Just Like Rosie

Well, isn’t this Rosie – as in Rosie O’Donnell is joining the cast of “And Just Like That” for the reboot’s third season. It’s interesting to watch who Hollywood turns to as the Go To Lesbian. Rosie seems to be leading the pack, with roles on “The L Word: Generation Q” and “A League of Their Own” and, for those with slightly longer memories, “The Fosters.” I’ve noticed whenever a queer/queer-friendly show wants to bolster its bona fides they’ve brought in an out, established, visibly lesbian star. Rosie also gives shows just enough of a butch edge to not be too scary for the straight folks (though, if her hair in her AJLT set selfie is any indication, not terribly butch at all – though I think it’s maybe a wig ). Right now, really the only other actress competing for Go To Lesbian status is Lea DeLaria, who recently popped up in my beloved “Girls5Eva.” Rosie’s casting is also an obvious replacement for Sara Ramirez who left the show after two seasons. While I enjoy Sara’s work, I can’t say I’ll miss their character of Che too much on the show. Though I feel that’s more to do with how Che was written, and their awkwards dynamic with Miranda and the group. So, thoughts on Rosie joining Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and the rest? Honestly, it’s not a great show but I continue to watch out of displaced loyalty to all those hours spent watching SATC in my 20s – and none of them were even gay then!

Aloha Your Gays

Look, I know “NCIS: Hawaii” wasn’t really a great show. But it was a perfectly serviceable crime procedural with a likable cast with good chemistry and beautiful Hawaiian landscapes and GAYS. So, obviously I’m bummed that last night’s season finale is its series finale after three seasons. Now it joins the heap of cancelled shows with queer characters. Lucy and Whistler deserve better! We all deserve better! They are among a staggering 36% of LGBTQ+ characters not returning to our televisions next season. So, in case you were wondering, Cancel Your Gays continues unabated. So instead of seeing increasing numbers of inclusive LGBTQ+ characters on our screens, we’re seeing diminishing returns. One step forward, how many steps back now? While the third season hasn’t had nearly enough Lucy and Whistler action (and threw in some gay-ish female killers), the one episode where they played newlyweds is a reminder of what we’re losing. Sigh. Where else will I scratch my crime procedural AND my cute crime-solving TV lesbians who work together itch now? Someone please make really gay Rizzoli & Isles, I’m literally begging.

Music Monday: Girl on Fallon

Oh, girl in red. Please continue showing up at national televised performances in your extremely lesbian suits and singing about extremely bad exes. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

To be the first anything is both a gift and a burden. And, all too often, it’s also long overdue. All through award season we watched Lily Gladstone so gracefully carry the gift/burden of being the first-ever actor from an Indigenous American tribe to be nominated for an Oscar. To be asked the exact same questions over and over. To be asked to represent an entire people, over and over. Yet Lily never blinked, never cracked. And now she is forging ahead with not one, not two, but THREE queer roles as her follow up to the Oscars. Like, if you can’t like that then why are you reading this blog? Lily – who identifies as LGBTQ+ and uses she/they pronouns – can be seen currently in the Hulu true-crime adaptation series “Under the Bridge,” where she plays a cop who gets involved with a reporter played by Riley Keough (a.ka. Elvis Presely’s grandaughter). And, uh, they’re really and truly gay together.

It was just announced she’ll start filming on the new, even gayer remake of 1993’s “The Wedding Banquet.” I saw that movie back in the day, and it was an early queer classic from the great Ang Lee. The remake will have the same basic premise – a gay male couple pretends one of them is marrying a woman to appease his strict Asian family – but add a lesbian couple played by Lily and Kelly Marie Tran (from the last “Star Wars” trilogy). Bowen Yang will also star as one half of the gay male couple at the film’s center. So, you know, exciting and very gay.

And finally, Lily will also appear in the critically acclaimed “Fancy Dance,” which will premiere on Apple+ June 28. The film from newcomer Erica Tremblay follows an aunt (played by Gladstone) who looks over her niece after her sister’s disappearance. Her character is described as a “queer 30-ish scammer,” which hello. The film got raves at Sundance and SXSW last year, so I am seated to say the least. But, truly, I couldn’t be more impressed with the very queer career trajectory that Lily has carved out for herself post Oscars. The gift and burden of being first never truly goes away, but the best you can be is yourself. And Lily has shown through her work and her advocacy exactly who she is. And that, well, that’s the gift to all of us. Happy weekend, all.

The Dolls Deliver

Hey, speaking of horny things, I watched “Drive Away Dolls” over the weekend and lemme tell ya the Be Gay, Do Crimes genre is doing great these days. Ostensibly a road trip comedy melding with a crime caper, the film written by Ethan Coen and his queer wife Tricia Cooke is a fun, breezy affair with tons of famous guest stars and cameos (Pedro Pascal! Matt Damon! Colman Domingo! Miley Cyrus!). It stars Margaret Qualley (of “Maid” and Andie MacDowell's gene pool) and Geraldine Viswanathan (of “Blockers”) as friends who unwittingly drive a car to Tallahassee with some unfortunate (or fortunate, depending on your perspective) cargo. Oh and Beanie Feldstein plays Margaret’s character’s cop ex-girlfriend. The road trip turns into a road trip to hit lesbian bars along the way and get laid which is, well, relatable. So, clearly, how can you not like this movie? Truly, back in the days where I’d watch any lesbian movie that came out, I would have killed for this kind of production values and star power. Maybe that’s why it took 17 years to get made. My only true quibble is that Margaret and Geraldine don’t really read all that gay. And they definitely lack chemistry. But, if you can get past that it’s a fun little romp and so proudly gay you just have to applaud. Also, always check the trunk first before driving away.

