Hi. I’m back. Though maybe just for a little bit. Last week should have been my fourth wedding anniversary. But, alas, it wasn’t. Because my wife and I are in the process of separating. She has decided, pretty unexpectedly, that she needs to live on her own and no longer be in our relationship of almost 11 years together. And, well, that’s that.
The last couple years have been indescribably tough — as it has been for basically everyone because *waves arms at the universe in general*. Long-buried familial traumas and long-ignored mental health issues were exacerbated by the pandemic. I thought we were starting to finally see some welcome light through the darkness. But instead, she and I were looking for entirely different lights at the end of the tunnel.
I feel utterly dismantled. The future I thought we had waiting for us just doesn't exist anymore. It’s scary and it hurts. Then my least favorite companions insecurity, loneliness and despair start to sidle up and squeeze into the seat next to me.
Also, just as a fun bonus, while my personal life has imploded quite thoroughly my professional life has also experienced its own mini-implosion as well. The economic realities of going from a two-income household to a solo-income single person living alone are not lost on me. Capitalism making my heartbreak even worse is just so on brand for America it’s almost hilarious.
Anyway. I wanted to pop back briefly to thank every single one of you who offered encouraging comments and moral support. Kittens, seriously, it means so much. As terrifying as it is to start over at this age, knowing a community of people who care about LGBTQ+ representation in the media, hot women in tank tops and maybe even little imperfect me is waiting at the other end is a real comfort. Thank you, thank you, thank you, kittens.
I promise to start posting more regularly again, though I am not sure exactly when. I’m trying to feel like I am standing on stable ground once more. Most days, honestly, I just wish I had a river.
ETA: If you have a few bucks to spare, I am humbly asking for donations to My Little Life Implosion Fund, to help rebuild the half of everything that I am losing. Thanks in advance for the support, financial and moral.
How to Donate:
Venmo: @Dorothy-Snarker
Paypal: idgie2@hotmail.com
Long time reader, first time commenter. Sending you so much love, and I hope that things get easier soon. Hugs from afar.
ReplyDeleteMy heart hurts for you. xoxo
ReplyDeleteI going through the same things right now. The end of a 7 yr relationship out of nowhere (for me). It hurts so bad and the only thing that keeps me going is love from loved ones. I hope you get all the love you need to go through it and no matter how much i hate hearing this I'll tell you too: you'll survive. Much love and all the strength necessary each morning
ReplyDeleteFrom an old man (75 next March), to a Young Lady - lots of friendship hugs and kisses . Take your time on posting but don`t leave it too long . ;))) Jim - UK .
ReplyDeleteStay strong. You are not alone.
ReplyDeleteThe eloquence of your post and the honest vulnerability says you’re going to be just fine. You heartbreak is our heartbreak. Much love and support to you. Take the time you need but not too much time. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing this with us. I am so saddened to hear this. Breakups that come unexpected just take the air right out of your lungs. It will take time but better time will come, for sure. Sending much love, Elana
ReplyDeleteLong time reader (since afterellen times), big fan, first time poster. Your blog has brought so much joy to me over these years. The last two posts broke my heart, which made me realise all these years of following you has made you almost like a dear friend to me (even though we are continents away). I wish you all the strength and tenacity in this crazy world - to carry you through this journey and what may come. Take lots of care.
ReplyDeleteThis is me too. I can't figure out how to comment separately sorry. But all of this and more.
DeleteStay strong. Sometimes people leave, and make room for better people. Sometimes we lose a lot, but gain so much more.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to read this, Dorothy. I'm sending hugs from Germany. I know it doesn't count for much and right now probably everything sucks, but it will get better. I promise!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. Like others, I've been a longtime reader but have not posted in the past. You have brought so much joy and fun over the years. I'm hurting for you, and hate you are going through this. Please know you've got a lot of fan love flowing your way.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to read this. Take as much time as you need, and if you need our help -- with funds, finding a therapist, finding more income, finding housing, etc., please ask.
ReplyDeleteI’m very sorry to hear you’re going through this.
ReplyDeleteWishing you strength and support going forward.
Dorothy, I am so sorry for this traumatic experience you're going through. I get it. I'm also separating from my wife of 18 years. It is scary, painful, and profoundly sad. We will get through it, although it won't be pretty or easy. It's gotta be one day at a time. There's no other way to do it. Let us know how we can help you. We all are here to listen and love you, if nothing else!
ReplyDeleteSending you all the love and support during this difficult time. Glad that you are taking heart from folks online and offline who are here for you. You'll find a way through, the light is still there at the end of the tunnel.
ReplyDeleteSending lots of love and strength. I am heartbroken, the years of reading your blog make me feel like a dear friend is hurting. I sincerely hope things will start looking up for you again soon
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear you’re going through this. Sending you heaps and heaps of love and a never ending supply of hugs. <3
ReplyDeleteAnother long time/first timer since the old Afterellen days
ReplyDeleteSeems to be a large group of us holding you up.
Lean into this support. We are with you.
All my sympathy. Take your time - we'll still be here.
