Fuck the Patriarchy

I’ve lost the capacity to be disappointed in America. I know that is my privilege speaking – many communities have long ago lost faith in their fellow citizens’ concern for their life and liberty. Yet I stupidly thought we had maybe learned our lessons from 2016. Maybe we were ready for an incredibly smart and extremely qualified woman instead of, you know, the least qualified and most heinous man in the whole fucking world. Yet here comes the American electorate, Lucy-ing all sane citizens with that damn football. Again.

So, again, I look at every passing person and think, “Did they vote against my and other marginalized people’s pursuit of happiness?” And the answer, in most cases, is probably, “Yep, they sure did.” Racism, sexism, greed, stupidity. Pick your Pandora's box poison, it all went into his win and our loss. Those are some hard truths about your fellow Americans to sit with. Hard truths, but unfortunately nothing new.

As the horror of the second Trump term grows ever closer, we each need to find the best way to survive and – if we can – thrive. And that starts with checking on your people. All of the people I care about are scared and stressed and barely holding their shit together at this moment. While many of us may want to turn off the lights and find a safe place to gently rock back-and-forth, I implore everyone to keep caring, keep connecting.

When people say that our institutions will not save us, this is exactly what they mean. I feel foolish to have taken this long to fully understand how vulnerable and ineffective so many of our civic systems truly are. If they cannot protect us during the onslaught to come, then they were never actually designed to help those who need it the most. Instead we must strengthen our communities and find new alliances for support and power in the coming years. Think globally, act locally should be more than just a bumper sticker mantra.

A clear-eyed look at our country’s history shows those of us who support expanded freedom and civil rights locked in an endless knock-down, drag-out brawl against those who are against including more people in the American dream. From colonialism to slavery to civil rights to women's rights to LGBTQ+ rights and immigrant rights. I mean, we’ve been punched in the face by the patriarchy for 248 years, what’s four more?

The entrenched cis-het white male power structure has always worked against giving more and more diverse people autonomy and equality. I mean, the Founding Fathers went to war over freedom from taxation, not just freedom for all – full stop.

So where are we? Well, fucked. Clearly. But also, kind of in the same place. The same people who always fight against progress are fighting against progress. The time and labor those of us who want progress will have to expend pushing back against their bigotry, stupidity and nonsense is precisely why they do it. We’ll be fighting for the next four years – and then some – to get back to where we are now. But fight we must.

I too am frightened and angry and exhausted all at once. But I also feel a grim solidarity with all similarly like-minded people. And while the total vote tally may wind up showing fewer of us this time, we are still legion. To say that I’m comforted that so many other people are in the same panicked state – stressed, sad, scared – would be wrong. I don’t feel comfort from the unjustified suffering of others. But I will say it makes me feel a little less alone. And maybe you too will feel less lonely in this grim moment. Some 74 million of us are all feeling the same fear and loathing.

May all of us, after a little rest and a good cry, dust ourselves off and continue the work of creating that more perfect union. Keep fighting, keep connecting, keep lifting each other up. Our fight does not end with one election. Our communities are stronger and more resilient than one man. We will continue bending the arc of the moral universe toward justice for all. Because, and I mean this with every fiber of my being, fuck the patriarchy.