You Ain't Nothing But a (Lesbian) Horndog

Since we’re talking about queer music this week already, can we talk for a moment about how horny gay pop has become? Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Quite the contrary. But between Chappell Roan, Renee Rapp and now Billie Eilish things have gotten truly explicit. Again, not that there’s anything wrong with that. We become accustomed to plenty of songs about love and longing and even lust over the years. But the horniness now? Well, it’s on another level. And good for them. Really, and truly, being Horny on Main has been the domain of straight stars for too long. So whether it’s Chappell saying she wants to “get freaky, get kinky…make this bed get squeaky” or Renee with all the pretty girls with their “hand between my thighs” or Billie saying “I could eat that girl for lunch” we’re living through unprecedentedly horny times for us gay gals. But, lest we forget, we’ve always been horny. We’ve just never had the starpower we’re experiencing now. So, on this Hump Day, please appreciate the foremother of horny lesbian pop stars, Melissa Ferrick. Like, I love Chappell and Renee and Billie et al. But you gotta tip your cap to the power “Drive” still has 24 damn years later. All night, baby.

p.s. Melissa is hilarious when performing this live, FYI. And, well, humor is hot. So, uh. Look, we’re all a little horny here today. So own it.

Playing Footsy

Is women’s sports having a moment or what? First the women’s NCAA college hoops finals smashes records (and handily beats the boys), and now a whole series about female soccer stars is coming to a screen near you. What could make it better? Yep, they’re queer female soccer stars. So, like “Bend it Like Beckham,” but actually gay – not just in all of our heads gay. And the Big Lesbian Cherry on top? Gay sports superstars/couple Megan Rapinoe and Sue Bird are producing the whole she-bang (emphasis on she-bang, because I hear the book was sexxx-y). Also, who can resist the name? “Cleat Cute?” Adorable! I haven’t read the book in question by Meryl Wilsner. But the premise – where a longtime star of the USWNT is recovering from an injury at the same time a rookie star is rising as the team prepares for the World Cup – sure works for me. Rivals to lovers, with cleats? Sporty dykes in love? Yeah, imma watch the heck out of this. So, kittens, who should they cast?

p.s. Considering the cultural moment women’s sports is having, how about we bring back “A League of Their Own,” Prime Video? Like, seriously, what would it cost Amazon? Less than half a tank of gas for one of Bezos’s megayachts, if that? Sigh, I guess we’ll just keep dreaming then.

Music Monday: Gaychella Edition

I generally don’t suffer too much from FOMO. Like, granted, I’d love to be a fly on the wall in many a situation (mostly not in a creepy way). But earlier this month I experienced my first ever Coachella FOMO. Or, as it should have been called, Gaychella. Don’t get me wrong, I have absolutely no desire to press myself into sweaty throngs of young (and young at heart) people in the desert. But I sure wouldn’t have minded seeing Renee Rapp, Chappelle Roan, Victoria Monét, et al queer it up. Honestly, what a time to be a young queer music fan. Thinking about the limited choices when I was young enough to think music festivals were cool, it’d be a short show. But these days? Well, pick your musical poison (not to be confused with the hair metal band Poison, who everyone at Renee’s set I think was too young to know anyway). Anyway, if you are vying to be the Queen of Gay Pop (an admittedly crowded field these days), then you should probably do like Renee and bring on the Royal Court of Lesbianism to introduce you. Honestly, between this and performing underneath a giant pair of scissors I feel pretty damn good about this new generation of queer stars. Really good. Happy Monday, kittens.

p.s. Also bringing out Kesha and saying “fuck P. Diddy?” Utter Queen shit.

My Weekend Crush

I can’t help it. I just feel so great for Jodie Foster these days. To survive child stardom to become one of the most respected actors/creatives in the industry AND achieve such well-deserved personal happiness? Well, you just love to see it. This month Jodie and her wife, Alexandra Hedison, celebrated their 10-year (!!) anniversary at the two-time Oscar winner’s handprint/footprint ceremony at Hollywood’s famed Chinese Theatre. And, truly, I can’t think of a better star to wrap Lesbian Visibility Week up with than Jodie.

I think all of us here have watched her from her teenage years to now. We loved her when we knew she was family, but wasn’t out. We love her now that she’s out. I think it’s because we as a community have always struggled to find elder role models. Not that there aren’t legions of older LGBTQ+ folks out there. But, we just haven’t had as many high profile examples who can serve to inspire future generations.

Knowing LGBTQ+ history means recognizing and celebrating those who came before and fought the battles so future generations can have life, hopefully, just a little bit easier. Because if you aren’t working to make life better for the people who come after us, what even is the point? So congratulations, Jodie. Couldn’t have happened to a more talented gay lady. And, on a personal note, her 10-year anniversary with Alexandra at age 61 gives me hope. I’m turning a rather round number soon, and it’s nice to know what goals are still attainable. In Jodie’s case, it seems all of them still are. And, as I was saying, you love to see it. Happy weekend, all.

Just Total Hacks

God, I love this show. I love Jean Smart and Hannah Einbinder’s chemistry. I love the show’s unexpectedly big heart. And, obviously, I love how hilarious AND gay the series has been from the start. And now we get to see Hannah’s Ava has become more and more queer to the point where she gets to makeout on screen with Christina Hendricks. Like, good work if you can get it, honey. Well done, you. Also well done are all the glowing reviews I’ve read of the new season. And almost all of them have said something along the lines of, I didn’t think we needed another season after that perfect ending in Season 2. But, uh, we were wrong and it got better. Now that’s what I like to hear. And, in one week, see. The lesbian TV gods are real, that's for sure.