ReplyDeleteInteresting, I told you directly that I wanted the details concerning what was happening with you and you bared your soul. Very commendable.
ReplyDeleteSending kind wishes. Take care.
ReplyDeleteSending you all the love. I so appreciate you for making me feel connected to the queer community. When I first realized I was gay, I went looking for anything and everything that would make me feel like I wasn't alone and I found that from you and your posts and articles. So thank you. I'll continue to follow you and wish you the best.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who's been following your blog for a long, long, long time, I just want to send you loads of <3. Your posts have helped me through rough times, and I only wish the best for you in return.
ReplyDeleteI kept checking the site every day since your previous post hoping that you’d be back and ok. I hope you find your solid ground sooner than it feels like you will right now.
ReplyDeletePatreon? I know several of us would love to support you. It adds up! Xx
ReplyDeleteSame!!
DeleteYour words have given me much solace and comfort through the years. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear you are going through a rough ride at this time. Thinking of you and sending much love and support your way <3
Hugs and love to you
ReplyDeleteI hoped it was a projection, but my first thought was this and I wished it wasn’t true. I’m also a reader from AfterEllen days, so you have a community that’s followed you and has taken pleasure in your writing for a long time. My next hope is that you can feel all the love and caring we hold for you right now.
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ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear that, and hope life will get easier for you after you've been through such tough time.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that you have to experience the loss of love and all the other losses that comes with a a separation. My deepest wish is that the love of all your readers will bring some comfort and that with time you will build a new and good life again. And please come back to us all one day as your blog has given so much joy to this 66 year old lady.
ReplyDeleteLots of love from Germany. You’ve brought me so much joy over the years with your kind and witty writing. Thank you. May you find comfort, support and kindness around you and soon be back on somewhat solid ground. Please tell if we can help in any way as others have mentioned already. We’re here.
ReplyDeleteI am so very, very sorry to read this, and wish I knew something comforting to say..
ReplyDeletebut as someone who has been known to hang on to painful unrequited love for decades,
I am unqualified and can only sympathise.
You have my warmest wishes and most sincere hopes for healing and managing to find some comfort.
Best wishes and huge hugs xx
Another one of your long-time fans from AfterEllen days.
ReplyDeleteSending you lots of love and positive energy Snarker. You have made so many of our days brighter with your posts and we're all here to support you however we can.
Echoing the Patreon suggestion above. Some folks create different tiers that all have the same benefit to keep it simple. And that benefit can be just knowing we're a supporter of an excellent blogger like yourself. You've given us so much, let us return the favor in whatever tiny way we can.
<3
Another long time reader, non commenter here.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a bummer. I feel so badly for you. For so long you have give, give, given joyfully to us. Now we can give you love, support, and more if you will accept it. You are truly not only not alone but the heart of our little community. We cherish you and will always be here for you.
Sending support from Boston…life presents some really hard challenges… you will get through this and my hope is you find more strength, opportunity & love than before…stay strong!
ReplyDeleteHappy to hear from you! Sending you much love, warmth, virtual hugs and wishes for better and brighter days ahead. Take your time to grieve and heal. We will be here when you are ready.
ReplyDeleteSad and it sucks. Wish you all the best getting over this one day. Take care, always.
ReplyDeleteLots of warm light your way from across the great divide
ReplyDeleteHi Dorothy, I’m so sorry for the pain right now. You’re a huge light in so many lives so I hope that can ease stuff a little sometimes. I’ve been reading you since the AE days so lotttttts of Tank Top magic and G/SGALGG to be grateful for!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story with us. Sending you positive thoughts as you deal with your breakup and the new challenges that result from it. I hope each day brings you new strength on your journey forward.
ReplyDeleteSending you love and wishes for greater ease and/or some good trouble, and soon!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear you are in so much pain right now. I hope you feel supported by the community you built. I hope love and comfort find you and you reach a place of healing.
ReplyDeleteLife is shitty sometimes and it's awful when people you trust suddenly turn their back on you. Stay strong ! Try not do not beat yourself too much. I'm sure some new door(s) opens up for you, as the days go by.
ReplyDeleteIt has been an absolute joy to read your posts and to feel your love and interest for movies, television series, music, politics, and hot ladies. Nice to have you back. Do this posting thing on your terms, in a tempo that suits your feelings... We'll be here for you. -Josander
Add me to the long time reader but non-commenter club. Your writing has always been a bright light for me. So sorry about everything. Please know that you are not alone! Take good care of yourself, and this internet stranger in NM is sending peace and love your way.
ReplyDeleteAh sheeet. I’m so sorry you have to go through this. It sucks bongs and it must hurt more than Elno Smurf ice skating backwards in a pink sequins unitard.
ReplyDeleteSending love and a few buck. Hang in there, we got you
I am so sorry to read that! Your blog has given me much-needed distraction when I was in dark places in my life for one and a half decade! Your witty writing and great internet finds brought me joy and a smile. Thank you for this! I feel for you. My life imploded in a very unforeseen way two and a half years ago. I hope that you get over your implosion soon and that you come out of it stronger and happier than before.
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