela Lansbury’s all-together awesomeness (RIP) instead. But, alas, life and it’s ever relentlessness takes precedence. I plan to try to post at the very least some Vixens for you, though sadly this is no vacation. Thank you for reading and I hope you come back in full force when my life returns to some semblance of working order. I love you, kittens. Thanks for being there.

Music Monday: Annie Spells

Sometimes I forget how great a belter Annie Lennox is. And, amazingly, she’s also a crooner. And, of course, she can flat-out rock. So a belter, a crooner and a rocker all in one very attractive waistcoat. You love to see it. Also, it’s spooky season. So spells are, like, in. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Even though she’s not queer/married to a perfectly nice fella, I’ve always believed Melanie Lynskey belonged to us gays. From the first time she smashed her way into our collective conscience as the quietly terrifying half of the deadly teenage wlw duo in “Heavenly Creatures,” Melanie has had at very least a queer friendly if not outright queer vein to her work. So, when queer comic Bec Shaw noted how smart “The Last of Us” was to give us some surprise Melanie in their first trailer, the immensely talented actress responded in kind. Then when a straight cis-het dude chimed in to pull attention, her polite yet firm dismissal of his self-centering was instantly iconic. Like, come on. (He was even so epically shamed, he then deleted it.) Yeah, she might not be gay. But The Gays nothing but approve/appreciate of her everything. Also, OMFG, is she freaking excellent in “Yellowjackets,” and how much can’t you wait for the second season to get here already? Happy weekend, all.

History Is Good As Hell

NOBODY HAS EVER HEARD THIS FAMOUS CRYSTAL FLUTE BEFORE

NOW YOU HAVE

IM THE FIRST & ONLY PERSON TO EVER PLAY THIS PRESIDENTIAL 200-YEAR-OLD CRYSTAL FLUTE— THANK YOU @librarycongress ❤️ pic.twitter.com/VgXjpC49sO

— FOLLOW @YITTY (@lizzo) September 28, 2022

As soon as I saw the video of Lizzo playing James Madison’s 200-year-old crystal flute, I knew, just knew, the Right Wingers would twist themselves into racist pretzels in an attempt to clutch their pearls. Like, come on, how fucking predictable. A Grammy and Emmy-winning superstar visits the Library of Congress and is invited to play some of the historic flutes in their collection in a win-win for fans of American history, education, and Lizzo. The Library of Congress gets to introduce itself to a new generation who might not be familiar with is place and purpose. And Lizzo gets to do something genuinely cool while helping to educate her fans and the world about American history. Both these things are great. But, yawn, the racists are Big Mad that Lizzo would so disrespect a treasured piece of American history they never even knew existed until she brought it out on stage with her while encouraging her huge fanbase to get into learning history. Or is it that this mega successful and talented Black women is touching something that the architect of the so-called three-fifths compromise (you know, that dehumanizing calculation that decided what percentage of a whole human being counted) once owned. Oh, and of course he also owned slaves. Hmmm. Me thinks they doth protest too much. And, you know, are horrible racists. History isn’t meant to be locked away in some drawer to be forgotten. It’s meant to be examined and learned from every single day. Otherwise, if we learn nothing, what the hell is the point? Stay mad, racists. Rock on, Lizzo. Go, learning true history.

Movie Review: Do Revenge

Few films have flaunted their pop culture bona fides as well as “Do Revenge.” From its intentionally ironic grammatically incorrect title to its perfectly curated 90s-to-today soundtrack, it’s the natural evolution of the popular girl clique takedown films we all know and love. It wants to be the successor to “Heathers” and “Mean Girls” and in many ways it succeeds.

Its successes include creating a more multicultural world of privilege and backstabbing, that makes queers the main characters instead of just sassy supporting cast. It also lands some primo guest starring roles from the likes of Sarah Michelle Gellar and Sophie Turner.

Maya Hawke also cements her status as the lesbian internet’s current No. 1 crush (see: above), after giving lesbians a reason to stick with “Stranger Things” the last two seasons. While I don’t have any previous feelings associated with Camila Mendes because I’m like the last gay in the village to not watch “Riverdale,” she’s also quite good here. They both are. And their scenes together remain the movie’s best, most fun and most meaningful.

Still, despite some excellent dialogue (coining “Glennergy” and “Revenge Mommy,” in particular”) and a keen understanding of the evolution of social mores (like the inevitable makeover montage starting with its intended target calling it “so problematic” yet still getting one and the insufferability of the movie’s villain being celebrated for starting the “Cis Hetero Men Championing Female-Identifying Students League”), “Do Revenge” lacks the killer instinct when needed.

But, perhaps its most fatal flaw is its pacing. It’s just too long — by about half an hour. The extra time means the movie luxuriates when it should stay razor sharp, and fizzles slowly toward the end like a forgotten glass of champagne.

When the inevitable “twist” happens (this is a teen comedy loosely fashioned after “Strangers On a Train” after all), it’s not delivered with enough meaningful thrust to make it more than sting. The film also tries too hard to shoehorn side romances in for its two leads. But the lack of chemistry is palpable for either the hetero and homo high school hookups to matter much. (I mean, the couples all receive their happy endings in the literal credits, so that’s about much thought as you should give these relationships, too.)

Instead “Do Revenge” would have been a better, more biting film if it leaned into both its inner mean girl and outer weirdo. Like, it could use a lot more of emotional-support bearded lizard Oscar Winner Olivia Colman. Don’t get me wrong, this is a fun movie. But whether it’ll be a memorable movie that gets emulated in 20-30 years by new directors hoping to reinvent the teen-girl drama as broader cultural commentary wheel? Time will tell.

p.s. If “Do Revenge” makes SMG the lust object (respectfully! respectfully!!) that she rightfully should be among teenage lesbians I take it all back and this movie is a masterpiece to stand the test of time.

Tank Top Tuesday: Top Hawke

Look, I’m not necessarily proud of this. But Maya Hawke is, indeed very legal at age 24. She is, of course, wayyy to young for An Old like me. But I can also, respectfully, appreciate the genius of genetics. Like, does it feel weird that I used to think both her parents were hot back in the day? Yes, yes of course it does. But Uma Thurman and Ethan Hawke were/are ostensibly very hot human people who are good in the face and talent departments. So it only stands to reason that their offspring might be a worthy chip off that familial block. I’m no nepotism baby apologist. But, uh, I can understand why The Youths might consider Maya a worthy crush object. Again, respectfully. Oh, and nice tank top. I am nothing if not on theme. Respectfully. Ahem.

Music Monday: B.P.E. is a B.F.D.

I’m going to need to require everyone who comes here watches “Girls5Eva” on Peacock kind of immediately. The truly hilarious and zanily joyful satire of a 90s girl group attempting a comeback is as charming as it is ridiculous (in a very good way). Basically every show with major LGBTQ+ storylines has been eliminated in The Great Cancel Your Gays purge (RIP, “Queer As Folk” – you were just getting so weirdly good), so I am going to need your help to get “Girls5Eva” renewed again. The series has not yet been greenlit for a third season. Peacock has not had the greatest track record when it comes to finding audiences for its shows, but goodness does “Girls5Eva” deserve one. Like I dare “B.P.E” to not get stuck in your head (again, in a very good way). Happy Monday, kittens.