"god is real"
she's so gay i'm obsessed with her pic.twitter.com/6jRHzw4DuK

— judith's secret gf (@julesnichqls) April 17, 2024

Happy Blogiversary To Us

Well, well, well. Look who is another year older. Today is my 18th blogiversary which, whew. For real, WHEW. Way back in 2006 I had this crazy idea to start a blog and I just never stopped. Sure, it can be slightly more sporadic these days (life, man). But here we all are, 18 years later, still hanging out and talking about hot, talented ladies whether they be in tank tops or nicely tailored suits or whatever else sparks our facies. I will say in the 18 years since I pressed “publish” on Blogger for the first time, we have a lot more out queer women to celebrate, which is a welcome sign of progress. But just as apparent is the constant need to fight against the backwards riptides wanting to drag us back into the past and into the closet. To which I say with all sincerity, fuck those regressive, hateful troglodytes forever. But this post isn’t about them. They aren’t invited to this birthday party. It’s about you. I wouldn’t still be writing here (almost) every day without you. You’ve helped me get through the unrelenting rollercoaster of life – breakups, deaths, and yeah divorce. And together we’ve celebrated the good times too. So, here’s to Ye Olde Blogge being finally old enough to vote. I’ll keep writing as long as you keep reading. Eighteen freaking years. As I was saying, whew. Thanks for everything, kittens.

Music Monday: Back to the Chappell

Hey, I told you I was really into Chappell Roan right now. And, for good reason. Singing about your new lady crush? Using book art by Jenifer Prince? Getting hot for a MAGICIAN? Yeah, so gay. And we haven't even mentioned her two weekends worth of Coachella Excellence. Chappell’s music seems custom made for the exuberance of spring. Or, at least what I hope will be an exuberant spring for all. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Since we’re talking about gay pop this week, how about we revisit this banger? Let it serve as a reminder that unless you spell it out in the most specific of detail, straight folks will never think you are g-a-y. Because here is Jodie Foster singing in French in a variety of jaunty men’s outfits on some 1970s variety show and it still took until 2013 for straight people to realize she was gay? They should teach LGBTQ+ history AND gaydar in schools, clearly. Happy weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Scoop Edition

I’m not what you would call an avid royal watcher. Yeah, OK, I watched some of the weddings back in the day. And Diana’s funeral. But otherwise I don’t really care what our former ruling monarchy is up to. (Though, clearly, it’s beyond immoral for them to use the sex trafficking services of their pals who are known pedophiles.) I know I didn’t watch the Prince Andrew interview that inspired “Scoop” in full – though of course I don’t live under a rock so I saw clips of the most egregious bits.

So, in theory, it would be a tough lift to get me to watch a movie about Randy Andy’s disastrous Newsnight appearance. But then they cast Gillian Anderson, Keeley Hawes and Billie Piper. So, well, I had to watch. It confirmed that, yes, Andrew and the royals are grotesquely rich, privileged people who have gotten away with everything for way too long. And, also, that Gillian, Keeley and Billie should team up more to take down bad men (even if that result was not intended from Keeley’s character).

So in honor of this trio’s good on-screen works and red carpet camaraderie, I thought I’d share all three women in excellent suits. Granted, “Scoop” is really Billie’s movie with Gillian and Keeley offering strong support. But you get to decide who wins their suit-off, since it’s a Thursday an all. (I know, throwing in Kitty Butler isn’t fair but neither is life so there’s that.)

Pop Stays Gay

I hope everyone enjoyed the glorious gay pop of Chappell Roan from earlier this week. And while I will refrain from entering the fray on “Gay Pop”-gate (oh, JoJo), I will remind everyone how important it is to keep LGBTQ+ history alive. Granted, I don’t expect our schools to start teaching about Tegan & Sara and Boy George and Dusty Springfield. But not knowing one’s history is how community becomes erased, how struggle is diminished and how hard-fought rights can be lost. Instead, let’s all strive to appreciate the evolution of queer pop and how we’ve gone from the pronoun hiding of yesteryears to out, open lyrics about gay girls getting an amen. That’s something to celebrate. So, yes, the uninformed (willfully or otherwise) who will always think they’re somehow reinventing the wheel. The rest of us will continue to enjoy the artform as it grows and progresses. And, of course, it doesn’t hurt to look back and remember some classics. I know “Son of a Preacher Man” is catchier, but we all know Dusty would be just as happy with the daughter – probably a lot happier. What, it's Hump Day. Anyway, carry on gay poppers. Carry on.

Tank Top Tuesday: Top Chef Edition

So I started watching “Top Chef” again after, well, years. I wanted to see how Kristen Kish did replacing Padma Lakshmi. Which is to say I wanted to see Kristen Kish. And so far I think her and her vests are doing just fine as the new host. I mean, no one can replace Padma Lakshmi because Padma Lakshmi. That said I am enjoying how Kristen shows up every week in her signature vest-in-lieu-of-a-top look. And when she isn’t wearing a vest, she’s wearing something sleeveless. And if she isn’t wearing something sleeveless, she’s wearing a blazer. So, truly, we are all winner here.

I’ve also been a little thrilled with how lesbian the special guest judges have been so far this season. Clea DuVall and Dominique Crenn (a.k.a. Maria Bello’s fiancée)? Thank you, whatever queer lady foodie producer is making these booking choices. Thank you. So, thoughts on this season so far? I mean, it is a Tuesday and the rules do consider vests to be acceptable variations on a tank top. Oh, and clearly I’m rooting for queer cheftestant Rasika, not that she needs my help. But, you know, Go Team Rainbow Chefs! And vests!

Music Monday: Chappell Roan

OK, well now I definitely love Chappell Roan. The singer of the lesbian situationship anthem “Casual” performed at NPR’s Tiny Desk Concert series recently and was, quite simply, a delight. From her all-female backing band to her high-camp look, she was wonderfully charismatic in the way few stars are today. She was a little weird, a little out there and all magnificent. She reminds me, in spirit, of Cyndi Lauper – and not just because of the bright red hair/wig. While their voices are clearly different, she radiates the same unconventional punk rock balladeer energy of a girl who just wants to have fun (but can also break your heart with that voice). Also like Cyndi she is unapologetically pro-female sexuality. In her case, of course, that’s queer female sexuality. Plus, she donates to NPR! What a time to be a queer lady music fan – from Brandi Carlile to boygenius to Janelle Monae to Renee Rapp to Hayley Kiyoko to Rina Sawayama and now the delicious camp/glorious joy of Chappel Roan. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

I think I’ll always cheer for Kirsten Dunst. I think this is because a) she has starred in so many movies I’ve enjoyed over the years and 2) we’ve all watched her grow up in those very same movies. Acting since she was 3, a star since she was 12, she appears to be one of those rare childhood actors who wasn’t totally fucked up by the experience. Or, at the very least, has been able to grow into the person she is now. And that person seems sensible. No bullshit. In short, she seems very much to be a grown-ass woman who knows who she is, what she wants and isn’t that what all of us want in the long run?

Would she do another superhero movie? “Yes, because you get paid a lot of money, and I have two children, and I support my mother.” Does she believe in method acting? “What, am I gonna be like that with my kids when I come home? Speaking in an accent? Like, honestly, I can’t do that. It seems like something only men can afford to do.” Does she feel pressure to stay young? “I still know to this day, I’m not gonna screw up my face and look like a freak. You know what I mean? I’d rather get old and do good roles.” And about that Jonathan Glazer Oscars acceptance speech that was greeted with an open letter of rebuke? “My interpretation was he was saying genocide is bad.” Exactly. I also like that she never fixed her teeth, which clearly don’t need fixing.

Even if the projects aren’t necessarily in my wheelhouse (like I don’t know if my election year anxiety will let me sit through “Civil War”), I’m glad that Kirsten is able to work on projects she cares about at this point in her career. And it’s refreshing to watch her be herself, a grown-ass woman who is married with children, through the press tour. Granted, Kiki remains perhaps the most ardently straight-presenting actress of her generation. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But, lest we forget, the subtext of “Bring It On” practically launched fan shipping as a concept (well, that and Eliza Dushku’s middle finger). And, well, she does look great in this suit. Happy weekend, all.

Orphan Genius

The #OrphanBlackEchoes title sequence is here.

Check out the official opening, sung by the brilliant @@julienrbaker. pic.twitter.com/M6cI1dJYH6

— Orphan Black: Echoes (@OrphanBlack) March 30, 2024

How gay will the new “Orphan Black: Echoes” series be? Well, Julien Baker of boygenius performs the theme song so…pretty gay. Also gay? Keeley Hawes (of “Tipping the Velvet” eternal adoration despite Kitty being terribly problematic) plays grown-up Kira who is married to a woman. Evelyne Brochu returns as Dr. Delphine Cormier (who per character descriptions appears married Cosima though it’s 30 years in the future so I’m not sure what anyone’s relationship status is at this point…) And of course there is Krysten Ritter as Lucy, who may or may not also be gay, but played at the very least somewhat open to the idea in “Jessica Jones.” Like I was saying, seems pretty gay to me. And they’re debuting this thing in June? Happy Clone Pride, y’all.

K-Drunk

Yesterday was Kristen Stewart’s birthday. So congratulations to our Millennial Lesbian Icon, now a wizened 34! Like if you told me 16 years ago when “Twilight” came out that one day KStew would be one of the most famous lesbians in the world I would, well, I would say that checks out because I saw her in “Panic Room” as mini Jodie Foster. So, yeah. No surprises there. Anyway, to celebrate this auspicious milestone, why not enjoy 17 minutes of Kristen day drinking, acting while drunk and lesbi-fying Seth Meyers. Truly, time well spent. Also, I hope posting this makes up for the fact that I have not been able to catch “Love Lies Bleeding” yet in theaters. I know this makes me a Bad Lesbian, but hopefully I can be forgiven and make amends by wearing a beanie and a carabiner the next time I go day drinking.

A Simple Sequel

When I heard “A Simple Favor” was getting a sequel I thought two things immediately. 1) How? and 2) Suits! Glorious, divine, immaculate suits. If you’ve seen the original – which you should because it was a fun little twisty-turny thrilled with, and this cannot be emphasized enough, EXCELLENT SUITS (see above clip) – you know it ended in a certain fairly definitive way. But I guess any friendship can be mended, even the kind that ends up sending you to prison for 20 years.

I have no idea what will happen in the sequel and how Blake Lively and Anna Kendrick’s characters manage to rekindle their, uh, whatever in the sequel. But for those curious some photos of filming hint at Blake’s Emily getting married. No, sadly, not to Anna’s Stephanie…probably. I mean they’re both holding bouquets so we can always dream. Now, we need some behind-the-scenes shots of the one or both of them in suits drinking martinis. Otherwise, what even is the point of a sequel. (They can kiss again too, please, because the suits and the kissing clearly go together…)

Music Monday: Cowboy KNTRY

Admittedly, I don’t really like country music. Wait, I take that back, I don’t really like contemporary country music. I like some of the old-timey stuff. Your Patsy Cline and your Johnny Cash and your Willie and your Dolly. I think I feel the same way about the country genre as I do about jazz. Love the classics, hate the smooth variety. But I never doubted what kind of country Beyoncé would produce. She has made modern country music that speaks to its earliest origins, and with a beat that you can dance to – which is quite something. But then would you expect anything else from perhaps the most intentional musical artist working today? I love how “Cowboy Carter” reclaims a genre overrun by the Good ‘Ol Boy Cosplayers. Like so much in this country, the deepest roots of our culture – from music to food to yes even cowboys – owes an endless debt to Black Americans. And, like so much in this country, those debts have never been properly repaid.

The reason so many people (i.e. white conservative America) resents Beyoncé is because she has used her unparalleled starpower to remind America of those debts. And that’s just not something a lot of people want to hear. But because it’s Beyoncé, they can’t just ignore it. And that just makes them mad. To which I say, good. Be mad. It won’t change the fact that Beyoncé is one of the most talented, savvy and popular artists of this generation. And speaking of that intentionality, there’s no way – NO WAY – you can interpret “II Most Wanted,” the duet between Bey and Miley Cyrus, as anything other than a lesbian love song. "I'll be your backseat baby, drivin' you crazy." Like, that is not how best friends sing about each other. So, yeah, this is gonna play at some gay wedding receptions for sure in the future. For. Sure. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend (Girls) Crush

I have, quite honestly, lost count of how many times I’ve seen the Indigo Girls. I’m going on 30-plus years of fandom at this point, so hopefully you can forgive my forgetfulness. But I have to be closing in on close to a dozen times. More recently I have proven my allegiance by seeing them two consecutive prides in a row, because I’m simply that gay.

So, obviously, I’m thrilled that a new documentary will help to jog all of our collective memories about these wonder women. Amy Ray and Emily Saliers have provided the soundtrack to so many significant parts of my life. They were out there, before Melissa and before Ellen before everyone who has subsequently stepped on stage as out and proud voices. And I will forever be grateful for their music, passion and queerness. So start the music, I’m about to singalong at the top of my lungs. Join me, won’t you. Happy weekend, all.

It's Ghostime!

Now, I wouldn’t normally get excited for Spooky Season a half year out. Nor do I generally get too hyped about sequels because we all know about the law of diminishing returns. But, 26 years later, I am definitely, definitely going to see “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice.” No just because Winona Ryder is back as as Lydia Deetz and not just because Catherine O’Hara is back as Delia Deetz and not just because Jenna Ortega is joining as Astrid Deetz. It’s all those things, and the fact that I still quote parts of “Beetlejuice” a quarter century and change later. (“I am alone. I am utterly alone.” It may only be April, but I’m already planning my all-black outfit for Sept. 6.

Hell Hath No Furiosa

Really, starting with obvious Eve and Garden of Eden allusions? Sure, OK. Luckily the rest of the trailer is pure vengeance porn, and I mean that in a good way. I mean, consider her name and that Hell hath no fury and all that. So, while I still insist we see Charlize as Furiosa again (and in general dislike the make it again, but with a younger female star cliche), I am getting more excited about “Furiosa.” I just hope Anya Taylor-Joy doesn’t get upstaged by Chris Hemsworth and his prosthetic nose. We shall see.

Building Bridges

A true crime thriller with Lily Gladstone, Riley Keough and Archie Panjabi? Yeah, I’m gonna be watching that. Based on a real 1997 disappearance and death of a Canadian high school student, the trailer is taut and leans into the “Mean Girls: The Murderers” premise. Reminds me a little of “Thirteen,” but again with more murder.

Music Monday: Hear Us

Last Monday was Gloria Steinem’s 90th birthday, so this is obviously belated. Still for all its shortcomings, Second Wave Feminism was so critical in so many ways. So in honor of this feminist icon reaching her ninth decade, here is some Helen Reddy goodness. Get ready to roar, ladies. It’s an election year, after all. Happy Monday, kittens.

(Mental) Vacation Vixen: Ayo Edebiri

It’s exciting to think of the decades we have to watch Ayo Edebiri do her thing. With the one-two punch of “The Bear” and “Bottoms,” she has shown her versatility and star power. Next we’ll see her with Mary-Louise Parker (yes, Ruth!) in the sci-fi film “Omni Loop,” which received high praise at SXSW. I can’t wait to see what’s next. An Irish lesbian rom-com? What, a gal can dream.

(Mental) Vacation Vixen: Anne Hathaway

Anne Hathaway in her 40s is hotter than the entire cast of “Euphoria.” Like how many times does she have to prove the Hathahaters wrong? Also, “Eileen” was underrated, and worth your time if watching sophisticated, mysterious, possibly unhinged women is your thing.

(Mental) Vacation Vixen: Rebecca Ferguson

Well, kittens, March has been an intense month. Things got a little away from me here at the very end. And I’m leaving early this week to head out of town to officiate my friends’ wedding. Yeah, from divorce to marriage in the same month. *low whistle* So I am going to leave you with some Vacation Vixens (but, also, really Mental Health Minxes) as I get away for an extremely short bit.

My first act of self care is to share my obsession with Rebecca Ferguson. Yes, even post watching “Dune Part 2,” what with the crazy face tattoos and copious headdresses and religious fanaticism, et al. Mostly, I’m obsessed with her cheekbones which could surely make short work of a honey-baked ham and many, many delicious sandwiches. And her back ain’t bad either.

I hope the Ides of March have been gentle to you this year, friends.

5Eva and Chill

Well, it’s been out a week so is “Girls5Eva” a hit now on Netflix or what? I did my part, binge-watching the entire new third season the day it came out. I plan a full seasons rewatch soon. I continue to be so unexpectedly thrilled that this quirky, very funny show was saved from the scrap heap to find not just another home, but a better home at that.

Now, with the first two seasons and the new third season to stream, I hope this show gets the love and kooky recognition it deserves. If you, like me could not resist and chugged the whole new season in one sitting, can we talk about how much GAYER it got? Boob desert! Pre-Friends Courtney Cox Type! If you haven’t watched it already because it was banished to Peacock before, no time like the present to 5Eva and chill this weekend. Welcome to your new Dream Streaming Girlfriend.

Oceans L

Admittedly, sometimes I run out of gay things to post about. Luckily, there is no shortage of images that make me think gay things that I can post about instead. So for this Hump Day, please follow along into my daydreams as I think about all the scenarios Sarah Paulson and Cate Blanchett can get into together. Oceans 8 spinoff where Lou and Tammy decide to start their own freelance heist consulting business - exclusively for lesbian clientele. What? A gal can always dream. Oh, and they need to add Keke Palmer to the next movie, because this look from last weekend’s NAACP Awards is pure Oceans L. Make it happen, lesbian movie gods. Make. It. Happen.

Rather Be Auliʻi

Look, I know I’m two months late. But I finally got a chance to watch the “Mean Girls” musical movie and I liked it. I definitely liked it. Is it just a pretty faithful retelling of the original Mean Girls with songs and dancing? Yes. Am I OK with that since we’re a society that can never stop recycling its stories? Like, we do not need more Batman or Spider-Man or Superman stories, fellas? We really, really don’t.

Still, here’s the thing I definitely don’t agree with. Obviously, I agree with how much the Gen. Z queer girlies love Renee Rapp. But I disagree with their lack of reciprocal love for Auliʻi Cravalho. Like, why stan just one when you could rightfully stan them both, folks? Both are immensely talented. Both can sing their hearts out. Both are out and queer. And this is Auliʻi’s second role as a queer teen heartthrob. Remember “Crush?” I do, it was great and sweet and funny. (You can watch it on Hulu right now! Yes, now!) Granted, Auliʻi hasn’t been out on tour waving a lesbian flag on stage. But, still, can we get a little (age-appropriate) love here for Auliʻi or what? Like her transition from adorable teenage Moana to twentysomething queer standout is chef’s kiss so far. Though, one small suggestion, maybe next time put her in a movie with Renee where they go from enemies to lovers because I would have really, really REALLY loved that “Mean Girls.”

Music Monday

As an officially Single Girlie, I’m not sure if I want to relate to queer artist Chappell Roan’s lesbian longing earworm “Casual” or not. On the one hand, I’m aware that situationships have been a thing for a while now and appreciate this anthem for the serially noncommittal. On the other hand, ugh, dating – amirite?

After hearing this song played across countless sapphic yearning TikToks, I decided to find the music video for myself. And, let me tell you, after some initial confusion I am now 1,000% here for this queer-flipped “The Shape of Water.” I mean, who amongst us hasn’t fallen for a sharp-tooted, green-skinned, possibly pansexual, definitely carnivorous sea monster? Also, am I attracted to sharp-tooted, green-skinned, possibly pansexual, definitely carnivorous sea monsters now? How does one signify this on Hinge? Or is Tinder better for that? Ugh, dating – amirite? Happy Monday, kittens.

p.s. Don’t worry, I’ve got lots of Oscars thoughts coming soon. Very soon.

My Weekend Crush

As much as I don’t want to fund another megayacht for Jeff Bezos, Prime Video has been an unexpectedly rich resource for quality documentaries – especially quality queer documentaries. While the other streamers tend to favor true crime or celebrity behind-the-scenes fare, Amazon has surprised with some of my favorite docs of late. And, with any luck, “Frida” will continue that trend. Carla Gutiérrez, the editor of “RBG” and “Julia,” made her own directorial debut with this look at the iconic Mexican painter. From the trailer, I love how much of her own words and work are used to tell her own story. So I cannot wait to tuck into this film this weekend, and be reminded that Frida is more than just the caricature of the monobrow. She was a force, and deserves to be remembered as such. Happy weekend, all.

Kate & Cate's Wee Party

Who do we have to kill to get these two in a movie together? I’m not going to set this up other than by saying, please delight in Kate Winslet and Cate Blanchett telling stories about female peeing on the Graham Norton show recently. Again, who do we have to kill? We will do it. (Please Note: We would also be willing to do things a few steps below murder, but just keeping all options open for the best results – as one should when we’re talking Kate & Cate.)

We Can Hack It

Hacks! Is! BACKKKK! And, from the looks of things, pretty gay. Emphasis on “The Pretty” and “The Gay.” I’m just thrilled this show is returning to give us more May-December platonic female friendship/mentorship/proxy mother-daughter hilarity between Jean Smart and Hannah Einbinder. I just love their dynamic. Though, I never really thought they worked as a couple-couple (despite Ava’s occasional daydreams). So I am equally thrilled to see Ava appears to have a new romantic interest in the new season in the incredibly shapely form of Christina Hendricks. Hello. Imma need to see this whole scene immediately, if not sooner.

I mean it. Release the footage! Or at least make this happen in the first episode of the season because three weeks is about all I can wait to see what happens after she gets that pesky top off.

Oscars SGALGG & GGALGG

How about them Oscars? I thought they were…fine. Truly, really fine. There were some nice moments. I enjoyed the past winners introducing each of the acting nominees. I liked Ken. I love love LOVED seeing Jodie Foster and her wife Alexandra Hedison attending their first Oscars together. But first, we start with the Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gays, per ritual.

Annette Bening, Emma Stone & Lily Gladstone

Best Actress Cuddle Puddle

Regina King & Danielle Brooks

Shooting your shot on the red carpet.

Jamie Lee Curtis & Lupita Nyong'o

I included this photo because omfg Lupita’s back muscles.

Florence Pugh

I included this photo because omfg Flo’s everything.

Kerry Washington & Sandra Oh

If Kerry wanted to become an international assassin who falls in love/obsession with Sandra, I would watch that – but tell them to stay away from boat decks.

Emma Stone & Jennifer Lawrence & Sally Fields

Emma went May-December on her backstage makeouts.

America Ferrera & Gay Gals

I would watch an alternate universe Barbie where America’s Gloria runs off with Kate McKinnon’s Weird Barbie.

I would also watch an alternate universe Barbie where America was Barbie and Billie Eilish was Ken.

I would watch America, Lena Waithe and Cynthia Erivo read the phone book, among other things.

And the Best Lesbian Oscars Photo Goes To

Jodie and her wife Alexandra and Brandi Carlile & her wife Catherine Shepherd together at the Oscars after parties. Sometimes, it really does get better.

Music Monday: Kenough Oscars

Ryan Gosling and the cast of "Barbie" perform "I'm Just Ken" at the #Oscars. https://t.co/UNgGySGz3r pic.twitter.com/00hd0Jw8cy

— Variety (@Variety) March 11, 2024

Look, as a lesbian it pains me to say this, but those Oscars could have done with a lot more Ken. Last night’s show was fine. I liked the smorgasbord of Oscar winners saluting Oscar nominees. But all the frontrunners won. And, again, they let a dude steal the show. But at least it was a dude who did a gender-flipped homage to Marilyn Monroe in “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.” Who also got some of the most talented women in the room to karaoke with him. So, you know, there’s that. Happy Monday, kittens.

p.s. Don’t worry, I’ve now had Kenough and will have more Oscar thoughts for you tomorrow.

My Weekend Crush

Well, friends. I’m going to have a bit of a reflective weekend. My ex-wife and I officially filed for divorce this week. So, as Carol Aird would say – well, that’s that. I’m fine. I’m actually really relieved we were able to come to this decision jointly and largely amicably. And it feels good to be officially moving on to the next chapter, whatever that may hold.

Thanks for being so supportive through My Little Life Impolision. It means more than I can express in words, letters and characters. Thankfully, we have Joni to help us in that department. And what is better than one Joni, but two Jonis? Think of it as “Both Sides,” then and now. So, again, thank you, kittens. And, well, that’s that. Happy weekend, all.

Honeymoon Period

Look, I don’t want to still be the person in this year of our Lesbian Jesus 2024 who gives out golf claps for major network shows that do the bare minimum when representing queer female couples. But can I just give a sincere golf clap to “NCIS: Hawaii” for finally remembering that Lucy and Whistler are the best/cutest/sexiest part of their show and they should put them together more, finally? Look, it’s still on CBS so we have to give them plenty of positive reinforcement. They’re new to all this, OK?

The third season of the NCIS spinoff has been a rather light on the lady law enforcement ladies loving lady law enforcement ladies action until now. One small peck and a joke about mochi is all we got. But when I read the description for this week’s episode which said “the team goes undercover as newlyweds” and I knew, I knew, they just had put Yasmine Al-Bustami’s NCIS agent Lucy Tara and Tori Anderson’s FBI Special Agent Kate Whistler together for a mission of sapphic subterfuge.

And they did! And it was great! And they bickered! And they kissed! On a balcony! With the freaking ocean as backdrop! And nary an eye was batted that they were playing lesbian newlyweds! See, CBS, you can do this.

And then this scene? Casual/not casual discussion of wedding expectations from a queer standpoint and subtle reminder that not everyone is allowed to have the same dreams. Again, golf clap, CBS. Though, come on, there’s no way Lucy would have resisted climbing that tree at the beginning there as they were hiding.

I’m going to need a lot more of these two this season, please. And more smooching. Look, you gotta earn those claps, CBS.

Get On the Bus

Well, I’m still recovering from Super Tuesday (I had some election-related work that kept me busy yesterday). So how about you enjoy The Girls on the Bus instead this morning as all us primary states awake from the voting haze. The new show is based on a former NYT Hillary Clinton campaign reporter’s memoir about covering the race and stars “Supergirl” alum Melissa Benoist, Carla Gugino and more as fellow reporters on the trail.

I know politics doesn’t feel very fun right now, because it isn’t fun. It’s life and death and the end of democracy stuff. So, instead, why not settle into a retelling of the 2016 election. I’m sure none of us have lingering PTSD about that or anything. I’ll be honest and say I’m not sure how much of this series I can stomach during another high stakes presidential election year. But I do see that at least one of the reporters is queer/into kissing girls. So, yeah, we’ll see if we can stomach the politics this time around. Admittedly, kissing hotties does help.

They're Just Funny

Hello, would you like to laugh – not just at the inherent absurdity of our world, but really funny people? Wait, let me rephrase that, would you like to laugh at a bunch of really funny genderqueer people? Wait, let me rephrase that again, would you like to laugh with a bunch of really funny genderqueer people? Sorry, didn’t mean to come off like a bully about to stuff them into lockers…

I’m excited to enjoy the mid-week pick me up of Hannah Gadsby’s new ensemble comedy special “Gender Agenda” which debuts today on Netflix. The special features ALOK, Chloe Petts, DeAnne Smith, Ashley Ward, Jes Tom, Mx. Dahlia Belle, and Krishna Istha. You might remember DeAnne as the creator of that lesbian hummus cartoon which, honestly, is still hilarious. Mostly I’m just excited to have Netflix platform more queer, trans and otherwise genderqueer folks instead of those transphobic asshats it keeps giving big contracts. Like Chappelle hasn’t been funny since George W. Bush was still in office, and yet.

So, anyway, let’s all have a good laugh at his expense thanks to these very funny queers. For him it’s definitely at and not with.

Music Monday: Craving k.d.

I was thinking about k.d. lang the other day. And I was thinking how in with our current class of queer music stars (boygenius, Renee Rapp, Janelle Monae et al) we sometimes overlook our O.G. butch lesbian icon. Like, “Constant Craving” probably awakened the nascent lesbian cravings of countless baby dykes. Yet k.d. doesn’t always get lumped into the same queer history conversations as a Melissa Etheridge or Ellen DeGeneres or Rosie O’Donnell. But, unlike those three, she couldn’t really hide her queerness. (Yes, of course, I realize the climate was different back then – I lived through the 90s thank you very much.) We haven’t really had a debonair queer crooner of her caliber emerge to fill the void. So I sincerely hope that k.d. rethinks her “semi-retirement” and finds the muse to make music again. Perhaps, buoyed by our current wave of queer hitmakers, she might reemerge to get all the gay flowers she deserves. Otherwise, I’m sure we could find some willing tribute to try to help her find that muse again. Ahem. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

With all this anticipation (or lack thereof) about upcoming movies this week, I thought I’d reshare some love for one you can watch right this very second. Delayed gratification is for suckers. So if you haven’t already, pop on over to Amazon Prime and find “Bottoms.”

If you didn’t catch it last summer at the cineplex, or if you did, you can now enjoy the face-punching hilarity of this ridiculous lesbian high school fight club comedy from the comfort of your own home. I rewatched it when it was released on streaming last month and can highly recommend the experience.

I think what I enjoy most about this film is how it seamlessly fits into the pantheon of teenage hijinks movies. You can see its absurdist misfit teen lineage dating back to classic 80s fare like “The Breakfast Club” and “Weird Science.” And that makes me happy because it means, just maybe, queer cinematic narratives have finally moved on from coming out stories.

I’ve mentioned before how queer narratives crossing over into other genres is an important step in representation -- especially works where we aren’t just the sassy BFF or beleaguered coworker, but the stars and emotional engines of the stories. When the only stories told about you are those of suffering or struggle, it cuts us off from the full spectrum of human experiences. Much like how stories about BIPOC people shouldn’t only be about racism, stories about queer people shouldn’t just be about homophobia, internalized or otherwise (and that goes doubly for BIPOC queer people’s stories). Yes, those stories are still important (as anyone watching school boards ban books that might possibly make its straight white students “uncomfortable” can attest). But they shouldn’t be our only stories, period.

We’ve already conquered the lesbian period dramas, so much so that even SNL took notice. And we’ve been pretty successful with the horror/suspense genre thanks to works like “The Haunting of Bly Manor” and the “Fear Street” trilogy. Now we’re seeing it happen in the horny teen comedy genre thanks to movies like “Blockers,” “Booksmart,” “Bottoms” (uh, what’s with all the single-word B movies, lesbians?) I am clearly also very excited for the new Be Gay, Do Crimes genre of “Love Lies Bleeding” and “Drive-Away Dolls” and would love to see lots more of that in our collective futures.

So, as I was saying, reconnect with your inner high schooler and let the absurdity hit you right in the smacker. You won’t be sorry, though you might metaphorically lose a tooth. In a good way. Happy weekend, all.

Strong Women in Film, Literally

I guess this is the week where I sound off on movies coming soon. And I’ve gone from hatred, to begrudging respect to hot damn imma see this the first weekend I can. Continuing the new sapphic cinema trend of Be Gay, Do Crimes (hello, Drive-Away Dolls), is “Love Lies Bleeding.” Kristen Stewart talked about the movie and her motivation behind it at length in her Rolling Stone cover story. But each passing trailer gets me more excited to see what kind of murderous muscled mayhem KStew and Katy O'Brian can get up together.

Now, it’s not just the murderous muscled mayhem I’m here for. Make no mistake, I’m here for the gay murderous muscled mayhem I’m totally here for. Films about queer female relationships rarely let us see the destructive, clothes-ripping kind of lust that seems to be at the center of “Love Lies Bleeding.” And even if this is part of some hallucinatory fever-dream, can we just marvel at the unicorn-level queerness of this?

And then the Hulk-smash hotness of this?

Hello. Look, I’m in this for the story as much as anything. But, like I said, I am also sometimes deeply, deeply shallow. And this movie, well it just might satisfy both my brain and, well, other parts.

Run to Cate's Border

From a movie I’m definitely not seeing to a movie I probably will see in spite of myself for one very specific reason. And I am sure you already know the reason. Say hello to “Borderlands,” the latest dystopian video game turned major motion picture but this time starring Cate Blanchett with a hot pink alternative lifestyle wig and a Han Solo hip holster. So, clearly, I am in.

I am in despite the prominent pee and poop jokes in the trailer. Having Jamie Lee Curtis and Ariana Greenblatt (the daughter in “Barbie” and younger version of “Ahsoka”) in the cast helps. As do the briefest of trailer appearances by “Bound” legend Gina Gershon and “The L Word” alum Janina Gavankar.

So, fine, yes – I will be watching this Mad Max-meets space western shoot ‘em up. And not only because Cate looks like this.

And this.

And this.

I mean, mostly, but not the only reason. Look, we can’t always be deep. Sometimes it’s just fun to be deeply, deeply shallow.

Chasing French Girl

Well, it’s been a bit since I posted a good, old-fashioned hate post. But I feel the new Zach Braff movie “French Girl” truly fits the occasion. Now, at first you might think, but it also stars Evelyne Brochu, and Evelyne Brochu is lovely. Yes, she is. But it’s a shame she’s stuck in a biphonic rom-com cliched mess. Pop the question before she switches teams? Yikes, Chasing Amy called from 1997 and it wants its jokes back. Also Vanessa Hudgens as the scheming, sexy bi romantic rival trying sneakily to get her ex back? Please, Evelyne would have never left Vanessa in the first place. Obviously. Anyway, it’s easy to see where the film wants our sympathies to lie (Poor Man, he’s out of his depth and unable to compete with the sexy, conniving bisexual!). Yawn. Like if you’re going to introduce a sexy queer ex, at least make it so you not-so-secretly root for her to win the girl “Happiest Season”-style. Or, I don't know, make the French Girl in question the star and one we care about. Not the dude. Never that dude.